Hunter POV

I laid on the floor crouched into a ball, gripping onto my shirt as my entire body burned. I could feel my wolf screaming and prying at my insides, yearning for his mate. I tried to get up, only to slump down as pain assaulted my entire body. I coughed up more blood as I tried to breathe and laid on my back. Every fiber and muscle feeling like it was being ripped apart.

It's been five months since the incident with Drew, and yet it was still fresh in my mind, like it happened yesterday. I could still hear his shrieking screams, that were filled with agony. Every time I closed my eyes I would see his blue ones, that were filled with so much pain.

There was no way to physically end our bond without killing us, which is why it was so hard to be away from him. My body, soul, heart, every single part of me yearned for him. The pain was so much worse than I thought it would be, and it honestly felt like I was dying inside.

Every full moon, when the desire to be near ones's mate skyrocketed beyond the norm, my entire body burned up and felt as though there was a fire within me. My wolf, that hadn't fully understood what had happened, pried and scratched inside me, ripping me apart from the inside. His talons and canines bit into me begging me to take me to his mate. At times, his assaults were so severe, I coughed up blood.

I hadn't seen him in five months and it was killing me inside and outside. I didn't have an appetite anymore. I couldn't sleep at night, nor could I even get up anymore with how I felt constantly, eventually I had decided to stay in my house and not come out at all. After all, I knew that no one would care whether or not I died. But I couldn't die, not when it would harm Drew, I had to stay alive, for his sake.

As I laid on the floor in pain, I thought about Drew as I always did. I sobbed as I held my sides, feeling nothing like the powerful Alpha I usually was. The most important person in my life, had been taken away from me and I felt nothing but emptiness. The space that had been filled with Drew's presence now felt like a hollowed hole.

I had to get him back, no matter what. I was prepared to do almost anything and everything, to pay whatever price was deemed.

Until my vey last breath.

I got up with great effort, when I heard someone ringing the door bell. I sighed and went to open the door, knowing that they wouldn't go away even if I didn't open it. A part of me wondered if it was a few of the pack warriors coming to beat me up again for what I had did to Drew and yet I didn't feel angry at that in the slightest, maybe even welcomed it.

Jake stood there by the door with his huge belly. He had a bag in his hand and looked at me, with a gaze I couldn't make out, or maybe I just didn't want to. I had hurt and destroyed someone who was like a brother to him, and I could never understand the pain he was going through at just having to look at me, nor did I understand why he was even here, like he had been coming the past week.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I leaned against the door frame, too weak to stand up straight. Each word taking a toll on the last strength I had left.

"I brought you this" he said holding up the bag. I shook my head closing the door in his face in the process.. " I don't want it"

"Well you have to eat something sooner or later and I'm not doing this for you, I just don't want anything to happen to him because of something selfish you did again. " he said as he pushed me out of the way and came in. Each word that he had said, had succeeded in ripping me apart even more.

My chest burned, like I had sever heartburn. My entire body hurt and felt like I was run over by a truck and left for dead. I watched as Jake unpacked all the food he brought with him and leaned against the counter trying to breathe with his enormous belly.

Did he honestly think I was going to eat all of that?

"You don't come out and eat with the rest of us like you used to before - anyway I brought you some stuff so make sure you eat it" He said once he was done packing everything out. I didn't miss the flinch he made when he almost mentioned Drew.

"How is he?" I asked looking down and playing with the hem of my shirt. I knew I wasn't supposed to know anything about him, but that didn't mean I couldn't ask if he was okay.

"He's coping. Taking each day as it comes, but it's difficult especially when you loose a child like that. We're a different breed of wolves Hunter, compared to the rest of you. We might act like tough shit and even be strong warriors, but on the inside, we're fragile. We need to be loved and cherished, especially when we're pregnant. I guess it's even more difficult for him to move on since he saw him and hel-" I watched as he widened his eyes and packed his stuff quickly almost as if he said something he shouldn't have.

"Him? Who?" I asked, knowing it was in vain he wouldn't tell me anything.

"Forget I said anything, it's better this way." he said and he got up to leave.

Even after he left, hours after, I still couldn't get the thought out of my head.

Him?

I kept thinking about it till my head hurt. I closed my eyes and laid back, thinking about what my life would have been like if I knew how to control my anger, which was the root of all my problems. If I had listened to Henry when he suggested that I get help all those years ago when Drew left. I didn't listen because and chose to feed my ego then. The ego that worried what everyone would say when their tough Alpha was going for therapy and because I chose to feed that ego, I lost everything. I lost the one person that meant the world to me. It was the cause of Drew's hatred towards me from the very beginning and the very cause of my ruining something that could have been so beautiful. We could have been happy. I could have been the one to make him happy.

I got up and walked outside, after five months. I decided to take a walk and get some air, maybe it would help my thoughts, that were so jumbled up.

I had walked and took in the fresh air. I looked around me and watched the trees. I wondered how great it must feel to be a tree standing so tall above everything, with not a care in the world, providing shelter and comfort to those below it. I looked away and carried on walking .

I had no idea how long I walked in circles, until I found myself at Drew's house. I had contemplated on knocking on the door, but decided against it, knowing it was a bad idea and that his father would rip my throat out without a second thought. Instead, I walked around to the window and peeked in.

I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw him, sitting on the chair across from Jake who was reading a book. He flinched slightly and closed his eyes inhaling and exhaling. Drew looked away from the book he was reading and walked towards Jake.

"Did he kick again?" He asked to which Jake nodded looked up at Drew with a sad smile.

"Do you want to feel?" He asked. Drew thought a bit and nodded. I watched as Jake took his hand and guided it to his stomach. Drew's eyes widened and he smiled, probably when he felt the kick. I could see his eyes begin to tear up before he pulled his hand away and cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked" Jake said looking away.

"No it's fine. Jeremy says it's good for me. It prevents me from going into denial. He says I should talk about it more." He said as he sat down. Jake looked at him and put his book down.

"What was he like?" he asked. I watched a small smile cross Drew's face when Jake asked the question.

"He liked strawberry ice- cream, and climbing trees even though he could barely walk. He hated it when I told him he was too small to do all those things. Almost like he was so determined to show me he could." I watched as the tears rolled down his face. He sniffed and wiped them away as he spoke.

"I bet he's as clumsy as you were" Jake said smiling. I watched as Drew smiled and rested his hand on his stomach. He looked at it for a brief moment before he uttered softly.

"He was"

I looked away and walked home, with my heart frozen in its place. I opened the door and sat on the couch. It felt like the world was going blank all over again. I felt my body going numb as the meaning behind Jake's earlier words finally dawned me, with thought playing on my mind.

He lived a whole life with our son, he saw him, he played with him, he knew him. All for it to be ripped away from him in the blink of an eye.

I had no right to be walking around freely and breathing with what I had done. I deserved to be punished for it. I hadn't thought about the disastrous effects of what I had done until I saw him today, so broken and I knew deep down what I had to..

And I was ready for it.