I decided on Dijon herb-crusted salmon served with steamed haricot vert and some devil crab boules with beurre blanc sauce.

I went a little fancy. I also made a salad to start. I turned everything off and cleaned up the dishes, floor, and counter space.

Kenzo told me he'd be here within the next thirty minutes. I decided to freshen up, threw on some jeans and a semi-loose sweater.

We've been talking every day while he's been away. We FaceTime and stay on the phone for hours sometimes. Getting closer and closer, so yes it's time to tell him.

My phone buzzed, Kenzo was calling.

"Hey, I'm outside of your building, what number are you? I'll come to you. There are a few people out here, so Tyson and Bo are going to walk me up. "

"It's 1326. See you in a bit."

"Ok." He ended the call.

I've been on edge all day waiting for this moment. This is his first time coming up to my place. Plus I'm telling him about my situation. I'm freaking out, but I need to calm down. This stress is not suitable for my baby. I'll have to be ok with however he reacts.

After finishing up taking a final look at myself, I went outside my door to wait for him. I couldn't wait another minute inside my condo. I was losing it.

I heard laughter coming down the hall from the other elevator. I immediately recognized his voice. He finally got around the corner. His eyes landed on mine. A smile appeared on his face.

"Hey baby, I missed you." He said once he got closer to me.

"I missed you too." I took a step closer to him.

"The phone conversations are never enough, but I'm happy we were able to talk to each other every chance we could." He stared at me, holding a little gift bag in his hand. He quickly hugged and squeezed me, slightly lifting me. I giggled hugging him back.

"Come on inside." I pulled away from him to open the door. He followed behind me. His guards stood at the door.

"Give me those lips. I've been thinking about that kiss. I couldn't wait to get back to this." He leaned in and kissed me slowly while still holding me. I was more than ready to kiss him back.

I still can't get over him calling me baby. He's not moving too fast, I love the paced, but after our conversation tonight I'm sure he'll think about slowing it down. Like way, way down, to the point it's obsolete.

After a few more seconds, we broke apart.

Kissing him is something I never want to end. I genuinely feel like he's sincere about his actions. Like, I feel like he missed me and is starting to catch feelings. He's not some celebrity just spitting games.

"Hi." I waved to the two tall guards at the door behind Zo.

"Adira this is Bo and Tyson. My two right-hand men. —Bo, Tyson, this beautiful lady right here is my close friend Adira. We're dating."

I looked up at Kenzo with wide eyes, surprised. Both of the guards shared a proud expression.

"They're cool, and they won't say anything." He turned toward them, they nodded. "Alright, I'll catch you both later. I'll call or send a text."

They slapped hands as men do. "Nice meeting you." Both of them said to me.

"Same, nice meeting you as well."

"We remember you from the health food store," Bo spoke, earning a nod from Tyson agreeing.

"Yes, that was me." I smiled at them, and they did the same. They left out the door, closing it behind them, leaving us alone.

"Welcome to my home." I gestured for him to come further inside.

He was dressed a thin floral print designer shirt and some teal green dress slacks. The look was very dapper, but simple at the same time.

"It's nice, and I like the way you've decorated. It's fancy. I wouldn't know a thing about decorating. I left that to the women in my family along with some hired help." He looked around, taking everything in.

"Charlotte and I did everything in here. We did her condo across the hall as well."

"Oh, so you two are really close, literally." He grabbed my hands.

"Yep." I nodded, standing in front of him.

"Something smells nice." He placed the gift bag in my hands.

"What's this?" I smiled.

"Open it and see." He gave a little sneaky humorous smirk. I squinted at him.

I proceeded curiously opening the thin tissue papered gift bag. "Kenzo, did you really do this?" I busted out laughing. "Did you seriously get some non-alcoholic Pinot Noir."

"What, I thought it would be a thoughtful gift since you don't drink apparently." He smiled.

"I never said I didn't drink."

"You could've fooled me. —Anyway, I'm starving. Feed me, woman." He pulled me to the kitchen playfully grabbing on to my hips.

I placed the bottle and gift bag on the counter then went ahead and grabbed dinner. Then brought it out to the table. He washed his hands so he could help. We took our seats. He began saying the grace. He looked everything over admiring the table.

"This is nice. I can't believe you did all of this. It smells so good, what's this stuff right here?" He pointed. "I know what everything else is."

"Thank you, and its called devil crab boules with beurre blanc sauce, its crab soup in mini bread bowls."

He moaned. "It even sounds good. I'm trying everything."

"You're perfect. Beauty, brains, and you know how to cook." He added while picking up his fork.

"You're not too bad yourself," I giggled, picking up my fork as well.

We ate dinner enjoying the peaceful quietness. The closer we got to finishing the more antsy and uneasy I became.

We went over to the couch after cleaning up, and he again helped. We sat on the couch he pulled me close beside him to cuddle. He's very handsy, massaging over the back of my hand.

He moved my hair out of my face to the side and kissed my forehead.

He then moved down to my lip, kissing them a few times.

"Your lips are so soft." He caressed my face, rubbing his thumb over my plumped lips. He gazed into my eyes. "You're so beautiful. I'm starting to feel like I got lucky running into you."

I gave him a nervous smile after kissing his thumb. He had sweeping over my lips. I couldn't hide, my inner thoughts, they were sweeping through, my expression told everything at this point.

Holding this news, knowing he's getting closer to me every day is weighing heavy on me. He could be doing anything right now, but he's here with me.

He introduced me as his date, well privately, but still. This train is moving. I need to tell him before it goes too far.

"You're ok? I hate to keep asking you that. —But you seem a little sad about something. Maybe this something is the same something I keep asking about?"

"We need to talk —and it's serious." I slowly sat up straight and turned to face him.

"You're breaking up with me already?" He smiled. I had no smile to give back. My heart was racing.

"Just let me talk and say what I have to say, and then you can speak. You have to let me finish, though." I stared into his eyes.

He sat up straight giving me his full attention. "Ok, I'm listening." He grabbed both of my hands.

I took a deep breath before I spoke. "I don't know how I should start so I'm going to tell you the main things first and then I can go back and fill it in."

He nodded.

"I was in a relationship that ended horribly almost a year and a half ago. It was terrible. I was shattered. I went back to him for sex a few times after. Something I shouldn't have done." I shook my head.

I stopped talking for a second to breathe, preparing myself for what I was dreading to say.

He then interrupted the silence, trying to shed some light. "We all have exes. That doesn't bother me. Nothing's wrong with that, —I do not understand the problem here, is there a problem?" He leaned in closer.

I shook my head out of habit. "The last time I hooked up with my ex, we didn't use protection, and I found out I was pregnant." I looked up at him. He still held my hands waiting on me to finish.

"I'm pregnant." I waited for his reaction. He was stuck, shocked. He slowly released my hands. "With my ex, Nelsons baby."

"What do you mean, like right now you are?" He slid over, creating more space between us. He had a very puzzled look on his face. He's thinking I played him.

"Yes, I'm four months and three weeks." I exhaled.

He sat quietly looking away from me, looking out the window. He sat in that same position doing the same thing for another minute. I watched on. I was a little apprehensive about saying anything else before he spoke.

"So, —here I am kissing you repeatedly, all up in your home feeling on you. All while you're pregnant with some dudes baby?" He asked, sounding offended still however not looking at me. He took his phone out to send a message. I remained quiet. I felt bad.

"I wish you would've told me this sooner. I was starting to like you a lot." He shook his head.

"Yeah I should've, and I apologize for this. I didn't mean to keep it from you. I shouldn't have kept it from you at all. I should've told you day one." I pleaded that was the truth. I got so caught up by the great time we were having. Amid all the fun, we've been smitten with each other. We were letting things flow naturally without a thought, and it was terrific.

He pocketed his phone then spoke. "I mean it's not like we're together or anything. So I guess it didn't matter when you told me."

I had no words.

" —Look, I'll catch you later. Ima' go ahead and head out. Thanks for dinner, it was great. I had a good time with you." He rushed, saying altogether as if it was final.

"Yeah." I was on the verge of tears. I'm so glad he's not able to look at me. These hormones got me emotional.

Perhaps this is for the best, him going on with his life. Our lives are way too different, and mine is complicated. If this is my reality for the rest of my life, then so be it. My daughter will always be enough for me.

It sucks though because this is putting things into perspective. Every date I go on or any guy I consider, I have to make sure they know I'm a mom first.

He stood up, and so did I. He walked to the door, I followed behind. I have to keep it together until he's on the other side of that door is what I kept telling myself.

Please don't turn around, open the door, and leave.

He turned around. The moment he did, a tear fell from my eye. I quickly wiped it. He stared at me. I couldn't read his expression. It was like he put up a wall and threw in a little distance. Which made more tears escape my eyes. He leaned his hand in and wiped them.

"Come here." He pulled me into his arms.

I wrapped my arms around his torso, standing in his embrace and exhaled. Perhaps this goodbye is necessary. The best decision for us both.

A knock suddenly appeared. I'm assuming they were his guards to get him.

"Ima' go, I'll see you later." He mumbled.

"Goodbye, Kenzo." I pulled away from him, giving him space to turn and walk away. He sighed, opening the door meeting his guards to leave. They all left without another word.

This doesn't feel good at all but better now than later. I will never discredit the memories Kenzo and I shared. We had our fun. We shared something special.

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