"Wait, what? No, no that's not right?" I rambled "I know her rejecting you is what led to your suicide"

"How long has it been?" Mom asked with a sad smile

"Eleven, almost twelve years"

"So, you're 25 now, wow. You look so much like me and your dad. So that means Minji is 28 and Minsu is 26, right?" We all nodded

"Can someone please explain everything because I'm so lost right now" Minsu exasperated

"Why don't you start from the beginning" Sienna encouraged my mom, "Seems like we all have parts of the story so we're hoping you can fill in the gaps and clear up the muddy spots"

"Based on the amount of people in this room I'm assuming these are yours, Minji and Minsu's soulmates" my mom asked look between us

My cheeks tinted a pastel pink, "actually all seven of them are mine"

"Seven! " Despite the tension and severity of the situation I could not stop myself from laughing

"Yes, I'm okay"

"We don't have soulmates, Ma-ri is the only one of us with marks," Minji explained. Mom's face twisted in confusion

"I'll get some chairs" Dr. Moon said

"I'll help you" Jungkook and Seokjin said at the same time and followed the doctor out the door. They came back with two chairs each, well the muscle bunny came with a stack of four and spread them out for everyone.

When everyone had a seat, the door was closed, and all eyes were on my mother who looked calm and content. For someone who was thought to be dead for 11 years she's surprisingly cavalier about everything. We all waited with baited breaths for her to recant what happened over a decade ago.

"Mi-kyung's rejection is not why I tried to commit suicide" she started "was it a factor? Yes, but not the sole reason behind my decision. It broke my heart to feel her pushing me away but on that fateful day I felt her finally accepting me. The main reason I tried to take my life away because of a tumor that developed on my brain, a glioblastoma, I had been diagnosed with cancer 5 months earlier"

"Cancer? You had cancer and didn't tell me?" I frowned, feeling angry that she would hide such a critical illness from me

"I'm sorry Ma-ri, really I am but the way things progressed threw my whole plan off, I never intended this," she said pointing to herself "to happen but the pain became unbearable. I was watching myself slip away day by day and doing all I could to keep my burden from falling onto you, you were just 14."

"The headaches were because of the tumor" I remembered her being brought to tears on several occasions with complaints of a headache.

"Yes. The survival rate for this type of cancer is very slim, it can barely be treated because it's so unpredictable and hides amongst healthy brain cells so trying to cut it out can be very dangerous and life threatening. I talked to my doctors about radiation therapy, but they pretty much told me not to waste my time because it was spreading at an alarming rate."

"Dr. Moon, is that what was causing the phantom migraines in Won-jae?" Mi-kyung asked

"It's possible, they shared a mental connection, so I'd say it's very likely the cause" he responded with a calculating look in his eyes.

My mom's head tilted to the side "Is Won-jae gone too?"

"He passed away a few months ago, we met Ma-ri shortly after" Minji answered but the seemed to only further confuse my mom

"What do you mean, didn't you stay here with your father and Mi-kyung?"

"No, granny took me back to America. I never heard from daddy ever again, I only knew he died because Minji found me on Facebook. I moved back to Korea five months ago when after I connected with my soulmates"

"Why didn't you take her with you!" Mom shouted at Mi-kyung making her jump "I know you were there because it's the reason the bullet missed my brain and hit the tumor" she fumed. She "died" thinking I was going to be with my family

"I got scared and panicked when I heard the gun go off," she mumbled, looking down shamefully. My mother sighed deeply and shook her head

"Mommy, how can she have changed the trajectory of the bullet? Why do you believe she saved you?"

"Like I said before Mi-kyung was finally open to accepting me and connecting with me, I felt her nearby and wanted to go to her so I lowered the gun from my head and tried to get up but I lost my balance and since my finger was still on the trigger, I fired accidentally. The bullet went clean through my skull at an angle and ruptured the tumor. The impact from the shot and the amount of blood pouring out of my head is what made me appear dead" My mother looked at her soulmate, her eyes were furious yet sympathetic. "She was nearby, I could faintly feel her but it was slipping away. I actually remember coming to in the ambulance but the amount of blood I was losing forced them to knock me out to help decrease the flow"

"So, if Mi-kyung hadn't dropped by that day, even though she never made it inside the apartment, you might have succeeded" Jimin said in a quiet voice, mostly to himself but we all heard him.

"Right, even though Ma-ri was on the other side of the door, trying to get in, I was still going to go through with it because the pain was just too much. I never intended for her to be home when it happened, but it was much later in the day than I anticipated so when I heard her come in from school I panicked and locked myself in my bedroom."

In less than six months, I have been confronted with more life altering revelations than a regular person might experience in a lifetime. Being in a constant state of pain and overwhelming takes a hefty toll on you, makes you numb and cynical. My mental and emotional health was shit and my physical health wasn't in the best shape either. I was tired in every aspect of the word.

Every time I thought I conquered one obstacle and would be able to breathe easy for while I'd get smacked in the face with three more around every corner I turned. I was tired of enduring; I was tired of fighting, and I was especially tired of being disappointed.

I didn't know how to feel. Of course, I was overjoyed to see my mom again but then anger set in learning she had a terminal cancer she never told me about. I was pissed at Mi-kyung for rejecting us but also grateful she was there to distract my mom. I hated my dad for leaving me but understood he was dealing with an unstable person and probably did what he thought was right at the time. I was happy to know my brother and sister but the conflict between their mother and me was straining our relationships with each other. I loved my soulmates, God, I loved them beyond what words can convey but between Seokjin, Hoseok, and Jimin, I sometimes wished I never met and connected with them. I'm gaining fame I never wanted, even though I am half Korean I'm still treated and looked at like a foreigner, some of my in-laws are fucking racist and I have a long-lost grandmother that no one knew about- Who the fuck wouldn't be overwhelmed!

"I know it's a lot," Yoongi said in a calming voice, he engulfed me in his arms and rubbed my head. I didn't want to cry anymore, my eyes and face hurt but the tears spilled anyway. "Aww baby" he sniffles as my body began to shake

A larger hand touched my back, rubbing small circles on "I can't do this anymore... I can't take anymore

"It's gonna be okay Ma-ri" Namjoon's deep voice assured me "You're stressed right now but over time everything will settle down. You're so strong baby"

I lifted my face and pushed Yoongi away and shrugged Joon's hand off me "I don't want to be strong anymore!" I turned to my mother, my eyes red, burning and streaming tears I can't seem to stop "I tried to kill myself."

"You what?" Her lip quivered as she spoke, her glossy eyes finally dropped the tears she was trying to hold back

"Not long after I moved in with granny, I was severely depressed and lonely, so I tried to kill myself to take the pain away. I took a bunch of sleeping pills and sat in the garage with the car on and the windows down. I was going to slit my wrist too, but I passed out with the razor in my hand before the cut. I had never felt more alone than I did that day. Then I felt ungrateful and selfish, putting granny through that when she had just lost one of her children to suicide. I have not been okay since the day daddy left us and I highly doubt I ever will be again" my body felt heavy. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and be left alone.

Alone.

Alone was a protection. I used to wish for a time, fantasize about it, when I would be surrounded by people that wouldn't leave me and love me unconditionally, and now I have that but at what cost? Having my heart broken repeatedly, questioning my place in the world, afraid to trust anyone, was this all worth being able to say I have someone to love me?

"You've known about for as long as Jin," I shift my attention to Dr. Moon "How come you never reached out to me? You never tried to contact me to tell me my mother was alive all this time"

"I wanted to, but I didn't want to get your hopes up just in case she never woke up. I constantly fought myself on telling you but every time we failed at waking her up or her vitals dropped, I decided against it" He explained, and I get it, but I still think I would have wanted to know a lot sooner.

I wiped my face with the back of my hand and sniffed, looking around the room everyone had looks of concern, sadness and/or guilt on their faces. The mental capacity to deal with all this shit was not there. Yoongi tried to touch me again, but I stopped him, he looked hurt but respected my choice.

"So, what happens now? Seokjin asked "What will happen to Carla? Do you know what was going on with Mi-kyung?"

"She and Mi-kyung have reconnected so the logical choice would be to stay and build their relationship. Being around her soulmate would help and expedite her recovery drastically" Sienna explained after being quiet for so long "Or she can come back with me to tamashii no kawa"

"River of souls?" Taehyung translated

"That's right, it's a small island off the coast of Japan where people like myself, disconnected soul mates, live out their lives"

"Disconnected soul mates? I thought death was the only way to sever soul ties?" Minji inquired with bunched up eyebrows

"That's not completely true. Soul mates don't really die, we complete life cycles but outside interferences are becoming increasingly problematic. Soulmates live for and because of each other. We're supposed to keep each other alive for the entirety of a life cycle but when a group doesn't bond completely, meaning all mates don't meet and connect, it creates problems for the individuals. If Carla, Mi-kyung and Won-jae had become a complete unit the tumor would have never developed, and my son would not have gotten lung cancer"

I felt a headache coming on the more anyone talked. Trying to process everything from last night and now was draining me. The room was eerily silent. I'm sure everyone was wrapping their minds around all Sienna's new information, but one question rang out like a siren in my mind and the minds of my siblings as well.

"If soulmates don't really die-"

"That means dad's still alive" I finished Minsu's sentence and turned to Sienna "Right?"

💙Even I don't know what's going on anymore. Like, how much more shocking news can one person take? Whew, things need to calm down now; poor Ma-ri is going through it

How are you all feeling after this?