Elijah's POV:

There was something about hospitals I hated. Maybe it was the pristine but plain walls or the chemical stench that seemed to linger in every corner, but something about the ominous buildings always made me feel raw inside. As if it was me that was unclean in a place that saw too much suffering. Too much pain.

But it was in these very conditions that I stood, just a sliver of light coming in from the white-curtain-covered window, and allowing me to see Rowan.

I tried to take a deep breath, as agonizing pressure pressed at the back of my eyelids, and a rope wrapped around my chest and squeezed. I stood frigid, unsure if my heart was still beating as she looked at me in curiosity and then confusion.

Her fingers clutched at the blue hospital sheet around her and it pained me to think that she was scared of anything and I couldn't comfort her. Or that she was scared of me.

I opened my mouth, shutting it immediately as silence loomed around us, but from the steady beeping of her vital sign monitor. It was a taunting tune; the rhythmic noise letting me know that while her heart was still beating, it no longer beat for me.

"Rowan," I whispered, shutting my mouth almost immediately as words failed me.

Part of me was so sure that it was all a bad dream. That at any moment an amused melody would leave her lips, and clarity would come back into her eyes, as she assured me it was all a joke. That she knew who I was, and would never forget.

But, Rowan wasn't that cruel, and fate wasn't so kind.

My throat ached as I swallowed through the constriction of my throat, running a hand through my hair.

"I'm sorry, what did you say your name was again?"

I had never been shot before, but I was pretty sure that I now knew what it felt like, as the question echoed in my brain. Grey eyes stayed trained on mine, them being just as beautiful as the first day that I had seen them, and I took a step closer.

"Elijah."

Her response was delayed as if she was trying to let my name sink in, and for a moment I was allowed a cruel touch of hope. It was only for a moment, however, her once vibrant eyes unsure as she shook her head, pushing onyx locks out of her face.

I wished that it was my hand that was running through her soft curls, and my fingers that were wiping away the conflict etched on her face. I wished that the distance between us would disappear, and instead of me standing there with a valley growing between us, she would be in my arms instead.

But since that wasn't a reality fate would allow, I just stood there. Rowan's hand went to the pendant around her neck, and I held my breath. It was a nervous habit that she had picked up, and I hoped it meant that somehow, part of my existence was still with her.

"I am so sorry," she whispered, my heart cracking as her voice broke, and moisture welled in her eyes. "I know I have a memory problem, and I believe I must have known you, but I just can't remember right now."

No.

No words could describe what it felt like to hear the words come out of her mouth. My mouth felt as if it was filled with sandpaper as I ran a hand through my hair, feeling nauseous.

"Love...Rowan..." This time I wasn't trying to hide any vulnerability. I let it coat my words, lingering in the air and hoping that it would light a beacon in the dark areas of her brain.

But all I was met with was remorse, she shook her head as an overbearing numbness consumed me, and threatened to take over. No matter how much I wanted to go to her and demand that she knew how much I loved her, how much she loved me, I didn't move.

Instead, I stood there, her image blurred, and my heart skipped a beat.

"Do you think you could get a doctor," she asked lowly.

"Rowan-"

"Please."

My hands fell to the side, the fear in her voice stopping me from speaking as I nodded, feeling as if someone had stolen almost all of the light in the world. The only sliver of it left dying in her eyes as more tears spilled from them. She placed her head in her hand, and unable to see her cry, I whirled around, unable to control my tears.

Every inch of my body screamed for me to stop as I took the first step, but somehow my mind was able to overpower my emotions, and I made it to the door. As soon as I made it outside of her room, my knees buckled and I leaned my weight against the wall.

"Elijah?"

I glanced up, my eyes meeting with a pair that were the mirror image of the ones that belonged to the women I loved. The women that didn't remember that I did.

"I'm sorry," I said, standing up straighter with a shake of my head. I cleared my throat, tilting my head to the side. "Rowan is awake if you want to go in and see her. She asked for a doctor."

She said nothing, her eyes scanning mine as fear filled her eyes. "Is everything okay?"

All I could do was shake my head as my eyes burned and I sucked in a breath.

"She-" I pressed my lips together as my voice came out hoarsely. "She doesn't remember who I am."

Her eyes widened, and pure shock morphed on her features as my words landed upon her ears.

"But, I thought..." she trailed off, not finishing her sentence and clutching the purse that was on her arm to her chest tightly. "Are you okay?"

Even though we both knew the answer to the question, I shook my head, not bothering to hide anything.

It was like someone had handed me something so delicate and beautiful, for them to only rip it out of my hands the next second. That was how I felt as I leaned against the hospital wall, shaking my head, while the one person who could take my pain away was just a foot away.

"I think you should go home and get some rest, Elijah."

I jerked my head up as soon as the words left her lips. "No, I will stay here and wait until we hear more-"

"I don't think that is best."

I stopped talking as she stood there, not meeting my eyes. I narrowed my own, running a hand through my hair.

"I think you should go. I will look after her for the rest of the day," she continued slowly as if feeling out her words.

"Thank you, but I am going to stay here and wait. I wouldn't leave Rowan when she needs me-"

"But she doesn't."

I froze at the tension in her tone, unsure if I had heard right. I was unsure what was going on and wasn't sure if I wanted to know.

"Is there a problem?" I asked, feeling as if the question wasn't the right one, considering that the whole situation was a complete mess. She met my eyes as the words left my lips, and the look that rested within her own caused uncertainty to form.

"Do you think that if she doesn't remember who you are? That you are truly what Rowan needs right now?" My eyes widened at the question, and I met her eyes, standing up straighter. There was a foreign hardness to her tone and hearing it caused me to pause. "You don't need to be a reminder that there is something wrong with her. I don't want to be the bad guy, but Rowan was just fine before you. There were no nightmares, and there were definitely no unneeded hospital visits."

Feeling as if I had just been sucker-punched in the gut, I stared at the woman before me in disbelief, not believing that I had heard her properly.

I could see the fear lingering in her eyes, mixed with something that looked a lot like hesitance. But she didn't take back her words.

"There is nothing wrong with Rowan."

"I love my daughter, but we both know that isn't true." I stopped breathing, anger filling me.

"There is nothing wrong with your daughter. What she needs right now is for us to believe that and believe in her. She will overcome this."

Mrs. Harper frowned, shaking her head.

"Maybe you are right, but I think you should give Rowan some space," she replied as if she hadn't heard what I said, training her eyes on the floor. "I know you aren't what she needs right now."

"I think you are wrong," I stated firmly, contradicting how I felt. The truth was that I had been having the same thoughts for the past two days. It had been eating away at me while Rowan had been unconscious. But hearing it aloud was a different conviction. "She might have gone through the struggles of gaining her memory back, but she is recovering because of those struggles."

I had my doubts about how true my words were, but I had to believe it.

"The way it happened it messed up and unfair, but I can't help but feel like in some kind of the twisted way it needed to happen." I swallowed hard over the lump in my throat. "I will wait for her to remember. I know she will. She has done it before. I need to be here."

"Of course, you are going to think I am wrong," she said with a sad smile, "You care about Rowan, and it is natural to want to be here for her right now."

"I love her, and right now I need to be here for her," I stated, trying to assure myself more than I was here. Rowan needed me still. There was still hope. She could still remember.

"How can you know what she needs when you have something to do with the reason she is the way she is?"

I straightened, feeling as if she had reached out and slapped me instead of speaking only words.

As soon as the words left her mouth she froze, guilt blooming immediately. My skin prickled, and my skin chilled as if someone had doused me with a bucket of ice.

She shook her head. "Elijah, I am sorry. I didn't mean that-"

I had been wondering that for days now.

Seemed I wasn't the only one.

"It is okay," I said, cutting her off. "You are right." A doctor with short curly hair walked past up to us before I could say anything else. She seemed exhausted but fixed a smile on her face, addressing both of us.

"Is this Rowan Larkin's room?" She peered around me, and I moved to the side, realizing I was blocking the room number.

"Yes," I forced out, and she nodded.

"I am just going to run some tests and then we will assess everything from there."

With a last smile, she pushed through the door that I desperately wanted to follow her through. My feet stayed rooted in the white tile, however, as a voice spoke up from beside me.

"Look, I am not trying to hurt you, but I just think that you should go before things get worse."

With that, she walked past me, a hand pressing against the door.

She paused just before walking away. The hardest part to swallow was the lack of cruelty in her eyes when she had spoken.

She truly believed that it was me who was hurting Rowan.