We’d been silent through the rest of the briefing. The others chattered excitedly about how desperate Harvey must be if he were making such obvious attempts to get Cas back. Some pointed out how weird the interview with Cas’ mom and siblings had been, how scripted and deliberate their words were.

They kept looking at Cas who was sitting silently, fuming and heartbroken, as if waiting for him to explode or cheer victoriously. I think they thought what happened was something he’d be happy about. Like that his parents fighting to get him back was something that he wanted and not something that just filled him with sadness and nauseous.

It was obvious why they wanted him back. If Harvey got him, he’d be able to tell the universe that his son saw the light and returned to his side, begging for forgiveness and supporting the Council. Of course, Cas wouldn’t but Harvey would either torture him or just murder him and then claim he did anyway.

His mom was a more complex one. I wasn’t sure if it was all an act and she wanted Cas back to hand him over to Harvey or if she wanted him back to parade him as a figurehead, to claim that he was supporting her and use that to seize some semblance of power.

Or maybe she just wanted to be seen as a sympathetic figure. Someone who had their son ripped away from them by a cruel and abusive partner, someone who finally found the strength to do what was right.

I wasn’t sure what it was but seeing Cas’ heartbreak, seeing him weep, made me hate her. I hated both of them. Jack too.

I felt sorry for him, of course. He was just as much of a victim as Cas in a way but he was old enough to know better. Katie had seen through her parent’s bullshit, why hadn’t he?

Oh, Katie. I hope she’s alright. Cas tried to send her a message and I’m not sure if his ping is still blocked or if her mom stole her wrist monitor or what but he’s not been able to get through to her.

I hope he can soon. She seems like a good kid and she needs out. If you’re reading this, Katie, and we’ve not been able to get to you before this gets published or leaked or whatever happens to it, please know we’re trying. We will find a way to get to you and rescue you.

I didn’t want to think about the alternative. Too many people had died and I wanted to believe that Cas’ mom wouldn’t do it. That she wouldn’t kill her own daughter to shut her up. I hope not. Katie deserves better than that and it would break Cas.

We need to meet Chal in the medbay after this, don’t forget, Peg thought to us.

I blinked, pulling myself out of my thoughts and looked at Aquila again.

We’ll go straight after this, I thought back.

I’m working a shift there, you lot can always walk me and come in to talk to some of the patients? Cory suggested.

Good plan, I sent back before glancing at Cas.

He hadn’t said anything in a while. He was just silently staring at Aquila too but he gripped my hand so hard under the table it felt like he might be bruising it. I didn’t care, I knew he need it. He needed to hold on to me as hard as he could, to use that to hold himself together.

Cas, do you want to swing by the room instead? I thought to him softly. We can always let you know what Chal says after.

No, he thought back.

I looked at him worriedly and saw Peggy and Cory doing the same. Luckily at that moment, Aquila finished her briefing and dismissed us.

I’m not entirely sure what she said, if I’m being honest. I didn’t pay as much attention as I should have and I know that. I was too busy worrying about Cas and trapped in my own thoughts. I’m glad that Peggy paid attention and was able to catch us up later.

“Have you lot got any classes today?” Chal asked smoothly as we started to stand.

“No, we don’t actually,” Peggy said in a falsely cheerful voice.

“Oh, fantastic. What are you planning to do with your day instead? I assume you aren’t going out on any missions at the moment?” he asked.

“I’ve got a shift now,” Cory said, as if reminding Chal.

“Ah, of course. What about the rest of you?”

“I’m not sure,” I answered. “I think we’re probably just going to study or something.”

“Oh, yes! I was teaching you about the Pathotelic and Yonderic wars the other day but we had a briefing before I could finish! We should get back to that!” Peggy said, sounding genuinely excited as we started to filter out of the room.

“You could or… you could come and spend some time in the medbay. I’m sure the people there would be happy to see you three,” Cory suggested.

“That sounds good,” I said, forcing myself to answer a little too quickly, just in case anyone was listening in.

I feel bad for lying to people but I knew we had to. What Chal was about to tell us was bad. I knew it might be and I didn’t want anyone to overhear and suspect anything of us.

“Oh,” Peggy said with a pout. “Do you not want to learn about the wars?”

“Of course we do,” Cory answered for us. “But you can teach us about it any time!”

Normally it would have been Cas who was talking and smoothing things over with Peggy but he was trapped in his own thoughts.

“I appreciate you all coming to the medbay, it always makes the patients there so much happier when you do stop by,” Chal added.

Guilt speared me.

We didn’t go there enough. Most of the people there were fighters or people who had been rescued from Council planets or from Council fights. It was our fault they were there, they deserved for us to be there with them. I hated that we weren’t. It shouldn’t have mattered how uncomfortable it made me, I should have just gone more.

“Well, then we’ll definitely come! I can always tell you lot about it later. I did make a holo-presentation but I can always show it to you tonight,” Peggy said with a grin.

I smiled back at her haltingly, trying to ignore the concern that was gnawing at my stomach.

I had no clue what Chal was about to show us or tell us but it was going to be bad, I knew that much. I don’t think I expected it to be as bad as it was though. I didn’t see it coming, how could I?

Gods, even as I write this now, I feel bad. I should have acted sooner or done more. I should have insisted that Aquila act immediately or done something. It was wrong of me not to. I think that if I spoke to Andy alone again, he’d do something. He’d do more. But… I didn’t.

Maybe I should have.

I like to think I did the right thing but now I don’t know.