One restless night of sleep later, I'm sitting in my history class unable to focus on the exam in front of me. My thoughts still swimming, unable to focus and make a decision about Felix. Everything about the situation is telling me to say no. The timing is off. My parents are divorcing. And I'm pretty much just one huge hot mess.

But I can't stop thinking about what Lena said. If I can find one reason to go on the date, then maybe it's worth it and I do have one reason. A reason that still has my skin crawling, the rooftop memory setting my bones on fire and awakening every fiber of my being.

He sees me.

At least he says he does, and I really want to believe him. That his words are true and he means it. All of it. He sees me for myself, not my brothers or my dad.

Just me.

And that seems like good enough reason. Aside from that, he has taken over everything. I can't focus on my exam because I'm thinking about him. Like an ache I can't soothe but I'm stubborn. The part of me saying this is a bad idea is winning and I'll have to deal with that.

"Hey there, sleepyhead." Robyn says as she struts up to my locker, leaning into the one next to it as I turn my head to look at her. "You look like death ran you over, boo."

"Thanks," I sigh as I turn to look at my reflection in the small mirror in my locker.

She isn't wrong either. My eyes look tired and my hair unraveled, my instincts telling me to pull it up into a messy ponytail or bun. Anything would be better than this, but I can't bring myself to do anything about it.

"Didn't get much sleep?" She asks.

I shake my head as I close the door, "I was up late studying for my exam which I'm pretty sure I bombed and-."

"And you were thinking about Felix," Robyn grins, excitement filling her features.

Seeing no point in lying to her, I nod. "That and I got into a huge fight with my mom last night."

"What happened?" She asks as she takes my arm, her boy blinders going up. She completely ignores the fact I just said I'm thinking about Felix at the mention of family drama. Something I know I can always count on Robyn for. She is my support rock. The person I go to when I need to cry.

I shake my head. "It's my fault. I said something I shouldn't have, but I'm just so angry at my parents for not trying harder. It's like they completely forgot that we're a part of this too. It's not just their lives they're throwing away. It's ours too."

Robyn nods, "I get it, I do but Stevie if you're parents are unhappy being together...then maybe this if for the best and you just don't want to see it because it's your parents. It'll be weird if they ever meet someone new and get remarried but if this is what they want, you have to let them."

"I know, I do. It's just...I don't think they're unhappy with each other. I think life just got in the way and they stopped doing the little things," I admit to her. "Like my dad stopped bringing her flowers when he got home from tour. And she stopped rubbing his shoulders when he gets frustrated writing new music. The things you don't realize you took for granted until they're gone."

"Maybe they won't go through with it," she shrugs but my hope is bleak. It seems like things are becoming permanent no matter what I say.

"Maybe."

"I'm sorry you're going through all of this, boo but I guess this means I can officially welcome you to the kids of divorce club," she smiles weakly, trying to lighten the mood.

Her parents got divorced when she was ten years old. She knows what I'm going through and it's comforting to know she'll be there when I need her and if anyone is going to understand how I'm feeling, it's her.

"Are there perks?"

She hums and bobs her head, "Two bedrooms. Two birthday parties. Although, it can get extremely frustrating when you leave your favourite shirt at one parents house."

A laugh falls from my lips as we step into the gym, spotting Miles and Isla at the top corner of the bleachers built right into the side of the wall. Robyn and I giggle as we race to reach them, earning a few glances from the other people taking refuge in the gym. Mainly seniors, some juniors and the stray freshmen and sophomore with nervous looks on their faces as they search for a place to sit before eventually giving up and leaving to look for a place in the hallway.

"Hey guys," Miles looks up from the book in his lap as I climb up to the top row, plopping down between him and Isla, who sit a row below me. "How's your morning been?"

"Terrible," I frown before smiling. "You?"

"That wasn't scary," he laughs when he sees my mood transfer from upset to joyful. "It's been good, so far. How was your exam?"

"Oh yeah, you had your big history exam today, didn't you?" Isla asks about the history class I share with Miles, it being one of the only classes the two of us have together.

"It was pretty easy," Miles shrugs and my face curls up in disgust.

"Okay, brainiac," I roll my eyes. "I could barely focus the whole exam. I'm almost positive I failed."

"You know I'll study with you if you need the extra help," he offers and I smile at the generous offer.

"Yeah, I know," I nod, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "I'll let you know. Thanks Miles."

"Always," he says as he pats my knee before looking over at Isla who is staring off into space all of a sudden. "You doing okay there, babe?" He asks.

Isla hums and her eyes drift back over to the group, but not before I notice she is staring at Felix and his friends from the football team. Biting down on my bottom lip, I can feel my heart skipping in excitement at the mere thought of us being in the same room as him. Even feet apart, he still had this huge effect on me and I can't help the feeling. It all feels unreal.

"Yeah, I'm just think about how wonderful it would be if we could go on double dates," she smiles and turns her eyes to me. "You and Felix would be really cute together."

"Isla, not today," Robyn shakes her head next to me and I can't help but smile. "Let's leave the boy teasing until tomorrow, okay?"

"No, it's okay," I shake my head. "I've actually been thinking about everything since yesterday and I'm more conflicted than ever but, part of me wants to say yes to him and the other part is screaming don't go there."

"Why the sudden change of heart?" Robyn asks first, though by the look on all their faces I can tell it's the same question they all want to ask. She just beat them to asking it.

"I don't know really."

A lie.

I know exactly why I'm suddenly changing my mind about Felix. It's just hard putting it all into words that make me sound sane. Like I'm not solely making this decision because Greyson basically gave his blessing. It's more than that. After my conversation with Riker, Lena and him – I realized maybe it'd be okay putting my heart on the line and the thing scaring me is my parents.

I thought if anyone could stand the test of time, it'd be them. I figured I'd never have to be part of a statistic but I've been proven to that it's not true. Watching them fight, two people who love each other...or loved – it scares me. Terrifies me, actually.

I don't want to fall in love with Felix if it ends in fighting, and maybe I'm thinking too much. I probably am. It's one date, but it's more than that too. What if I end up really liking him more than I already do? What if we work? What if we fall in love and then something happens, something changes and suddenly all we do is fight? The idea of it alone breaks my heart and that's why I'm hesitating.

That's why I'm scared to say yes.

"You're a terrible liar," Isla smiles gently. "Come on, it's just us. You can talk to us."

"I was talking to Lena last night and she said if I could find one reason why I'd want to go out with him, then maybe I should and it got me thinking. And then after talking to her, Greyson kind of encouraged it," I admit and my stomach curls as I find my eyes running to Felix.

Maybe I should stop thinking and just do.

"Okay, you know what? I'm just going to do it," I exhale, making up my mind as I get up to my feet. "I'm going to go tell him yes. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?"

"That'd a girl!" Robyn grins.

"Own it, Vee," Isla encourages from her seat and I smile as I take a deep breath, moving around Robyn to climb down the stairs but before I can leave I find myself pausing.

"Don't even think about it," Robyn points her finger at me, reading my mind before I can even do anything. "Get out of you head, Stevie. Go for what you want and don't let anyone stop you. Including yourself."

"Have you ever thought about being a life coach?" I tease, smiling as I head down the stairs.

I can feel my heart hammering in my chest. My stomach in my throat, once again as I curl my hands into fists to focus my mind on the pressure of my nails digging into my palms. It settling the pumping of my heart as I reach the row Felix sits in with the other members of the football team.

It's frightening just how much he affects me and while being terrified of the feeling in my chest, I'm also so ready to embrace ever part of it. Tired of being afraid because of my parents and getting my heart broken.

"Okay, Felix, man, you're kill us! You've got to tell us. Did you or did you not get into the Alexander's little sister's pants at your party on Saturday?" One of the defence men asks as I get close to them, my heart dropping and I wonder if he did it on purpose.

"Obviously he did," another says. "Why else would he be hanging out with her?"

"Guys," Felix laughs and I expect him to tell them to shut up. That they don't know what they're talking about, or to jump in and defend me but obviously he doesn't. That'd just be asking too much of him, wouldn't it?

a/n;

This chapter hurts my heart.