😗sorry for any mistakes

Tuesday

✨

I have to be at work by 3:45 friend😗

I thought we were supposed to be doing something?

I said tomorrow 🫶🏽

I guess

Semaj lowly sighed, clicking out the thread and putting his phone down. He put his black hood over his head while looking at his teacher cleaning the green dry-erase marker off the board. He turned the volume put on his phone to tune out the annoying voice of the assistant principal doing the announcements.

He was so ready to go but more so less now that he didn't have anything to do. It was Tuesday and usually, he and Sarai do something but things jus' changed in a way.

A way he couldn't honestly explain.

Since she dropped the news of her thinking about going to a school across the country, he felt like she was slipping.

He didn't like it at all.

He was trying to be as supportive as possible but he could admit at times he was faking it. As much as he understood she was doing something for herself and was happy for her picking herself, he couldn't help but feel upset and abandoned.

But he would never tell her because he didn't want to affect her not picking what she wanted.

He knew Sarai wasn't his dad's past girlfriend or his mom but he felt like it would turn out that way. The way Semaj saw it, once she moved she was going to find a new and better life and forget about him.

He kept trying to plan out in his head how they could make their friendship work with her 2,648.7 miles away. He kept getting blanks and the same scenario of them never speaking again.

He's been abandoned lots of times but he felt like Sarai leaving would cut him deeper than anyone else.

She was his sunshine, his peace. Without Sarai, he knew he'll probably be way worse than he is now. Especially with his anger.

He looked around seeing everyone getting up from their seats. He stood up from his seat, grabbing his book bag. He followed everyone out of the classroom into the packed hallway. He maneuvers his way through people, ignoring the looks of Liberty and her friends that were eyeing him and giving him dirty looks from the other side of the hallway.

She was so annoying and loved to put on a front in front of her friends at school. But outside of school without her friends around, she would text him trying to see him or sending him nudes. That only resorted to him blocking her number.

It was uncomfortable, he didn't even get turned on as he used to when she sent them.

He jogged down the stairs, trying to not bump into others. He stepped foot into the bottom hall, his eyes caught a glimpse of Sarai walking out of her class with her new friend Maddison. His heart oddly fluttered at the sight of her smiling.

His heart has been doing that a lot lately.

Not knowing he was now smiling. He was about to walk up to her. His smile soon fell and he instantly felt agitated seeing Santana walk up to Sarai and put his arm over her shoulder.

His right eye started to twitch a little when he saw Sarai giggling with him.

Not knowing he was staring at them walking down the hall until he felt someone tap his shoulder. He broke out of his trance, looking over to see this girl that he's been texting for a few days now. Kamiyah smiled at him, he took his right airpod out when he saw her lips moving but not knowing what she was saying.

"My fault, whatchu' say?" He asked, starting to walk again while putting his airpod in his case.

Kamiyah chuckled "I said what happened to you textin' me back yesterday? You were supposed to help me with Chemistry ugly." She teased, playfully pushing his shoulder.

He chuckled, "How ima help you if I'm struggling jus' like you?" He questioned, glancing over at her.

She pouted "You said you understood the lesson! Jus' be lyin' " She chuckled.

"I didn't say I understood it, I said I took all those damn notes" He chuckled, opening the door out the building, allowing her to walk out first.

She sucked her teeth, throwing her head back "Well your notes can help the both of us. You wanna come over to my house today if you aren't busy?" She smiled slightly, stepping in front of him.

Semaj laughed to himself, hearing the double meaning she was giving. He knew she wanted to fuck, it wasn't hard to tell by that. But Semaj couldn't find himself wanting to do the same.

Don't get him wrong, Kamiyah is a very pretty girl. Her ass caught his attention one too many times when around her.

But Semaj just wasn't there with anyone. He never just stuck his penis anywhere, but he did get his. Right now the way he's been feeling lately, sex was just so uninteresting. He even turned down a threesome on his birthday a few weeks ago even though that's been on his bucket list for years.

He thinks his penis was broken because it was getting unusual for him.

"I can't. I'm supposed to help my pops wit' something today but I'll text you ta' let you kno' something" He told her and she nodded.

He walked towards the parking lot trying to figure out what was wrong with him but he got no answers in his head.

_________________

Semaj yawned, walking into his house. He closed and locked the door before removing his shoes. He grabbed them, going into the kitchen to look for his dad after he saw his truck outside.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw his dad and ms. Gina swayed side to side in the middle of the kitchen while Promise by Jagged Edge played softly in the background. He smiled at the two, he could feel the love between the two.

He never saw his father this happy... ever. He smiled more and started going to church with Ms.Gina every Sunday. You could just feel his aura of a happier person which made Semaj happy. His dad deserved so much and to see him finally get the happiness he deserved was beautiful.

Semaj quietly backed away from the entranceway of the kitchen, not wanting to ruin their moment. He retreated his way to the stairs, jogging up them first. He walked down the hallway to his room.

He closed his door behind him. He walked towards his closet to put his shoes back in their rightful shoe box. In the midst of him taking his shirt off, he heard knocks at his door.

Furrowing his eyebrows "Come in" He said.

"Why you ain' speak when you came in?" Terrance asked after walking inside the room with a frown.

Semaj chuckled "Any other time you don't kno' I'm here but today you know?" He joked, sitting on the bottom of his bed.

"Cus I heard the alarm smart ass" Terrance chuckled. "I thought you told me you and Rayray were doin' something today?" He raised his eyebrow as he leaned in the doorway.

Semaj shrugged his shoulders "She had to work but she said tomorrow but I doubt it. She will probably cancel again." He sighed, actually really sad about it. He knew she just started her new job but it seemed like she found every excuse to not see him beside the times they see each other at school. Or as a group.

They don't have their one-on-one times anymore since the time they had in her car a week or two ago.

He didn't know what he did wrong. He assumed maybe she was still upset with him calling her a weirdo. That made him feel like shit even more than he used something he knew triggered her.

Terrance hummed "Maybe she is going through something. Ask her," He suggested. Semaj just nodded, he would call her but she was just going to decline it like she's been doing all week when he called.

"You believe in love?" Terrance oddly questioned.

Semaj furrowed his brow "Yeah..." He said weirdly, wondering where that question came from

"I'm not talkin' about love you have for me or friends. Being in love, do you believe it?" He raised his eyebrow.

Semaj just shrugged his shoulders again "I'on pops." He admitted. Semaj saw a lot of things for his future but being in love wasn't one of them. He would say he didn't believe in it but he felt like he didn't know what it was.

He thinks he doesn't know the feeling.

"Mm," Terrance hummed. "You kno' all love isn't bad Semaj. You may think it is but it isn't because some love is blinding. Blinding to the point where you miss a lot of signs and visuals. Some may be red flags but no one talks about the green flags of love." He spoke.

Semaj frowned and chuckled a little "Pops, you been drinking? Where is this coming from?" He asked, confused about how a conversation about being in love came about.

"Not yet" Terrance laughed, making Semaj laugh with him.

"But I'm serious son. When you think of being in love, what do you think of?" He questioned.

Semaj looked back at his father and started to think "Peace I guess. Being in love with the person that... inspires you to do more. The person that's been there since day one and never left your side. The person dat brings the better part of you that you didn't see. The person that makes everything better even when having a bad day, their voice or presence. The person that gives you a cloud nine feeling, the person when they're gone you feel an empty feeling inside or when they aren't okay you can feel their pain."

Terrence smiled at how well he was able to express himself with no clue in the world. "You sure do kno' a lot but you have never been in love tho?" He questioned, hoping Semaj would put two and two together.

That hope soon flew away when Semaj replied "No"

Terrence's smile fell from his face. He watched his son be in love with Sarai since he was 10 years old. But his son steady not see it. He would never forget the time Semaj cried in his arms for hours when he was 13 because Sarai almost moved to a different state. He didn't stop crying until Sarai called telling him she wasn't moving and came to spend the whole day with him.

He has never been that emotional over anyone like that. Even when his mom left, he never cried.

He knew it was deeper than him being mad at her abandoning him or him losing his friend. He was scared of losing the one girl his heart truly loved. The girl that's always been there right in his face, the girl that had him wrapped around her little fingers.

The girl his heart wanted but his mind and eyes didn't see it.

He wanted to tell Semaj but when it came to being in love, you had to figure that out on your own. That was a self-realization that he couldn't tell his son. He just had to keep dropping hints in the hope he will see it.

Terrence shook his head "Love is so blinding mane, it be right in front of you. Don't forget the green flags Semaj" He said and left out the room leaving Semaj stuck in his thoughts.

Right in front of you.

_________________

"Ray, put the spoon down befo' I smack you wit' it" Ariyah threatened with her back facing Sarai. Sarai twisted her lips to the side and threw the spoon with the leftover cookie batter on it.

Ari turned around seeing Sarai smiling as if she wasn't doing anything wrong. "Greedy ass" She mumbled, carrying the big silver bowl of cookie dough to the table.

Sarai laughed "You said I can have it!" She reasoned, going to the sink to wash her hands. "No, I said you can have the leftover icing of the cookies, not the dough girl" She fussed with a small laugh.

"Same thing" Sarai muttered, drying her hands with the paper towel. She threw her trash away before grabbing the apron to help Ari.

"This is your day off anyways. Why are you here?" Ari questioned, rolling the sugar cookie dough into a big ball.

Sarai shrugged her shoulders, putting on the size small black gloves "I took someone's shift." She replied, grabbing a hand full of cookie dough and rolling it into a ball. Ari hummed in response "I meant to ask you a week ago, do we get discounts on stuff here?" Sarai asked, putting the ball on the pan.

Sarai had been working at Suga Sweets for three weeks now and loved it. She loved how it felt so good every time she walked inside, everyone was cool and chill. The money was great, she made basically $100 a day since she only worked 5 hours.

She likes Ari, she was like a big sister that Sarai never knew she needed. They related in a lot of situations in life, and she was always nice. At first, Sarai was scared to talk to her because she wanted to keep a professional boss and employee relationship but she was just so easy to talk to.

"Yeah. You didn't know that? You get one free item to take home at the end of the night. But don't be giving anything free to your boyfriend and friends during your shifts" She smirked, putting the dough on the pan.

Sarai scrunched up her face in confusion "Boyfriend? I don't have a boyfriend" She said.

Ari looked at her confusedly "That tall dark skin with the waves I've seen you in here with a few times before. That's not your boyfriend?" She asked. "I always call y'all a couple when I see y'all" She lightly chuckled.

"Ohh my best friend. No, we aren't a couple, I wish tho" Sarai sighed, trying not to think about Semaj right now. She had a good thing going with talking to him less at the moment. But when she saw or heard his name, she was about to fall to her knees.

"You wish? Bestfriend? Oh lord," Ari chuckled "You like him huh?"

"No. I-I love him" She mumbled and sighed again. Ari snapped her head in Sarai's direction "Love? Damn....damn" She pushed her lips together.

"Why don't you tell him?" She asked.

Sarai immediately shook her head no "It's a long story and lots of reasons"

"We got time. It's jus' us back here"

Sarai nodded "First, we have been best friends for so long you kno'? Some people are jus' better friends and I don't want to ruin our years of friendship over it. Then, it's like why would he want me you know? I feel like people get into relationships with people that bring something to the table. I don't bring anything you kno'? And it's like I'm way too insecure with myself to want someone like him. He holds his head up with pride while me, I hang low in the background scared and not wanting to upset anyone" Sarai vented.

"You're a people pleaser," Ari nodded.

"I have to be. Nobody goin' to mess with me if I'm not. I have always been the weirdo girl. The girl who doesn't speak because I'm—I'm too scared to. I got clown for having bad anxiety and not being able to go out with having to leave early because I'm about to have an anxiety attack." Her voice cracked.

"Don't cry." Ari frowned, taking off her gloves.

"I'm sorry. It's—it's jus' hard and so scary. I don't feel like I'm the right person for him. He needs someone who's confident in themselves and—and who can fit his needs and wants. All I can do is cook him a good meal. That's it" Tears started to water her eyes.

Sarai didn't know it but she had so much hate for herself. The hate she had for herself held her back from a lot.

"Come with me" Ari took her gloves off first, then grabbed her hand to walk out the kitchen towards her office. Once getting to the office, Ari made her sit on the couch and closed the door behind them. Ari sat down next to her and pulled her into a well-needed hug.

"It's okay Ray" She rubbed her back. "You gotta stop lettin' your negative mind control you so much babes" She stated.

Sarai started crying at her words, her mom and Carmen always told her that but it was so hard to do so. Sarai looked at life as if life isn't sugars and rainbows but she overdid it without thinking of the positives of every situation.

"I understand it's so hard but trust me, it gets easier. I see my younger self in you so much, it's crazy." Ari chuckled, pulling back from the hug. "I used to have social anxiety too. Mine didn't affect me as much as yours does but I understand where you're coming from." She wiped Sarai's tears away.

"I hate it. I don't feel normal, I hate takin' my meds every morning jus' so I can go to school. I hate when people come up to me. I get nervous and start pinching myself or how I can't vocally participate in class because I stutter too much and—and everyone laughs. I hate how I feel like I'm not good enough for Semaj because— I feel like there's something wrong wit' me. Everyone also made me feel like that" She vented, looking down at her lap.

"Nope, head up." Ari lifted her head. "There isn't anything wrong with you Sarai. You are such a beautiful, sweet-hearted, funny, and smart girl. So what if you have bad anxiety and think the worst at times. It happens but that doesn't mean you have to put her life on pause" She said.

"Lemme tell you sum. I was right in your shoes a few years ago. I used to beat myself down so much, my husband hated it. Trust me, I understand it's easier to think poorly so you don't get your hopes up but babe that's not the way. I kno' it's hard to control it but you have to" She wiped the tears that were falling from Sarai's face.

"Fuck all dem bitch ass— I'm mean, forget all those haters." She chuckled, making Sarai chuckle sadly. She sounded like her dad at that moment.

"People that don't have to deal wit' what you deal wit' gon' hate and try to bring you down regardless. They don't kno' how it feels to be anxious all the time, and until they do, fuck their opinions on you boo." She said. "The people that talk down on you love you the most, I promise. You're goin' to come out on top every time, wit' your anxiety. You can't let their opinions on you control you, Sarai. You can't let miserable high schoolers that don't have a plan for their life control you. You're gonna be living it up big in the next couple of years, so high up that they can't even see you while standing on a ladder" She preached.

"You may think Semaj won't want you because you aren't confident but he never told you that so don't believe it. I used to think the same thing but look at me now. Living my best life with my husband who loves every flaw about me. Taking trips every damn month because we can. If a man wants to, trust and believe he will. And what he won't do, another one will."