I sigh.

When the room filled with a gloomy atmosphere, dark resides within my soul and the day has once again accomplish its purpose. Beyond the curtain, a window where it lets the orange lights enter that will soothe people's heart as it reflects in our eyes.

No matter how many times I ask myself, where did it go wrong for me to love his aqua blue eyes? His broad shoulder that I kept relying, a firm jaw that he always clenches when he finds something displeasing.

Yet, I found myself drowning into his red lips crash into mine, loving his caressing rough hands as he held me close to his tough arms. Not long ago, I was trembling at his mere sight. Fear of not having a tomorrow whenever I'll meet him.

When did I learned to long for his dull sword that he always carries around his waist, that makes him intimidating? Not only that, his menacing presence were heavy and it feels like it was choking me as he gives me uncomfortable stare.

Right. Those memories became precious to me that they've become a part of me. To lose the half will mean living my life in an empty shell. Floating among the stars in space without nowhere to go as I let destiny to decide with my destination.

What should I do now? I'm terrified of something else. Different from way before and then, realization hit me. Perhaps, from the day Crystal appeared and how she mingles with everyone so easily is not due to the fact that I shivered that she'll steal my title as the Grand Duchess.

But for her to take away my purpose. My meaning in this household. Yesterday memories didn't leave my wavering feelings. It was the emotions that I was afraid, that I would rather hide under the table. The scene of me, not being needed.

If I'm not just the wife of a Grand Duke then, what am I? A compensation for a peace treaty between Claintery Empire and Arello?

Could that be it?

I shook my head. Useless as it was empty words that just replacing my work thoughts. If I haven't felt the warm sunlight dancing against my arm, I wouldn't come to my senses and focus to the proposal papers that I was signing.

There are stacks of documents that should be done today, I should not slack off and gawk. It only took a day for the documents to pile like a mountain. For the reason that I took a rest instead of proving my essence.

A knock that I heard from the door reigns the silence of the place. Jackson show up, bringing a silver tray on his hands. I stretched my arms to let myself relax for a bit, cracking the bones of my fingers.

"Madam, should you be stressing your work even you've just recovered from fainting?"

"I'm fine. Nothing hurts in my body," I answered his concern while stretching my neck.

I must be a burden to them, causing of numerous accidents of me not being healthy. Scared of blood, allergic to flowers and skipping meals. I laugh in my mind as the flashback recall my hilarious moments.

"What did you bring me for today?"

"It's not a tea Madam," he stated. Already assuming that I was expecting for my favorite beverages and some snacks.

"Hmm?"

"A messenger came from the Imperial Palace and ordered me to give the letter and the necklace to the Grand Duchess."

My face lightens up when he mentioned of what I've been waiting for these past few weeks. It's not the invitation of the ball from the Crown Prince to his upcoming birthday but the most treasured ornament that I will value.

My eyes glittered and a wide grin reached my ear, failing to hide my elatedness to the butler as I went near to him and gently pick up the necklace from the tray. "This is wonderful."

Jackson tilt his head, implying of what's being beautiful in pressed dried flower, his relieved wrinkles loosen and a soft smile form in his lips. "Madam is always being a different from the other nobles."

"I will take that as a compliment, Jackson."

"Indeed. Please do, as it was to describe yourself."

After gazing it for a couple of minutes, I finally decided to give an order to a servant for the necklace to be stash in a safe vault. This time, it was the envelope I criticize. An elegant wax stamp with their family crest on its seal has stand out from the rest.

I opened the letter with the small knife that was already prepared by Jackson and I was right with my guess when I read the content. By all means, it was an invitation for the upcoming ball.

This matter should be discussed with the Grand Duke. The question is, when will be the right time to inform him without Crystal pestering him all day and disturbing us? The letter was good for two people. Inviting only the husband and wife in the majestic occasion.

I wonder who will His Excellency bring between us. However, since the Crown Prince specifically commanded his messenger to handed the invitation for me perhaps, he's expecting to see me in the certain event.

As it was not shocking it seems.

When I sat down to dine, she was already clinging again to his arms. There was no perfect timing to converse the news. Everywhere I go, the sight of them being together sting my eyes. Thus, I must go with the flow of announcing it to him despite Crystal being here. It's not like I was hiding the details from her on purpose.

"The Crown Prince invited us," His Excellency mumbled.

"A ball? Oh my, what should I wear?" she exclaims. Her eyes were on lit that seems like the fire of feeling excited. She fans herself, delusional it seems.

"It's stated that I can't bring three people," he manly smirk. While she just pouted and look down, I guess to appear adorable.

Do I even need to criticize every action she makes? Perhaps, I must learn from her. I see that she is an expert in this kind of field. Getting everyone's compassion through making oneself pitiful.

"You're the Grand Duke, right? Can't you do something about it?" Her voice turned soft like a new born baby. With her pleading eyes surely, he will be swept off from those captivating stares.

"There's none," he fixedly dismissed. For a second, I thought that I will be able to lift my shoulder that was carrying my negative thoughts.

"Eh? Then, you should just choose me to bring along."

I flinch and rigidly clasp the spoon at her remarks. Quite nonsense to sprout abruptly. I understand Jackson if he will react again towards her rude behavior. Ignoring the food in front and keep insisting her presence. It's not the first time that she had offended me, she must be grateful for I always let it slid.

"Can't do. Madelaine, received the letter as she should be the priority."

"But I'm also your wife though," she battered her long eyelashes.

"The Crown Prince is expecting her."

"You don't want me to go with you?" All of her anticipation vanished like an explode bubble. Now, she appears to be imitating a puppy that was abandoned by her owner under the rain. "Is it because I'm a princess from the enemy country?"

The Grand Duke breathe out heavily. He brought that to himself, is what I want to comment. Yet, I forced my mouth to be shut through drinking the water that was served.

"Fine," he clicked his tongue due to irritation. "I will figure it out."

She clapped both of her hands and giggled. "Thank you!"

We continue our main dish until we fill our stomachs. It was unbearable silence for me and the scene across the table was awkward. I never dared myself to be bold as Crystal, she just never stops from touching His Excellency.

"Before I forgot. Your Excellency should be my escort, right?" she once again disturbs my emotions.

I bit my lips. It sounds like I was being insecure at her for having the courage to act intimately with my husband. Was it wrong for me to wish for us to close the gap that was getting bigger?

"The husband will always accompany their first wife."

"That's unexpected and extremely different from Mazo. In my hometown, the husband can choose among his harem."

"Really? Interesting," he raised a brow.

"Yes. Then, Your Excellency. Would it be a bother if you will escort me?"

He chuckled, that it sounds like a sarcastic to my ears. "My answer will remain though, no matter what you perceive to your beliefs."

She gritted her teeth. Perhaps, her plan is not sailing smoothly. What is she scheming anyway? Rather, I must not involve again. Just how can I say? She seems like a manipulative person behind her angelic facade that will burst if she can't grasp her wants.

"Fine then, you can escort Madelaine. But you've got to promise me that I will be your first dance."

The gasps of the maids inside of the manor reach to my head as they couldn't believe to a mere concubine's request. Even my body froze and the meat that I was chewing became bland. Lost its juicy tastefulness.

"My wife. Are you not feeling well?" he glanced at me, ignoring Crystal.

I'm in awe. Dazing at him when he turned at me to asked. My white-feather hand was shaking as it losing the energy to hold the fork. "No, I'm alright."

"Then, we should discuss the design of our clothes. Do you like the idea of matching colors?"

"S-sure. Please do." Oh no, I stuttered. I must have look like a foolish to him. Just having his attention could make me already fluster. Yet, we did more than things at night. When did I became conscious about the little things?

"Hmm."

I'm certain that we agreed to know more each other. However, because of the war and being occupied by work, we hardly speak. Though, he'll cuddle me after we have our steamy moments and pillow talk.

Might be, he's doing the same treatment with his other wife? If that was the case, I'm not special in his heart. I want to be his officially woman without all of the conditions we agreed. But as I expected, I realize too late until the hindrance came.

"Your Excellency, what about me? I would love that idea."

"Red would suits you."

Her eyes shine as it was glowing like from the lamp. "Oh my! To specifically choose a color for me. Then, I would love to purchase a red gown."

The Grand Duke partly covered his mouth. I ceased my eyebrows; it seems like he was restraining his laugh. What did he find humorous to Crystal? Moreover, I never saw him being carefree around with the other woman beside her.

I'm jealous, how can I not? I was the only one who wanted to monopolize him selfishly. Desiring the impossible situation that I would never dream.

My chest, where it hurts the most as I look at the most astounding man I have met. Far away from me that my hands couldn't reach. Suddenly, it seems like it was difficult to breathe as I was suffocated to the fact that I was not the only one.

Dear me, I might tear when I look down at the well-plated pastel cake that was served after the course. I've never felt to have the urges for the person I love to be happy. I should just keep this confession of mine, a secret. Never reveal and buried it deep down, so that nothing can dig it up.

I stared at the Grand Duke that was eagerly listening to her. Letting a soft smile and mouthed my last wish as if I was saying goodbye...

I desired his attention all for me. I wanted to call his name.