‍‍‍‍‍‍How can being so close to someone feel so right and so wrong at the same time. How can a heart feel so conflicted yet so much at ease all in the same situation? How does one's attempt to retaliate lure them even further and deeper into temptation?

Reed looked at the entire kingdom as he stood outside the king's balcony. It is very late at night such that the only motion is by the garden pond on the water forming gentle ripples. The clouds are really dense but the moon somehow still shines through.Even the frosty currents aren't moving as much despite them signaling an oncoming drizzle.

Regardless of him standing out here so confidently ,he is very much burned out . However he feels that much of his fatigue doesn't come from training or having to tolerate a cruel mentor. All of it is seeded by one being and one being only... Yevana.

Today Yevana was at the palace the whole day and she was tied to her father's legs. She was acting very childish, overboardingly cute and so daughterly but it bothered Reed so immoderately. She got to do the things he wishes he could do. She got to say words he wants to scream and she got to hold the person he wishes was in his arms. She was so close to him and he didn't see to mind nor hate it. Her presence and aura , though ordinary seemed to resonate to him in disproportional levels. In other words, he adore her company.

As for Reed , he was working in the palace grounds and not indoors but he was capable of sneaking every now and then by transforming to mist. The king doesn't usually smile so his face is fir and intimidating but when he is with his intelligent and beautiful daughter, he seems less like concrete and more like mercury, Still strong but more flexible.

He saw him a little happier with her and it was sightful. He wished that he was a reason for his happiness. Reed doesn't hate Yevana, he just wishes he could be as close as she is to the king but not on the parental scope.

" I am tired.", The king spoke and Reed immediately turned his head to him.

The king's balcony doors were shut as always and the curtains pulled but in spite of all these barriers and Reed standing far from the door , he can still hear the king as if they were in the same room. These think doors block light very well but apparently they don't block sound as excellent. Nonetheless the main doors for entering the room block everything perfectly such that less than a quarter percent of air enters the room.

As for the talking, the king has a habit of thinking aloud but the person he talks to is his deceased wife and Yevana's mother , Marya. It's a partially sweet thing when he talks to her, despite her being absent in his life as it shows that he truly loved her and his love still remains. But it just torments when Reed has to listen to him swimming in the memories of someone who used to hug and cradle all his sorrows, someone who held a position in the king's heart that Reed might never ever hold.

He subjects himself to this kind of torture because he can't tolerate leaving the king alone at night especially when there are some bad things crawling around. But more over , this is the only time that he can be in close proximity to the king without having to give a reason to anyone or himself why that would be appropriate.

" I don't know why am tired. But I feel better with you here", he spoke almost like in a dream state. He was laying on bed under some lose sheets with the lights dimmed.

For Reed ,hearing those words could have fueled his fantasies but him knowing who they are meant for and the significance of that person just tears him apart. The words and the tone of his voice are like a thunder-bolt at light speed aiming for Reed's heart and shredding it to bits. He feels like all the air has been diluted with broken glass and as he inhales it,the entirety of his lungs are scorched to coal

Reed can't pinpoint when he started feeling this way towards the king but everyday, thoughts of him get more and more frequent while the untraceable and hacking pain in his heart gets more and more paralyzing and gnawing. It started like anxiety, grew as nervousness but it is spreading like wild fire and piranhas. It crushes and hurts so excruciatingly since he knows he shouldn't feel this way but he can't help it. He could try to act like it doesn't exist but it just grows and agonizingly stings . Maybe it's his attempt to ignore his feeling that sends them on a rampage.

His heart experienced a short stabbing pain but compared to the fact that the night was dead silent, it felt so voluminous and so thunderous that he felt like his chest was being twisted and squeezed while being pounded. His lips may have gone dry due to the cold air but they just went drier as his throat seemed to have turbines sucking out the air from his body along with moisture. Even if it throbs to the bridge of unbearability , he refused to cry as sobbing will just resurrect and multiply the deep-rooted pain he carelessly underestimates.

Countless times has Reed thought of walking up to the king and pouring his heart like the rain but whenever he takes a step towards the king, all his limbs got soft and his stomach gets hollow. He overthinks everything to the point that he gets physically sick whenever he has to act. Why does it have to be so difficult to just blurt three words? How does concealing a single sentence feel like he is blocking an apocalypse that is bombarding explosives at him? Maybe it's the significance of the words, maybe it's the weight they carry or maybe it's the enormous and inarguable probability that they are one-sided?

" I was with our daughter all day and we went to our garden. She looked so beautiful and she resembled you so much. Her laugh, her eyes and her smile. All of it was just like you. My love , I miss you so bad. Everything I do and touch reminds me of you. It's been so long without you near me and my heart aches at your memories. I want to stop hurting but how can I do that when I am here without you. How can the heart be the same without the anchor of its existence? I want to hold you , just one more time",..

Crying, no ! Running no ! Disappearing, maybe!

Why is fate so merciless? Why does rain fall down yet fail to wash away the sadness? Is it okay that being alive hurts as much as dying on the spot? Is it fine that breathing is limited as much as freedom from one's soul? Why does hiding things in the heart make them grow so huge till the heart busts while trying to contain them?

On that note, Reed transformed into water and he flew ontop of the roof.

The instant his soles glazed the roofing was the moment his eyes were already dripping of tears. He slumped on the roof and he broke down into tears. His body became part water and part human as he didn't care about uniformity.

His heart leaked and flowed all the pent up emotions that he hides for this perfect creation. All his senses felt numbed except for the one that was hell-bent on shriveling his soul to million little pieces. It hurt to think , it hurt to not, it hurt to breathe and it hurt not to. If he stood, he would fall and if he sat he would shatter. If he ran ,he would tire and it he stayed he would bleed.

Every single tear fell and with each one that left his eyes , the scratch in his heart opened further and further till it became a vortex. The same vortex suctioned all the living inside of him and left him no different from a germinating infinity of nothingness. He felt an resonation that was not strong enough to be dominating but not faint to be null. He felt a presence so huge that it can't be hidden yet so small that it can't be shown. The presence of emptiness was an ocean of numbness that quickly consumed and drowned him. It was trapping him but he couldn't fight it because how can he fight an invisible enemy which is his own emotions without destroying himself in the attempt of saving himself.

As if by command, the sky above him decided to share its sorrows by releasing its tears to the ground. As the luke-warm drops dripped to the ground and submitted to the inevitable gravity that could be resisted by fireflies yet not Reed's heart, he sobbed. Every drop of water was not merely falling to the ground as it also added to the sea of numbness, thoughtlessly colonizing Reed.

His hair and clothes got drenched by the delicate mizzle but his insides remained as dry as a desert. The soft taps of the rain on his skin were no different from meteors storming his soul.. it rained water but the young elemental creation was coated in volatile agony, unforgiving torture and horrendous misery. Saying he was in pain is like calling a tornado a gentle blow.

He sobbed more and more and the rain stronger and stronger. Teardrops turned into streams while his self turned into a silhouette. Breathing became passive and the continuous raising and falling of his chest cloaked the actual collapsing of his inner being. He felt like he was turned inside out yet his aching remained within him tossing and turning while drilling holes inside..

All of the things the king said were true and known to Reed but that doesn't mean he wants to hear them. It doesn't mean he will ever be prepared to listen to both them part the king's mouth. In the same context people know death is inevitable, that doesn't mean they are willing and prepared to die. Others maybe are ready but they might not be that ready if they could escape death. So Reed knows these true words but deep down , if he could he would change or erase their factuality.

A distant rumbling of thunder traveled through the air but all that replayed in his ears and head were the words he said, was the testimony of the most important creation in his heart, especially the part where he mentioned that without Marya, his life isn't the same , without her to love , his heart feels dead. Though modified, what Reed heard and understood was that his feelings for the king's are as he knew , one sided. Furthermore he also concluded that likability of the unrequited affection to be reciprocated only exists if Marya is the one to love. No one else but her. In the king's heart, there is and always will be Marya.

Just three minutes into the light showering of the rain, the king arose from his enormous bedding . He wore his shoes that were situated comfortably by the bed and he walked to the balcony. The lumination in his room was subtly low to help in sleep but not to allow him to be in the dark. So he managed to move around. As he approached the balcony doors, he threw the curtain apart and he turned the handles to open the doors.

The coldness of the rain was so direct and sharp but he embraced its characteristics. On that note , he took off his shoes and he walked towards the rails barefooted.

The rain fell onto him as he was wearing light sleeping garnets and just seconds in , he was already wet from the soaking. It's as if he didn't care and was aiming for that since he proceeded to stand for a little under the rain before he lowered himself and sat right there.

It continued to pour but he just located there staring through the rails at the garden shadows. The watery plain surrounding the garden was partially unnoticeable due to the rain but he still gawked at it. Seconds later he supported himself firmly on the rails , resting his head on his arms then closed his eyes until he fell asleep under the spilling rain.

While Reed broke down on the roof, the king sat under the same rain asleep. Another cried at the emptiness growing up in his heart while the heart built a fortress on the numbness. One cried as the rain trickled and the other embraced the spraying. Another hates how much they care and the other laments to how they wish to care again. Feelings apart and disjointed pains yet linked by their emotional syncopation. Such a mismatched destiny! Such an ironic fate!