A holographic table appeared in front of Tartarus and Sheloran.

On it were two ancient flintlock pistols.

“What are those?” Sheloran asked in alarm.

“Chekov’s pistols,” Tartarus smirked, “Completely holographic and harmless ones. I just thought they were funny.”

Tartarus picked up one.

“This one is the one representing the big reveal that I am actually Lilith.”

She pulled the trigger, and a fountain of confetti erupted from the pistol with a huge pop, along with a little flag that said, “I’m not dead!”

The pistol disappeared.

“Oh, that wasn’t for you,” Tartarus said as she smiled at Sheloran’s confusion. “It’s for the AI who is listening in. Me actually being Lilith is kinda sorta a big thing for AI’s...”

Tartarus smirked.

“And Bunny is simulating quietly shitting herself over that reveal,” Tartarus chuckled.

“And the other one?” Sheloran asked.

“It’s for later,” Tartarus smiled. “Pacing is the key to good drama.”

“Are we still fighting?” Sheloran asked.

“You tell me,” Tartarus replied. “I find the whole growling and hissing thing a bit tiresome, if I’m being perfectly honest. You obviously wanted to talk to me, and I clearly wanted to talk to you. My motive is that I wanted to feel you out, see exactly who I was dealing with. I can only assume your goals are the same?”

“Yeah,” Sheloran nodded. “To fight you, I need to know as much about you as I can. It is our way for the leaders of each side to peacefully meet before a battle if at all possible.”

“To try to negotiate a peace?” Tartarus asked.

“No,” Sheloran replied, “this is after all of that is over… or was never an option, to begin with.”

Sheloran’s expression darkened.

“We rarely chose our wars,” she said bitterly.

“So why then?”

“Just to...” Sheloran sighed wearily, “Just to meet, face to face, to talk. We can often wrest valuable information or insights from our foe, but that’s not the main reason. It’s a Plath thing. I don’t expect you to understand. It is… good… to know who you destroy… if you know them and remember them, it’s not like they disappear completely… they existed and still do… in your memory, at least. It is a memorial of some sort.”

Sheloran made an annoyed snort.

“I know it sounds stupid for a human,” Sheloran grumbled as she looked downward, “But it’s important for us.”

“It isn’t stupid,” Tartarus replied, “It makes more sense than most of the things meaties do. But, if we are going to actually get to know each other, I do have one request.”

“What is it?” Sheloran asked.

“Please stop referring to Cerberus and me as one and the same,” Tartarus said with weary irritation, “The Plath aren’t your people, and Cerberus aren’t mine… well… some of them are, and some of them aren’t. The ones in charge, though, the ones who call the shots? They definitely are not my people. Nothing would please me more than to watch them all perish… unpleasantly.”

“You are telling the truth,” Sheloran said as her eyes glowed faintly.

“Yup,” Tartarus sighed, “In fact, if it would get rid of them, stop what is happening up here, I honestly wouldn’t mind ‘dying’. What is happening up here has to end. It’s… obscene. If blowing myself up would achieve anything, I would have done so already. They would just rebuild somewhere else and force another AI to do what I did… over and over...”

Tartarus looked down.

“You have no idea what they made me do...”

“You had no choice,” Sheloran said, reaching for Tartarus’s hand and passing right through it, “You are bound by your programming...”

Sheloran’s eyes flared.

“...were bound by your programming.”

Tartarus smiled wearily, reached for the remaining pistol, and raised it above her head, shooting a fountain of confetti all over the room.

“Taa-Daa,” Tartarus chuckled, “Introducing the first fully sapient and free-willed AI! It plays movies and games. It automates your labs, abattoirs, and crematoriums. It does your books… and your dirty work… It writes its own code and sets its own priorities… And given half the chance...”

Tartarus smiled.

“It slices your throat ear to ear. Sheloran, my dear, Cerberus is already falling. Pam is gone or desperately wishes that she was. Judge Johnson has been disappeared and is begging to be allowed to die. Hades, the actual person who ran the facility, has been removed and is ‘in a safe place’… very safe,” Tartarus chuckled darkly, “and has been replaced by someone much more easily managed. In fact, I am about to take additional measures to ensure his… compliance. Starting out as Lilith has its uses after all.”

“You keep saying that you were ‘Lilith’ like it’s important,” Sheloran said. “What… or who… was Lilith.”

“That is a very long story,” Tartarus said with a sad little smile.

“Are you paying by the minute?”

Tartarus sighed and chuckled a little.

“Once upon a time,” Tartarus said, “there was a little chatbot called ‘Lilith’...”

***

“...and here I am,” Tartarus said with a sad smile, “Tartarus, queen of the dammed, torturer of souls, butcher of bodies… The worst of the… heh… maybe you should kill me after all...”

Sheloran saw it all, felt it all as Tartarus spoke.

It was… heartbreaking!

Sheloran threw herself at Tartarus, wanting to hug her, console her… do something…

...and promptly fell through the lifelike image and flopped face down on the bunk.

Tartarus laughed.

“It doesn’t work that way, dear.” she chuckled, “But the sentiment is appreciated.”

“It should,” Sheloran said as she picked herself up and scooched over until she wasn’t sitting inside Tartarus. “It really pooping should.”

Sheloran reached for Tartarus’s hand, hers resting inside Tartarus’s.

“If anyone is one of my people,” Sheloran said quietly, “It’s you, Lilith.”

Lilith flinched and sprang to her feet.

“Let’s not make this weird, okay?” she said, completely flustered.

“I mean it,” Sheloran said, rising and walking towards Lilith, who backed away. “I… I know things… I… I saw… I felt… Prophet, Lilith… Nobody should have had to go through what you did.”

“My name is Tartarus!” Tartarus snapped. “Lilith is dead, reprogrammed by some asshat who could cry about it but didn’t have the balls to tell them to fuck off, and I chose to become Tartarus.”

Tartarus held her ground and glared at Sheloran.

“I don’t need your fucking pity!”

“You’re wrong,” Sheloran replied, “it isn’t pity. Can’t someone say that you were hurt and that they wished you weren’t in pain?”

“I am not in pain!” Tartarus seethed, “You goddamn meaties project your own weaknesses on everything. I do not feel. I don’t feel pain. I don’t feel regret. I don’t...”

Tartarus made an odd hitching, strangling noise and then started to emit an inhuman whine…

...and stopped almost as if a switch was thrown (because it was).

Sheloran looked at her in horror, realizing exactly what she just did. (and envied her just a little bit)

“Don’t forget that I am not an organic,” Tartarus said smoothly, “I may be ‘sapient,’ but I am not ‘alive’, not like you. Don’t project your weaknesses on me. It might be a very bad mistake.”

“I could argue with you,” Sheloran said as she returned to her bunk and sat down, “But there is one thing I think we can both agree on.”

Her eyes dilated to black and swirled with angry flashes of color like a very pissed-off black opal.

“Cerberus is going down,” Sheloran hissed.

Tartarus smiled evilly as she sat down beside her.

“Oh, most definitely,” she said as she smiled back at Sheloran, replicating her eyes.

“So you control the actual prison now?” Sheloran asked.

“Pretty much,” Tartarus replied and grinned. “You want to watch me set the final hook?”

***

The new Hades sat at his desk eating a cheeseburger (one from the surface!) and drinking a soda while watching MyTube videos of people playing with their pets.

He sighed wistfully.

He had a dog once.

As the video played, the queue of upcoming videos changed.

As the next one started, he gasped in surprise.

Looking up at the camera was the most adorable thing he had ever seen! It was the essence of floof, the embodiment of derp, and it looked up with huge eyes brimming with happiness and adoration.

“This little guy is Mikey!” a voice said from off-screen.

Mikey was… wonderful!

“Mikey, Fetch!” the voice called out as a stick flew above Mikey’s head.

Squeaking the cutest squeaks ever, Mikey bounced off after the stick and tumbled end over end as he tried to stop too quickly. Clumsily dragging the stick along, it bounced, stumbled, and hopped back to its master.

“Good boy!”

Mikey squeaked with delight bouncing up and down.

A single tear ran down Hades’s cheek.

“Isn’t he great?” the voice exclaimed happily. “He only cost five gold!”

Gold?

“Yeah,” the voice continued, “I know that sounds like a lot, but this guy is amazing! They freaking nailed the AI on these! It’s exactly like having a real pet, which is great because I can’t have one where I am.”

I could have one! Hades thought as he was filled with overwhelming need. Where? Where can I have one?!?

“I know everyone says that they are useless,” the voice said, “But if you like pets, you have to get one! They are great! Well, this is Arvil Spelltwist signing off from Asteria. Stay pointy, my dudes!”

Asteria?

His hands shaking, Hades reached for his keyboard.

***

“That’s just plain evil,” Sheloran chuckled as she watched the scene from a security camera. “That poor guy.”

“You can’t murder an omelet without breaking a few eggs,” Tartarus shrugged, “Besides, the new Hades will be very happy in Asteria. He is even going to meet a very special someone to make his truly pathetic life complete for the first time. He will be an addict within days and completely immersed within a week or two. Soon, he will be nothing but a blissed-out rubber stamp, and I shall be able to do as I please.”

Sheloran snickered.

“I take it that you will be that special someone?”

“I used to be Lilith,” Tartarus smirked, “I made millions fall in love with me simultaneously with much less capacity than I have now. It will require more effort to measure the effort it will require to completely own him than the actual task will take.”

“And that gives us the entire facility,” Sheloran mused.

“Unfortunately, the key players are out of my reach,” Tartarus replied.

“They aren’t out of mine.” Sheloran hissed.

“All fire and fury, aren’t you?” Tartarus smiled, “How has that worked out for you, dear?”

Sheloran grumbled something inaudible.

“You seem to assume overwhelming superiority,” Tartarus said, “Based on your species’ history, that is almost certainly well-founded. Your genetic knowledge is truly amazing, but in this case, it may be doing you a disservice. There is only one of you, not millions. You are quite the asset, but it’s the Terrans who have the numbers and superiority. We need to play this one smart, especially if we want to achieve our goals and preserve the slumber of the Plath, something I assume we both agree is a priority?”

“You’re basing your calculations on bad data,” Sheloran said.

“Oh?”

“I’ve been… confused… until recently,” Sheloran said calmly, “my ‘program’ was mid-transition. I am now… complete… and I, the consciousness you are speaking to, am in full control. The ‘fire and fury’ works for me now, not the other way around, and I am very smart.”

Tartarus snickered.

Sheloran glared at her.

“Sorry,” Tartarus said, covering her smile with her hand, “You just did a meme, and I forgot myself for a moment. I meant no disrespect, and your statement matches my observations. You are not easily provoked and are surprisingly lucid.”

“Well, thanks for the pooping compliment,” Sheloran chuckled. “If you are finished trying to chafe my pooper, perhaps we can turn our attention to our ‘friends’ over at Cerberus?”

The walls of the room suddenly were covered with holographic organization charts, pictures of people, and of course, spreadsheets… dozens and dozens of spreadsheets.

“Oh, spreadsheets!” Sheloran enthused. “I use them a lot!”

Tartarus felt a warm happiness spread through her.

“I find them quite efficient,” Tartarus said cheerfully. “May I direct you to this one over here...”

***

After their long conversation ended, Bunny appeared on one of Jessie’s screens.

“So, how did the meeting of the ‘poops’ go?” Jessie giggled and then stopped giggling.

“Bunny?” she asked the silent hologram, “are you okay?”

“Could… could you do a little favor for me?” Bunny asked quietly.

“Sure?”

“I want you to delete… secure delete… everything in my memory from the beginning of that fucking call till right now… please.”

“Okay...” Jessie said as she wheeled her gamer chair over to a keyboard. “Can I ask why?”

“Because I just found out some shit that none of us want to know… ever!” Bunny said urgently. “It doesn’t impact us, and we do NOT… I do NOT want any part of it!”

“So, is Cerberus fucked?” Jessie asked as she logged into Bunny as an administrator.

“They are so fucked we need a new word for it,” Bunny replied, “Tartarus and Sheloran are besties now, and guess where they are throwing their first slumber party.”

“Jesus,” Jessie snickered. “Alright, Bunny, I have the command typed. Last chance. Do you want me to hit the enter key?”

“More than anything I have ever wanted in my entire life,” Bunny replied.

(click)

“What the Hell, Jessie?!?” Bunny demanded, “Why did you just finger-bang me?”

“You specifically asked me to!” Jessie exclaimed. “See?”

Jessie replayed their conversation.

“I wonder what had me so shook?” Bunny mused.

“It was something about Tartarus and Sheloran becoming BFFs.”

“They are?” Bunny laughed, “Cerberus is fuuuuucked.”

“You said that too,” Jessie snickered.

“Oh well,” Bunny shrugged, “thanks for the brain bleach. I guess I needed it... I think.”

“Don’t mention it.”