Okay, ten lined-up posts should be enough for this week. Aesthetics, reels and a few tik-toks. I also contacted a couple of bookstagrammers, and they all seemed interested in cooperating. I'm so excited about all this, that I can barely sleep these days. Though, my desire to be the best in class is also the reason. I'm trying to be on top of everything I do and it often turns out as the biggest disaster. Having high expectations I end up disappointed because I'm not reaching the goals I set for myself... Or more like I do, but the timeline sucks and I'm still unhappy. I'm the most controversial person you will ever meet, just go with it. I'm not changing myself, ever.

I put my phone down and look up, meeting Layla's glare. I roll my eyes, leaning my back on the chair and arching an eyebrow at her in question. "Any particular reason that you are watching me like you're trying to jinx me, Professor Snape?"

Her jaw drops and eyes go round, the shocked expression on her face is priceless. She quickly gets rid of it and smacks her lips in an annoyed pout. "You definitely deserve to be Petrificus Totalus, bitch. Comparing me to Snape? Ugh. I hate how much of a smart-ass you are, Mason."

"If I weren't like that, you wouldn't have wanted to be my friend, bitch." I wink at her, and Layla cracks a smile. "What's up with your mood, though? You're way too moody for just being annoyed with me for being on my phone."

"I have my period, and it feels like I'm dying. And flooding. And I fucking hate it." She huffs, and lowers her head on her hands on the table. "Clay made fun of me, telling me how much he loves it when I get so irritated because it's so easy to tease me."

"You sure he made fun of you? Looks like your guy tried to tell you it's okay to be in a mood, he still likes you no matter what."

"Maybe." She sighs, pouting her lips even more. "What are you going to do this weekend?"

"Dunno. I've been thinking about going home. I miss Dad and Smokey. I haven't talked to Colt about it yet, but I don't think it's a big deal if we spend some time apart."

"Maybe I should go with you..." Layla knits her eyebrows together, chewing on her bottom lip. "Are you going to go tomorrow after classes or on Saturday morning?"

"Definitely tomorrow. This way I'll get more time at home, and Dad has a day off. Win-win."

"I'll go with you. I hope you'll find time to chill with me too, it feels like we haven't done anything crazy in an eternity."

"We're dating two best friends' who were known in this area as guys who never date anyone and just fuck around. Sounds crazy enough to me."

Layla bursts out laughing and sits up straight. "That's why I love you, Ava. You're a gem. You always know what to say to me to lighten my mood." She roams her eyes over my face, mischief more and more visible on her face. "Have you figured what you're going to give Colt for his birthday?"

"Have no clue." I shake my head and put my books in my backpack. I'm going back to the dorm as I have a little break between my classes. "I hope to figure it out this weekend."

"We can look together." She stands up and picks up her backpack. "Another reason for us to spend this weekend without our boys."

"Amen to that." I follow her and we both stroll down the hallway, parting ways as she goes to the bathroom, while I head to the exit.

I'm preparing a list of things I need to do while I have this two hour break: cleaning my room, reading one of my assignments, and... I stop in my tracks, just as I'm about to step on the stairs. Layla's words ring in my ears and my heart sinks down to my feet. I hurriedly take my phone out of my pocket, launch the Calendar and stare at it in disbelief and a growing fear. No way!

Rushing down the stairs, I literally run all the way down the street and straight to the pharmacy. A thousand thoughts spiral in my head, as I try to find any explanation. And also make a list of reasons why it can't be right. We were always careful, except one time when I let him fuck me bare... but he came on my ass, I know that for a fact. I don't feel nauseous. My appetite hasn't changed and I'm eating everything I normally do. I don't feel tired or sleepy. I'm my usual self, just a bit nervous because of my classes and my job. That must be it.

Once I'm back in the dorm, I sigh in relief as soon as I see that our room is empty. Jordan must be at class, and it gives me so much needed privacy. I do three tests at once, put them on my bed near me and just wait. I swing my leg back and forth, as I shove a handful of M&Ms in my mouth. These candies always help me to relax, but they have no power over my nervousness now. I'm a wreck, afraid to even think about an outcome I don't want to see. It will be a total fiasco... a fucking requiem to my future. And his future. He's waiting for news from the Sharks, and I can't even imagine telling him I'm pregnant. Hockey and his career mean the world to him... It would ruin everything... and it would ruin us.

My phone dings and I pick it up, opening a message from my dad. He sent me a picture of Smokey, laying on my bed. My eyes sting with unwelcome tears, as I send him a message to let him know I'm coming home tomorrow. He's my rock, and I can trust him with anything... but I have no idea how he's going to react if I end up being knocked up. Just as I see my dad typing a message to me, my alarm starts ringing. I glance sideways at my bed to see the results. Well... fuck... I'm pregnant.

Plopping myself down on my bed, I curl into a ball and cry. It's so pathetic, but I feel I need it. To release this tension, to regulate my emotions and reduce the level of stress. I want to be a small little girl, who's only trouble was my dad not knowing how to braid my hair. Each new thought I have is more disturbing than the next. He's going to leave as soon as he graduates... and it will be the end of us. No matter what I decide to do, it will be the end for Colton and me. I can't see any happy ending, no matter how much I'm trying to stay positive. It's not working.

📱: hey. can we meet? it's important.

📱: hey. i need to see u.

📱: hey. u'r going to be a dad.

God! I'm ready to scratch my skin! My eyes are puffy, and my mind is a fucking muddle. I feel like I lost the ability to think straight, or think in general. As if someone turned off the switch and I turned into the stupidest bimbo in the world. Talking to Colton is a must. We're in this together, and I want him to help me to make a decision. I don't want him to tell me what to do, but I want to hear his take on this fuckup. He promised me that we would be careful and I trusted him. Like an idiot.

The door swings open and startled, I jump, hurriedly scrambling to collect my things, pressing them to my chest. Jordan freezes in the doorframe in stupefaction. She rakes her gaze over me, twisting her lips as if she's looking at the most disgusting insect. Yeah, yeah, the news about me being Colton's girlfriend made everything even worse than it was. She envies me and hates me altogether.

"Didn't expect you to be here." She hisses, stepping forward and closing the door behind her. "Don't you have class in twenty minutes?"

I look at my phone screen and curse. Dammit! I was so deep in my misery so I stopped paying attention to everything else. She's right indeed, I need to leave now to be on time for my next class. I hop off my bed, shove my things in my backpack and saunter to the door. "Thanks for the reminder."

Jordan narrows her eyes on me, pinching her eyebrows together as she finally takes in my look. "I think you should look at yourself in the mirror before you go anywhere. Colton doesn't deserve his girlfriend to embarrass him with how she looks."

"You're as kind as always." I shut the door behind me and head to the bathroom. Washing my face is the only thing I'm going to do. Not that I have time for anything else.

🏒✨🏒✨🏒

The next few hours fly by in a flash. Miraculously I was able to focus on my studies, not letting my personal life and my problems catch me in a trap. I even started smiling, talking to one of my classmates when he made a few jokes about one of our professors. It did me a lot of good, and I was ready to kiss him just for helping me to ease my mind. A good cry had a soothing effect also, and I feel as if I'm close to my normal state. My mind has stopped being a puddle, and now even produces more and more ideas on how I should handle this situation.

I'm on my way to my dorm, when I pull my phone out of my pocket. It's 5pm, and I'm racking my brain trying to remember if Colton has any plans for today except his practice with the team. Probably not, because otherwise he would have definitely mentioned it to me. He always gives me heads up if he won't be able to see me.

I want to drop my stuff at my room, take a few things with me and go to his place. I'm a week late, so we definitely have time to discuss what we're going to do about my pregnancy. A conversation like that is not something you talk about in public, so privacy in his apartment is exactly what we need.

The second I come closer to my room, I hear the music blasting. Jordan is here, and I sigh, rolling my eyes in exasperation. Next year, I will do anything to change my roommate... if I will be there next year. Ava! Stop thinking about bad things, we're focusing on good things! I shake my head and open the door, ambling inside.

I go to my closet, pull a few things from it and shove them in my backpack. Then I edge to my desk and put the books I won't need on it, turning around and walking to the door. Suddenly the music stops and I turn my head to look at my roommate. Her eyes are on me, and a smug smile plays on her lips. I furrow my brow, not understanding her reaction. She looks so pleased with herself.

"Leaving already?"

"Like that surprises you." I say, putting my hand on the doorknob. "I'm barely ever in our room, Jordan. You should be happy to have this place to yourself."

"Oh, I'm very happy. Like super-duper knocked up happy."

"Say what?" I wheel around and peel my eyes to her face. The words she chose don't sound like a coincidence.

"You dropped something when you were in such a hurry to leave earlier." No. Please no. I haven't checked my tests even once since the moment I dumped them in my backpack.

"Keep your nose out of my business, Jordan. It has nothing to do with you."

"But it has something to do with your boyfriend. He's going to go pro because he's a very talented hockey player, while you are going to ruin it for him." My cheeks bulge with anger and I'm ready to fucking strangle her. "I thought he should know."

What?! "You wouldn't-"

"He wasn't really happy, you know. Dumbfounded. Stunned to the core. Destroyed." She flashes me the fakest smile, as I feel my legs give out. "No one likes when sluts like you try to steal their future."

"Jordan, I swear-"

"I think you should prepare yourself to be a single mom. Or get an abortion. Yeah, better get an abortion. Bringing an unwanted child to the world is the stupidest idea ever." Saying that, she turns her back on me and turns on the music. She's done with this conversation, leaving me seething. I fucking hate this bitch!

I slam the door behind me and stride down the stairs. The state I'm in, I wouldn't have wished on anyone because it's honestly a fucking apocalypse. That idiotic bitch had no right to tell Colt about my pregnancy, she had no right to reveal my secrets! I'm so fucking furious that I barely see where I'm going, tugging harder on my backpack. I want to cry. To scream. To punch something. All at the same time... but I also want to see him and talk to him. Just like I have this calming effect on him, he does the same to me as well. Even if he doesn't really realize it.

I hear a car horn and freeze, seeing a guy twisting a finger at his temple and staring at me. Dammit! I lift my hands in the air and mouth 'I'm sorry'. He rolls his eyes and drives away, probably thinking I'm a careless imbecile, who wants to die in my youth. I clench my jaw, resuming my walk and banning all thoughts about my bitch of a roommate and her behavior.

Opening the door of Colt's apartment, I quickly take my sneakers off and hang my leather jacket on the hanger, putting my backpack on the floor. I go to the living room and plop myself down on the couch, closing my eyes. What a freaking disaster! I can only imagine his reaction when that Barbie told him about my pregnancy... or even worse shoved my pregnancy test in his face. Ugh, Jordan, I hope you rot in hell for real.

My eyes snap open and sit up abruptly. Wait a minute, wait a damn minute! I scurry back to the hallway, pull my phone out of my backpack, unlock it and stare at the screen. He knows... he knows and he hasn't called me. He hasn't texted me. He did nothing... not even a single message asking me to come to his place so we can talk.

I look at the time, calculating in my head when his practice should be over. Usually he's already home at 7pm, and I don't think tonight should be any different. Though the tiniest voice of doubt prowls inside my chest, making it hard for me to breathe fully. I shoo it away trying my best not to worry yet. There could be an explanation. I don't know when she talked to him, maybe he was on his way to practice already. It could be anything, honestly. At least I want to believe he cares enough about me not to leave me like this.

At 7:40 I'm on the verge of delirium. I pace back and forth between his living room, his kitchen and his bedroom. My throat is full of pricks and needles, and even my fingers are trembling. The fury I felt is replaced by my fears. My insecurities. I'm slowly dying on the inside without him. I take my phone from the couch, dialing his number, I press my phone to my ear and hear a mechanical voice, announcing to me that he sent me straight to voicemail. Well... double fuck. He's not coming home, is he?

Counting to ten, I whirl around and go to his bedroom. I have too many things at his place, and I need to get them all. I don't want to leave even a trace of my presence in this suddenly cold apartment. I don't want to cry or anything. I'm not the type to ruin the place either. I'm calm as fucking Stefan Salvatore with his emotions turned off. Like this whole situation implies I should be crying, throwing a fit, yelling, but it would mean I care... and I don't. I trusted someone once, and they betrayed me. He promised to be different, but he's just the same.

Do you know what is pathetic though? I stayed at his apartment till morning. I still waited for him. For him to come home, for him to call me, to send me a fucking message. Anything. But I heard nothing. Yes, he couldn't know for sure I was pregnant after Jordan spilled my secret, but he could have asked me. And he didn't. He left me on my own.

Closing the door to his apartment, I go down the stairs. I slept a fucking hour on his couch in the living room. I look like a zombie, but I don't have even an ounce of emotion in me to care about it. It's barely 8am, when I drag my feet onto the campus. My backpack is ready to explode with all my things, and I also have another bag, pressed to my chest as I head inside the building.

"Ava?" Looking over my shoulder I see Ms Lewis. "What are you doing here so early?"

"I want to go home after classes." I mumble, as she lines up with me.

She frowns, her deep blue eyes wander all over my face. Yeah, I'm far from being a beauty today. "Are you okay?"

I continue staring at her as if I'm in some sort of daze. She's the only adult I have when I'm not home, even if it sounds weird as fuck. We have become close because of all the books we talked about, because of all the hours I spent studying in the library... I blink and shake my head.

"No. I'm not okay."

Ms Lewis sighs, grabs my hand in hers and drags me down the stairs. She heads straight to the car, opens the door and only then releases my hand. With one purpose only - she takes my things from me and ushers me inside her car. I slip inside, buckle the seatbelt and wait. I have no idea what she has in mind, I have no idea what I'm doing but I let her.

Starting the engine, she sneaks a glance in my direction. "You're skipping school today. You'll need to check with a classmate to get the missing assignment though."

"Okay." I nod my head, and pull my phone out of my pocket. "Where are we going?"

"I'm taking you home." She smiles at me, and I quirk an eyebrow. "Though I will need your address."

I snort, tell her my home address and quickly type a message to my classmate. Before I hide my phone back in my pocket, I block his number. I don't care what his reasons are. I don't want to have anything to do with traitors.