It takes everything in me to pick myself up and get out to my car without falling apart. I've never felt the kind of pain that rocks you to your core, and this is nothing short of painful. My life suddenly in pieces on the ground, and I have no idea where to even start picking them up because falling in love isn't easy, or simple. It's complicated and hard work. Never ending work to fight for.

I get why it might be easier for my parents to give up.

I get it in a way I never did before, because heartbreak is the worst kind of pain. A numbness you may never get control of ever again. And I just want another numbness to numb the pain of it all. To rid myself of dealing with it. A desperate need to run. From my life, from my pain, from Felix. From myself.

I'm not expecting it but when I get home I find my mom's car in the driveway, when she's usually at work at this time. I almost consider retreating, but I have nowhere to go and so I climb out, holding my backpack on my shoulder as I walk towards the house. My stomach is in my throat as I open the door, ready to be bombarded by my mom with questions about why I'm home early or why I have mascara running down my cheeks. All things asked out of love.

That's not what I see when I get inside though. Instead, I see both my parents with a vase of white roses on the coffee table. My mom's high heels on the floor next to the couch where she sits. My dad sitting on the table in front of her, her foot in his hand and his fingers working out the tender ache in the arches of her feet.

They're smiling. And laughing.

Happy.

While I feel like a truck has just run me over and left me for dead.

They're making progress though, and that's enough for me to know I can't be the downer I feel like. If I walk into the living room, they'll drop everything to be concerned about me and so, I quickly tiptoe across the foyer and head for the stairs buy don't get there before they notice me.

"Hi sweetheart," my mom says first, stopping me.

"Hi."

"You're home early."

I nod, swallowing. "Yeah, I had a free period last block so I decided to come home."

"Are you okay, little bird?" My dad asks and I hold my lips together tightly, nodding my head. I can't cry in front of them. I won't cry in front of them.

"I'm just going to go up to my room," I tell them. "Don't let me disturb you."

They nod their heads and I don't know if I managed to convince them or not, but at this point I don't have the motivation to care. I want nothing more than to run upstairs and collapse in my room, never getting up until I stop feeling like my heart isn't dying. The world feels somehow different knowing we're no longer a we.

He's a he.

And I'm a me.

It hurts knowing that I messed up something great, because I couldn't put my own stubbornness aside to see things from his point of view. Of course, this was hard for him and I know he only did it because he was scared of what it meant. It doesn't change the feeling of betrayal I have, because at the end of the day – he didn't tell me himself.

"Little bird?" My dad voice rings from behind the door, before he opens it and pokes his head in. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I swallow.

"Stevie, you've been crying."

"No, I haven't," I shake my head, turning around on my bed.

"Did something happen with Felix?" He asks, and I wonder how he knows. "It is, isn't it? You want to tell me what happened?"

I swallow the pain, my eyes wet all over again as I sit up. "We broke up."

"Awe, honey," my mom frowns from the doorway and walks over, wrapping her arms around me as she sits down next to me. "Is it because of the Berkeley thing?"

"No," I shake my head and sigh. "Yes? I guess...I just, I thought we were close enough to talk about this stuff. To decide on this stuff together, but maybe I had no right to think that way. Maybe it doesn't involve me."

"It does involve you," my dad shakes his head. "When you become a couple, it's no longer about you. It's about the unit you become."

"Baby, maybe this is for the best," my mom suddenly says, catching me off guard. "All good things have to come to an end at some point."

"That's a stupid saying," I huff. "Nothing about this makes it feel like it's for the best."

"Stevie, you're so young and you have such a bright future ahead of you. It may not seem like it now, but maybe this for the best," my mom suggests and I'm conflicted by my need to scream, and cry. All at once.

"Is that how you felt about dad when you broke up?" I ask.

"That was different," she mumbles. "When your father and I broke up all those years ago, it felt like the right move. He worked so hard for his music dream and it was right in front of him. How was I supposed to stand in the way of that?" She asks.

"Is that how you felt?" I look at my dad, wanting to know his side.

"I made the wrong move when I was given the offer. Your mom didn't break up with me because she didn't love me, she broke up with me because she did. At the time, I didn't get that. It felt like she had stuck two daggers in my heart," he explains. "But eventually I got it. She didn't want to hold me back from what I worked to get. She thought by staying with her, it'd be too hard. Too complicated. And love is complicated, little bird but maybe you understand that now."

My mom nods in agreement. "You're sixteen years old. You will meet someone new, someone that makes the world so much brighter for you and then you'll understand that there is so much more out there."

"What do you mean?" I frown.

She swallows, "You think you love him now, but as you get older you'll understand that this isn't even close to the real thing. You rushed into a lot with him, Stevie and I know the feeling. Getting all this attention from one boy and then, it changes as you get older. You'll grow wiser and this pain you feel now? It'll feel like a pinch."

At first I don't get what she's saying, despite it being clear as day and then it hits me like a ton of bricks, all at once. She still thinks I'm a kid. That I don't understand what love is. They both do.

They don't think this is heartbreak, but something that mimics the symptoms.

I feel the need to argue with them, yell at them for disregarding how I'm feeling. Even if they're right, it still feels painful. It still hurts, but then I look at them. Their hands intertwined between us and I realize I can't fight them. I can't argue.

I have to swallow this pain. My ache and numbness because they're hearts are healing to, and everything I have to say is going to rip open all the wounds again. And no matter how angry it makes me knowing they still think I don't know what it feels like to have my heartbroken. I know they're trying their best.

Even if the words don't help.

Even if it's only making everything worse. At least they're working together, so as problematic as it may be. I'll let it go because the last thing I want is to push them further away. From me and from each other.

They deserve a chance.

Even if they don't know what it feels like to fall in love with someone and not go back. Felix, our relationship - it's real. It was, at least. The realest thing I've ever been apart of and so maybe we were love struck teenagers. It doesn't make it any less relevant.

"Maybe you're right," I swallow the lie.

"It'll be okay, little bird," my dad assures me. "You'll get through this."

"I know." Another lie. "I think I'd just like to be alone right now, if that's okay."

"Okay, sweetie," my mom smiles softly. "We'll leave you alone."

"Thanks."

When the close the door behind them, it feels oddly like a weight lifting off my shoulders as I curl back up under the covers. They don't understand. No one does.

"Stevie?" Greyson knocks on my door a few hours later. "Can I come in?"

Getting up from my bed, I wander over to the door and pull it open to find him with two plates of food. He has a look of concern on his face and I know my parents told him.

"Hey," he says when he sees me. "Mom and dad told us about Felix. Thought you might want some food."

"Thanks," I exhale, taking it before turning around to return to my bed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks. "I know mom and dad talked to you, but they're mom and dad. They're in their own world."

"There isn't anything to talk about."

"Are you sure about that?" He asks. "Stevie, I know how much you care about each other. I've never seen either of you so happy, and I feel like a dick for telling you about Berkeley. I wasn't thinking. Obviously you would have said something before if you knew, and I think I just assumed..."

"You assumed I did because he was my boyfriend and moving six hours away affects both of us," I tell him and swallow. "It's been four hours, Grey and I already miss him so much. How am I supposed to handle being without him? How did I become so dependent on him? How can I possibly be this scared of living without him?"

"Because you love him."

I look up from my plate to look at him. "Try telling our parents that."

"The only person that can tell you how you feel is you, Stevie," he looks at me. "I can see you love him, and I know he loves you. He got scared about what this all meant, and I know you two are great together but maybe this is what you both need right now. You both got so dependent on each other, so quickly and maybe you need time to grow on your own to grow together."

"Easy for you to say."

"Yeah, it is," he frowns. "Distance is what killed my relationship with Mia, Vee. That's why we broke up. It's not because I didn't love her or because I didn't want to be with her. It's because distance makes everything so damn hard. We were only three hours from each other and look how we ended up? You'll be six hours away from Felix."

"You think this is what we need?"

"Yes," he nods. "I know it's hard to face, but breaking up might be what is best for the two of you right now. Because if you're together, all you'll ever be thinking about is the next time you get to be together and it's a distraction. He worked hard to be where he is. To get a scholarship to Berkeley? That doesn't happen every day."

I swallow and nod my head.

"I'm just giving you my thoughts. My experiences," he exhales. "At the end of the day, this is your decision to make, Stevie. Maybe you'll prove me wrong."

Or maybe I'll only prove him right.

a/n;

Only two more chapters left! And I can hardly believe it.