According to what Apollo said, my best bet at getting into the Mobius Awards is by being someone else’s plus one. An assistant, as it were. Basically, an assistant is an attendee’s helper, or lackey of sorts. Well, technically the official term is ‘apprentice’, but since every attendee is usually a shut-in socially inept genius, obviously an assistant is more of a formality. Over the years it’s actually gotten to become some sort of inside joke, in fact. Announcing that you’re a helper is literally synonymous with “not being good enough to be an actual attendee, so you’re just riding off of someone else’s success”.

In a way, you could say I’m lucky to have Apollo as an employee. From most workplace stories I’ve heard of, the employees are usually no-good slackers who only fool around instead of doing their job, leading to their boss having to constantly shout Do your job or you’re fired! Then again, I think that was a children’s book about a blue bird and raccoon…

Ugh, what am I even thinking about at such a crucial time? Children’s books? Really? I haven’t even touched them since Joseph stopped reading them to me right before bedtime. Man, that sure brings back memories… I’d have to pretend to be asleep just so he could leave me alone, otherwise I’d have to wait for him to finish with his slow reading pace until I could go to sleep properly.

That guy, couldn’t he have learned to read at least at a normal reading pace? You know, like 500 words per minute or something like that? Even if we use the argument that he’s really old, I’m sure he could still break the 400 words per minute barrier if he only put in just a bit of practice every day, instead of making those illustrations of his.

Speaking of his illustrations, they seem to be steadily improving as of late. He always advocated taking things slow in life, so I always just kind of assumed his lack of progress was due to this ideology of his. Who knows, maybe he got tired of walking around in circles and finally wants to seek betterment? Nah, if he did that, then he wouldn’t be Joseph anymore!

In any case, I don’t have time for this right now. I’m currently in the middle of a very important commission – I’m helping as a stand in for the jury of the local courtroom! The court of law is a sacred place, one in which no lies are to be told! I can’t be thinking about my selfish problems when I’m supposed to be hearing out someone else’s!

“Order! Order!” The old bearded judge hit the table with his gavel, “Defendant, where is your client?”

“Well, your honor,” The defendant explained, “The client isn’t currently present due to some personal issues, but he claims that…”

Wow, not even showing up to your court hearing? What an idiot… But seriously, what am I gonna do about the Mobius Awards? I really don’t like the idea of having to ride on someone’s back, much less someone I don’t even know. The Awards are coming up in less than a month, and God knows they only show up every ten years…

“…And so,” The defendant interrupted my train of thought, “I believe that my client has done nothing wrong according to article 17 of…”

Geez, he scared me! I wasn’t paying attention, so I though he was calling out to me because he was making direct eye contact. Wait, could it be that he somehow noticed I wasn’t paying attention?! Oh wait, maybe he was just staring at my heterochromatic eyes? If that’s the case, that’s rather rude!

Oh well, I don’t really care. I just wanna get this over with and head home so I can focus on my work. But seriously, Apollo’s plan is flawed from the start! To begin with, in order for me to be considered someone’s assistant, I’d need to work under them on at least one bigger project or thesis. That being the case, I doubt my attendee would have something like that just lying around!

“I hereby call a member of the jury to testify!” The judge ordered as everyone turned to me, “Meil Deram of the jury, could you please step onto the podium and explain the situation?”

Eh? M-Me?! I turned to the others while pointing at myself in a comically dumbfounded way before anxiously accepting my fate. Standing atop the podium, I had all eyes pointed at me. These eyes were expecting a testimony from me, but I wasn’t paying attention at all, so I don’t even know what this case is about! Whatever, I’ll just try and weasel my way out with basic answers whilst checking the jury’s reactions.

“Meil Deram, as someone heavily related to this case, could you tell us a little bit about your family?”

“H-Heavily related?”

The judge opened his eyes wide in surprise. Looks like I should’ve kept my mouth shut and just done as I was told… That being the case, I did notice the defendant staring daggers at me and basically gesturing me to keep my mouth shut. I don’t know what the case is about, but lying isn’t a good thing to do in court, Mr. Lawyer!

“R-Right!” I continued, ”Uh, well, due to my job, I’m not really at home much. Mostly during the evening and morning is when I’m actually there!”

Looking at my fellow jury members, I noticed they were nodding their head and all in all giving me a positive reaction. Good! This means I’m not off track just yet!

“Oh, but my caretaker, Joseph!” I recalled, “He likes to draw a lot, so I would sometimes check up on him a bit to pass the time.”

“Oh?” The judge leaned in, “So he really does draw…”

At this, the jury, as well as the defendant, collectively facepalmed. I messed something up, didn’t I? But the judge is making a face as if he’s really having fun with this. I don’t like being made the butt of the joke, so I need to find a way to turn things around without lying.

“And could you tell me exactly what he draws?”

“E-Erm… Portraits, and… such things?”

“Of whom, exactly?” The judge pressured.

“Wh-!”

What’s it to you?! I wanted to shoot back, but I immediately zipped up (much to the judge’s dismay). That was close! I almost said something that would’ve gotten me a first class ticket to the local jail cells! Gotta calm down, gotta think! Why is the judge so fixated on Joseph’s art to begin with? Oh, I know, he must be a fan!

“I can ask him to make you one if you want.” I decided to whip out my most friendly expression I had, “That being the case, he doesn’t do freebies. And certainly doesn’t care about your exposure. 10 Ezios a piece!”

“…Why the hell are you pitching your old man’s work to the judge all of a sudden?” He looked at me with eyes of utter befuddlement, a face now thoroughly confused, “Do you understand the severity of you being here?”

Crap! I was wrong, he’s not a fan! Definitely not a fan! And what does he mean ‘severity’?! Isn’t he the one that’s getting off track here talking about my old man’s illustrations of all things?!

“Um, Your Honor, I’ve got some more commissions to do after this, so I’d like to go soon…?”

“Well then, just tell me what it is exactly that your dad draws and I’ll let you go.”

Seriously, that’s all? Well then…!

“Women!” I proudly exclaimed, “He really likes drawing women! Particularly the ones standing idly around in our neighborhood! Oh, but he told me to call them illustrations and not drawings, so please refer to them as such.”

“Alright!” The judge hit the table with his gavel one last time, “That settles it! If even his son testified it, then there’s no doubt that Joseph is guilty on account of stealing glances at the passerby ladies of Oden!”

WHAT?! This case was… about Joseph all along?! Wait, seriously?! But what he draws isn’t harmful at all! I was just making a joke that one time! Wait wait wait, is he gonna go to jail because of me?!

“That being the case, Meil, thank you for being honest in the court of law.” The judge thanked me, ”Your transparency is unheard of, and we all know you and your family are good people. Since this is a minor offense and is mostly suggested by the husbands of the ladies in question, how about I let your father off with just a 100 Ezio fine?”

Wait, seriously? The husbands were just jealous of Joseph for painting their wives so beautifully, am I hearing this correctly? Man, I don’t understand love at all… Even still, 100 Ezios is literally nothing when compared to the alternative. Well, it’s still a lot, but I’ll pay the fine myself seeing as I was the one responsible for it in the first place.

***

“Uppie! Uppie!” Apollo ran up to me with an unopened envelope the moment I walked through the front door to my workplace, “I did it!”

“You did it!?” I parroted his words excitedly, “Quickly! To the alleyway!”

It’s been a few days since I returned from jury duty and told Apollo that I’m willing to go forth with his plan, but to think he’d find someone so quickly! That’s Apollo for you! Maybe those energy drinks are efficient after all, he’s never been more motivated to help before!

“Okay,” Apollo stopped me before handing me the envelope, “Good news and bad news. Good news, I asked a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy about your predicament, and apparently that last guy was friends with a Mobius Award official!”

“Whoa!” I gasped, “And what’d they say?!”

“Apparently, you’re really lucky, because apparently they were looking for an assistant for this one attendee in particular. Apparently no one wanted to pair up with him, so you’re just the guy they were looking for. The attendee apparently agreed to it and he’s already taking a boat ride to Oden as we speak!”

Why are you saying ‘apparently’ so much…Wait, the guy’s already coming over?! T-That fast?! Well, I guess the Awards are in just under a month, so his haste is appreciated if anything. Then again, there’s gotta be a catch to this, and I imagine it has something to do with the number of times he said ‘apparently’…

“Hey, uppie, you’re giving me a suspicious look, y’know?” Apollo glanced away from me awkwardly, “As you can already probably tell, that’s where the bad news comes in. From the rumors buzzing around this guy, he’s a real jackass.”

Ah, there it is. The rumors. You see, the way the attendee system works is as such: An attendee’s identity is kept hidden from the public due to safety reasons, so the only thing known about who they are exactly is spread by word of mouth, and that typically involves a lot of rumors.

“From what I was told,” Apollo continued, “He’s an adulterous bastard.”

“Adulterous… bastard?”

“That means he cheated on his wife with another woman.” He explained it to me.

Wait, people do that?! But if it’s his wife, then that means he vowed to always stay with her, no? Does this guy not understand the term ‘Until death do us part’?! I seriously don’t understand love at all…

“Oh, and another thing,” Apollo then explained, “He has barely any people who consider him a friend. He mostly referred to them as ‘business partners’ during his heyday, so he never got close to anyone. Some even say he’s not originally from Cardina, due to his frequent use of Entropic, but then again Entropic is the universal language, so even that doesn’t have to mean anything.”

Right, Entropic is used all around the world, and even though it originated in Entropa, the language is still used as a primary tongue even here in Abyssus Solis, as well as the Carmen Colony over at the eastern coastline of Simpleton. Truly an all-purpose language, but I’m sure once I decipher the ancient Raamic Language that it’ll be used by the Abyssals one day!

“I know this may be a dumb question,” I fiddled with the opened envelope in my hands, “But could I at least know the guy’s name?”

“Meil, you know better than I do that an attendee’s name is to be kept secret. Of course I don’t know. I guess you’ll just have to wait and find out for yourself when he comes to Oden.”

“Yeah, I guess so. But thanks again, Apollo, you really helped me out here.”

“Heh, no problem, uppie!” He rubbed his philtrum with a wholesome smile, “As long as you’re allowing me to drink as many energy drinks as possible, I don’t mind doing anything!”

“Oh, then would you be willing to do my share of today’s commissions on top of your own?”

“E-Eheh, n-no thanks…”