I woke up cloaked in a blanket of warmth.

The kind of warmth that reminded you of a day in spring, when the sun was out just enough to leave but a gentle kiss on your skin as it welcomed the beauty of newly budding life. It was a sensation I never wanted to depart from, leaving me groggily wishing that I could stay where I was for a lifetime.

With a deep breath, I splayed my fingers out against the surface I was lying on, reluctantly preparing to get ready for the day ahead. Eyes still closed, I inhaled slowly, not moving for a minute more.

It only took a second to realize that my bed had morphed into a hard and sturdy plane.

What...

I definitely was not laying on a pillow.

I scrunched my nose, vibrations beginning to run through me as a husky hum fell upon my ears. My blood ran cold as my mind went blank.

It was awake.

My muscles tensed, my body going rigid as I took in the fact that I wasn't alone. My surprise only increased, a surprised breath escaping my lips when I peeled my eyes open. Oceanic orbs of gold and green watched me amusedly, shining above a relaxed smile.

It was a person.

I took in the position we were in, my head resting on his chest, and my arms draped around his waist. I was cradled between him and the couch, one of his arms resting on my lower back, and our bodies pressed together. Our legs were intertwined making us an entanglement of limbs.

Albeit a very comfortable one.

What was worse...

I was clinging to him. Full-on, teddy-bear style, 'I don't want to ever let go,' type of clinging.

Lifting my chin, I searched his eyes, the haze from having just woken up slowly disappearing as the brevity of what was happening finally crashed down upon me. A lazy smile greeted me, as tired yet awake eyes watched me steadily.

I had slept on the couch.

With Elijah.

Maybe in another universe, I would have felt awkward. But since that wasn't the world I lived in, all I knew was panic. All I could acknowledge was the fear that ran through me as the fog that lingered in parts of my mind obscured my memory of the night before.

While I had a pretty good memory of Elijah coming home with me, I couldn't figure out if something else happened between us. If there was more than just watching tv that had been involved, and a different form of sleeping had occurred.

Something that I didn't think I would have consented to just yet. Even though I had respect for what any girl chose to do with her body, I had my own reservations.

I swallowed. I didn't even know what I didn't remember.

"Considering that I live with Cole, who can be quite insane, I have woken up to a lot of interesting things. But someone feeling me up is new."

Maybe I would have found it amusing too if the moment hadn't been seized by my own fear.

My face burst into flames as I slowly untangled myself from him. When I did, Elijah stretched, lifting his arms and causing his shirt to ride up, revealing a sliver of perfectly tanned skin.

I hadn't completely moved off of him yet, and the movement almost caused me to slip off the couch. Fortunately, his hand shot out at the last minute, holding me close to him as our chests aligned and my breathing became heavier.

"Mornin'." He closed his eyes, lifting his chin slightly and allowing me a good look at him. It was a pleasant view t have, his face calm and pacified.

It was a shame that I wasn't able to enjoy it.

"Good morning," I whispered my heart leaping to my throat as I willed myself to think. I pushed up off of him with my hands but stilled abruptly when a dull throbbing ran through my lower hip region. The sensation took me off guard, and I collapsed back onto his chest, my surprise being drowned out by the pain.

What. The. Frick.

That wasn't good at all.

Desperation surged through me, as I racked my brain for even a second of the lost moments from the previous day's events. But I got nothing, and my heart sped up. Elijah's arms tightened around me, and I took a deep breath.

"You should probably take it easy, sweetheart. Especially considering last night..." Elijah trailed off, but not before I had caught the tension and the hardness that lined his words.

Last night?

He craned his head and my eyes shot to his steady gaze. The longer he watched me the more it became filled with questions. His mouth tipped downward, and I felt his arms tighten around my waist.

"Are you okay?"

My mind slowed. He wouldn't look so darned concerned if something had happened and...and I hadn't wanted it right?

I shook my head before nodding quickly.

I wasn't okay.

I needed to know what happened.

In order to do so, I need to calm down.

To think.

To breathe.

I couldn't do that with him wrapped around me.

Pressing my lips together, I pushed up wordlessly. Despite my plethora of breaths, I couldn't seem to get in enough air and the effect was almost dizzying. Part of me reasoned that I would've known if something was different between him and me. I would've known if we had crossed those blurry lines of getting to know each other before a real relationship could even form.

I would know.

My stomach tumbled.

No, I wouldn't.

"I'll be right back," I heard myself mumble, my eyes staying trained on the floor, as the torturous grip of adrenaline caused my lungs to constrict. I made a beeline for my room without waiting for Elijah to respond, simultaneously tugging at my brain for memories.

I remembered going to the party with Skylar and Hayden, but the events of what happened while we were there had been erased. I also remembered that Elijah had stayed, but the reason why was still lost to me.

I tried to conjure up the memory, the possibility that Elijah had something to do with my injury, crippling me from the inside out.

There was no way. I just knew.

Yet still, I had no clue of what all happened last night

I shook my head piecing things together as I walked into my room. With each step, some of my desperation fled. Our clothes were still on, and I remembered him still. That fact was a homing beacon of hope. I latched on to it. If I remembered him, It likely meant that I would also remember if something intimate happened between us.

Even though I knew there was a chance I was just pulling out possibilities in desperation, doing so made me feel less panicked.

Less lost.

When I made it over to my bedside, I pulled upon my drawer with trembling hands, finding my notebook and snatching it up.

My heart pounded as I opened my journal and started reading, my hands shaking as my eyes skinned across the page. With each word my vision blurred, disbelief weighing heavy on my chest. The words I had written were scribbled messily, the sentences falling off the page and swirling in the hollow of my stomach.

Usually, I hated the detachment that I felt whenever I read my memories.

It was a feeling that I was used to, and often unable to shake. It wasn't easy to cope with knowing that every day I was being robbed of vital parts of my life, forever cursed with the opportunity to know of the memories but not experience them.

But this time, this sensation, wasn't nearly as unwelcomed.

I allowed the detachment to consume me, letting it seep as waves of disgust and anger washed over me. My words spoke of the terror in not knowing what was going to happen in wake of foreign hands grabbing me greedily. I didn't know what Blake looked like, but part of me felt like I would know if I saw him again.

Yes. This time I was glad for not being able to remember something. This was my memory, but at the same time, it wasn't. It wasn't a memory I wanted to have.

I felt the fear a second later. What if I hadn't been around other people?

I turned the page, my breath hitching when I read the next lines. Elijah had helped me. I hadn't written much more but I now knew he had driven me home too. I honed in on that, shoving Blake out of my mind.

I would have written it down if something else had happened.

Right?

I slammed the journal shut, hobbling over to my mirror and lifting my shirt. I sucked in a breath, wincing as soon as my eyes fell upon the side of my midsection. Blue and purple bruises painted my waistline, snaking around my lower back and leaving my skin puffy.

It looked even worse than it felt.

Oh, man.

I knew that if anybody else had seen it they would urge me to go to the doctor, and I contemplated the idea, my eyes burning. A second passed before I turned away, reasoning that I didn't need to go. I just needed to stay off of my feet for a few days and then I would be fine.

I took a step gritting my teeth at the sharp sting that now followed my movements.

My head lifted when a low sneeze came from outside my room, reminding me Elijah was still out there. I stared at the door, wanting to cry or at least scream from frustration. I didn't want this feeling. I didn't want the fear that seized my heart each time I forgot something important.

I just wanted to be normal.

I wanted my calmness, my easy mornings, and my happiness back.

With a deep breath, I walked out. Elijah stood immediately when I reentered, extending his head to me. His eyes were serious, the laid-back expression he had once worn traded for tense holders and assessing eyes.

"Rowan," he paused, dropping his hand to his side before speaking again. "Are you sure that you are okay? You looked...hell, Love, you looked terrified. You look terrified of me."

I shook my head, unable to speak for a moment, and a frown pulled his mouth downward.

"I'm not scared of you. I just..."

I took a breath.

Elijah took a step, nodding as if in encouragement. "That's it. Talk to me, Sweetheart."

I sucked in a breath, my throat tightening.

This was the right moment. I just needed to spit it out and ask the question. Even if it would require me to lie to get there.

"Last night...last night I had a few drinks."

I cleared my throat, the pressure on my chest immeasurable.

I couldn't find it in myself to want to lie. I wanted to tell him the truth. I wanted to let the torturous grip of anxiety pass from me, and for a hesitance like this to never rear its ugly head around me again.

He took a step forward, hands extended. "Sweetheart, you need to breathe for me." His shoulders relaxed a little when I did just that. "Good. Now when you are ready to speak, I'm listening."

My eyes closed as my stomach turned.

"Last night I had a few drinks. I didn't think I was drunk but some of last night is hazy."

I lied.

I couldn't tell him just yet.

I took a deep exhale after the words had finally left my mouth, opening my eyes. Elijah hadn't moved either, but I didn't like the look in his eyes. It was almost as if he wasn't sure he wanted to give me the answer to the question I was silently asking.

Sweat turned to sleet on my skin.

No.

I nodded to myself, panic brewing as I buried a hand in my hair. I didn't look at him, keeping my gaze on the ground, and trying to keep the air in my lungs.

Oh frick. Holy heck.

"Rowan, Love, I need you to tell me right now if you remember anything from the party." The tone in his voice caused me to pause, and I looked up nodding. "What is it that you remember?"

"I remember Blake..." I took a step to the side, unable to stand still. "I remember what happened and that you helped me, and drove me home." My voice had become squeaky and I saw the moment he realized what I was going to say before I even said it. "I just don't remember what came after it."

I didn't remember what we did.

I searched his eyes, seeing the realization in them.

"You can't remember what happened after I brought you home?"

Well, technically I hadn't remembered much before that either until just a few moments ago. It definitely hadn't been because I was drunk either since I hadn't had a single sip of alcohol. But he didn't need to know that.

I nodded, swallowing through my fear and doubt, and latching on to the hope. He didn't seem crushed to hear that I hadn't remembered what had happened after he brought me home. He would be more disturbed if something had happened and I didn't remember.

"Did we do anything?"

"No, we didn't," Elijah said in one quick breath. A distressed look crossed his features. "I promise that nothing happened."

Guilt crept up, and I shook my head, wanting the panicked expression on his face to go away. I could see it in his eyes that he was telling the truth. Some people were just good answers, but I knew that he was all genuine. I felt him in the previous moment that I had been around him and I had awoken to it this morning.

Safety.

I trusted him.

"I didn't think we did anything," I whispered, nodding my head. "I trust you. I just had to make sure." He didn't move, caution lining his body and I took a step forward, every muscle relaxing as the seconds passed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to throw all of that on you, but I had to make sure."

"As you should have," he answered with a nod. "Are you sure that you are okay? I can leave..."

"No." I shook my head, lowering my voice. "No, it's okay." I met his eyes.

He still didn't move and I took a step forward, showing him that despite my rapid heartbeat I trusted him. I just needed a few minutes to calm down.

"I'm sorry," I murmured after a second. "I don't know why I freaked out that much. I really do trust you."

"You don't have to apologize," he said softly. "I get it ."

"I nodded. "You can sit back down if you want."

He sat slowly, gesturing to me. "Are you still in pain?"

I winced when I bumped my hip on the side of the couch, as I scooted over, giving him my answer. He rested his arm on the back of the couch, just shy of my shoulders.

"I'm fine. I can barely feel anything." I said, brushing the pain off, with a wave of my hand.

It was a scary thing to know I'd been in a position like that and didn't even remember it. I was going on the sole trust that I had written down everything that had happened and hadn't left out a part that was potentially more serious.

"How much of what happened with Blake, did you see exactly," I mumbled, doing my best to make it seem like I was asking just to ask, and not because I was trying to figure out the severity of what had actually happened.

"I saw him touching you. It was enough."

I glanced up catching Elijah's thunderous expression

So we had been out in the open.

Blake would probably not have tried something more severe with a whole bunch of witnesses present.

"I'm sorry that I didn't get there sooner. Before you got hurt. It was like everyone was making an effort to put themselves in my damn way as I tried to get to you."

My eyes blurred.

"There is no reason to apologize," I told him. "Not when you were trying to help me."

He chuckled, but it was short and dry, and his eyes were still trained ahead.

"I obviously didn't do much if you can't even walk without wincing." Elijah sighed heavily, "I also shouldn't have gotten mad at Hayden," he finished tensely, an edge to his words.

"Why did you get mad at..." I trailed off, biting my lip and suppressing my question. "I mean are you guys okay now?" I tucked a strand of hair behind my ears, as he watched me for a bit too long. For a minute I wondered if he somehow knew that I was a fake. I shifted nervously and then grimaced at the discomfort of the position.

"You can lay down if you want," Elijah said, motioning to me with his hand. "And yeah we are good."

I nodded, thankful that I was going to have to potentially choose between him and my best friend, before eying the space beside me.

Even though it would be way more comfortable not to be sitting upright, the only way for me to lie down would be for us to get close again. Or for me to lay my head in his lap. Both things I wasn't particularly against doing but wasn't sure I would be able to think straight being that close to him again.

"I think that sitting up might be better for the pain." I shifted, with a wince.

Yep definitely not true.

"Really? Because you look like you are in a lot of it." He shook his head with a grimace. "Please don't pretend like you are okay if you aren't. Don't do that again." He moved a throw pillow that was on the back of the couch, to his lap. I guess I didn't need to hide my pain if he already knew anyway. "Or I can move, and you can lay down if that's what you want."

"No," I said a little too quickly. "Don't get up." I took a deep breath, trying to will myself to chill out. I mean all I was going to do was lay down. It wasn't even anything remotely romantic considering the circumstance behind it.

I shifted slightly, leaning on my hands before I laid down on the pillow face up. I gritted my teeth as soon as I did, sharp pain lacing through my waist. I knew it was probably from the uneven elevation my body was positioned in.

Frick...

Elijah muttered something I didn't make out, helping me sit up, as I sucked in a breath. He then moved the pillow so that it was on the couch. "Try that." I laid back down, the angle significantly more comfortable. When I was situated his hand extended, wiping away the tears that lingered at the corner of my eye, before grasping one of my curls gently, wrapping with the coiled lock. around his finger. "Better?"

"Better."

He said nothing, eyes on mine, as he continued to tug on my curls. he let it go once before repeating the motion. I released a tiny breath, as my cheeks heated.

"Should I get you some more ice, or maybe painkillers?"

I nodded silently. The look of concern and care in his eyes was so strong that my chest tightened. He could be with anyone, doing anything at that moment. But there he was with me.

"Ice would be wonderful."

He stood as soon as I spoke, walking briskly to the kitchen. He was back out quickly, with a bag of ice. His hands landed on my wait again, as I turned onto my side so that the ice pack could reach where the pain was the most intense.

"Is that better?"

Yeah, I was better. Way better. And I wasn't talking about the pain.

He didn't remove his hand even after I had found a comfortable position, instead, letting it rest on my hip.

The movement was subtle at first but my skin burst into flames when his thumb began moving in a circular motion. My breathing picked up slightly in speed. The tiny amount of friction from his touch seemed to awaken my entire body. I wondered if he even knew what effect he had on me.

I looked at him. His shirt was rumpled where I had laid on it, but other than that he still managed to look perfect. His hair was perfectly tousled in an attractively messy way, and his eyes were bright, even though his eyebrows were scrunched in a bit.

I cleared my throat when my eyes met his, hoping that I looked calmer and more collected than I felt.

"Yes, I think this is probably more comfortable than sitting up," I breathed, still unable to clearly focus with the feel of his hands on me.