Halfway to Felix's house, it's not until he reaches for my hand and brings my knuckles up to his lips that I realize I've been holding my breath. It's then that I come to terms with how big of a deal this is, this step. That this can, and will change everything.

For me.

For us.

But the reassurance in his eyes when I meet them lets me know that this is my decision to make. My choice and that settles the wave of nerves that keeps creeping back up on me. And I find myself holding onto every word he's ever said to me. Every emotion he's shared and that brings me back to myself.

Because we're okay.

"You okay?" Felix asks.

"Yeah, I'm good," I nod, and lean my head back against the headrest as I squeeze his hand tightly. "I like having you around, you know that, right?"

"I'd hope so," he chuckles, his eyes going back to the road but his free hand holds mine while the other keeps control of the steering wheel. "I'd be worried if you didn't."

"I just wanted to make sure you know that," I hum quietly and press my lips together as I muster up the courage to speak again. "I'm yours, Felix Montgomery."

The corners of his lips curl up but he doesn't look away from the road as he turns onto his driveway. When he parks and kills the engine, he finally turns to meet my eyes again and it takes my breath away.

"And I, yours," he smiles gently. "Every piece."

"Good," I smile softly.

Felix kisses the top of my hand once more before reaching into the backseat for my camera bag and climbing out. I rest my feet on the pavement of his driveway and pull his suit jacket tighter around my body as I shut the door, walking around the front of his vehicle to join him on the other side.

"Did you want anything to drink?" He questions once we get inside his house.

"Water?"

He nods as he kicks of his leather shoes. "I'll be right back."

"Okay," I exhale slowly as I set my camera bag on the bench at his front door before taking a seat to remove my shoes.

As my bare feet make contact with the hardwood floors, a chill runs up my legs. Wrapping my arms tightly around my body, I move further into his house taking in details I never noticed before and eventually find myself on the second floor in the same hallway leading to Felix's room. The memories of his party rushing through me.

The only one sticking out being the one where I knew he was going to knock me off my feet. He left a mark that night whether I want to admit it or not, but my attention is taken from my thoughts by the pictures on the wall. The corners of my lips turn up at the sight of a young Felix between two girls.

"For you," Felix holds out a bottle of water as he wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Thank you," I hum softly as I accept it with one hand, my resting on his arm as I press tighter into his chest. "Are these your sisters?"

"Yeah," he nods. "Lottie's on the left and Liv's on the right."

"Lottie, Liv and Lix?" I hum in curiosity.

"Happy coincidence," he shrugs. "We were all adopted."

I turn my head at the information. "I didn't know that."

"Not something I usually share," he shrugs. "As far as I'm concerned, my moms are the only parents I've ever had and you don't need to share blood to be family."

I nod, "So, your sisters...do you miss them?"

"Yeah," he nods. "I mean, we aren't nearly as close as you are with your brothers and I think I mostly miss having people around the house, you know? My moms' jobs are quite demanding and they're rarely ever here. Charlotte's off in Arizona working for a non-profit organization and Olivia's studying in Portland so...it's just me, really."

"I know that feeling," I sigh. "I'm terrified for the end of the year."

"Why?" Felix frowns.

"Isaac's going to be off in New York and Riker, he'll be closer but still far away," I explain. "Greyson will figure everything out like he always does and he'll be gone. If my parents' divorce...that's it. I'm alone in that big house."

"They'll come back, Nicks."

"I know," I nod. "And it's not like I'm not used to distance. My whole childhood has been distance, from my dad, from my mom when she's in New York working but the one thing I always had were my brothers and now I won't even have that."

"You've got me," he mumbles quietly, kissing my cheek. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Good," I admit and squeeze his forearm as I rest my head back on his shoulder. "Because I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You don't have to worry about that," he smiles softly before taking my hand and leading me the rest of the way down the hall until we're in his room.

When he opens the door everything suddenly becomes very, very real and my nerves are back. My stomach twisting in fear, but I can't tell if my nervous energy is good or bad. I know it's a big step. It's not meant to be taken lightly and it definitely isn't one I ever thought I'd be ready to take at sixteen but then I look at him and everything feels okay.

It feels right, like this is supposed to be a moment I share with him. And I cant decide if my body is trying to confuse my heart. Or if I'm just way too in my head for this. It shouldn't be this hard to know.

Isla and Miles said I'll know when it's the right time for us. For me, but I'm starting to wonder what exactly knowing feels like because for all I know this is what it feels like. This pit in my stomach. What I thought was nerves could be my body telling me this is right.

Nervously, I slip my arms out of Felix's suit jacket and hold it out for him to take. I go back to fiddling with my hands as I study his room, before landing on Felix who's taking his tie off and has started to unbutton his shirt giving me a front row seat view to the tight undershirt outlining his toned torso.

"I'll be right back, okay?" I ask it as a question but I'm not asking for permission, my feet already carrying me out of my room and towards the bathroom.

My stomach suddenly in my throat as I lock the door and step in front of the sink. Gripping the counter, I look up to meet my eyes as my fears of abandonment and commitment make themselves seen. I squeeze my eyes shut as I look down at my feet, taking a deep breath to calm myself down.

"Calm down," I whisper to myself. "I'm okay. It's okay."

I hold my eyes shut for a second longer as I calm my breathing, lifting my head to meet my reflection in the mirror. I feel different. I look different and I'm not sure I'm ready yet. Everything in my body is telling me to retreat and maybe I should. Maybe it's too fast.

It is too fast.

And I know I have to tell him, but I'm scared of what that means.

Every question I know I should have swims through my thoughts. What if he's upset? What if he breaks up with me? What if he insists? What if this? What if that? What if?

I keep telling myself that's not Felix. He'll be okay with it and we can just sleep. He won't be disappointed. Better yet, he'll tell me he feels the same way. That we're moving too fast, but a small part of me fears he'll be what my heart fears most. He'll want more, something I'm not sure I can give him right now.

The evil part of my mind expects to see him undressed when I get back to his room, but instead I find him in exactly how I left him. His tie hangs loosely around his neck, his white shirt unbuttoned and he's sitting on the edge of his bed with his forearm rested against his legs. I stop in the doorway of his room and cross my arms over my chest, swallowing as he looks up.

"You know I don't expect anything of you, right?" Felix asks suddenly, meeting my eyes and I feel my chest tighten at the question.

Do I?

"Yeah, I know," I assure him.

"Okay," he says before clearing his throat. "I just, I don't want you to rush into anything you're not ready for. I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you because, it's your decision, Stevie. I can wait for whenever you're ready, whenever that is. Maybe in a week, a month, hell, we can wait a year. I just...I know this is a really big thing and I want you to feel safe with me."

And that's all it takes for me to realize, I've been freaking myself out for no reason. I know I want this with Felix, because I do feel safe with him. Safer than I've ever felt before. He's my safe place. It's not a thing, or anyone else. It's him.

I feel secure and it's like some switch turns over, Isla and Miles' words reminding me that you just know when you're ready. It's just a feeling, and it's this one. This rush of warmth running through me as I step into his room and shut the door behind me. Within a few strides, I'm standing in front of him and there is no more nervous pits in my stomach. All I feel is safe.

"Stevie," Felix mumbles my name as I straddle his lap, resting my hands on his shoulder as my legs rest on either side of his.

"I feel safe with you, Felix," I tell him gently. "I want this. I want you."

"Are you sure?" He asks, his eyes meeting mine and I nod my head.

"I'm yours."

a/n;

This chapter is in the top five for me.