I wish I could say that Dani and I stayed together for a number of years and we lived happily ever after, but it didn't exactly go that way. We were both hit in the face by life itself and we were suddenly in a position where we both needed to pick the obvious answer. That obvious answer is something that we both thought was absurd but it had to be done.

Admittedly, it was all of my fault. I hated the fact that I gave up on our relationship in order to grow by myself. I'm still confused if it was just me self-destructing or me having the drive to be independent.

I had accepted an offer from North Carolina State University for a full scholarship, and Dani had accepted an offer from Emily Carr University of Art and Design in Vancouver. We promised each other that we would make long distance work but me being a college athlete and her workload is barging in to our way of spending time together.

It started out fine, and we would call each other everyday, every night, before bed and at random times. We would FaceTime while the other is sleeping and the other one is working on an assignment. She would fly to where I am sometimes to see a few of my games, and she would even play ball with me and my teammates that I became friends with. I would do the same and fly out to Vancouver to see all of her work, and meet her friends who were all a big fan of her art.

Both of us struggled our first year of University where we find it difficult to adjust to a new environment. It took a while for me to finally make friends, so I was alone and I had no one to talk to for a while. It baffles me when I compare my straight A's in high school to my barely passing grades in university. It's almost as if it was irrelevant and all that matters right now is consistent hard work ethic.

I was always tired.

I would wake to an alarm at five thirty in the morning and get ready for our team mandatory workout. After an hour of intense circuit of strenght training, and with all of my muscles sore, I would try to get a few minutes of nap before heading to my first and second class. I usually sneak in food between classes then I would rush to the fitness centre with my teammates for play practice. At that point, I was already pooped out so I usually drink coffee during my afternoon classes. But it doesn't end there. I have hours of homework and readings to do when I get back to my dorm and I don't usually get everything done until it's reaching midnight or later.

I would miss calls from Dani and I would cry about it. I cried a lot because I have to do it all over again.

I didn't want to show Dani that I was struggling, and I pretended that everything was okay. She was doing so well at her school and I didn't want to bring her down when I tell her that I was failing some of my classes. It even got so bad that the dean told me that I might lose my scholarship. At that point I was doubting if I ever wanted to be in university in the first place. My mind is playing tricks while it decided that I have no idea what I'm fucking doing there in the first place.

I finally called my parents and they put some truth in my precious little brain for me.

Of course it would be hard. I need to put work in to it in order to be successful. Being an overachiever is making things even worse for me because of my high expectations. It was harder to reach my dreams when I think about being tied down, and my thoughts went back to the idea of not wanting to lose Dani.

I feel like I was losing my mind.

I didn't know when it happened but somewhere around our second year when both of our workload doubled, our phones stopped ringing. There were countless of nights where we cried in our computer screens while trying to make our relationship work.

"You're just giving up then?" Dani asked, her voice breaking. "Please... We can do this." She begged.

"It's really difficult to keep up." I said not believing the words that were coming out of my mouth. "I don't want us to start hating each other."

"Maverick." She sobbed and I had to look away. "I don't care if I get little to no sleep to talk to you, or... Or-"

"That's just it. I don't want that for you-"

"You don't get to say what you want for me." She argued.

That shut me up. I didn't say anything else, I couldn't say anything. I wasn't really sure if breaking up with Dani would be the best for me and my education but somehow I'm willing to take the risk.

Dani gave a humourless chuckle.

Our voices were rising as the argument continued on, and my dorm mate had to knock on my door to tell me to quiet down. I didn't care if I was being rude but I straight up told my dorm mate to fuck off.

"I have no idea what there is for me out there being alone but I have to find out." I told her. "I hope you understand."

"So you've made up your mind then?" She asked, her head low and not staring at the camera.

"Yeah." I replied and I suddenly feel breathless.

"I hate every second of this." Dani said, now rubbing her temples and trying to calm herself down.

"This sucks." I said.

"You're an asshole."

"I wish you were saying that good-heartedly." I joked but Dani was glaring at me.

"No." She said blankly.

"I guess we did start hating each other a long time ago and we didn't even know it." I replied, trying not to get overly angry at her and cause a riot again.

"So it's over." I heard Dani say very quietly.

"Yeah." I murmurred.

Dani ended the call so suddenly that the scream of silence made my stomach churn. It happened so fast that I couldn't believe it for a second. I didn't know how long I sat on my seat staring at the computer screen and seeing offline beside Dani's name. I looked at the chat section and Dani had sent,

I never hated you.

I had unexplained feelings cooped up inside me. I didn't know what to do with them and so I became even more antisocial where my life only consisted of going to the gym to train, study, sleep, and eat.

A few of my teammates became concerned and knocked on my door one time. My dorm room was a mess and they helped me clean everything up. It was embarrassing but they understood what I was going through.

A few months passed after the breakup, I still feel like someone dug up a hole in my chest and a piece of me is missing. I ignored this and trained even harder than before. I forced myself to focus and I started to finally work well with my upperclassmen. My stats improved drastically, and I was somehow getting recognition. I worked so hard that I stopped becoming a bench warmer and was now actually playing as a point guard. My upperclassmen celebrated with me when I scored my first point against Stanford. We lost, but it was a close game.

For the first time in a while, I felt some sort of happiness.

And so I kept at it.

My parents started seeing me play college basketball on television and they became those parents who would make all the excuses to talk about me to everyone that they know. I think all of Prince Albein knew and I can't help but feel embarrassed about it.

I finally asked student services if I could have some help academically and they assigned me a tutor. I was able to keep my scholarship because of this.

That said tutor is this very nerdy boy named Parker who wears a pair of round glasses and collared shirts under sweaters. He became one of my closest friends for how much time we spent together studying. He hit on me and asked me out once, but was very respectful when I told him that I wasn't really into men. After that he started setting me up with his older sister and I thought it was hilarious how fast that took a turn.

I lost contact of my friends from Prince Albein and it hurts when I think about them sometimes. From what my mom told me, Dennis, Thomas, and Natasha all moved far away from Prince Albein. Natasha now lives somewhere in Alberta while Dennis and Thomas both live in Vancouver. I wondered if the boys had any contact with Dani.

Thinking about it made me feel very anxious. Then I asked my mom about Margo.

"Oh honey, she's doing just fine. That café that her relatives ran is now hers. It's a pretty popular spot."

I smiled, and felt glad that Margo is doing well for herself. I went home during the holidays on my third year and wondered if I would run into some of my friends. I was told that Dennis, Thomas, and Natasha weren't coming home this year but I shrugged it off.

I should really call them one of these days. But just thinking about it made me feel so awkward that I decided against it.

I visited Margo at her café and we caught up on each other's life. She asked me about Dani and I had to tell her that we had broken up. I secretly was keeping tabs on her though and know for a fact that there's a gallery in Vancoucer showcasing her art. I tried really hard to hide how proud I was knowing this but Margo seemed to read me better that I thought she would.

To my relief she stopped talking about Dani and talked about her renovation of the café that will be happening a few months from now. The café is going to turn into a boardgame café as well, and they will start serving alcohol in the evenings.

It was nice having a visit like this with an old friend, and I promised Margo that I will keep in touch.

"You better." She said as she waved me goodbye.

***

I couldn't go anywhere in Prince Albein without seeing my parent's acquaintances who wants to talk to me about my success athletically, so I stopped going out and busied myself with readings for my classes.

That evening I decided to go for a run. I made sure I had on running pants with reflective stripes on it, and I wore an annoyingly bright coloured toque. After I zipped up my running jacket, and tied up my running shoes, I called out to my mom that I'll be back and took off.

I went to Parker's Spotify playlists and pressed play. That boy is studying music theory and fixed me my own workout list to jam into. I started out running in a faster pace than I'm used to and impressed myself of how well I'm managing so far.

Forty-five minutes into my run, I started to feel breathless and so I slowed down a bit and continued the trail. I passed the Dubois Bridge and I thought that maybe I should go down there to see Dani's old mural. Shaking my head, I thought against it knowing it's not a safe place to go anyways.

I finished running the trail and decided that I should head back. Again, I passed the bridge and all of a sudden my legs were leading me to run the path under it. With a deep breath, I looked at the wall where Dani's mural should've been but it was painted over with white paint.

"Hm." I murmured, suddenly feeling sad.

***

I played college basketball through university and graduated with honours with a degree in Kinesiology and Excersice Science. I then was offered to stay and become one of the offense coach of the women's basketball team for the University and decided to accept it. My job there gave me a new sense of responsibility and I loved it.

I had also found myself an apartment to move in to and I asked Parker be my roomate. I can't afford to pay the rent by myself yet, and plus it was nice to have someone around and not be alone all the time. Parker was excited for me to meet her sister Olivia who was a year older than us when she helped us move in.

"Hello." I greeted Olivia after I climbed up three flight stairs of our apartment building and out of breath while carrying a box full of my books. Our building didn't have the luxury of having an elevator but it was in a nice area.

Olivia stared at me for a moment and I stood there awkwardly. I was suddenly very aware of what I looked like and I tried desperately to blow strands of hair away from my face. I had it up in a messy bun and I was wearing an old baggy shirt that was ripped on the collar which was tucked in my adidas gym shorts. I didn't even have shoes on, I only had my slides on top of my socks and I'm praying that I dont drop anything to hurt myself.

Parker was behind Olivia while giving me this knowing look. He nudged his sister and she seemed to be a embarrassed.

"Hi, I'm Olivia." She greeted back. She gave me a friendly smile.

"Nice to meet you." I smiled back. "I'd offer my hand for you to shake but they're full at the moment."

Parker rolled his eyes at me, and offered his help to carry the box.

"There, now shake hands." He said, and smirking at me.

Olivia offered her hand and when I shook it, I immediately regretted it. My hand was so sweaty that it was almost gross.

"Oh geez, I am so sorry." I said, now blushing.

Olivia laughed and thought that it was amusing but reassured me that it's fine.

The three of us moved furnitures and boxes in the apartment. It was spacious with four bedrooms, and two bathrooms. Parker and I were planning to turn one bedroom into a working office for me, and him turning the other one into a studio for him.

Parker was busy putting away pots and pans in the kitchen while Olivia and I moved Parker's bedframe in his room. I knew that Parker grew up in a family of musicians but I didn't know that by musicians he means music producers for companies in the media. Olivia herself is a producer, and I can't help but be impressed by that.

"You do know that Parker is trying to set us up, right?" I asked out of the blue.

"Yes." Olivia admitted, sighing and shaking her head. "He thinks I'll die alone because I decided to stop dating."

"He's the same to me!" I added. "But when I am dating someone, he thinks that they're not good enough for me. I'm starting to think that Parker is secretly in love with me or something."

"He's not?" Olivia joked, and I laughed. "He was at one point, right?"

"He did ask me out once and I turned him down." I said, remembering the awkward interaction.

Olivia and I got into talking about our past relationships and how I have dated other women during university and after I graduated, but none of them really lasted for more than three to four months. It was nothing to be sad about, really. It was just not clicking, and it didn't feel right to be in a relationship with them at all.

Olivia was in the same shoes as me but when she thought she finally met that one... It turned out they were cheating on her.

"That's why I stopped trying to date after that." She explained while setting down a box full of Parker's clothes on the ground.

"Do you ever feel like you're running out of time though?" I asked, and I explained to her that I've been thinking a lot about how people our age are starting to form their own families.

"I don't even bother thinking about that." She said with a shrug. "We're doing our own thing, so why bother comparing other people's lives to yours?"

I stared at her and realized that she was right.

"There's no rule to follow." She added. "What's important is that you're genuinely being you."

I smiled at her and thought that she reminded me of that certain someone.

"Would it be innapropriate if I asked you out for lunch right now?" I asked. "We could just leave Parker here and we could go out for a lunch break."

"So bold." She said, a light blush creeping up on her cheeks.

"I just thought I'd give it a shot." I said and bit the inside of my cheek. I was nervous but I got the words out. "Do you like dim sum? I know a place nearby."

Olivia hesitated a bit, and I totally get why. She seemed to relax a little after a moment and nodded her head.

"Sure, but you're paying."

"I wasn't going to let you pay anyways so that sounds good." I said with a grin.

When we told Parker that we're going out for lunch, he did a little jump and enthusiastically said,

"Have fun you two!"

***

A/N: The end is nearly there. I'm so sad. Also if you guys play Elder Scrolls Online on PS4 or PS5 you should add me on PSN: blueberryjean