“I... find that hard to believe.” DiDi just shrugged at Kitty’s refusal. “I’m sorry. It’s just that trust comes hard to me when dealing with normal people...”

DiDi arched an eyebrow, and lightning sizzled between her eyes, making Kitty jump. “Well, that is the first time in ever I’ve been called ‘normal’. Your standards are exceedingly loose about such things,” DiDi mused aloud, looking dreadfully amused. “I work in the Baxter Building, Miss Pryde. There is nobody here who is ‘normal’.”

“I... yes, my apologies.” Her face twisted again. “The original Fantastic Four are dead in my time...”

“Would you like me to introduce you to ours? I believe you will also find them vastly different than you remember.”

She took a deep breath. “No, I...I don’t think I can stay that long. This time jump was meant to save our future from ever happening...”

“Your timeline is Earth-814. The 810 through 819 timelines all deal with different variants of anti-mutant and anti-Powered uprisings.” DiDi gave her a solemn look. “It has counterparts in the Earth-290’s, where there were mutant uprisings, to similarly horrific ends, although we’ve not had a visitor from those yet.”

“I, you...” Kitty blinked at the revelation. “This really isn’t our timeline, is it...”

“No, Miss Pryde, it isn’t.”

“DiDi! DiDi!” The urgent voice barely preceded the young man who barged through the door, accompanied by a near-twin, only blond of hair instead of brown. “I’ve got a big problem here!... Oh, hi, Kitty!” he blinked, realizing he’d interrupted something.

“Peter Parker?” Kitty blinked in surprise, looking back and forth between them. “Two of you? Ohhhh, I know what’s going on...”

“You do?” Peter was blank-faced.

“She’s currently possessed by her future self from Earth-814,” DiDi supplied helpfully. “Probably remembers this all happening in a different way.”

“Ben Reilly?” Kitty asked, pointing, and the blond Peter-double nodded in shock. “The Jackal’s cloning nonsense. Osborn was behind it...”

“What?!” both of the young men blurted out.

“As for which of you is the ‘real’ one... information about me cannot be recorded on electronic or material media without my permission. That does not apply to living (or undead) organic memory,” DiDi interrupted smoothly. “So, which of you two remembers the Wowza Wonderland Weekend?” she asked calmly.

Peter’s hand shot up. Ben just blinked, and then his mouth turned down.

“I HAVE to ask what that was all about!” Kitty blurted out despite herself at the title.

“Doombots riding dinosaurs!” Peter exclaimed.

“Plunder’s zombie pirates!” DiDi nodded.

“Cyberninjas from the Mandarin!” Peter went on.

“Skrull Golem Statues!” DiDi continued.

“Kree Clown troopers!”

“You had to bring those up, didn’t you?”

“Cave-man balloon raiders!” Peter added, beaming. “Robo-Atlantean attack tigers!” Peter grinned at his double. “That was a pretty crazy weekend...”

“He left off the Vaporous Veils of Valusta the Voluptuous.”

Peter’s ears burned red. “That was unfair!” he protested.

“Very aphrodisiacal veils,” I informed the other two. “It took him two and a half hours to come out of it.”

Ben looked back and forth between us. “Was she hot?” he had to ask, and even Kitty looked interested.

“8.5?” DiDi shrugged, cupping her hands in front of her a couple inches. “F? Granted, he was calling out Emya’s name all the while...” DiDi just shrugged. “He’s got a four-inch scar under his right shoulder-blade as a reminder of his superior performance and her approval.”

Kitty and Ben were smiling at Peter’s obvious embarrassment. “Why does that keep happening to me?” he muttered. “And you couldn’t even catch her!”

“I did, however, find the formula for Valusta’s Venturesome Vapors and Pheromonal Fogs in her notes, and the formation for setting up the Veils. Quite clever, really. Also, she’s the head Bug Shaman for the Savage Land, so who was I to interrupt a Spider Totem in his holy duty?”

“Aaaand you didn’t want to get sucked in there and make it a threesome?” Kitty hazarded slyly, and Peter somehow grew even redder.

“Oddly enough, there were no antidotes or preventatives in her notes,” DiDi replied dryly. “Valusta was quite miffed that it didn’t get to last all night long after I watered down the dispensing jugs, and Peter nearly cold-cocked me when he thought someone was intruding on his and Emya’s down time. Valusta scampered off on a psychedelic butterfly, while I had to bring his Obesiant Nudeness down from his sexual high.” She scrunched up her lips. “That was about halfway through the Weekend, right?”

“Yeah. The burning demon monkeys came next...” Peter sighed, the same expression on his face.

“Ah, yes. With the Burning Golden Monkey King who totally wanted me for a sex toy. I gave his staff a staffing,” DiDi remembered with a raised finger. “And then the Winged Snakes of Junjapur attacked...”

“Chasing us into the Sacred Statues of Sakula-Saur...”

“Leading to the Fanatic Fishmen of Glig-puul-guud...”

“Who were trading with Plunder and his zombie pirates and submarine...” Peter sighed, glancing around. “It really was a wowza weekend. I think... wow, was that the only sleep I got that weekend?”

“The Venturesome Vapors are very energizing,” DiDi reminded him, and his paling ears went scarlet again. DiDi just waved her hand at the other two. “We wrote a book about it in the action library, just because it was so unbelievable.”

“The girls all looked up the Venturesome Vapors formula, too, just to make sure we weren’t lying after they read it,” Peter sighed. “Of course, Emya leading the Zebra clan after us with a thundering lancer charge was pretty damn cool, too...” He smiled despite himself at the memory.

“Valusta sent some minion bugs out to recapture her errant lover,” DiDi informed the other two. “Emya was very not happy with her. That was a lot of dead bugs,” she remembered thoughtfully, and then made a dismissive gesture. “Years ago. Ben, I believe you’ve figured things out, as you should otherwise have at least some passing memory of me, given how I’ve known Mr. Parker here since he was a high school sophomore. If you like, we can arrange for a telepath to go over your implanted memories with you with a fine-tooth comb, pointing out all the gaps and irregularities that come with a recording.

“You aren’t Peter Parker, you were just given most of his memories to convince yourself you were. Now, in the spirit of the Parkers, we would like to offer you the most in-depth genetic scan ever, seeing if there’s any surprises in you that shouldn’t be there, which we can then remove.” Didi’s lips turned down. “If the Jackal and Osborn are involved, I think you can guess why that’s important.”

Despite his troubled face, Ben nodded quickly. “That... sounds like a really good idea, thank you,” he agreed sincerely.

“Also, don’t be getting all shy and angsty and running away. Peter’s an only child, and he’s wanted a brother or sister his whole life.” I pointed at Ben sharply. “I expect you to be out there webslinging like the rest of them. And I’m telling Aunt May and Uncle Ben, and you better be there for Sunday dinner, too. They’ll be expecting you!”

He flushed nearly as red as Peter had. “Yes, ma’am!” he managed nervously.

“Peter, take him up to see Reed. Full-bore genetic scan, expecting some form of sabotage. And then,” I leaned forwards, “you take ALL of your friends and go take care of the bastards who did this to all of you. If there are any more clones, you bring them home!”

“You got it, DiDi! Let’s go, Ben!” Peter said urgently, heading for the elevator. Ben paused for a second, then hurried after him, trying to hide the smile on his face behind a grim façade.

“Well, that’s going to go differently than I remember it,” Kitty Pryde murmured, looking after them.

“We handle things differently here,” DiDi replied calmly. “So, what you came to do is not going to get done, because it doesn’t need to get done. Granted, I put some eyes on Senator Kelly regardless. I imagine, however, that you would still like some help.”

Kitty turned around again, once again older than her years. “What kind of help are you offering?” she asked carefully.

DiDi sat back, her fingers touching. “My older sister could accompany your soul back to where it came from. As I understand it, your primary threat is a North American-wide network of Sentinel robots, their Master Mold artificial intelligence, and the production facilities that make them.

“She is fully capable of neutralizing the Sentinel network, rescuing all the mutants that have been captured, and succoring any that remain free.”

Kitty blinked in disbelief. “Are you sure you’re not underestimating the scale of the threat here?” she asked hesitantly.

“If anything, I’m overestimating it. Dynamo is currently at the fringes of Andromeda blowing the crap out of a Skrull trading station, and hunting down and destroying the infiltrators they’ve set up among the Klaustutians on the planet there. She should be done in an hour, and then she can pop back here and meet you.”

Kitty blinked. “From Andromeda.”

DiDi nodded slowly for emphasis. “Yes...?”

Kitty paused to think for a moment. “Is... is there a Peter Rasputin around? In my time, we were married...” she asked hesitantly.

“The Steel Colossus of Russia serves in the Euroforce overseas, renowned as much for his painting as his metallic might... and pursued by many members of the European artistic community as a result, to nobody’s surprise,” DiDi mused, and Kitty flushed despite herself. “He and your host have met several times, but there’s been nothing romantic between them. I believe she is currently involved with Doug Ramsey. Diamond Ghost and Cipher are a known combat couple.”

“Diamond... Ghost?” Kitty repeated blankly.

DiDi tilted her head. “Your host is capable of manipulating her personal density from intangibility to nigh-invulnerability. Are these not powers you share?”

Kitty blinked. “She can phase AND make herself dense?” she asked, stunned.

“Yes, and she’s very good at it. Our training is quite thorough, and she has great amounts of combat practice, as you might imagine. She is currently learning to vastly extend her phasing ability to that which she touches. For a short period of time, she’s proven capable of phasing an entire tank, and the ability is only growing.”

“Well...” Kitty blinked, clearly shaken a bit. “And Doug is still alive here, and doing well?”

“We had to expand his ability to learn languages beyond printed media and into the world around him. His Language of Combat is exceptional if you don’t know how to counter it, held back only by his lack of true superhuman physical ability, and his Language of the Dance gets him a lot of partners, although his computer coding is what brought him and Kitty together. The BOSS coding owes a lot of the streamlining of its language to him, although he’s not as good at synthesizing new languages as learning older, established ones.” DiDi tilted her head slightly. “If there’s a Savant capable of finding a formula among some of the odd Weird Science stuff actions and reactions out there, he’s going to be one of them. He’s helped crack a lot of Weird Science equations, even if he doesn’t understand what it’s for or it can do. Very helpful at the high end of science.”

She sighed deeply. “Even Doug’s small gift expanded into something so powerful?”

“It’s just a case of coming up with ideas to use it, and seeing what sticks. Mutants can end up with some crazy weird abilities. Applying them is always a test. If they can’t, then just vent their Cores and teach them rote psionics like any Powered.”

Her eyes went really wide, and she leaned forward in interest to hear more about that process...

==========

BOSS = Baxter Operating System Service. No Bill Gates bringing computers to the world here, and Tony Stark is busy in space. Reed Richards-type tech slowly being brought to the rest of the world...