You're not even a friend, so why is it always you who hear my calls, who hear my untold words, inaudible cries? Why are you always there to heal me? I am no good, they call me a monster, destruction, I am a curse for my own father. I, myself don't want to live then why, why do you walk into me every time I try to erase my existence? Somewhere, you're making me feel cared, somewhere you're making me feel loved. You're making me feel things and if I want to run away from all these, even if I hate you for it...

Somewhere, I fucking love it.

Her eyes roamed from one name board to another. 'Chemistry lab', 'Physics lab', 'Biology lab', 'store room', 'instrumental music', 'music room'. She knew that River wasn't there and not even in the music room for that matter. She knew he lied to Madeline and she knew him enough to know where he actually is.

Clicking her heels on the floor, ignoring the looks that people were giving her, she finally reached the end of the hall.

And... and she saw him, Jonah West... a guy who can never, and I mean never can be mistaken for what he really is.

A drug dealer.

His black hair stood in a nerdy like way in his head, neatly combed, a pair of round glasses set on his nose that made him look like a geek and braces visible in his teeth that stood perfectly with his whole get up.

If you do not really belong to this school or if you are antisocial or well socially awkward, a nerd or a geek, or someone who is not at all aware of the system here, then you sure will take Jonah for one of those dumb geeks who knows nothing but to surround themselves around books.

This guy over here, practically screams the saying 'don't judge a book by its cover'.

Others think of him as nothing but the typical nerd who has a fear for each and everything but Faye and the guys and girls who are aware of everything that happens in each and every corner of Lakeview prep knows what he actually is, what is behind his fake nerdy look.... that he is nothing but a douchebag who is responsible for practically each and every nuisance that takes place around the town.

He is worse than River Blake, he is someone who is loathed by each and everyone out there who knows what he really is.

Anger evaporated through her when she saw a smirk on Jonah's face.

"Poor Faye, came here to save the prince charming again... you should be... " And before he could say something else, Faye pushed him with all the power she had in her arms.

"What the... " The guy stumbled and met the wall with a great impact.

She walked towards him and grabbed his collar, "Was the money not enough? Why can't you fucking stay from him?" She shouted.

"Get...off...me..." And he pushed Faye away from him.

"You were the one who gave River those packets in the party, weren't you? And don't you dare to make a fool of me. I am well aware of it." She warned, her eyes glaring at him.

At that, a smirk took over Jonah's features, "Well, well, barbie doll, aren't you smart?" He walked towards her and wrapped a blonde strand of her hair around his finger, "Sweetheart, you should know... I didn't give him cause I wanted to, he practically broke my nose for those five packets." He said and that's when Faye noticed the bandage wrapped around his nose.

"Were you with River?" She asked venomously.

"Oh, I had just came here to smoke, that's all." Being the chemistry teacher's son, it makes it quite difficult for Faye to take any action towards Jonah. Along with that, Faye felt like it is not really his fault that River was quite addicted to all those things.

"I want you to shove this under your thick skull, no matter what happen, you're not going to be anywhere near around him. I want you to be ten feet away from him, always. And if through any source, I get to know that you are selling all these once again, you know perfectly well what I am capable of."

At response, Jonah threw a dry laugh and looked at Faye with mock sympathy, "Honestly, I don't mind being away from him but Faye, will he able to save himself from all these." And throwing her a wink, he started to walk away, singing to himself.

She was scared, scared of the River that she had met one year ago. Wasted, broken, ruined, wounded. He was once worse than what he is today and getting into all these once again, drugs and fights, somewhere appeared as the first step to Faye which will led him to his destruction, once again.

'Will he be able to save himself from all this... '

Jonah's words rang in her head.

He will save himself, he will have to and if... if, one way or another, he will give up, she will be there, she will be there to rise him once again.

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He took a deep drag of his cigarette that he was holding between his two fingers, his eyes watching the positions of his fellow team mates that were on the soccer field, preparing for the afternoon match.

He was better now, much better.

Turning around, he leaned on the fence that surrounded the whole terrace.

He didn't understand, he didn't understand why God was so unfair to him, why his life was destined to be so wounded, so ruined, so filthy.

His mother left him, his sister hates him, his stepmother, who was like a fairy godmother for him, died and his father, he loath him to bits.

He blew out the smoke, his warm hazel eyes watching as the smoke blended with the air.

Crushing the cigar, he threw it, not caring about where it will fall.

It was enough for today, he thought.

He started to walk towards the other end, through which one can't only see the whole school campus but also the woods that was a brief walk away from the campus.

He liked coming here during school hour, it helped him to get his mind out of things, of things like that happened today.

Even thinking about today's event made the heat under him evaporate. Valentino didn't have any right to talk about her like that, to humiliate her like that.

How he wished he could beat the hell out of him.

Taking deep breathes, he closed his eyes, his mind whirling around each and every incident that occurred in these two days.

His mind whirled to yesterday's evening...

After a second or two, when he opened his eyes, a cool breeze blew, making him feel too unreal and somewhere... calm.

He had already lost hope and he somewhere believed that it will be a miracle if his world flipped in his favor. He had committed mistakes, millions and millions of them. He teared people apart, he broke millions of heart, he had betrayed thousands, he had ruined hundreds of lives.

And he is sorry, he is sorry for doing all those things, he is sorry for taking wrong decisions, for making people cry.

"River?"

He closed his eyes once again when he heard her voice.

Faye Lockwood. He didn't understand the girl, he never succeeded to. That girl is practically breaking, her heart is already shattered, she is somewhere fragile but... even after all this, no one ever got the opportunity to witness her broken self, her ruined self. They only see the perfect queenbee, don't they? They only see the perfect smile, the hot blondie, the slut, the whore, the bitch, the conqueror, the golden girl.

As much he wants to deny, he cannot, he cannot erase the fact that she's one of those very few reasons cause of whom he actually exist, cause of whom he is here. She saved him a year ago and somewhere she still is.

"River, are you okay?" This time, he turned around and looked at her. Not a single emotion flickering in his features.

"Go to your pretty boy Lockwood, I don't need you here." He said, a glare occupying his hard features.

She felt hurt by his words, "What happened, River?" She asked, pure concern laced in her voice.

In response, he laughed dryly, "Nothing princess, nothing."

Walking towards him, even she leaned in the fences, 'I saw Jonah walking out of here... glad to know that River Blake is still that delusional monster." Venom was injected in her each and every word.

River didn't say a word at that.

For some minutes, they remained like that, none of them trying to break the silence.

"River, River, say something." Her voice was small and soft this time, a kind of care visible in her eyes.

A sigh escaped from his lips, his hands making its way to his brown hairs, "They called yesterday..." And Faye's eyes narrowed by a fraction.

It can't be them, right? It can't be...

"As in your mom?" She finally asked him. And when he gave her a look, she sighed, "Sorry, it was... just..."

"Unexpected I know."

Yes, yes, it was his mother.

She gave him a small smile, asking him to continue, "Ah, so... Dad and Zach were not home and I was just getting ready for the pub when the phone rang... It was my sister Faye..."

She looked up and meet his eyes, those who looked too tired, "She said that she don't want to talk to me, that she never meant to call me... I just listened, she said that today it's her birthday and she wanted to invite Zach, I listened, she said that it should only be him, I listened..."

"River..." And when she was going to say something, he stopped her abruptly.

"That's not the end, my mom came to the line after that and she... she asked me how everyone was, I... I said we are fine, she said that's good and... and we actually made an conversation... but, when she was just going to ask me something, my sister came to the line once again and... and she said she hates me. I am not jealous Faye but... but she made me feel like I don't deserve living in this world. I have not seen Annalise for two freaking years and she loathes me, thinks I am the fucking reason behind her father's death. I am sorry Faye, I am fucking sorry for being in the same car as him, I... I really am." And Faye watched as tears streamed down from his eyes.

Those tears said it all.

She wrapped her hands around him. She was sorry, sorry cause somewhere, somewhere she felt like he don't deserve all this.

His silent tears suddenly broke into small sobs. She knew he has been holding this for too long. She knew he's breaking, he's falling apart.

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©tomboy_16