I don't remember driving home after I walked away. When I had made it to my car, I hadn't looked back. Not until I had exited the parking lot, the rearview mirror a lethal temptation that allowed me to see he was still standing there.

I had walked away.

I had walked away.

I had walked away.

Each step had left me wishing to remember the one person I'd forgotten.

With a shaky breath, I wiped my nose on the back of my sleeve, the skin around my eyes tight. I knew that if I were to look in a mirror, they would be extremely puffy and red from the moisture that was still on my cheeks. Shutting my car off, and pushing the door open, I placed a foot on the pavement and stepped out.

The sky had fallen dark, as night swept a cloak around the world, signaling for nature to rest. The baritone laugh of thunder coursed up above, as I continued walking, my steps hurrying slightly, to make it inside before the heavens opened up and watered the ground beneath my feet.

I dug into my pockets again when I get it to vibrate, remembering that I had ignored a call earlier. Although I didn't want to talk to anybody, I answered the call, not bothering to look at the caller ID, but knowing that it could be something important.

"Hello?"

"Rowan is everything okay? You sound congested honey, I hope you aren't getting sick."

I sucked in a jerky gasp of air, as my mom's voice broke the silence of the night and opened a damn within me. I had thought that I had cried all the tears that I could have possibly shed, but apparently not.

"Rowan, what is it? Are you hurt?"

I shook my head, unable to speak as I fell apart in the stairwell of my apartment complex. I was grateful that it was late and raining, so it would be unlikely that anyone would come and go for at least a few minutes.

"I talked to Elijah," I rasped when I could finally dismantle the hold that my emotions had on my vocal cords. "He said he didn't want me to remember him." There was silence on the other line on the phone as I clutched my phone to my ear, and a bitter laugh broke free from my lips. "I don't even really know who he is, but I feel as if I just lost apart from me I can't get back. I know it is illogical, but it hurts."

Even though my mom still had said nothing, her steady breathing told me she was still there. When she finally spoke, her voice was strained as I took slow steps up the stairs, my movements heavy as if I was walking through cement.

"I am so sorry that you are hurting Rowan, and that it went down like this."

"It isn't your fault," I answered, not wanting to hear her apologize for something that was out of her control." Making it to the top of the stairs and reaching a hand into the pocket of my jacket to fish out my keys, I walked to my door, pausing before fitting the key into the lock. Bowing my head, I sighed. "Maybe it is..." I couldn't finish the sentence, trailing off as my chest tightened.

"Maybe it is for the better?"

Hearing the words aloud, almost brought a fresh wave of tears to my eyes, but deciding that I didn't want the internal conflict they brought on through dueling with my brain, I squashed them down.

"Yeah." My head bobbed up and down rhythmically, and I only stopped when the hallway light flickered. The burnt orange hue went out momentarily before coming back on slightly dimmer than before. "Maybe it was."

"Rowan, I have to tell you something-"

"Mom, do you mind if we talk later? I think I need to be alone for a minute."

Maybe if I hadn't been so terrorized from the dissension of my memory and the painful tug of my heart, I would have noticed the remorse in her words, but I hadn't. Finding the key to my apartment, I shoved it into the lock, twisting the door handle open and stepping inside.

"Okay, honey. Call me back when you are feeling up to it."

"Okay, I will." The line went dead as she hung up, and I took another step into the darkness of the apartment. Skylar had spent the night over at Hayden's so I was completely alone.

Even though a tiny part of me wished she was here, I knew it was for the best, as I hung my coat up and headed towards my room.

Closing the door behind me, I leaned against my door, unsure if I had the mental strength to take a shower and clean up a bit before I went to bed. Sliding down to the floor, and bringing my head to my knees, I bit my lip as pressure formed behind my eyes.

I knew that eventually, I was going to be able to pick myself up and move on, but I wasn't sure how long it was going to take.

How could you just get over something you didn't even remember having in the first place?

I lifted my chin after a moment, my eyes scanning my room until I found my nook bag. It was draped across the back of my desk chair. I stared at it wordlessly, Hayden's words to me a few days before circling my mind.

I wasn't sure how much more pain I could take.

But even despite that truth, I found myself on the move, my hand reaching toward my bag and pulling out the leather-bound book that held so many secrets.

So many moments turned to nothing but forgotten memories.

I held my breath as I opened it.