• 𝓜𝓪𝓮 •

I hadn't slept at all that night. Every time I almost drifted off, there was a sound somewhere deep within the castle that jerked me awake, reminding me of the way Zero watched me choke in the dining hall. The sick amusement making his eyes glitter, and how even as I tried to fight, he just continued to hold on. Waiting for my death to come slowly and painfully.

After the third time I was jolted awake by the nonsensical fear that he would somehow figure out a way into my room and kill me, I turned on my light and went through the books Luca had brought me.

I read a lot of erotica. I always had, even when in the foster system. My second to last foster mom had a huge collection of dirty cowboy books that I'd sneak out of her room and read when she was sleeping or gone doing errands. She never noticed, and if she had, she didn't say anything.

It took me some time to realize what certain words even meant. Up until one of those books explained what masturbation actually was, I just thought it was a thing people used to put on a sandwich or something. Like mayonnaise.

Boy, my little naive self was shocked to find that was not the case.

But Luca brought me in books I'd never attempted to read, for whatever reason. Every one of the books had a synopsis that said there'd be more than one man with the main female. The highest number I saw was four men and I couldn't bring myself to figure out how that worked.

So that's the one I read. Naturally.

By the time light filtered through my window in the morning, I knew exactly how four men shared a woman and it was definitely...

Interesting.

Though I didn't think I could do it. Even if two of the four men focused on each other and me, that was still one or two more than I could handle in the room at one time. Because even if two of the four men helped each other along the way, the female generally still took all four of them at some point.

I ripped out a piece of paper from my notebook and marked my spot before placing the book down beside me on the bed.

My eyes ached and my eyelids were heavy from the lack of sleep. I wondered if I would be able to fall asleep, now that the sun was up.

As if sensing I wasn't sleeping, there was a light knock on the door and Noah's voice quietly calling my name. If I'd been asleep, I wouldn't have heard it. But that was probably the point. Before the vampires took over, he learned to not wake me up.

Morning person, I was not.

I stood and walked to the door, that I realized too late I hadn't blocked off, then opened it. It took almost more effort than I was able to give to look up at him.

By the time I locked eyes with him, his face had morphed into concern.

"What happened?" He held my chin and tilted my face up higher so that he could take a better look at me.

"I heard dark circles were in nowadays," I replied, my voice slow. "You know, like how black is the new orange and whatnot?"

He blinked. "It was Orange is the New Black, and that was a show."

"Right," I nodded, "the lesbians."

His eyebrows drew together. "Did you sleep at all?"

I pointed at my eyes. "Does it look like I slept at all?"

He sighed, dropping his hand from my face before stepping inside of my room. After he shut and locked the door behind him - which would have been nerve wracking if I had any room to give a shit in my overly stimulated and exhausted mind - he pulled me to the bed. He sat me back down on it, his eyes drifting to the book.

An eyebrow raised and he looked back at me.

"Four men is too many," I said.

"No sleep is too little for you," he responded, not put off by my statement whatsoever. I guess that's what happened when I used to rant to him about the books I read. He never came out and asked me to read any more out loud to him, but he got the gist.

"Why didn't you sleep?" He walked over to the window and closed the curtains further, darkening my room and in turn making my eyes grow heavier.

I watched as he came back. Instead of sitting down, he moved my book and pointed at the bed. I did as I was told to do and laid down, curling onto my side so that I was able to look at him as he finally sat down near my legs.

"Zero," I said as he covered me with the bed sheets.

I didn't have to elaborate. Zero scared me, and as much as I hated to admit it, he haunted me. Ever since that night in the alley, when he killed the person I lost my virginity to, he'd been haunting me. Every time I thought I was okay, he reappeared. Even if it was just for a second. Even if we didn't exchange words. It was like he wanted me to get comfortable before he reminded me that he was still there lurking. It continued like that until I didn't allow myself to relax.

I didn't know why I thought living in the castle, of all places, would give me that respite I craved.

The only way I'd ever be able to really relax was if he was dead.

"How do you kill a vampire," I asked as Noah began running his fingers through my hair. "You all heal so quickly..."

"Decapitation," he answered. "Or obliterating our hearts."

I knew there was more to it than that, but it was an answer nonetheless. I hadn't expected anything, but maybe he trusted that I wouldn't kill him more than I trusted him.

I needed to figure out how exactly to kill Zero. And soon.

My eyes grew heavier as Noah touched me, his cool fingers gliding through my hair and along my scalp.

"Sleep, Mae." He smiled gently at me. "I'll be here when you wake up."

It shouldn't have comforted me as much as it did. I felt safe with Noah, honestly, no matter how badly I wanted to feel otherwise.

I hated vampires. Despised them to my very core. But Luca had been right. I didn't think Noah felt any ill will towards me, nor would he ever. He understood my anger, because not long ago he'd felt the same. I didn't believe he'd change so drastically. At least not now.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to just feel. To feel the way the bed dipped with his weight at my side. To feel his fingers gliding through my hair. To feel the weight of the covers on top of me.

To feel his comforting presence until I drifted off to sleep.