2 days later:

"Even if everything is wrong in the world, and the stars fall, or the sun doesn't shine, I know I'm right by loving you."

I lurched upright, my chest heaving, as I glanced at the clock. My mind was anything but quiet as I watched the minute change.

"I'm going to show you how much I'm yours."

My heart stopped.

"If you knew who the other family was, could you forgive them?"

Time stopped.

I hated lemon-flavored ice cream. But I knew who loved it.

It was as if the shock of it all had left me immobilized, astonishment and panic making my blood run cold as it pulsed in my veins. Shivers of nostalgia ran over my skin, settling deep in my chest as they filled the void that had grown inside.

I took a breath, turning to stare at the vacant side of my bed. Everything that had been unknown fell into place. Although it didn't look as if the spot had ever belonged to another person, the pillow in place and the covers unwrinkled, the silhouette of another laid etched in my mind.

Just hours ago, it hadn't been clear whose it was. But now I knew.

I had to find him.

Hurriedly, I snatched up my phone, silently rushing time to quicken its pace, as I pressed on the screen. I anxiously waited as my phone rang, my heart beating wildly.

"Hello?"

"Mom," I breathed, sucking in a chestful of air, my voice cracking. I looked heavenward, shaking my head as I tried to speak clearly. A warm droplet landed on my hand, and I looked down not having realized I had been crying until now.

It felt good.

It felt good to cry, not for something that was lost, but for something found.

"What is it, Rowan? Are you okay?"

I wasn't sure myself.

"I remember now," I tried again hoarsely, pushing through the tightness in my voice. "I-I remember."

I laughed in disbelief as the words left my mouth, the sentence offering me a new sense of freedom. Although the pressure of fear pressed at the back at my eyelids, there was something else as well. It caused my heartbeat to go wild, and my hands to tremble as I held the phone to my ear, praying that this was enough.

A moment passed without either of us saying anything. The silence from the other side of the phone would have caused me to question if she was still on the phone if it weren't for her steady breathing.

"Mom?"

"Rowan I..."

I waited quietly as she trailed off, my elation still prevalent but making room for concern. I had expected her to be happy for me, but there was a hesitance in her words and caution in her silence.

There was only one time that my mom had ever expressed her fear in front of me, and that was when I had first started to forget things. She hadn't even seemed scared when I had ended up in the hospital. But in her voice, amplified by her silence, it lay suspended. Heavy and thick.

"What is it?" I breathed, something darker than the emotions that had just been controlling my heart, settling in my stomach.

Have you talked to him since that day at the Cemetery?"

I frowned at the question, the memory not entirely pleasant.

"No."

There was a momentary lapse in conversation, and I was just about to speak up again, when she let out a heavy breath, a small sniffle sounding. I raised my eyebrows in alarm.

"Mom...are you crying? What's wrong?"

"Honey, I..."

My nerves stretched to pique height when she cut off again her words choked and filled with anguish.

"Mom," I whispered. "You're scaring me. What is going on."

There was another pause before she finally spoke. "Honey, I promise that what I am about to tell you, was done in fear. I wasn't sound-minded, and I spoke irrationally. I just wanted to see you safe." I shifted the phone from one hand to the other, my dread growing with every word. "I told him it was probably best to leave you alone."

It took a while for her words to register, the weight of them settling slowly as the blood drained from my face. It left me feeling hollow as the world zoned out before refocusing.

The moment at the cemetery flashed through my mind at it was like I was reliving the experience with a new understanding. The torment on Elija's face, the hesitance in his words, and the kiss. The realization of it all was like a fatal blow.

"What do you mean?" My voice was oddly light even to my own ears, my ears ringing and my heart hollow.

"I told Elijah that it was best to leave you alone."

Disbelief washed over me and my mouth fell open in shock. And horror.

"Why would you do that?" Part of me was still in denial, that any second she would say that she was joking, and tell me to get off the phone and go to him like she always wanted. But she didn't. "Mom I love you but you have to explain why-"

"I told myself that he was the reason that you had suffered so much these past months. I thought you would be better off if he wasn't around," she interjected the desperation that formed the plea, causing me to pause in shock. "I have been wanting to tell you, but I didn't know how to. My mind wasn't in the right place back at the hospital."

"Why would you think he caused my suffering? Those past few months with him were the best months that I have had in my lifetime, and I think you knew that."

"I don't know." Her voice cracked, giving away raspily and my heart dipped in my chest, unpleasantly. "I always thought that when you finally got your memory capacity back it would be easy. I thought that it should be easy, painless, but Rowan hearing about your nightmares and seeing you in that hospital bed seemed anything but simple. I thought it could have been avoided if he was never there-"

"That couldn't be far from true. Elijah helped me with so much. If he hadn't come into my life, I wouldn't have remembered."

That was true. I had pieced together long ago that it was talking to him that had brought what I had hidden out of me. For so long, my past, the things I couldn't forget, had been an omen of darkness. My mom and I hadn't talked much about them. I hadn't tried to remember.

if I was honest with myself, wasn't sure I had wanted to.

But Elijah...he had brought out the things I'd suppressed, without pushing me.

"I know," she whispered, her voice as small as I felt. "I'm so sorry, Rowan. My anger was misplaced. I was going to tell you but then..."

She trailed off, and my fingers fisted my sheets as I tried to brace myself for whatever she was going to say next.

This was what heartbreak really was.

My heart was breaking and it wasn't because of a guy, or Elijah. It was because of my mom. And yet, even as I listened to her words, I found myself unable to blame her for what had happened. Yes, I was hurt, but the pain in her voice, the sorrow, I understood her fear. Even if she had been wrong.

"But then what, mom?"

"Elijah told me not to."

"What do you mean?"

"I talked to him the day you called me about what he told you. I should have told you but if I am honest I have been lost. I want to do what is best for you." My breathing stuttered and I brought a hand to my chest. A choked breath wafted over the receiver tightening my chest. "But now that you are all grown up, I don't know if I am doing a good job of it."

Wordlessly, I laid back down, trying to wrap my head around everything. My fingers flew to my neck, my insides twisting when they skimmed my bare neck. I had given Elijah the necklace back.

"Is that why he never came around? Why he didn't think we could fix things. Because you told him to stay away?"

She didn't answer, but her silence was enough.

I said nothing as I tried to calm myself down. Anger and hurt boiled within me, swirling into something I had never felt before. "Mom, I have to go," I said with a deep breath, figuring that it was the safest thing to do. My anger would pass, but my words could last a lifetime.

"Rowan?"

"Yes?"

"If he is what you really want, then you need to go to him. I have regretted nothing more in my life than telling that man to let you go." She paused briefly, her words wrapping around my mind. "I was angry at myself and at the world for putting you through all of this, and I took it out on the wrong person."

I was quiet for a minute as I listened to her sniffle, barely able to hold back my own tears.

"Do you really believe that it wasn't his fault now?"

Her answer meant everything to me. What she had done was wrong, but she had tried to fix it. Even though at the moment my mind was too clouded with pain to have the right judgment on what to say to her, I knew that I'd already forgiven her.

That was something everyone deserved.

"I do. You need to go to him, baby."

I sat back up shakily, knowing she was right. If I did still have a chance with him, I needed to take it now. There was no time to waste. "I know," I said. I splayed my hands out against my comforter and raised my knees to my chest.

"I love you, Rowan. I have never regretted anything more than what I said to that man. I should have told you the truth about it all when you first introduced him but I didn't expect things to go that far. I didn't want to mess with the peace you had found. So I didn't even say anything. I didn't reach out to Miriam for that reason either."

At the mention of Elijah's mom, I inhaled. I wondered if she'd known all along too. I wondered if she'd known that I was the Rowan, that he was dating before we even came to visit her.

I didn't know if I wanted to know. I wasn't sure that the secrets already uncovered would be easy to get over as it was. More surely wouldn't help.

I squeezed my eyes shut, taking a huge breath and trying to press the hurt away. "I love you too mom." It was then that my strength faltered, the tears falling down my face as I shook my head. "Mom..." I stuttered, knowing that the question I was about to ask was one I should have voiced a long time ago. "Does me being with him hurt you?"

"It did at first." A small sob tore from my chest as I covered my mouth, my face breaking. This hadn't just been hard on me. It had been hell for everyone. Her words were raw, stretching hoarsely through the air as I shook my head.

"I'm sorry. I can't apologize for loving him, but I am sorry if I've hurt you."

"Don't, Rowan. Don't apologize for loving who makes you happy, Baby." I pressed my lips together, salty tears coating my lips. "The reason why it hurt is not for the reason you think. I don't blame Elijah for what happened. It hurt because as soon as you met him I realized how much life had held out on you. As a mother, I wanted to give you so much, but I couldn't give you the fulfillment you deserved. Elijah did."

My heart ached under the weight of her words and I shook my head, my fingers tightening around my phone. "You gave me that, mom. It might have been different, but you did. It might have been in a different way, but I don't want you to doubt what you have done for me. I appreciate you so much."

"No. It is me who appreciates you. Go to him, darling."

The click from across the line sounded, signaling that she had hung up. If there was one thing my mom didn't like, it was for me to see her cry. The shortness of her words and the tightness of her voice told me she had been about to.

I didn't move for a moment, my fingers trembling as I wiped myself, feeling raw inside from the tears as her words rang inside of my head.

I had to get to him.

Sucking in a deep breath, I jumped out of my bed, my feet gliding across the floor as I flew to my closet. My heart pounded against my rib cage as I snatched up a pair of shoes, not bothering to check which ones my hands landed on before I whipped my bedroom door open.

"Rowan?" I looked at Skylar, who was perched on the couch next to a sleeping Hayden. "Where are you going?"

I tried to speak, waving my hands around erratically as I attempted to explain what was going on and multi-task at the same time. Skylar's eyebrows furrowed, as Hayden stirred, opening his eyes sleepily and with a slightly confused expression. He glanced at Skylar and his eyes softened before tracing the frown on her face. When his eyes flew to me he sat up.

"What's going on short stack?"

Unable to stand the fact that I was wasting time in my ineptness, I spun around, my eyes scanning the apartment in search of my keys. I remembered having placed them on the counter, but now I couldn't find them. At least I think I remembered. This whole fully functioning memory thing was new to me.

I let out an exasperated cry in frustration, throwing my hands in the air. I was wasting time.

"Where are my keys?"

"I put them on the key rack."

I muttered my thanks, finally spotting them, before flying towards the door.

"Rowan?" Hayden asked, just as my hand closed around the door handle.

"Yes," I said, turning around, my body physically there, but my head in a totally different place. Hayden smiled, wrapping his arms around Skylar who looked like she was on the verge of tears.

They knew.

"Go get 'em, tiger."

I smiled, nodding my head, and brushing away the tears that rose in my eyes as I yanked open the door, barely closing it after me. I raced down the flight of steps I had come to hate, and down to the parking lot in search of my car. I wasn't moving fast enough. Fate had already taken so much away from me, and now she was meddling with my sense of time.

Finally spotting my car, I sprinted over, yanking the car door open and hopping inside. My hands shook as I stuck the key in the ignition, jerking the gearshift into drive and peeling out of the parking lot.

"Please let me not be too late. Just this one time."

It didn't take long for me to get where I was going, and when I did I lept out of my car, racing up another flight of stairs. Only when I got to the top did it register that I could have taken the elevator. I put that to the back of my mind, however, racing down the carpeted hallway, hues of cream tinted white, and beige muddling together.

"301...302...303..."

The numbers on the doors were like a countdown, each consecutive numeral propelling me forward. I neared the end of the hall, feeling as if an eternity had passed and infinity had stretched beyond its initial capacity before I stopped in front of the green door I had been searching for.

It was identical to all the other ones adjacent to it, but behind it held someone who could never be replaced by anyone. Someone whose smile was unreplicable.

Whose touch was unmatched.

Without a second thought, I rapped on the wood with my knuckles, biting my lip in anticipation. The loud rushing of my blood filled my ears, defeating the silence of the hallway as I prayed silently for someone to answer the door. I smoothed a hand over my hair, realizing that I probably looked like I had just run a marathon.

When I finally gave up on trying to make myself look presentable. The tips of my fingers drummed against my pants leg, and my heart, it beath like a caged bird trying to escape.

Still no answer.

Defeated I stared at the door, willing it to open. I knocked again, being met with no answer. Fear seized my throat, as I reasoned that it was because no one was home. Not because Elijah knew who was at the door. Not because he didn't want to answer.

I had just been about to give up and try again tomorrow when I heard the lock click, oxygen escaping me as I jumped. The door opened, and when it widened further I took in the figure standing in front of me. A confused and almost wary expression sat on his face as his eyes roamed mine, exhaustion and concern etched on his face.

"Rowan is everything okay?"

It wasn't the greeting I had hoped to receive.

"Cole," I whispered, searching his eyes, and using everything in me to keep from craning my head to see if anyone else was home. "Is Elijah here?"

The reason for my breathlessness was a mystery to me, considering that there had been enough time for me to catch my bearings before. But my words were choppy and airy nevertheless. Cole's eyes widened, and he sent me a weary expression, before stepping out into the hallway. I eyed the door he closed behind him, dread growing for a reason I couldn't explain.

"You remember who he is now?"

I glanced at the door, before looking back at him. I nodded, wondering how much Cole knew about everything that had happened, but deciding that the question could wait for another time.

"Yes I do and I really need to speak to him," I said with a nervous laugh, dropping my hands to my side awkwardly. "I've already wasted enough time as it is."

Cole said nothing, first the alarm and then the remorse in his eyes causing me to take a step back. He cleared his throat, grabbing the back of his neck with his hand, as his eyes drifted to the ground.

Something wasn't right.

I watched the apprehension flit over his face, forever passing by as precious time went by. My hands went to the hollow of my neck, once again landing on nothing.

"Rowan, Elijah left."

Left?

I froze, my fingers spasming in frantic movements against the fabric of my dreams as I bit my lip.

"When will he get back? I can wait here until he does."

Instead of saying something to relieve my unease, Cole's mouth settled into a firm line.

"Rowan, he isn't here. I am not sure where he went. He left a week ago."

Panic rushed through my veins, my hands trembling as I clutched at the hem of my jacket.

This wasn't happening.

As soon as something happened in my life for the better, it was always taken from me. The good, was always within reach but no matter how close I got, it always seemed to be unobtainable.