This chapter is dedicated to

Chapter 38:

'What' and 'If.'

Just two words having no effect on life. But brought together as 'What if.' Then questions that follows would probably put me on a hospital bed. But, her attitude right now is enough to make me go insane. Which I'm pretty sure it's slowly happening.

It's funny how I didn't want to think about it, unfortunately, I don't control my mind.

I couldn't stop it from thinking, 'What if she hadn't remembered the rules?'

What if I hadn't led her to the pool?

What if I hadn't kissed her?

But the greatest was what if I hadn't messed up?

Life would have been a better place without 'what ifs'

Glancing across the bedroom to the end of the room where Aisha sat quietly. Face; pale, much more paler than Edward Cullen's. Her eyes almost paper white as she stares at nowhere in particular.

The same rules made to guide us are the same rules that are finding a way to tear us apart. How I wished we hadn't made it. Again, another question trying to drive me crazy.

What if we hadn't created those rules?

Reaching for her hand, she pulls away at the touch of my finger. Hugging her knees to her chest.

"I want to be alone."

Sighing, I walk to the door, look back at her before walking out.

My head pounds loudly, shutting every sound out. The only sound left are the high pitched screams slowly making me lose my mind. Hours ago, if someone had told me that once upon a time, I was in love with Omar, I would have probably laughed it off. But it changed with my memories, memories of emotions I wouldn't have said I felt towards Omar, not in my wildest dreams.

Memories don't lie, the past does. It lied about Omar not being able to change and it certainly did lie about us following the rules, not to talk of my confusing emotions. Do I love him? Am I willing to follow the rules?

I pick my phone, feeling the tingling cold touch of my screen. Reminding me how long it has been since the last time I used my phone.

I call Aliyah who picks immediately.

"Are you at home?" I ask. My trembling voice giving away all hopes of me pretending to be fine. She seems to understand my condition as she voices, "You want to come over let's talk or want me to come to yours?"

"No I'm going to yours."

I need to leave this room fast before my unwanted thoughts completely devours me. I take off my clothes that is soaked from the pool we had got in with Omar. Drenching the Bedsheet and covers, I'm not surprised if it ends up soaking the foam. It's not like I dried the cloth.

I get into the shower and exhale loudly as the hot water hits my skin, caressing me as if to comfort me of the misery I'm in.

Rubbing my temples, I groan in annoyance and hit my fist against the the smooth strong tiles. The pain that vibrates through my body is not enough to quench the burning pain in my heart. Why can't I remember anything other than the rules? No matter how many times I try, I can only remember the silhouette of a man; of Omar walking out on me. His back turned against me as he walked out of my life for a break after the strong affection we felt. The same day Yousuf returned was the day we parted with Omar for what we thought –mostly his decision– was the best if we wanted to maintain the rules.

As I go out my room, I'm met with Omar on his knees. His hand rubbing against the other as his hazel brown eyes looks deeply into mine.

"Don't leave me please. I can change, I can make you happy. I swear to Allah. I'll do my best to make you love me. I know you hate me for abandoning you. I knew you loved me, yet I left. I'm really sorry, I want to be with you when you wake up, I want to be your punch bag when you're upset. I promise to always be by your side. In the name of Allah don't leave me. I have no excuse for what I did, I messed up. But please give me a second chance to make things right. I love you Aisha, I'm deeply in love with you and I want no one but you in my life. Let's forget the rules, we can start all over again. This time in love and care. Let our hearts guide us because you're all I need." He rises.

The words echoes everywhere blocking every thought. I stare deeply into those eyes of his, puffy yet as beautiful as ever. The sides of his eyes were slightly watery, as if he's trying to hold back tears. My heart keeps pounding loudly in my chest, it's so loud that my ears vibrate loudly. Every emotion starts to swing my way.

Anger, sadness, joy and again, love. But love is a whole new city that I'm unfortunately walking down the streets. Though, I'm not sure I love him completely. Trust and betrayal works hand in hand, love and tears. My heart has grown too weak from experience. The only option left is to get out of that city; the city that involves Omar.

With my eyes shut, I swiftly pass him, my eyes too heavy to see the hurt in his. It was fast, too fast as his hands catches mine. It was sad, too sad as he drew me into arms. It was sweet, too sweet as his lips captures mine. It was quick, too quick as I pushed him away.

"We can't do this okay, there can't be an 'us.' We can't be together." I mutter.

"Why? Why not? Aisha!" He roars in frustration, roughly brushing his hair with his fingers while he paces back and forth.

"Because I'm not sure if I had ever loved you."

"Is this because of Yousuf?"

I furrow my eyebrows. "No, it's not."

"Then why?"

"I don't know. I have memories but no emotions. I remember us kissing but I'm sorry I can't feel it."

He captures my hands in his, eyes piercing deeply into mine. "The pool remember, that was how it felt. Damn it Aisha, you want me too!"

"That's how you felt. I don't love you, I don't even know how I feel towards you." This is a big lie. I want him badly, just as much as he does and I'm hoping he doesn't see through me. "I have to go to Aliyah's."

"I'll take you there." He offers, more like commands as he leads me outside to his red Ferrari.

We speed off, heading to her house when I receive a text.

"She's not at home." I say without looking at Omar.

"Wanna go somewhere else?" He asks and takes a turn when I nod.

His hand brushes my thigh as he changes gears. It sends shivers down my spine and heat radiates from the place he touched. My eyes travel to his face. His shaving cream filling the air. Eyes locked on the road ahead of him. Black silky hair a bit overgrown as strands fall on his face. His lips, drawing me to lock my eyes on them, soft and full. His long eyelashes sweeping the dark areas underneath his eyes. Reminding me of his sleepless nights I caused. Why couldn't I just tell I him how I felt? Is it that hard to say those words again?

Every touch is magical, leaving me thirsting for more. His smile is wonderful, making me feel like a lovestruck teenage girl. I love everything about him. When I was in the hospital, I had lost count of the number of times he took care of me. Although Yousuf visited too, Omar's just different. A kind of difference I fell in love. But the rules...

He parks the car and removes the seatbelt. He looks at me. "We're here."

Without thinking, I take mine off and pull his head, clashing my lips with his. He doesn't waste time in kissing me back. He drags me till I'm on him, his hands slides to my waist and my hand digs deeper into his smooth hair. I part my lips, giving him the opportunity to deepen the kiss. I pull back and stare into his eyes that shines in happiness.

"Perhaps we could rewrite the stars." He smiles in response and kisses me again. Making little circles on my back. My eye catches the glass which isn't tinted.

"Woah!" I exclaim and pull away.

"People can see us."

"So?" He raises a brow and advances to kiss my forehead.

"You know Jenny wouldn't mind kissing me in public." He teases.

"Then why don't you just go to her."

"Nah, she's too skinny. I love my Chubby wife."

I decide to turn the tables around. "Well, my husband's too ugly for my liking."

He snaps his eyes to me and places his hand on his chest. "Take that back."

"Or what?" I challenge.

"Trust me princess, you wouldn't want to know."

"Bring it on." I challenge further. Now I'm getting scared because he's looking at me like some banana. Tell me that's bad? Bananas are still evil.

Before I could access what was happening, I let out unwanted laughters as he tickles me. He brings his hands to my ribs as I let out another thunderous laughter. "Okay I take it back." But this doesn't make him to stop. He continues tickling me until tears cascade down my face.

"Admit that I'm hot." He commands.

"You're soooooo not!" Stubborn me rather be tickled than admit the obvious.

"Okay you're hot!" I admit. I almost farted cos of his tickling. I pray he never gets to know this. Sometimes a woman's gotta obey huh?

He stops and smirks victoriously making me roll my eyes.

"Let's go." He takes my hand when we walk out. The gentle breeze blows, hitting me softly on the face. He notices my quick shiver and draws me closer as we walk in our favourite park.

He approach some bikers. "Hello." He greets casually making them stare dumbstruck. "I'm Omar and this is my wife Aisha." He brings his hand forth for a handshake. They glance at one another and grin.

"Of course we know who you're!" One squeals, taking Omar's hand quickly. His green eyes stuck on us, afraid that if he blinks, we would disappear.

"Shit! I can't believe this is happening." One says, still surprised to see us before them.

"Rosanne, come here!" The other calls. They all wore helmets making it hard to see their hair but this one has long ash blonde hair.

Rosanne jogs towards us. She freezes and takes her hair in her hands, like she's about to yank it off.

"Oh My God!" She screams childishly before approaching us. Her long blonde hair dancing in the air as her beautiful blue eyes stay on me. "Aisha! Oh my gosh I so much love you." She says before her eyes falls on Omar. "Wait, am I dreaming?"

"Nope, I'm certain I'm real."

"This is surprising. I can't believe he just talked to me!" She wiggles the guy with blonde hair and similar blue eyes. "I'm Rosanne. Well, my brother shouted my name, so I guess you already heard that."

"I'm Aisha, it's nice to meet you." I take her hands in mine.

"This is Josh, Noah and Seth."

"Hi." They say in unison.

"I hope you wouldn't mind us borrowing your bicycles right?"

"No, of course not." The brown eyed boy says which I assume is Noah.

"Thanks so much." I flash them a smile and take the bikes with us.

When we're a bit far away from them, Omar decides to annoy me again like he always does.

"You sure you can climb that, you're too fat." He flatly.

"You sure the breeze wouldn't take you away, you're too skinny." I retort.

This makes him chuckle. "Fair enough."

I smile too before my face completely falls. My face; deadpanned as my body freezes.

My gaze falls on the figures, standing not far away. Her hands in his, drawing her closer before she closes the gap with a kiss.