Jayden's POV

When Anna brought the wrong file for me for the second time, I refrained from shouting at her but I couldn't stop myself from slamming my fist on the desk.

The pen on the desk falls off as she scuttles backward in fright.

First, it was a white coffee and now she is bringing the wrong file for the second time. 

Is today meant to be a bad day for me?

Isabella did hers when I was getting ready to come to work by asking me the silly question of who Helena was. How dare she? She has no right to ask me who Helena is.

I don't know how she got to know about Helena and I don't care to know. I am just mad at her for bringing up the topic of Helena.

She has no right to do that. Because I am being civil with her doesn't mean she can ask me personal questions. Is it because I also asked her personal questions?

"I'm sorry, sir", she apologizes immediately, fear flashing in her eyes.

"Sorry?" I growl out in frustration. I have been doing all I can to stop myself from transferring my aggressions but she keeps doing the wrong thing.

"I'm truly sorry, sir", she apologizes again, bowing down slightly.

To be honest, I am tired of Anna. She isn't efficient. She is just trying to meet up so she can continue being my Assistant. 

All I want from her is to leave this job on her own free will. I don't want to fire her but from the look of things, I might end up doing that if this silly act continues.

"I asked for Johnson's file", I try not to raise my voice. "Johnson not James."

In response, she bows again and turns back to head out. I watch her go in a hurry while I puff out air and throw the file on the table before leaning backward on my chair.

I twirl around, my mind going back to what happened this morning.

Isabella asked me who Helena is.

What the hell! How the hell did she know about Helena? Who told her about Helena? What gave her the confidence to ask me about her?

I curse silently, squeezing my eyes shut and letting the memories come.

Helena was the most beautiful woman I have ever set my eyes on. She was the most reserved and kind woman and it made me love her.

She wasn't as inquisitive as Isabella, even though I find some similarities between them. She barely asks me questions but whenever she does, she wants complete honesty.

It was hard to lie to Helena because she was an honest woman. She doesn't lie and I call her an angel because angels don't lie.

Unconsciously, I ball my first and my breathing becomes heavy.

I killed her. I killed my woman. 

We didn't make it to the altar. We lost the baby too. I didn't get to see our baby and what she will look like. 

Hot tears sting my eyes at the reality of losing the memories of the people who mean so much to me. I can't remember the last time I thought of Helena this much.

It was always brief ever since Isabella came into the picture and that was because I always had something to compare between the two women.

Even though I am still trying to heal, am I supposed to let go of all the memories? Both bad and good? Both sweet and sour?

Isn't this supposed to be the punishment for my atrocities? Am I not supposed to wake up every morning with the memory and go to bed every night with it too?

After all, I am responsible for her death.

I hear a knock on the door but before I can grant her permission to come in, she opens the door and enters.

I face her, trying so hard to hide my emotions by pushing back the tears threatening to fall at the remembrance of the woman who almost became my wife and the mother of my child.

"This is it, sir", Anna stretches another file towards me. She doesn't look shaken and I am beginning to think she did that on purpose.

Instead of taking the file, I study her. She was practically shaking all over the other time and now she is composed. She doesn't look scared either. 

"Sir?" She peers at me.

Quickly, I take the file and dump it on the floor before letting the swivel chair swing me around again. 

I face the transparent window, letting my gaze move from one object to the other as I try not to think of my past anymore.

I have been having difficulties sticking to one decision for these past two years; thinking about everything that has to do with Helena or trying not to think about it. Maybe it will make me heal faster.

Sometimes, I believe I am healing or I have healed a lot but other times, it still hurts badly and I feel healing is still far away for me.

Will Helena ever forgive me?

Apart from causing her death, I didn't stick to our promise and now I am regretting it. I made a promise to remain celibate for life and not get married but here I am with a woman who does nothing other than pry my affairs as my fake wife all because I want to impress the public and have my mother stop pressurizing me.

But all of this is for a while. This is the only reason why I don't let the thought bother me so much.

The union between Isabella and I will be for just a year and after that, I will be free again and will have no cause to ever get married again or find myself doing something against my vow of celibacy.

Helena deserves the honor. Even in death.

"Boss?" I am pulled out of my reverie by Anna's low voice. I turn back quickly, realizing that I didn't hear the door open and close which means she is still waiting in my office.

What for?

"Yes?" I raise a questioning brow, wondering why she is still here.

She scratches her head nervously and begins to pull at the hem of her skirt. She is wearing a straight black skirt and a blue top.

Ever since I took Isabella as a wife, I have been paying more attention to people's dresses including my employees, especially the ones I have business with on a daily basis, just like Anna.

This is something I never did when Isabella was still my Assistant but ever since I chose her to be my wife, I have changed. 

In fact, I pay more attention to whatever she wears now than ever. She has changed too. 

Her dressing pattern, I mean.

"There is something I would like to talk to you about", she mentions to my hearing, rubbing her hands together and looking nervous.

I suddenly feel sick. 

Not because of how Anna is acting but because of what I have been thinking about all morning.

Helena.

I barely fall sick but ever since she died, anytime I think about her for too long, I always feel sick.

"What is it?" I ask her calmly, leaning forward in my chair.

I should probably go home early today, I say inwardly. Immediately I say that within me, I remember Isabella will be home in no other room than mine.

There were times when I needed to be alone to wallow in self-pity and force myself to sleep. Maybe I would feel better the next day but those were days when I was single and alone in my room with no one to disturb my peace.

I doubt if that will be possible tonight. I need time alone to get over this feeling. I can't fall sick now. At the moment I have a lot to deal with.

"Is it part of my responsibility as an Assistant to run errands for your wife?" She blurts out and I lift my head to stare at her green eyes.

"I mean, doing things for her like shopping, grocery shopping, and…"

I stop her with a wave of my hand. I am amused by the question but I am not in the right mood.

I have been expecting the question and here it is now.

"Do you have any problem doing all these things?" I ask indifferently.

"No, sir", she replied sharply. "But…"

"No buts", I cut her short. "If you have any issues doing any of the things I send you to do for me or my wife, then you know the right thing to do."

She falls silent.

"If that will be all, you can go, I have a lot to do", I say in dismissal as I pick up the file she just brought. 

I should work on it. 

Yes, I should. Even if I want to leave for home early today, I should work on this file before I do that.

She turns back slowly and finds her way to the door. From my peripheral view, I see her watching me from the door before she opens it and moves out.

The moment I hear the door slam shut, I exhale deeply and drop the file again.

I just need a moment to myself. A few minutes to brood before getting back to work.

Just before I could swing my chair backward again to think, the phone rings, and I curse loudly before getting up and hitting my fist on the desk in frustration.

I miss her.

Helena!

****

Is the past back to haunt him? Have you ever had an experience that left you traumatized for years?

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