I rolled over, my hand instinctively coming to rest on Cas’ chest and squeezed my eyes shut again. The world felt foggy and distant and I wasn’t ready to open my eyes or be awake yet. I snuggled into his chest, feeling the reassuring, even thumping of his heart and letting it lull me back into a gentle sleep.

When I woke up the next time, I was somehow more tired but the need to pee was too much. I refused to open my eyes, hoping that if I kept them shut, I’d fall asleep again but it didn’t happen. It just got worse.

Suppressing an annoyed grumble, I untangled my limbs from Cas’ and stumbled towards the bathroom. I barely opened my eyes until I was finished and standing in front of the mirror. Even then, I only opened them enough to find my toothbrush.

I brushed my teeth quickly and splashed my face with water before turning off the lights and opening the door again so as not to wake Gem and Cory who always slept on the bedsquares at the end of our bed.

I squinted at the space where they normally slept, my still half-asleep mind struggling to work out what was wrong.

They weren’t there. Immediately, I felt dumb for not realising or noticing sooner. I stepped back into the bathroom and logged into the screen again, pulling up Gem’s ping.

Hey, you okay? I just woke up and you two weren’t here, I sent.

I leant back against the wall, my eyes drooping shut as I waited for a reply. Sleep threatened me again and my jaw cracked as I yawned widely. I’d give her ten minutes then I’d go and check if they were in the boys’ room, I decided.

I hoped she’d reply before then. Ideally, I didn’t want to walk in on them naked together again but I couldn’t shake the niggling worry that something was wrong. Also, I just wanted to go back to sleep.

My eyes snapped open again as the icon on the screen started bouncing as she typed.

Cory here, Gem said she wanted to sleep in our room tonight. Do you need me to wake her?

A grin slowly built on my face as I read his message. I knew she’d done this on purpose. This was part of her plan.

No, everything’s okay. I just wanted to check in.

I sent the message before logging out and turning to check myself out in the full-length mirror on the back of the door, immediately more awake now. Gem had been right about the shorts. They were almost dangerously short. They were only a little longer than my pants, and skin tight. I’d seen Cas’ eyes widen when I walked out of the bathroom wearing them and I’d had to hide my smile. When I first ordered them, I thought they’d be longer and I’d just thrown them in my drawers and forgotten about them after showing Gem how ridiculously short they were but now, I was glad I hadn’t sent them back.

I pulled my thin tank top strap back into place and checked the time. A breath of relief slipped out of me, it was still early and I didn’t have any messages from Andy or Aquila. If they didn’t message in the next few hours, we’d have to get up and go to class like normal but for now, I could go back to bed with Cas.

I turned the lights out and walked back into the bedroom, climbing into the bed and back under the duvet. Cas’ arm came up immediately to hold me and his face nuzzled towards mine.

“You okay?” he asked, his voice was husky and his breath was warm on my face.

“Yeah, I just had to pee and wanted to check and make sure Gem and Cory were alright,” I whispered back.

He lifted his head and stared blearily at the end of the bed.

“Where are they?”

“Gem wanted to stay in the other room tonight,” I said.

“She okay?” he asked, fighting to keep his eyes open.

“Yeah, I think she just wanted some privacy.”

“Ah okay. I’m glad the rooms here are soundproofed,” Cas muttered before a yawn cut him off.

A chuckle spilt out of my mouth.

“Me too. You can go back to sleep if you want, I don’t think the press conference has been announced yet and we got another couple of hours before our alarm goes off,” I said.

Cas’ eyes fluttered open again.

“Are you not sleeping?” he asked.

“Maybe. I’m pretty awake now. Might stay up,” I answered honestly. “You should sleep more though.”

Cas rolled onto his back and stretched the arm that wasn’t under me up, arching his back. He blinked and checked the time above the door.

“Nah, I’m not that tired,” he lied. “Be right back.”

He climbed out of bed, staggering slightly, and disappeared into the bathroom.

My heart leapt. Was this Gem’s plan working? Had she known I’d wake up and worry when I saw her gone and then Cas would wake up to? I wasn’t sure, I’m still not, but either way I wanted to thank her.

My stomach fluttered with anxiety and anticipation as I waited for Cas to return.

What if nothing happens? Or what if he’s not into me anymore? I thought to myself, panic starting to build.

That was dumb. He obviously was, he still told me he loved me all the time, I was just anxious and worried.

The bathroom door slid open and brightness blinded me. I pulled the covers up, scrunching up my face against the light.

“Shit! Sorry,” Cas cried and I heard him smack the light switch, “that should be better!”

I slowly lowered the duvet and squinted at him. After the sudden brightness, all I could see was his outline silhouetted against the door.

“Sorry, I didn’t even think!” he said as he crawled over the bed towards me.

“Don’t worry, I almost did the same to you earlier. At least I’m wide awake now,” I teased.

He slipped one arm under me and brought the other up to my waist, brushing over the bare skin there where my top had ridden up. His fingers gently moved back and forth, simultaneously relaxing me and making my heart race.

“What do you want to do now we’re awake?” he asked innocently, without even a hint of flirtation.

I bit my lip, wanting to say something to tease him but instead settling on the truth.

“I don’t know. I’m not ready to get up just yet, I’ve missed this too much,” I admitted.

His hand stilled, no longer lazily stroking my side.

“I know what you mean. It’s kind of weird that we went from, like, holding each other constantly to barely touching here. It just felt weird, you know? Like, there are always people here and…” he trailed off, breaking eye contact.

“And?” I prompted, needing to know how he felt.

He took a deep breath to steady himself before replying.

“I wasn’t sure what you wanted to do about us. It was different before, we both thought we were going to die so it didn’t matter whether or not we were together, but now…” he paused, glancing at me before looking away again. “When we get Peggy back, we’ll be a proper crew again. It’s the same issue as before. If we’re together, it’s wrong. I guess, I just hoped that if I didn’t say anything then we could still have something. Just for a little longer.”

I bit my lip, not sure what to say. He’d pointed out the issue I’d been trying not to think about. If we were together, then I couldn’t be objective. I wouldn’t be a good Captain. But it happened. I wasn’t the first Captain to fall in love with a member of the crew. It happened all the time, despite how hard the Council tried to stop it. Hell, even Andy had done it and the Council still celebrated him. If he could do that and still be a wonderful Captain, maybe it was possible. I knew it would be hard but I had to try. I couldn’t just go back to pretending I wasn’t in love with him.

“What if… what if we decide to do it anyway?”