I've never really been sure if I was one of those people who believed that things change after you take this giant leap into adulthood. If I should feel different after losing my virginity, or if feeling different afterwards is normal. It's a question that's lingered in the back of my mind for longer than I knew, and now that I've experienced it I know I do.

I feel whole, like I'm complete with Felix and it's in that moment as I lay next to him that I realize he has my whole heart. Something I never thought would happen to me, but it has and it feels weird. To know there is another person out there that fills in the empty spaces, another person to depend on, another person to just be my person.

To be there when I need them. Someone I can depend on and will be nothing but completely honest with me. Good or bad, because I want that with him. I want all of this with him. I want the bad days, and the fights because it makes all the good stuff that much better and suddenly my fear is no longer letting him in but losing him.

"What are you thinking about?" Felix asks quietly as he turns onto his side, the tip of his finger dragging along my spine.

I shake my head, pulling his pillow tighter to my chest as I lay on my chest. "Just how happy I am right now."

"Yeah?" He hums.

I nod my head as I turn my head to look away from him, closing my eyes tightly and my lips curl up slowly when I feel his finger drawing on my back. His touch setting my skin on fire while still managing to send a shiver up my spine.

"I'm happy too," he tells me gently before leaning over, and kissing my shoulder blade.

I can't help the grin that crawls onto my face as I relax under his touch, rubbing the pillowcase between my fingertip and thumb. Felix continues to trace shapes over my back, and I slowly begin to keep count of the drawings. It takes a second, but eventually I realize the shapes are letters.

Mindlessly, I don't pay attention until they begin to add up. After the first four letters, my eyes open and my heart speeds up when I realize he's traced I love you on my skin. There's so much impact in the eight little letters that I feel like my heart is ready to combust, but it's that feeling that makes me realize I have nothing to be scared of when it comes to Felix. He's like a high I'm never, ever going to come down from.

When he stops tracing my skin, his fingertip hovering just above my back I turn around to face him. The corners of my lips curl up as I bring my hand up to rest on his cheek, his skin soft under my palm.

"I love you too," I say quietly. "So much."

Felix grins at me and somehow, makes me fall in love with him all over again as he leans forward and kisses me. "You're the best damn thing to happen to me, Nicks. I love you."

"Say it again," I hum, the words like music to my ears.

"I love you," he kisses my cheek and then my jaw. "You make everything better."

"You do too," I admit. "My life was falling apart before you, Felix. Then you came and you put all my broken pieces back together. I seriously, don't know how it's possibly to love a person this much."

The corners of his lips curl up as his thumb brushed over my jawline. Butterflies fill my stomach as I lean into his touch.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" He asks and I thank him quickly with a kiss, resting my hand on his chest. "Thank you."

"You're thanking me for kissing you now?" I smirk, my voice teasing.

"No, I'm thanking you for being here," he tells me honestly, his fingers tangled in the ends of my hair. "I don't like to admit it but I've missed having my family around. I was so used to having them around, having them need me but then Charlotte moved away for her job, and my moms' started working more. If one's here, the other is gone or they're both gone. All I had left was Liv, but now she's gone to and I guess I didn't realize just how much I like feeling needed."

"You are needed, Felix," I smile. "I need you, and I'm going to continue needing you. Even when you're sick and tired of me."

"Not possible," he kisses my jaw before wrapping his arm around me when I turn back around, pulling me tighter to his chest. "You have changed my whole world."

"Good," I grin to myself, wrapping my arm around his. "I expect to leave a mark."

"You already have, baby," he chuckles lightly and buries his face in my hair. "I don't know how I got so lucky with you."

I hum, biting my bottom lip. "Keep talking. I like hearing how amazing I am."

"Well, you are," he says, pinching my hip under the blanket causing me to squirm before his touch leaves my skin completely.

"No!" I whine as I reach for him when I feel him move from behind me, turning around completely to lay on my chest. "Where are you going?"

"I'll be right back," he chuckles as he grabs his boxers off the floor and pulls them on. He never leaves the room and simply walks over to his dresser, opening the second drawer and pulls out a soft shirt before coming back towards the bed. "Here."

"Thank you," I say as I sit up, holding the blanket to my chest as I reach for the shirt.

I pull it on as Felix crawls back into bed, waiting until I've pulled it all the way down and collected my hair to one side before he ushers me to lay down with him. My heart fills up with warmth as I snuggle up to him, resting my head on his chest and loosely draping my arm over his waist. The sound of his heart and the pad of his thumb rubbing circles over the fabric of his shirt sending me off to sleep, with the memory of this night leaving a permanent mark on me.

The next time my eyes open, it's to the morning sun bleeding in through Felix's bedroom blinds and I'm hit with the events of last night. My lips curl up and I slowly move my arm out, stretching my shoulder as I roll back slightly to find Felix already awake.

"Good morning," he hums, catching my hands and lacing our fingers together.

"Hi," I smile gently. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not very long," he tells me, resting his lips against the inside of my wrist before resting my hand against his chest. "You snore, you know that?"

My nose scrunches up before I say anything. "I know. Was it bad?"

"No, it's kind of cute," he admits with a smile. "How did you sleep?"

"So good. You're surprisingly comfortable."

He laughs before sitting up, untangling from my body and runs his fingers through his slightly tousled hair. "That's good to know. You hungry?"

I hum in response as I rest my head where he once laid, my eyes going to my phone on the nightstand and I instantly reach for it. When I have it in my grasp, a small snicker leaves my lips at the numerous messages from Isla and Robyn conspiring over whether or not I'm still a virgin or not.

"What's funny?"

"The girls being their usual nosy selves," I laugh. "I should probably get home soon."

"Probably," he laughs. "I'll drive you home after we eat, okay? But first, let's go find you some clothes to burrow from my sister's closet."

"Okay," I bob my head and get up to my feet on the bed, pulling on the hem of the shirt. I grin in his direction as I rest my hands on his shoulder as he turns around and holds his hands out as I jump on his back. "Lead the way, handsome."

He chuckles as I lean over and kiss his cheek, my blonde hair draping over his shoulder as I hang on tightly to him. Before long, we're eating pancakes and bacon in his kitchen and eventually, I find myself back at home. At first I don't want to leave him, and if it was up to me we'd spend the whole day together but I know it'll only lead to suspicion from my mom.

Thankfully, when I get inside I realize the house is empty and I'm able to get up to my room without anyone noticing that I don't have my bag with me. I consider texting the girls back right away but my thoughts are distracted by my camera bag sitting on the edge of my bag and my lips curl up, excited to see how all my photos look.

Hanging my dress up in the closet, I grab my laptop off the desk and find a seat in the middle of my bed. Unpacking my camera, I get the memory card and slide it into the slot on the side of the computer after logging in. My lips curl up into a grin when they immediately pop up on the screen, and after scrolling through them I come to a stop at the picture I took of Felix.

The small smirk on his lips lighting up my screen and sending a shiver up my spine. Taking a second longer to admire, I click the arrow on my keyboard and am surprised to find a picture of me with Felix. My arms are wrapped around his neck, his arms around my waist and our eyes are melted together. Nothing else in the world mattering, other than each other and I realize the photographer must have been Miss. Arthur when she was keeping an eye on my camera for me.

My thoughts go back to Felix and the tingle in my chest knowing he's mine and I'm his. I never thought it'd happen this quickly, knowing I love someone this much has my heart beating like crazy and my thoughts running wild. Knowing that I plan to love him for the rest of my life, wherever we go. A small part of me will always belong to him.

And as if on cue, my phone goes off with a text message. I fully expect it to be Robyn and Isla demanding answers again about my night but instead it's from Felix.

Holy shit, I miss you already.

cheesy

i miss you too

What are you doing in a few hours?

movie night...with my handsome boyfriend?

I'm there.

Pizza?

god, i love you

I love you too

I'll see you in a bit, okay?

sounds good

I grin to myself as I set my phone off to the side, dragging the picture of Felix and me into my editing software. After giving it my own touch, I post it on my private Instagram for my photography – tagging Felix in the photo before attaching my name to the account deciding I no longer need to hide myself from being labelled as Luke Alexander's daughter because I have someone in my life that sees me without it.

And really sees me.

Every ridge edge, every imperfection.

Every inch of my whole heart.

He sees me, and that's all I need.

a/n;

This chapter hurts my heart. In a good way.