Chapter Twenty-Eight:

I Can't Have Her

"Ready to cry, fellow friends!" I yelled out as I gripped the front of the sled. Natasha sat behind me, and she was gripping my waist. "Natasha and I are going to win!" I added.

"We're going to crush your dreams!" Nat joined in.

"Shut up lightweights!" Yelled Thomas and Dennis. Thomas up front, Dennis behind him. "We're heavier than you, it's obvious that we're going to win!"

"Excuse me, but shut the fuck up sir!" I yelled back. "You've got nothing on us! See this? See this sled right here? I know there's a possibility that it will kill us but we don't give a crap!"

"Whoa, Mave, let's not get carried away." Said Nat. "I don't wanna die!"

"Settle down with the language! There's kids everywhere!" Dennis warned me, but was grinning nonetheless.

"Shit. Fuck. Bitch!" I yelled. Then a kid stared at me, his eyes wide. "Yes kid, I'm going to hell. But you know someday you're going to be saying these words too, and you'll realize that they're not really that bad-"

"Maverick! Oh my god!" Natasha cut me off, laughing so hard and hitting the back of my head.

"We're going to church tomorrow. Don't worry." I reminded her.

"This is hilarious!" Said Dani, who was holding on to Margo's waist.

"You guys are so funny!" Margo guffawed.

"You won't find it funny when we win!" I told the other two girls right beside us. "Ready? Set, go!" I quickly said, and used my arms to push us off downhill.

Almost immediately, Nat screamed. Dennis, Thomas, and Dani were laughing laughing so hard, I'm surprised they were still on their sleds. Margo on the other hand was shrieking. And I thought her vocal range was so impressive.

Our sled moved sideways, and I was scared for a second that Nat and I were going to wipe out. But I leaned back, and Nat did too, which we thought was going to make our sled straight but no, it randomly turned again, and now we're going downhill backwards.

"Holy shit!" I screamed. Snow was covering my face and legs, and the cold wind was making my face feel numb. I felt Nat's grip on my waist tightened, her face buried against my back. I lost my toque along the way, and my dark hair was all over the place.

Dani and Margo were ahead of us, while Dennis and Thomas were just right behind us. Soon, the two boys passed us, and Nat and I gave them the middle finger.

"Oh my god, guys get out of the way!" I yelled out, as Dani and Margo's sled was skidding on our way, and like us earlier, they were skidding sideways. Because our sled was going backwards, and Nat sitting behind me, I was pretty sure that we were going to wipe out pretty soon.

Dani and Margo didn't know what was up, so when they looked behind them, and saw me and Nat, their eyes narrowed but it was too late to react. Our sled collided with theirs, and all of us were pushed off of our sleds.

Nat's grip loosened, and she rolled away from me, to god knows where. And now I was alone, and I didn't know what was happening because I closed my eyes tightly, and hope I would be okay in the end. I felt a grip on my waist again, and thought it was Nat, trying to save me.

Our bodies rolled downhill, and we were rolling pretty fast, that I'm getting a bit lightheaded.

Then, it was over. We stopped. We stopped rolling, and I was on my back, and breathing pretty hard. Adrenaline was pumping through my veins, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a bunch of bruises, but right now I don't feel anything, other than the fact that Natasha was on top of me now, and she's pretty heavy. When I opened my eyes, a bunch of blonde hair was in my vision, and it smelled like strawberries.

Dani was on top of me, not Natasha. Dani lifted her weight off of me, her arms on either side of my shoulders and staring at me with a grin, her hair was like a curtain, because it was blocking everything out. I stared at her, dumbfounded, but also flushed because she was so close.

"You okay, Mave?" She asked, pretty breathless herself.

I nodded, still speechless but I grinned back at her.

"Can I have a, thank you, at least?" She asked.

I stared at her lips, and then realized if I could just lean in a little, then we would be kissing. I'm pretty sure I'm not in the right mind, because she's dating Margo, and I would be a dick if I ever did lean in. Dani must've noticed where I was staring at, she stared back at me with her grin gone, her eyes on mine, then she also glanced on my lips.

At my lips, then back at my eyes again. Then again. Then at one point, I noticed her breathing didn't slow down. I knew we were having a moment, and I knew I was in a situation where I was not ready or prepared to be in. But I guess I ruined it because I burst out laughing.

"That was a terrible idea!" I said, chuckling, and pushing Dani off of me gently. I wasn't sure if I was talking about Dennis and Thomas' idea of racing downhill, or... Dani and I kissing. But either or, that's what I said.

Dani got off of me completely and helped me stand up. Nat and Margo approached us, who looked completely alright, joined us with their laughs.

"That was crazy!" Margo said, her eyes still shining with excitement from earlier. "Are you guys hurt? Everything alright?"

"Who wants to go again?" Dennis asked, when we finally gathered our sleds, and my missing toque. Both him and Thomas were bragging that they won, and I scoffed at them.

Finally, we agreed to do it again, and so we climbed up hill. Dani was walking up with Margo, and caught her looking my way, but I just grabbed on to Nat, and let her guide me up the hill.

"I saw that by the way." Nat said, quiet enough so only I could hear.

I had a second to panic. But I quickly regained my composure, and said,

"Hm?" I was acting oblivious, even though I knew what she was talking about. A part of me thinks that Nat knew, and a part of me thinks that she's talking about something else.

Nat stared at me for a moment, studying me.

"You were wobbling when you got up earlier. Are you sure you're okay? No concussion or anything?" She asked and stopped me to take a good look at me.

I shook my head and sighed in relief.

"I'm fine, Nat." I reassured her. "Now come on, I wanna go again." I added, and pulling her with me up the hill.

I honestly do not want to go again. I just wanted everything to go to normal, but I guess that's not happening. Sure, sledding is fun, but almost kissing Dani wasn't. I mean, we obviously had that moment, but I can't have that.

I can't have her.

I looked over at Dani, and she was still staring at me. I gulped nervously, and tried to act nonchalant while looking away.

The second time that we went downhill, the two boys won again, and apparently the losing pair, which happened to be me and Nat, has to buy everyone hot chocolate.

So, we packed up the sleds at the back of Nat's truck, and decided to go to Tim Hortons. While I placed the last sled in with the help of Dani, I knew there was tension between us, and tried so hard to just ignore it. But she's making it so difficult by touching my arm and stopping me, whispering,

"Mave, can we talk?"

With that, my mind was going crazy. I placed my hands on my head to adjust my toque, and covered my face with my scarf as I faced her. So basically, I was hiding in plain sight.

"Yes?" My voice muffled because of the scarf.

"What happened back there... Please don't tell me it didn't happen." She said, almost pleading.

I was shaking my head, and rubbing both my hands together to warm them up because it was so cold.

"You're like Nat." I said quickly. "I'm totally fine. I'm not hurt, I don't have a concussion." I might've sounded crazy, but I'm yet again, evading her because Margo might hear.

"That is not what we're talking about, and I know you know it." Dani said softly, taking a step back and pursing her lips. "Whatever that is... Just please don't be afraid to talk about it. Especially with me, okay?"

I couldn't say anything. I was dumbfounded, and speechless, mostly because I couldn't believe this was actually happening.

"It's better if you let it out." She said, smiling genuinely, and she reached out to tuck in a loose scarf out of the way. "Trust me."

Then she walked away towards Margo's car, and I stood there with my heart pounding, my face flushed, and I knew it wasn't from the cold.

So I guess this is it. I'm admitting it. I'm admitting it to myself that I like Dani. I really like her. I'm having these feelings that I've never felt before, and it's with her. So me, being Maverick Bridge, decided to admit it to myself, and only myself, because I am not ready to talk about it with anyone.

Dani said it's better to talk about it, but I'm doing this my way. You may call me stubborn, but I'm different, and I deal with my own problems differently than normal people do.

There's a possibility that I may ruin everything, and there's a possibility that everything would turn out well. I don't know. I really don't know. But I have a feeling that it's going to be rough, and I'm not liking it one bit.

Fuck. I really hate this.

I still cannot believe that XYLØ liked my video on Instagram. I'm still freaking out. (If you don't know them, go to YouTube they have awesome music)

Unedited