I walked down the long gravel path that leads to my parent's house with my head racing, my chest tight, and my hands ice cold. My heart is pounding and felt like I was having a heart attack.

It hadn't slowed down in days.

Since that day with Derek.

My throat choked up at the thought of him. I feel vulnerable and violated after what happened that day. When I confided to my best friend about it, he was two seconds away from calling the police when I reminded him that Derek's brother is the current chief and we both know it would be pointless. I skipped school and hid in their house for two days. My phone was with me, but after I received Derek's last message I had it remained off. I left Owen's house this evening contemplating an idea in my head and my stomach churned for what I am about to do.

I drew in a deep breath. Can I really do it? You have no other option, Ayla.

I was just turning the corner for the path leading to the main door when I turn on my phone and it started buzzing right away.

I scrolled through the rest.

My hand is shaking when I saw I have so many unread messages from Derek. Skipping through it, a new text came in.

Kade. My heart jumped up in my throat. I hadn't heard from him since that night in my room. Still.

Should I text him? No. I wouldn't. It was better to leave it alone. And with that decision made, I texted Owen.

I hugged myself harder as I look forward and see the house ahead. It was past eleven, and there were no lights inside. I'm grateful for that. The last thing I need is my parent's scolding. I was just to the entrance when a hand grabbed my wrist.

"I don't think so."

I was grabbed by the waist and pushed against the tree. My body froze. Panic grips my chest and I screamed bloody murder but only to be drowned by the hand on my mouth. N–no. No, please.

But then I recognise his smell before his hot breath whispers in my ear. "It's me."

The relief was immediate and I let out a sob. It wasn't Derek. Thank God.

"K-Kade?" My heart lunges in my chest, beating sporadically against his and I ignore the hard surface of the tree digging in my back. The dim light coming from the lamp post doesn't allow me much vision, but I feel him. The bottom of my stomach hurts with that strange awareness I always had for him. That damn awareness is like an incurable disease refusing to leave my body. And it only prove how messed up I was because a few seconds ago I wanted to cut him off for good and now I wanted him to be here for me.

Then he was in my face, and my God, he look damn good when the dim light illuminates his face. His eyes were angry. They were piercing, yet the solid green hue look mesmerizing, and he never blinked. Not when I roamed over the rest of him. He's wearing a gorgeous suit and his hair is slicked back and he smells musky and fresh like a hint of cologne and soap. It's heady and intoxicating, and I feel good for the first time since that day with Derek.

"I texted you." His hand had a cement hold on my arm before he shifted, placing both his hands on either side of my hips. His breath tickled against my lips. The rage in his eyes was barely contained.

"You did." I winced at the tremble in my voice.

He shifted closer, lowering his head so he was peering at me eye level. "So why the fuck are you not in my bed right now?"

My heart was pounding, but I couldn't keep his gaze. Too many different emotions were being stirred up inside of me. When I felt the throb start between my legs, I clenched them together and hoped it would go away. My body was craving him. My heart was aching for him. But my pride, yeah, that was raging too.

"Let's stop this." My voice drops, softening, pleading.

His hand tightened in my hips and he spoke in a low growl, "Didn't I make myself clear last time?"

My chest was hurting, like really badly hurting. I felt something squeezing in there, not letting go. Everything in me hurt. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to feel. It hurt to think. It hurt to speak, but I rasped out, "We have to end this."

My mind already flashing through my plans and a whole new feeling of helplessness erupted inside of me because I knew what I'd have to do was going to hurt. A lot. More than a lot. I drew in another breath and I felt the tears rolling down my cheek as soon as I closed my eyes. Then I spoke the truth, the one I've been trying to keep bottled up inside.

"I love you, and I know that you don't love me. You'll never love me. You will never leave Arabella for me. I'm a body you think fondly of, and if you care anything about me, give me that much honesty."

I waited. A second passed. Five seconds.

I stopped counting after fifteen seconds. It didn't matter. Whatever his response would be, how long he took to say anything, that didn't matter. That's what I was telling myself. I wanted his rejection. I was praying for it. I needed it, because then I could walk away, once and for all.

I was holding my breath. Then he push off from me and it feels like he sucked all the air with him leaving me breathless. I had to bite down on my lips to keep the sob from escaping. This was it. This was his answer. Still. It hurt.

I open my eyes and met his gaze through the tears. He stood just a few steps away from me but it feels like there's an ocean separating us.

"Go inside." He was staring right at me as he said those words, his entire face guarded and I got the message.

He walked away, his back turned toward the gravel path and I almost called him back. I almost gave in to him, told him I don't want him to leave me, but my teeth sank into my lip because I couldn't.

He was done. It was better this way. I was telling myself that as he turned and disappeared at the corner.

I was lying to myself.