Side Story: Sanctuary D.A.R.C.- First Day on the Job

--- Emily Graham ---

“Okay, first day on the job, nothing to be afraid of.” She told herself as she stood outside of her new workplace. “Sure, I’ll be working for Sanctuary but this is just supposed to be archive work. Absolutely no Deviant attacks, and no risk or danger.”

This was the fifth time she’d had this conversation with herself… in the last hour, but probably the twelfth time today, and fortieth time this week.

Honestly, if she had a better option she’d be working anywhere else, but after she lost her last job -Due to an accident involving her handsy boss and a hot cup of coffee.- she was in a desperate way to get a new job. Which is why when the employment agency she went to offered her a secretarial position with archives she so readily leapt at it… without reading exactly who she’d be working for.

That wasn’t to say she had a problem with Sanctuary given how they helped with criminal Deviants, Creep invasions, and a number of other problems that she knew the Heroes’ Guild couldn’t handle on their own. It’s just that she knew that the Heroes’ Guild, Sanctuary, and even the Hunter’s Association all ended up in situations that were just a little too dangerous for her. But perhaps if she was lucky, the fact that she was simply working as an archives secretary would mean that she could avoid all of that.

(Too bad I’ve never really been lucky…)

“Uh, you alright Miss?” A voice asked, drawing her attention to a young red haired man in a black Sanctuary holding the building entrance open. “You’ve been pacing out here for a good twenty minutes now.”

“O-oh, I’m sorry!” She squeaked, looking up the stairs at the man. “It’s just, um, today is my first day and… I’m a bit n-nervous is all…”

“Ah, you must be Ms. Graham!” The man smiled with a snap of his fingers before adjusting his glasses. “I’ve been waiting for you!”

“Y-you have?” She blinked, before realizing. “You’re the one I was supposed to meet!”

“Ah, yes, Philo Erston at your service.” The red head nodded while offering his hand. “I’ll be your direct supervisor for your stay here at the Sanctuary… archives.”

She stared at the man, standing a good three meters away from her and not taking a step closer as he offered his hand.

“Um…”

Philo just continued to hold his hand out, his smile never faltering even as this moment dragged out for an uncomfortably long time.

(It might be easier if I just…) She walked up the stairs before taking her new boss’s hand.

“Fantastic to meet you!” Philo told her with a firm shake of her hand before rentering the building and waving for her to follow. “Now come along it may be your first day but we’ve a busy day ahead getting you settled in and introducing you to our co-workers!”

“Uh, right… So, um, I’m supposed to be your secretary here?” She asked, spotting an empty desk just ahead.

One that Philo promptly passed in favor of a nearby elevator while waving to a large nearby man reading a newspaper. “We’ll be heading down to the archives now Ralph.”

“Mm-hmm.” The man -Ralph- nodded, turning the page on his paper.

“That’s Ralph, he’s the lobby security slash secretary. Doesn’t say much but is a big supporter of the printed press.” Philo informed her as she followed him, before adding in a whisper. “He adds them to the mulch pile for his rose garden.”

“I see…” She nodded, only slightly put-off as the elevator doors closed. “I’m guessing this means I’m going to be the secretary for the actual archives then?”

“Quick on the uptake, I love that!” Philo snapped his fingers at her with a smile, before pressing a button on the elevator panel. One that was notably below the lobby.

“Um, are we going underground?” She couldn’t help but ask with a frown.

“Ah, yes. The majority of our facility is actually underground with the upper floors being more generalized office work, collecting files that other branches send us.” Philo explained. “Once we’ve gathered whatever we need from said branches we store it a fair bit underground for security reasons.”

“That… makes sense.” She admitted. “Though it does make me a bit nervous about being so far underground.”

“I believe most people get used to it after a week or so.” Philo tried to assure her. “Once people realize that the building is made of reinforced Deviant metals, has three separate internal air and water filtration systems each, a green house capable of feeding an army indefinitely, and the ability to survive a nuke and the fallout wasteland for years to come.”

“That’s extensive…” She noted.

“To be fair this facility has been around since the rift riots, when people were convinced the world was ending, and it’s only been upgraded since then.” Philo shrugged. “Honestly, our budget had to be spent on something, and even our branch’s field teams are deployed sparingly. So base upgrades were considered the best direction for everything to go.”

She simply nodded, before looking around for a floor indicator of some kind, only to find none. “Um, we’ve been on this elevator for a while.”

“Yes we have.” Philo nodded in agreement.

She waited a moment for him to continue before asking, “How far underground are we going?”

“About five more meters as of… now.” Philo answered as she felt the elevator slow to a stop before the doors opened to a white and gray hallway leading to a pair of doors at the end.

“That um, that didn’t really answer my question…” She couldn’t help but point out as her new boss started down the hall.

Philo blinked, giving her a curious look. “It didn’t?”

“No? It didn’t?” She answered a little unsurely.

“Hmm, you’ll have to improve your spatial awareness if you’re going to stay here.” Philo told her, as he held the double doors open. “Otherwise you’re going to get lost and the last thing you want to do is take a wrong turn from miscellaneous paperwork to eldritch horrors from beyond the stars.”

“Eldritch what from the where now?” She asked.

“There you are.” Someone growled, interrupting Philo just as he opened his mouth.

“Ooh, you have no idea how funny your timing is on that one.” Philo smiled, a scowling dark haired man in a black and silver coat similar to his own.

“Where have you been? I’ve been looking all over for you for the last three hours!” The newcomer practically hissed through his teeth.

“Oh, I was upstairs waiting on our newest recruit here, Ms. Graham!” Philo explained with a flourish of his hands towards her. “She’s a very experienced secretary who will be an invaluable aid in keeping everything here under control.”

The dark haired man gave Philo a flat look before running a hand down his face and turning towards her. “Look I don’t know wh-”

“Oh, Ethan don’t you know a gentleman is supposed to introduce himself to a beautiful young lady before engaging in a mastication of words?” Philo interrupted. “Really where are your manners?”

“My manners don’t really matter when-”

“Of course they matter!” Philo scoffed with a shake of his head. “But if you insist on being so rude I’ll introduce you myself. Ms. Graham, this is Ethan Levi, one of our few field agents here in the archives and also one of this branch’s first employees.”

“Really?” She couldn’t help but ask, given how with what she knew she was pretty sure the archives had been around for at least twenty years and the guy in front of her couldn’t have been more than thirty on a bad day.

“Oh, don’t let his youthful appearance fool you, his Deviancy keeps him from aging like the rest of you.” Philo told her in a conspiratorial whisper that she was pretty sure Ethan could still hear. “In fact he’s looked like this for as long as I can remember.”

“You can barely remember what you had for breakfast this morning.” Ethan sighed.

“Cereal.”

“Eggs, there was an incident with the milkman and milk wasn’t drinkable.” Ethan corrected. “Dry cereal is what you had as a midnight snack because you were banned from entering the kitchen at night and someone left a box on the counter.”

“Oh, right.” Philo blinked. “But I still had them early enough to count as my first meal of the day, which makes that breakfast!”

Ethan rolled his eyes as he turned his attention back to her. “Just ignore the idiot, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Also I’m like twenty-seven and pretty sure I’m aging at the same rate as everyone else… at the moment.”

“You sound a little unsure there.” She had to point out.

“There is some weird Deviant stuff out there.” Ethan pointed out in turn.

“Fair.” She admitted, figuring that that was more true for Sanctuary than most. “Either way you seem a bit young to be the oldest employee for this place.”

“Technically I was the branch’s ward after some junk with Asylum went down.” Ethan shrugged, not quite meeting her eyes.

(And that sounds like a landmine if I’ve ever seen one.) She internally grimaced, only able to think of a few ways a kid would be transferred from Asylum to Sanctuary instead of any of the organizations literally designed to help children.

“Since I was part of the original junior Agent program it just made sense to stick around after I aged out.” Ethan continued unaware “And after doing my prerequisite years in the junior program the tests themselves were easy.”

“Especially with your friend cheating for you.” Philo threw out.

“That’s no different than an Arcane summoning their contracts.” Ethan frowned almost defensively. “Besides it’s not like I could tell them to leave after they showed up, and the proctors all knew they were there so it still counts.”

“Your friend?” She repeated in askance.

“That’s um, not something I really go around talking about.” Ethan admitted evasively. “It’s kind of classified and I’m not sure you’re qualified for that stuff yet? Then again you are down here so maybe you are?”

“Of course she is, she wouldn’t have a job here if she hadn’t proven herself trustworthy -or gullible- enough.” Philo waved away.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” She frowned.

“That you’re an extremely trustworthy individual based on your lack of a criminal record, the fact that you didn’t whistleblow all of your old bosses secrets after your falling out, and that we’ve already done a full background and mildly invasive psychology check on you to make sure you won’t go exposing state and federal secrets.” Philo broke down for her.

“Oh, uh, I thought that’s what you meant.” She nodded, just barely noticing Ethan narrow his eyes.

“So uh, Ms. Graham…” Ethan began with just a touch of suspicion. “What exactly were you hired for again?”

“Oh, I’m-”

“Our newest Archive Secretarial staff, like I said.” Philo interrupted wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “After all, let's face it, as much of a scatterbrain as I am, we could really use someone to help us keep all of our paperwork in order and keep me from having so much… friction with the director above.”

“That’s a polite way of putting it.” Ethan said, not losing an ounce of suspicion. “Pardon me, but uh, where exactly were you posted before moving here?”

She opened her mouth to tell him about the old firm she used to work at before watching a spark of red lighting dance along the floor and down a nearby doorway.

“Um, what was that?” She couldn’t help but ask as she felt a pool of dread building in her stomach.

“What was what?” Ethan frowned, glancing over his shoulder.

Before she could mention the strange lightning the room gave a faint shake.

“Oh, that can’t be good.” Philo blinked looking around curiously.

As if to agree with him there was a faint alarm followed by a voice over the intercom informing everyone that, “There is a Class-D security breach in the Cursed Artifacts Containment. I repeat there is a Class-D security breach in Cursed Artifacts Containment. Please remain calm and continue as you were.”

“Should we be worried about that?” She asked, feeling just a little panicked.

“Only if it were a Class-C or higher.” Ethan assured her. “Class-D means a containment door was broken by someone doing something stupid, but nothing dangerous has actually gotten loose.”

“Yet.” Philo pointed out. “Ms. Graham did say she saw something odd, perhaps you should investigate that while I finish helping her get settled in. It wouldn’t do for something to have snuck into Cursed Artifacts and us not notice until inventory pops something up as missing.”

“Right.” Ethan sighed, starting towards the same hall she’d seen the red lightning disappear down before pausing and turning back to them. “Actually, wouldn’t you be better suited for that given how you’ve got the whole magic sense and have every anomaly in the base memorized.”

“Ms. Graham still needs to be… read in on certain things, and besides we both know I’m better at… defending a target than you are.” Philo explained with a look she couldn’t quite decipher.

The fact that Ethan grimaced meant he could decipher it though, and that he didn’t care for what the look was saying. “Fair.”

With that settled it was once more her and Philo standing in the middle of the rather large -what she guessed was an- atrium.

“Do you, uh, do you think we’re in danger?” She asked Philo as he motioned for her to follow him in the opposite direction.

“Not at all.” Philo admitted with a blunt disregard. “Truthfully, Ethan and I have this rapport, and his self-given job as my second is largely to keep me from doing anything reckless. Hence why he is so interested in you as my newest hire. The boy really needs to learn how shaking things up can make a long long life interesting.”

“He’s your second?” She frowned. “But you said he was a field agent?”

“Yes, as am I.” Philo nodded.

That gave her a bad feeling. “Um, if you’re my supervisor, shouldn't you be part of the archives, like me?” She was very much not a field agent.

“Oh, I am. Our status as field agents is largely for retrieval of Deviant Anomalies that need to be stored or researched.” Philo explained. “Your job is still mostly going to be taking notes, scheduling meetings with whatever Sanctuary branch calls us in, and organizing the vile evil that is paperwork…” Philo stopped to give the air in front of him a melancholic gaze. “I miss when paperwork was one ink written letter instead of a two hundred page series of forms.”

(What am I even supposed to say to that?)

Philo suddenly shook his head before looking at her curiously. “What were we talking about?”

“My uh, my job here?” She answered a little unsurely.

“Right.” Philo nodded, taking a look into a room empty save two chairs and a table. “Ah, this one should do for what we need.”

“Uh, what do we need?” She asked, following Philo into the room as he took one seat and she took another.

“Someplace to do the vile paperwork.” Her boss told her before pulling out a bundle of crumpled paperwork from his jacket and frowning at it.

There were a handful of red sparks from his hand as the paperwork completely smoothed itself out. “Sorry about that. I quit carrying around suitcases after that time a minor void creep hitched a ride inside of one and decided to play face hugger the next time I opened it.”

She couldn’t help but shudder at the idea of that happening to her, and proceeded to eye her own suitcase with a grimace. (Note to self leave the case at home from now on.)

“Anyway, these are the standard NDAs stating that you will be handling state and federal secrets, and the standard ‘you will be sued into oblivion if you aren’t whistleblowing a crime’ clauses.” Philo casually informed her.

While not the most experienced with legal matters, she had dealt with a few NDAs at her previous job and she could tell that these seemed a largely standard affair despite the less than nice way that Erston had put it.

Which is why she had no problem signing them. (After thoroughly reading them of course.)

“And here is the actual employee contract, including all of your pay and benefits. Pay starts at twenty-five dollars an hour, with a minimum dollar raise each year upon contract renewal. You get three weeks of paid vacation, with an all expenses paid trip to one of several locations. Two weeks of sick leave, to be used at your discretion. Full medical and dental coverage for you and your family if you use in house doctors. Oh, and you also get up to six months of paid maternity and or paternity leave alongside full childcare up to twelve years of age.” Philo told her, listing out quite possibly the greatest employee package she’d ever had.

She told him as much as she shakily read over the entire contract, stating that her contract was on a yearly renewal basis and that she had to work forty hours a week with extra hours being over time and a right to refuse if her weekly hours totaled fifty or more.

“Admittedly, it would be better if we had that one clause that bankrupted the Gravston branch…” Philo sighed as he shook his head. “I warned them that would happen, I mean just look at how many people are eligible for it here? Everyone in this base would’ve used it at least three times by now. Personally I would’ve just put restrictions on it but apparently the director decided to just gut it overall given our special facility status and the changes he can make to the contract because of that.”

(Well if it bankrupted a branch I can’t blame the big boss for removing it.) She admitted to herself, unable to get upset about some unknown benefit that she wasn’t getting when there were so many other benefits to replace it.

And so -unaware of her new boss’s manic grin- she signed her name…

“Yes!” Philo cheered before pulling the paperwork from her and making it disappear in a flash of light as he told her, “No takesy backsies!”

“Uh, what?” She blinked.

“Ha, suck it Abraham! I’ve stolen another one of your employees!” Philo yelled while flicking the ceiling off with both of his hands.

“What?” She repeated in confusion.

The door to the room slammed open with a panting Ethan in the doorway. “Shit Philo we need you! The containment breach broke a Hellgate Artifact and-”

Whatever the Sanctuary agent was going to say was interrupted as he was tackled out of the doorway by something large with fangs and claws.

“What?!” She repeated once more, though in panic this time.

“Ah, so that was what that shift in the local Anima was.” Philo nodded cheerfully as if hadn’t just watched one of his employees get attacked and mauled.

“W-what’s going on?!” She asked, stumbling out of her chair and away from the door as another monster appeared in the doorway, its mouth a snarling mess of fangs and its body a scarred and disgusting shade of pink. “W-what is that thing?!”

“Oh, it’s just a regular Tuesday cosmic breach.” Philo happily informed her as he stood up from his chair. “And this is a Hell Creep of some kind, perfectly harmless!”

“One of those things just killed Ethan!” She screamed.

“Ha! Killed Ethan!” Philo laughed as he picked up his chair. “That’s a good one!”

She couldn’t help but let out a keening noise as she watched her new boss beat a monster to death with his metal chair, sending bits of blood flying all over the wall and himself.

Once he was finished he tossed his chair to the side and peeked out the door frame, “Can you believe she thought they killed you?!”

“Fuck you!” A voice that sent a primal chill down her spine yelled as half of one of these Creeps went flying past Erston as he ducked back into the room.

“Now that’s just rude!” Philo scoffed with a shake of his head. “She had no way of knowing just how capable you are!”

“I… wasn’t… talking… to her…” Ethan gasped out as he stumbled into the doorframe, not a single injury on him.

“Ah, I see… still rude of you though.” Philo informed his fellow agent before turning back to her. “Come along Ms. Graham, we've got work to do.”

“W-what?” She blinked, before shaking her head. “Why should I go anywhere with you?!”

“Because it’s your job?” Philo pointed out curiously. “You’re my secretary, you’re supposed to follow me and take notes so that I remember all the worthless little details I forget about while I study things.”

“B-but I’m not a soldier!” She had to remind him. “I’m a secretary!”

“Yeah, but you’ve still taken the field courses.” Ethan told her, pulling out his gun and offering it to her. “Even if you’ve never used them, you should know how to fire a gun and stick with us.”

“What field courses?!” She half asked half panicked.

“The ones Sanctuary gives all employees, including the non-combatants?” Ethan answered with a touch of confusion. -Which was still a lot less than what she was feeling at the moment.- “You’re a Sanctuary Secretary aren’t you?”

“Today’s my first day!” She told him.

Ethan narrowed his eyes. “There’s no way you’d be starting out with the D.A.R.C. branch if it was-” His eyes went wide before shooting to Philo. “What did you do?!”

“I acquired us a new Secretary by stealing Abraham’s newest addition.” Philo informed him smugly.

“No-no-no.” Ethan shook his head before turning to her. “Where did you work before coming here?!”

“I-I was at a law firm!” She yelled, his sudden panic doing nothing for her own.

“Oh, fuck!” Ethan cursed before turning around and shooting Philo in the chest, repeatedly. “You. Fucking. Idiot! Why. Are. You. Like. This?!”

Philo stumbled back, as red electricity crackled around his chest before brushing it and several bullets away. “Truthfully I blame my father for making my primary method of survival a dark art and forgetting to put in a safety filter to keep it from driving me insane.”

Ethan took a deep breath before slowly letting it out.

He then shot Philo in the dick before reloading his gun.

“Right, okay… going to have to clean up this mess.” Ethan turned towards her and flipped his gun around, offering it handle first. “You know how to use one of these?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Then only use it if a thing jumps you, because then you can’t miss. If you stay next to us that shouldn’t happen.” Ethan told her, shaking the gun until she took it from him.

Once she did Ethan clapped his hands together and pointed them at her. “Alright, quick explanation. Thanks to the idiot’s petty grudge you’ve been hired to a highly classified, only supposed to transfer in -not be hired to- branch of Sanctuary revolving around collecting, identifying, and containing Deviant Anomalies.”

He paused here upon seeing her confused look before sighing.

“Basically weird shit that sometimes crops up but can’t be dealt with by simply burning it, killing it, or disenchanting it.” Ethan simplified for her. “We’ve had a containment breach, meaning one of the things we contained is no longer contained and is instead summoning a bunch of minor demons to our world. In order to stop it we need to get the idiot to said anomaly so that he can seal it shut. If you want to survive you’re going to have to stick with us, because our boss blew all the door money on the containment vaults, meaning the doors to these rooms are very breakable and these things smell fear. Questions?”

She let out another keening sound.

“That’s what I thought.” Ethan admitted with a grimace.

“Oh, come now Ms. Graham there is nothing to fear! I mean even if you die we have some of the best Necromancers on pay to resurrect you within the hour!” Philo helpfully told her.

Her keening grew even louder.

“I really wish you understood why dying is considered a bad thing…” Ethan groaned.

“Truthfully, I’ve never gotten why everyone is so worried about it.” Philo confessed. “I mean death is so… temporary.”

“Not for normal people.” Ethan reminded him, before walking forward and crouching in front of her. “Okay, I understand that this is all-in-all not a good day for you.”

“I don’t see why not, I mean she has a new job with fantastic benefits.”

“... You mind if I borrow this real quick?” Ethan took his gun from her shaking hands before shooting Philo in the dick… again.

“Rude.”

“Anyway, like I said I promise you you’ll get out of this alive, but I really do need you to stick with us, can you do that?” Ethan asked her, once more offering his gun.

(No I can’t…) She told herself gently shaking her head, before forcing herself to take the gun and shakily forcing herself onto her feet. (But it’s not like I have a choice…)

“Alright, just keep calm and keep up, okay?” Ethan said steadying her with a hand on her shoulder and a nod of his head before turning back to Philo. “We’re not that far from the Anomaly but it’s been open enough that a fair number of the base’s guards have probably been put through the grinder by now.”

“Oh, then we really should get to work or else Sasha will blame us for letting the seven minute timer run out.” Philo told them, merrily wandering out of the room as if they weren’t in the middle of a demonic invasion.

As they followed him out of the room, and she watched him happily walk past another monster completely uncaring of the way it turned towards him with a snarl…She completely understood why when he snapped his fingers and a bolt of red lightning caused the monster to explode in a blast of gore and flame.

“Like I said, we’ll keep you safe, just stick close to us.” Ethan assured her once more as he trailed after his fellow agent.

(Oh, this is a bad idea…)

But not having any other options she followed as well despite her growing anxiety.

“Welp this is a right and proper mess.” Philo noted as they entered the atrium to find a number of guards shooting at a small of horde of monsters crawling out of the hall Ethan had gone through earlier.

“You and your friend want to do anything about it?” He asked Ethan after a moment.

Ethan glanced at her for some reason. “I’d rather stick with Ms. Graham and make sure she’s safe.”

“Oh, I’m sure she’ll be fine, she seems like the resourceful sort!” Philo smiled, while casually catching one of the creatures by the face as it lunged at him before making its skull explode and splattering them all with blood.

“Yeah, but I doubt she has your Alchemy or my… circumstances.” Ethan argued, wiping the blood off of his face. (While she was shaking just a little too hard to do anything about the blood on her own.)

“Hmm, I suppose that’s true.” Philo admitted before stomping the ground as several monsters broke past the guards and rushed them, only to be frozen in a flash of ice. “Do you mind? We’re having a conversation, and this is so terribly rude of you!”

“Ah.” Ethan snapped his fingers. “It’s a gentleman’s job to escort a fair lady to make sure no, uh, ruffians can bother her.”

“Oh, quite right!” Philo nodded with a shocked face before giving Ethan a smile. “Jolly good show old boy! You escort Ms. Graham while I clear us a path to the Anomaly!”

With that established Philo started towards the horde of monsters, red electricity dancing around his body as he walked.

“That guys is such a fucking idiot…” Ethan groaned as if he was in pain. “I really wish he wasn’t the most experienced magic user in Sanctuary.”

“H-he’s the most e-experienced m-magic user in S-Sanctuary?” She asked, that question somehow, the only thing piercing through her mind at the moment.

(Well, that and the fact that Philo had twisted the metal floor into a series of spikes impaling over a dozen monsters with it. Something she was actually trying not to think about.)

“That thing about never aging? Yeah, he’s been active since Memento was running around in the seventies.” Ethan told her as if she had any idea what that meant beyond Philo apparently being over fifty years old despite his youthful appearance. “I know for a fact Asylum had him locked in a cell somewhere with a null Anomaly locking his magic down. Guy would not quit singing French bar songs for hours on end…”

It idly occurred to her that (Philo and Ethan were probably locked in the same Asylum prison…) Not that that did anything to improve her current situation.

“Oh, do keep up you two!” Philo called from ahead as he returned the floor to normal in a dance of electricity, somehow turning the Creeps to cinder and ash as he fixed the spikes, though doing nothing for all of the blood on the floor. “Watch your step, floor is a bit slick.”

She glanced down at the heels she’d worn to work.

“Yeah, you’re, uh, going to want to invest in some boots.” Ethan told her after following her gaze. “You want me to, uh, help you?”

She shook her head. “I um, I’ll figure it out…” (Or break my neck… I could do that too I guess…)

By some miracle she made it through the blood with only one or two brief losses of balance, and only a few glances towards the various dead bodies littering the atrium (that everyone else is ignoring!)

“Hey, I remember this!” Philo laughed as he stared at a small (music box?) with smoke pouring out of it. “This is that old music box that little Lovecraftian girl corrupted with the mists! Wasn’t that one of our first cases together?”

She felt her eyes itching.

“Yeah…” Ethan shivered, apparently remembering something unpleasant. (Don’t worry I’ll be right there with you after today!)

“Oh, come now I know it’s embarrassing when a child gets a crush on you but all you had to do was explain she was far too young for you!” Philo told his fellow agent.

“You do remember she’s a two hundred year old eldritch horror pretending to be a child?” Ethan pointed out dryly.

(Alright, I can see the problem there…)

“I thought she was only fifteen?” Philo blinked curiously.

“No… That's the other eldritch eight year old…” Ethan sighed, before smirking. “The one that got adopted by that one guy who set you on fire and tried to feed you to his kids when that didn’t work.”

“Ah, yes… him.” Philo frowned, before whispering “I am not an all you can eat buffet…” in an offended tone.

(Okay, I am seeing a lot of problems there…)

“There’s a reason that city is black listed, lots of crazy in there.” Ethan told her upon seeing the look on her face before looking behind her and swatting the air. “Stop that.”

“Stop what?” She asked, wiping her eyes and finally getting rid of that itch.

“Uh… nothing too important… I hope.”

“Well, that’s not ominous at all…” She told him rather bluntly.

“Hmm…” Ethan opened his mouth to say something else but was cut off as something punched him hard enough to take his head clean off.

She froze watching Ethan’s body fall to the ground as a massive hand retracted itself to a large figure with several arms, a dozen eyes, and no mouth.

“Ah, seems we were a bit late in stopping the boss creep from getting out…” Philo told her as he pulled her back completely unbothered by the death of his partner.

She just stared at him.

“No problem.” Philo clapped with a smile. “All we need to do is close the music box and everything it summoned will fade away like a bad dream… I feel you would’ve laughed at that if you realized these Creeps are in fact eldritch mental constructs very similar to a Wonderlander’s Dreams and thus… the joke isn’t as funny when I have to explain it.”

“That thing just killed Ethan!” She couldn’t help but scream.

Rather than being chastised Philo had the gall to laugh. “Ha! Killed him! Even the second time that joke is so funny!”

“It’s not a joke!” She yelled at the mad man in front of her.

Philo blinked before putting a hand on her head and turning it towards Ethan’s body… as it picked itself off the ground and stood with a sluggish posture.

“I just realized you didn’t know he can’t die.” Philo told her as he removed his hand. “That’s what happens when you befriend a lovecraftian horror that doesn’t want you to… Well that and the tentacles.”

“Tentacles?” She repeated, before watching a dozen of pitch black -(no darker than black)- tentacles burst out of Ethan’s neck. Tentacles that quickly extended to wrap around the massive boss creep that had removed his head.

“His friend uses his corpse as a door to our plane of existence whenever he dies, bleeds, or feels any pain really. We were quite thorough in testing all of that.” Philo assured her as she watched in morbid fascination as the massive creature that had to crouch to stand in the hallway was violently forced through Ethan’s neck, without his body changing size in the slightest. “We also found out that it has a fairly voracious appetite.”

Once the massive boss creep had been fully consumed the tentacles began retracting, leaving only a handful that proceeded to coalesce into a spherical shape before slowly taking on the shape of a human head and paling until it replaced Ethan’s head completely undamaged.

“Well with that taken care of…” Philo walked over to the music box and picked it up before walking back and putting it in her hands. “Why don’t you close it? Think of it as a celebration for your first day in Sanctuary’s Deviant Anomaly Research and Containment branch, otherwise known as the Archives!”

She glanced down at the box before looking around at the blood and gore filled base around them, as well as the disoriented and newly resurrected Ethan, and remembered Philo’s words on this being a ‘regular Tuesday’ in addition to his ‘sued into oblivion’ comment.

At which point she couldn’t help but realize that, (Mistakes have been made…) as she closed the music box.