Grand Duchess Madelaine Cajarte

"Why am I eight?" I asked my reflection in the mirror. I saw a girl in her adorable nightgown with dried saliva around her mouth. Then, it strikes me. I was currently dreaming and this seem a walk in the past.

I remember when I was young, a time that I was still petite and have a slender body. My life was peaceful as I live with ease. There was no problem for me to worry because mother will make a way for them not to bother me.

"Miss the bath is ready but we need to brush your hair first."

My hands were soft, it was the proof of not having a single work to do and I continue to rely on the shoulder of the hundred servants in our mansion. I always wore my clean dresses for once and my jewelries are bountiful. Sometimes, the maids will bring my food at my room when I'm too lazy to stand up from the bed.

That was my life while my biological mother was still breathing in the same air with me. She was a lovable being, her angelic face couldn't compare to the other nobles. Her graceful acts ruled in the society as she held the most influence lady, that it will be an honor to be able to have a chat with her over a cup of tea.

"Madelaine, don't slump your back."

"Yes, mother," I involuntarily answered her according to my memory.

Mother always has this elegant posture, no matter where she is. She was the perfect wife to manage the Austria household.

In my eyes, she was strict and firm especially with my studies. However, even she was tight and righteous with me, I look up to her and wished that someday I will be like her. My desire of growing up the way she wants was strong and I believed in her that I was taking the right path by listening to her.

She was a stone-cold person as what my father described of her. Yet, he doesn't notice the way mother stare at him with full of gentleness and affection. I can whisper in myself that she loves him too deeply that she was scared with her own feelings.

I recalled that she has a warm hand that caress my cheek and my heart will clench in delight. Her careful words soothe my tense shoulder as she strokes my hair strands with prudence.

"Madelaine, I'm sorry."

One sunset moment, was the time she falls apart and couldn't kept her emotions to be caged in the middle of our lesson. Her knees tremble as she collapsed on the floor and her elbows were resting on the edge of the table. She tried to hide her tears from the innocent me by burying her face in her arm. Though, her cries were mild but her pain stab in my chest.

She vulgarly messes the decoration on our table and shout her frustrations. The water from the broken vase that she shattered, reach into my bare feet. The flowers wither and pieces of the glasses from the porcelain glimmered with despair.

"You're father..."

I can glimpse with my eyes on how she bit her lips to stop me from hearing her sobs. I'm aware that she wanted to be strong in front of me. Yet, she couldn't be stable anymore like she was before.

"He has another woman."

"Mother, I don't understand. Please smile now."

An eight-year-old child would probably fail to comprehend what she wants to imply. However, I couldn't forget each phrase that came out from her pale lips. All I can describe about her current image; she was drowning into a deep agony.

"I'm sorry Madelaine."

Her tears finally burst out and there was no restraining her broken voice anymore as the room turned gloomy and filled with her sorrow. She let out a heart-wrenching cry and even I was just a mere child, I can feel her being miserable.

"I couldn't give you a happy family anymore."

I wanted to console her yet, I was terrified to walk near to her. To tell her that I don't need a happy family because in the first place, I wasn't pleased at all. If she wants, I can satisfy my soul just by being together with her. I don't need a father if it will cause her for to be ruined.

Though, no matter how many thoughts have crossed in my mind, I chose to remain silent and listened to her bitter-sweet hum. It was a scene that I wouldn't erase from my memories and they hunted me for years and many more. It was a nightmare living in reality, chasing me and pulling my ankle down unto the depths of hell.

I said to myself that it couldn't be help if father find himself loving someone apart from us. Their marriage was political after all but, mother was the only one who end up cherishing her husband.

Apparently, she was once a strong and firm woman. Now, she looked like a person that couldn't function without her spouse. She was the absolute and have the final say in everything perhaps, her attitude the reason why father wasn't smitten. Because he is a type of bastard that doesn't want to be tame by a fierce lady. He wanted to be the dominant as well as the decision-maker.

And then, he successfully found a woman that will meekly comply to him. That will follow his order around like a fool. Little did he know, that lady was a pure sly fox hiding beneath her red lips that use to seduce him.

"Mother, why are you still crying?"

"I'm sorry, Madelaine," she picked up a sharp piece from the broken vase. For the last time, she gazes into my eyes and tears fell. She mouthed her final love for me and grabbed my head to damp a kiss on my forehead before she finished her life.

"I'm sorry," she murmured in my ears repeatedly. "I will go first."

In a split second, she manages to slit her own throat and then blood drip from her neck. It flowed from her shoulder unto her arms. Her body lie on the cold ground with her eyes wide open staring at me as she's finally relieved from her distress.

My mind went blank that it refused for me to blink and the fact that there was a dead body in front of me sent shivers on my elbows. I tried to scream for help but there was no sound coming out.

Later on, I could only find myself weeping for her as I step back with my little toe fingers when the blood mix with the water from the vase, afraid of the crawling liquid as if it was spreading the pain by tarnishing the floor carpet.

"What should I do?" I cried. I was hysterical and could barely even move my own trembling body. Despite my fear, I gather my courage to pull my bare foot closer to her. The warm blood surrounds my skin and that gave me terror.

My quivering small arms covered her with a white blanket. I closed her eyes and hug her. "Are you going to sleep forever, right?"

I got no reply from her. I was aware that I will never have one however, my mind rejected to the accept the reality. "Sweet dreams."

She suffered a lot and I couldn't blame her when she left me alone. I didn't hold a grudge nor resent her for letting me experience all the burden alone. Though, I was hoping that she would be in peaceful now.

"I will be fine. You can let go."

Father found her death in the same night and I realize that she really did took her life away. I regretted that I didn't enjoy her voice singing lullaby while I was asleep. I didn't get to say that I love her nor express my gratitude for giving birth to me.

We held a formal ceremony for mother and mourn for our loss. Many people gather in front of her coffin wearing black color and I thought they truly care for her. I didn't even eat for a week and continue to have restless sleep.

"What a shame," a guest commented on her burial.

"I pity their daughter."

Not a month hasn't passed by before father brought his mistress in our house. With a younger sibling close to my age. I wanted to curse him when he acts as if nothing happened. He continues to enjoy his self with another woman and I hated him for that.

The reason I promised myself that I will do everything for my fate will not be like my own mother. In the end, I become a tool for them to be use. Married for allegiance between two countries, I wanted to laugh.

The scene was change and I saw myself alone in my own room. The maids were helping me to get change into a more comfortable dress before the current Madam of the manor appeared. She smiled to my servants as if she was ordering them to leave us alone while crossing her arms.

I remember, this was the event after Alliyah's birthday party. We celebrated it by hosting a ball for her. Some of the noble children gather to me instead of the celebrant. They were young yet; they understand my situation and pay their condolence.

My step-mother bother herself to kneel in my eyesight level. Her hands grasp my shoulders tightly though, she was smiling that I didn't mind the pain of her nails digging into my skin. I bit my lips to suppressed the sting.

"You're not befitting the role of a Countess," she uttered in a sweet tone. "Let your sister socialize to everyone the next time, okay?"

I nod, even though I didn't understand what she meant nor what I did was wrong.

"You can only support her behind her shadow from now on," she uttered in a low sound and her charming eyes turned into a glare. "Because you are worthless."

The door of my room suddenly creak opened and Alliyah entered unannounced with the stuff toys in her arms as the presents from our father. "Sister Madelaine!"

"Let's play," she screams with her cute voice that ruled the empty room. "Oh, mother. Why are you here? Are you having fun without me?"

"That's not it dear, we are just having a serious talk."

"Talk?"

I gulp when my step-mother stared at me. She pats my head before leaving us the two. "Go and amuse her."

As I open my eyes. The beautiful ceiling was the first to welcome me. It has a golden majestic that I was always familiar. I recalled that I was at the grand ball and was stab by Greed. I unconsciously caress my stomach and realized that it wasn't bleeding.

My body hurts whenever I move an inch. However, I could feel something on my hand that was tightly holding my fingers and a heavy object pressing my arm. When I tried to look at the other side, I saw a familiar black color hair. Though it was not the usual neat and clean, rather it was messy and unfit for a noble.

He was sleeping soundly with lying his head beside me. Perhaps, he was watching me all along as he sits on a chair to observe me. I tried to slowly move away from him without disturbing his slumber.

As I freed my numbing hand from him, I notice a jewel on my finger that glittered and it was the loveliest gem that I saw. I raised my hand on the air with the ceiling background, to make sure that I wasn't still dreaming. And I couldn't help myself but to cry that made him open his eyes.

He stared at me and blink for a few times as if it hasn't sink into his mind that I was gazing back at him. He showed me a soft smile that melted my heart.

"I'm must be hallucinating," he chuckles.

"Alcide?" my voice broke and called out for his name. "I love you."

The End