《A Song of Remembrance ( Redamancy Book 1: Completed)》Chapter 20:
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Wanting to go back to sleep was the only thing on my mind, as I cracked my eyes open, trying to place the noise that had brought me to consciousness. I shifted as the soft vibrating noise landed upon my ears again. A few seconds passed before I realized what had so rudely awakened me out of my sleep.
With a groan, I reached to turn the alarm off, only to still abruptly at the feel of a small weight that restricted my movement.
But this time I wasn't surprised.
I glanced over my shoulder, my eyes traveling up the arm that encased me, and landing on Elijah. I turned to get a clearer view.
He was different while asleep. More free. More relaxed.
I laid back down, my mind going back to our conversation the night before. After he had offered to help, I had explained everything, and we had devised a plan. He had originally been on the couch, but I had changed my mind last minute in knowing how uncomfortable he had to be.
At first, he had stayed on the other side of the bed, having been an absolute gentleman. I wasn't sure what that meant about his feelings towards me, but what I did know was that he had migrated.
An involuntary smile fitted my lips as I looked at him, shaking my head. He was everything I hadn't known he was and so much more. It was as if there wasn't a single insensitive bone in his body. A moment passed before I finally looked away. I probably would have been embarrassed if he was awake, but since he wasn't I got my eyeful before laying back down.
I had to pick up an extra shift on Thursday.
That was the specific thing we had decided I would need to remember, and I did.
Or at least I remember Elijah and I having a discussion and choosing it as what I needed to remember. The thing was, I just didn't remember Mrs. Reyes having asked me to take the extra shift.
I stared at my ceiling, the world around me becoming more distinctive as my eyes adjusted to the dark. Part of me had a feeling that the reason I had remembered the shift had nothing to do with an answer being found, and everything to do with the fact that it was a conversation that Elijah and I had. Since I remembered him now, it would only make sense that I would remember discussing the shift.
Yet, even if that meant that there had been no answers found, I wasn't disappointed.
I turned my head when Elijah stirred, his arm tightening around my waist. Maybe I had been too tired to realize it earlier, but the position we were in was anything but innocent. His body was pressed against mine, gentle breaths fanning across the back of my neck, and causing goosebumps to trail up my skin.
"Elijah."
No answer.
I repeated his name, this time a little louder, pausing when the pace of his breathing changed. My body stilled when his hand lowered slightly, stopping just shy of the waistband of my shorts.
I stopped breathing, watching him stir as my body lit up.
"Rowan?" Elijah drawled, in a husky tone that did something to my heart that I couldn't explain. "Did the alarm go off?"
"Yes," I murmured, everything I had been about to say, now forgotten.
I was uncomfortably aware of how fast my heart was beating as I lay there waiting for his response. My breathing hitched when his thumb moved, my heart nearly falling out of my chest when he began to rub tiny circles on the sliver of my midsection that was exposed. My stomach coiled with tension, as heat ran through my veins, settling in my core. Only when his fingers slowed to a stop did I take a breath again.
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Oh gosh.
With a burst of bravery, I craned my head to the side, tilting my head to the side and, expecting to be met with his familiar hazel eyes. But instead, they were closed. Even though the fact that he somehow managed to have me all hot and bothered while asleep was sort of embarrassing, it was comical too.
I bit my lip, studying his peaceful expression.
Now that I had told him, there was a weight that had lifted off of me in knowing that he took it all in stride. That he actually wanted to help me remember and wasn't running. But the waters were still muddied between what was going on between us.
Deciding that there was no point in continuing to try to wake him up, considering that it hadn't worked the first few times, I leaned up on my elbows. The movement caused his arm to fall off me, and his eyes flicked open.
Startled, I snapped my eyes shut and slammed my head back down on the pillow. Embarrassment surged through me as I threw an arm over my face.
"Love?" I didn't answer, staying immobile, as I wished for something to teleport me out of the room. "Rowan?"
Crap, he could still see me?
The bed dipped, and I peeked an eye open. At the same time, a husky chuckle rolled out of him and he sat up. It took everything in me to keep my eyes on his face and not admire the definition that I knew paved his torso. I groaned when amusement flashed in his eyes, and he laughed again.
"What are you doing?"
I shrugged, covering my eyes with my elbow again, and hoping that he would not bring up the fact that I was just blatantly checking him out. While he slept. Like a total creep.
"I'm sleeping."
My mattress creaked as I assumed Elijah shifted.
"And do you usually engage in conversation while asleep?"
"Occasionally."
"I see," he said slowly, and I could practically hear that he was grinning. "So is that what you were doing just five seconds ago too?"
My cheeks heated, and I knew for sure that he had caught me watching him. I stayed quiet, drowning in my mortification. I guess he wasn't going to spare me the embarrassment after all.
"I wasn't doing anything five seconds ago."
Smart Rowan. Maybe pretending like you hadn't been checking him out, would make him forget that you were.
Elijah laughed softly.
"Then why does it seem like you're trying to hide from me?"
Because that is exactly what I am trying to do.
"I am not trying to hide from anyone," I stated, matter-of-factly. "Now if you would please let me go back to sleep," and die peacefully of my mortification, "that would be great."
I had just begun to think he was going to let me off the hook when he spoke again, his voice now hovering just above my ear. I opened my eyes, the few inches of the distance he had closed taking my mind to a place where it totally shouldn't have been going.
Such as what would happen if he closed the rest of the space between us, and planted that suggestive and beautiful curve of a smile on my lips.
"I could, but I know you would really like to admire me some more." He paused. "While I sleep."
I wanted to melt right through the bed.
"I was not admiring you," I grumbled as that trademark smirk grew, his eyes twinkling with amusement.
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"But you at least admit to sneaking a peek?" With a huff, I sat up, turning on my lamp at the same time. He raised an eyebrow, and I rolled my eyes.
"Your ego is demeaning."
"I prefer the word, becoming"
"It isn't." That was a lie. Oddly, it was kind of a turn-on.
Or maybe it wasn't that odd.
He grinned.
"Don't worry, I didn't mind. I can't blame you for finding me irresistible."
"You are impossible," I said, grabbing my pillow and swatting him with it. A loud laugh escaped his lips, and he grabbed the pillow and hit me back. Although much lighter than I had hit him. I started laughing as well at the ridiculousness of the entire ordeal. When we both calmed down, I swiped the pillow that he had been laying on, resting my head on it.
"Hey, I believe that is mine."
"Well, this is my bed," I said, closing my eyes. When he didn't respond for awhile, silence blanketing my ears, I opened my eyes. My cheeks flushed when I met his eyes, finding him watching me calmly.
"Are you okay?"
"Yes, I am. I have never been better." He ran a hand through his hair, and my fingers itched to do the same, but that would have been weird, so for obvious reasons, I kept my hands to myself. "I haven't slept that well in a long time."
"Maybe because you were hogging the bed," I mumbled, not entirely being serious.
That part hadn't been so bad.
He fixed his gaze on me. His expression was softer than it had just has been and he shrugged. "Maybe, but I don't think that was it though." I bit back a smile, staring at my hands. "Can I ask you something?"
I looked up, getting caught up once again in the pools of honey.
"Yes."
My breath caught when he reached out and brushed a curl from my face.
His fingers lingered on my cheeks, the touch waking up my body in all the right places. His eyes roamed over my face, and I waited. He opened his mouth, his eyes studying me and filled with something that had me holding my breath.
Tell me you feel the same. Tell me you want this as much as I do.
"I was wondering if you remembered that you had to pick up an extra shift on Thursday?"
I searched his eyes, trying to keep the dejection down as I nodded slowly and laid back down, his hand falling away.
"Yes, I remember. That was why I had been looking at you, I was trying to wake you up, but you weren't budging."
Why was it so hard for me to just say how I felt?
"So, what does that mean for you?"
"I don't know," I shook my head as I stared up at the ceiling. "The thing is, I remember talking to you about me needing to remember that I had an extra shift last night, but I don't remember Mrs. Reyes asking me herself. I remember meeting up at the Cafe with everyone last night, but the details of it are all hazy."
I glanced at him, to see him nodding. "So, you don't really remember it yourself, you just remember us talking about it last night?"
I nodded my head, unable to speak as my throat tightened. I wasn't sure if I had gotten anywhere. The truth was crushing. We had done everything for nothing.
"Maybe it was a bad idea for me to help you plan," he said after a while. He glanced away when his phone vibrated, my eyes following. With a grimace, he turned his phone off running a hand down his face.
Even though I was curious as to why he seemed so agitated all of a sudden, I said nothing, instead, focusing on what he had just said. His words wrapped around me, disappointment stirring. I couldn't keep the hurt from rising inside of me.
I didn't regret that he was here with me right now. Did he?
I sat up, trying to keep a frown off of my face. "Why do you think that?"
His eyes stayed trained straight ahead as I prepared myself for him to confirm what I had been afraid of earlier. I was a basket case. Maybe he was finally realizing it.
I kept my face impassive when he looked at me, yet for some reason, his eyebrows furrowed and he shook his head. Elijah nudged my hand, tingles ran up my arm when my downcast eyes raised upward.
"Not like that."
Not like that...
"Well, what did you mean it like?"
He sat up straighter and faced me. "I just feel that maybe the fact that I helped you plan, I might have messed everything up a bit."
I said nothing, the words a relief, and freeing me from the captivity of weariness. Of doubt.
"How would you have messed it up?"
"Well, you aren't sure if you remember having to pick up an extra shift because you talked to me about it, or because you haven't lost your memory left. I just think it would have been more clear if I hadn't helped you so that you could tell. Not because I regret having stayed."
I shook my head. "It's okay, not every experiment leads to answers." Silence fell between us again, and we stayed laying there, not saying anything before my eyes widened as I realized something. "Wait, I think we discovered something though."
"What is it?" he asked confusedly.
"Well, even if I don't know why I remember being asked to take an extra shift on Thursday, I remember our conversations," I said gesturing in between us.
He gave me a lopsided grin. "As much as I love the fact that you look really happy right now, I am not following you."
My smile only grew as he watched me sleepily.
"Usually, after I remember someone, it takes a little while for my memory to catch up and retain the conversations that the person and I may have had. But with you, I guess everything is different. I remember all of you, not just what you look like, and what your name is."
Realization crashed upon his features and he smiled, his teeth showing, and his eyes filling with light. "Well, look at that. I guess we did find an answer then."
I couldn't hold in my laugh when he moved to lay back down, only for his head to hit the bed hard. His pillow was still at the end of the bed where I had swiped it, and I tried to contain my laughter at the confused expression on his features.
"I forgot you took my pillow," he muttered.
"Sorry, but you deserved that for trying to embarrass me," I said and scooted the pillow I was lying on in between us. "Here."
Elijah shifted his body and laid down on it. I sat up on my knees and leaned over him to grab my pillow.
"You shouldn't feel embarrassed for realizing how outstanding I am. It is just a well-known fact."
I just shook my head with a smile, laying down on my back. When I turned my head towards him, our faces were closer than I expected, causing my breath to falter. I closed my eyes. Even though I could no longer see him, his presence was enough to keep my breathing from evening out, and my mind clear.
It didn't help that the more I was around him, the more I wanted to know more. The more I wanted to learn everything. To remember everything.
"Elijah?" I heard myself whisper before I had a better thought to keep my mouth shut.
"Yes."
I swallowed. "What's your story?"
There was a pregnant pause, and for a moment I wondered if I had overstepped. It was a small question, but the foundation behind it was monumental.
He had repeated the same words to me before. I hadn't had the chance to reciprocate them, but I wanted to know. I wanted to know what lay hidden in the depth of his eyes. I wanted to know what it was that allowed clouds to roll in his eyes one moment but bring forth a smile the next.
"Culinary school."
I let out a breath.
It wasn't an answer I had been expecting to hear, but the words caused my chest to warm. My eyes opened, drowned in rivers of hazel.
"Culinary school?"
He nodded, a lock of hair falling into his eyes. I clenched my fists to prevent my hands from pushing it back.
"If I tell you a secret, promise you won't tell?" He asked after he swallowed. I tilted my head, laughing. "I am serious. You have to pinky promise that you won't say anything."
"Isn't that only what children do?"
"Be a child with me for a moment."
I took in the crinkle of his eyes, deciding that I liked this version of him way better than the one that was mad, as I rolled my eyes, holding out my pinky.
"Fine, but I thought only children did this."
He extended his finger, wrapping it around mine.
"No, I like to think that pinky promises still hold their strength even as you get older. The belief gives me security and normality in a world where everything is changing."
That had been deep.
I raised an eyebrow, eager to hear the story behind his confession. "Well?"
He took a breath, shifting as to get comfortable, and drawing him closer.
"Once upon a time, I was trying to go to culinary school. " He shrugged as if what he said had no weight, but I almost dropped my fork. The image of him in a chef's apron, cooking, and looking all professional, was very appealing.
"Why didn't you go?"
"I don't know. Things change." He said it like it was nothing, but there had to be something bigger than he was letting onto. "Life gets in the way of what you want sometimes." His expression went dark, and I wanted to ask what he was thinking about, but didn't.
Instead, I just nodded my head. I knew exactly what he meant. We all had our own personal demons.
The image of him adorned in chef's clothing popped up in my mind, and a funny feeling formed in my chest. I doubted that there was anything he wouldn't look good in.
He smiled, and if I wasn't mistaken it almost seemed as if it was done out of nervousness. "What?"
"I'm just surprised. I would have never thought that was what you wanted to do."
"What do you think I would want to do?"
I shrugged, unsure now that I was speaking. "I don't know. I just pegged you as more of the law or business major type. You know mysterious and brooding."
"You think I'm mysterious?"
His voice was playful, the smirk on his face, making me realize that I had slipped up with my word choice. He hadn't needed to know that.
"I didn't say it was a good thing," I said in jest, hoping to regain some of my ground.
He smirked "Something tells me that it is," he said as he could see straight through me.
I just rolled my eyes again.
Maybe. But I wasn't going to tell him that.
"I think Law was the right choice for me. It might not have been my go-to, but my parents were so damn thrilled when Carter chose it. After we lost him I felt as if I needed to fulfill that legacy somehow. No mystery here." My heart hurt at the pained look in his eyes, but he blinked and it was gone.
I thought about his words before responding. He was wrong. There was still so much that laid uncovered, beneath layers and layers I wanted to unveil. But the blank expression in his eyes and the heaviness in his voice warned me against prying too deeply.
Some wounds needed more time to heal than others.
"Well," I finally said after a little while. "I think that if the culinary school is still on your mind, then you should think about doing something with it."
Elijah smiled, and the pressure on my chest eased. "You have that much faith in me already? I haven't even cooked for you."
I shook my head. "Not true, You made those pancakes and those were amazing."
"Sweetheart, anybody can make pancakes."
He had a point.
"Not everyone can make them as good as you."
A husky laugh fell from his mouth. He was just about to say something else when a ringing noise rang through the air. Elijah turned, reaching toward my nightstand and bringing his phone out of his pocket.
"Hello?" I watched silently as his eyebrows raised. "Cole, slow down. What's going on?" Elijah stilled, and I sat up, the tension lining his body gaining my attention. "Okay, I am on my way."
Ending the call, he stood, grabbing his t-shirt off the edge of the bed.
I lifted to my knees, assessing his quick movements as he glanced around the room. "Hey? What happened?"
"I have to go. One of our teammates got in an accident. They took him to the hospital."
A pit formed in my stomach. Although his eyes remained clear, I heard what he didn't say or show. I said nothing as I stood up, making a beeline for my closet, to find my shoes and a coat. I had just pulled on sweatpants over my shorts when from the corner of my eye I saw Elijah still. I looked at him, seeing his puzzled expression and tilting my head.
"What?" I asked as I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, making my way over to my dresser in search of my contacts container. I spotted them near the edge, opening the left cap, and leaning into the mirror so that I could put them in.
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