Lucas eventually left last night and my dad yelled at me for a bit about lying to him before he gave up and hugged me. Then headed off to bed. I woke up hoping it was all just a really horrible dream, but when I saw my dad again this morning, I was reminded that, no, my worst nightmare came to light just ten hours before and that even after the end-of-high school pregnancy and lack of medical school attendance, I only just disappointed my father for the first time in my life.

Breathe, Allie. That was a mouthful.

But, just as Tom Greenfield is known as a good guy around town, that's true for his character at home. He hugged me and told me not to be stupid.

Then Jadon asked why I was stupid while he ate his breakfast.

So... Did I grow lady balls and tell Jadon at the end of it all?

Of course not.

That has to happen over time. He needs to be eased into it. Not just thrown into this huge life-changing... well, change.

We pulled into the parking lot at the school and I took Jadon into the office with me until it was time for the tour of the third daycare. John never minded Jadon being there, since he has children and understands the life.

He actually has taken Jadon around the school before to check on the summer classes, which Jadon liked because he felt like he was suddenly important. John said he stood tall and walked through the rows of desks to make sure the teachers were actually teaching and the students were actually paying attention.

"Allie," my dad calls as he walks into the office with Lucas in tow. Ugh. I get it, but I still don't like him. He still has a face that's equal parts needs-to-kiss-a-baseball bat hard and pretty and the pretty part is the worst.

They stop ten feet too close to my desk and dad looks like the flashing bulb is really floating over his head. Usually, that's a bad thing for me.

"Since this is no longer a secret, I am taking my grandson and he will come to help me with drills." My dad picks Jadon up and proceeds to leave the office.

"Not without sunscreen, you're not." I lean down to grab the sunscreen from my bag. My dad has brought him home with far too many sunburns. I toss the bottle to him, which he catches. "I understand you're mad at me still, but you're not taking it out on his skin."

My dad just turns around and leaves without another word. Lucas stayed behind. "What," I ask him, annoyed.

"I'm uh, just wondering, when you want to break the news to him?"

"To Jadon? I don't know. How about never?" Lucas gives me a pointed look. "Fine, how about we have dinner at our house and you can spend some time with him? After he's comfortable with you, we can tell him."

Lucas smiles and nods, but, like, it's genuine-looking and I see too much Jadon right there in that face. "That sounds great. Can I bring him something, like a toy?"

"Uh, yeah? He likes cars, dinosaurs, and trains. Nothing he can easily stick in his nose or ear. Nothing sharp, no weapons, and nothing that makes noise. He never stops with the toys that make noise and they drive me up the wall."

Lucas snickers. That same one that got me to go outside with him at that stupid party.

He turns to leave but then stops. "What time are we going to that tour?"

"I'm leaving at one." Oh right. Great.

"Okay, is it alright that I leave with you guys?"

No. Absolutely not. "Sure." I hate myself.

With that, he leaves, taking that stupid man scent with him and I can breathe again.

I know about psychology. I know if I tell myself enough times that I don't like it, I will eventually believe it. It worked telling myself I hated him all these years, so that stupid Lucas-brand cologne will soon become something that makes me nauseous or maybe give me a much-needed migraine.

I'll give him one thing, though.

He's making it on day one. We'll see what he does when he realizes how much daycare is. I know he's not making it rain with money yet and probably has a lot of school loans to pay off. He's not going to want to pay for childcare on top of everything else.

When one o'clock rolls around, I head over to my dad's office to get Jadon and Lucas. When I walk in, I see my dad is nowhere to be found and Lucas is sitting across a desk from Jadon.

Coloring.

Talking to Jadon, and Jadon talking back to him.

Great. I was hoping this wouldn't be easy on him, considering how hard everything has been on me these past few years.

"Ready to go?" I ask the two of them.

"Yeah, mommy!" Jadon runs over to me with a piece of paper in hand. He holds it up to me. "This is you, me, and Ted, and here's grampa swimming in the lake behind us," he points to a picture at the usual quality of a four-year-old. Without the interpretation, no one could have guessed what it was.

That stupid lake will forever be the bane of my existence every time I think about it. I always make sure to stay far, far, away from that glass house where I met Lucas.

"Wow! This is great. Okay, did you tell Lucas thank you for coloring with you?"

"Thank you, Lucas," he says.

"Hey buddy, it was great! We had fun, right?"

"Yeah," Jadon leans into me getting shy from the direct question from Lucas.

"Okay then, let's get going." I pick up Jadon and we all walk out to the car. Lucas tried to help with getting Jadon into his car seat, but I'm not having it. He needs to take a few steps back before he just jumps right in trying to be super-freaking-dad. I know he doesn't want to piss me off, knowing he's on thin ice with my dad and I hold the metaphorical keys with Jadon.

We get to the daycare, and I will say that I am much more impressed with this one. It has all the necessities and they start with language learning early on. This is, technically, the most expensive one on my list.

Jadon immediately took to the kids playing and some of the teachers while the director gave us a tour. I glanced at Lucas a few times to see how he was taking it. For just having found out he had a kid, he either has the perfect poker face or he doesn't realize this is an unnerving experience.

"And this is where they take naps in the afternoons after lunchtime," the director points to a stack of cots and pillows. I can't remember the director's name—Lucas' fault because I accidentally inhaled his putrid smell— but she's very nice and seems like she knows exactly what she is doing here.

I'm just impressed at how well the kids are behaving right now and that they offer a vegan option for Jadon's diet.

She takes us into her office in the back. "Are you touring any other sites?"

"I did, yesterday, but I'd like to enroll here, actually. I'm just so much more impressed with this facility than the others I saw yesterday. I also appreciate the vegan option. So, if you have time, I can fill out the paperwork now."

"Oh, wonderful!" she says excitedly and starts pulling papers from all kinds of folders stacking them up in front of us. "I'll be right back, I need to grab a few things for you, one moment please."

When she is out of the room Lucas leans over to ask, "Are you sure this is the place? I mean, I didn't get to see the others, and maybe they're just as good, if not closer to work."

I look over at him and try not to emasculate him on the spot. "The first place I went to I spotted an ant in the kitchen, and they only employed the elderly, who couldn't keep up with the kids they already had. The second place would not accommodate for his dietary restrictions and said I would need to pack him lunch and snacks, which, I don't have time for. This place is clean, their incident reports are clean and thorough, and they will accommodate Jadon's diet. In addition to meeting basic standards, they also have programs to help him thrive."

Lucas just looks at me with his brow raised. I'm coloring him speechless.

"I think it would be good for him to learn Spanish, don't you?"

He takes a moment before answering, obviously trying to make sure he doesn't say anything else stupid. "You're right. I'm sorry, I trust your decision. I just wasn't sure if maybe you were trying to rush all of this."

"No, I will always get him the best and hope he gets everything he wants and deserves in life."

The director comes back and I still have yet to recall her name. Regardless of my attention to detail and everything within the scope of making sure Jadon has the best, I still am the worst with names, at times. Especially when Spray of Satan clogs my nasal passages.

"Alright, this is a complete application, schedule of events, and tuition rates. I see you are in the education field, so it's a ten percent discount from the base."

I nod, grabbing the papers to fill out. The director excuses herself to take a call outside while Lucas watches over my shoulder. I'm sure just trying to see whatever I was writing since he knows exactly nothing about Jadon.

I get to the date of birth line and stop, noticing how close he is to my face trying to look at it. "You want to ask me something?"

"I just wanted to see what all I can know about him. When was my son, who you named, Jadon Lucas Greenfield, born? I'm assuming that since it was early April, I believe, when we met, he was born in, what, December?"

"October."

He sits back in his seat. "Wait, what do you mean? That's like..."

"Seven months."

"I thought you women are pregnant for nine months."

"I was in a car accident and he came early. Someone hit me while I was headed to a doctor's appointment and drove off. The impact nearly killed him and we had to be rushed into a c-section."

"Wait, what? Did you ever find out who did it?"

"Nope. I didn't catch the plates and no one else saw the accident. I just saw that the driver was blonde and that was it."

"Wow," he sighs. "Allie, I'm really sor—"

"Save your apologies. I don't need them from you."

He doesn't respond.

"October 19. That's his birthday."

"October 19. Okay. Thank you."

I hand him the papers that require his information such as his phone, work information, address, and so on. He looks at the tuition rates and I saw that look. I saw the oh-my-god-I'm-not-paying-for-this look, and I don't blame him. I'm not asking for him to cover it, I'll be paying for it myself since I have savings built up that I can use for the time being.

The director comes back after being gone for far too long and looks over the paperwork. She asks for the debit card to keep on file, I move to grab mine, but Lucas hands her his card first.

"It's fine, Lucas, I can pay for it."

"I'm sure you can, but I'm going to do this. Don't argue with me on it," he says quietly.

Miss director lady just accepts his plastic card and leaves. Again. She tends to do a lot of leaving strangers in her office unattended. Can she feel the tension in the air, too? Or maybe she doesn't like Lucas, either.

Oh, maybe he has a secret baby with her, too, and she wants nothing to do with him either.

Lucas puts his hand on my wrist and meets my eyes. There is a rush that I refuse to acknowledge zinging through me and my stupid heart isn't getting the memo that Lucas equals mistake.

"You've done enough so far, please let me help. That right there is already a lot of money, and I'm sure insurance, food, clothes, whatever else you've taken care of hasn't been easy. Just let me share some of the responsibility."

I let out a long sigh through my nostrils. "Fine, but when they start calling to harass me about payments and tell me Jadon can't come here anymore because you changed your card number or have insufficient funds, I'm busting up your car." Any excuse to destroy that thing.

Lucas-freaking-Kennedy laughs at that. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you, but don't touch my car."

"You're an arrogant assho—"

"Okay, I put the card on file and ran a test charge on it that went through. We will start billing you next week," the director says coming back into the office.

"Great," Lucas smiles over at the director like some charming guy who doesn't spend his free time impregnating unsuspecting women then shows up acting like the guy that would have been the perfect life partner the past five years.

I need something sweet right now. Or greasy. Or both. And a bubble bath. Maybe a date with Mr. Darcy.

"Well, Allie, is there anything else you wish to ask Ms. Daisy before we leave?" Daisy! That was her name.

"Nope, I'm good. So what's the earliest I can bring him?"

"We open at six, so anytime after that."

"Great, I'll be here around seven."

"Alright, we will see you then," she leads us over to the reading area where an older kid is reading to Jadon. He sees me and immediately runs over to me and jumps in my arms to tell me all about the things he did while he waited. I may not be four, but I sure would have preferred to play with sand than sit way too close to Lucas-freaking-Kennedy.

When we got in the car and started driving back to the school, Lucas turned and had the audacity to ask me another question about my decision-making. "Why are you bringing him an hour before you start work?" He must have sensed the fury building up again. "I mean, I'm just wondering if there's a long process or something when it comes to dropping kids off."

"He may need time to adjust to a new routine, so I may have to stay with him for a while before he is comfortable enough. I also want to make sure they do follow through on vegan breakfast for him."

Also, I need my hot chocolate fix in the morning.

"Oh," he finally seemed to understand. "Is it okay if I come too?"

Why couldn't I give it up to the guy that wouldn't want anything to do with me as soon as he found out we had a kid? Why is this... I don't know. I just don't know how I feel about it.

"Fine."