I think in moments like this where I see, nothing but the worries that I have now, that those moments I longed for and still miss, feel so far away... yet... that is... okay? Yet... I am... still fine? It's strange that I am. Yet at the same time, I don't really mind.

I think in ways, I've managed to let go, and in others still wonder aimlessly, and I'm not sure what to make of that still. But even if I don't, I'll be okay. Because I've learned to smile again, still; and even without you I think I can. Even as I'm alone... I never was, and there's beauty to that I can't describe.

It's in moments like this when I don't bleed, when I don't worry about the lost past, that I can truly appreciate them. The people I still have, and that I had. In that dichotomy the true friends shine, and in that dichotomy... I let go, because they've let go too. Long before me. In that way they are free, and me, as well. I think I've truly begun to let go.

I think that I tried to tell myself that I... didn't hurt, didn't grieve, didn't feel things. But that was a lie, to myself and you. But that was a lie to protect myself. If I ever said I didn't feel pain, If I ever said I didn't feel grief, and if I ever said I didn't feel. That'd be a lie, and only when I'm free... do I realize that, the lies I told true.

These lies I once told to you... to myself.

I told myself I was fine and alone. Yet neither of those were true. I have friends, I have family, I wasn't alone. Even when I was hurting, missing warmth; in my arrogance and fear, I forgot. But having taken a step back to think, I don't think it's too bad. I'll keep going.

This journey which never seems to just end, I'll see it till I just can't any more. I want to see what's at the end of this, because I know that regardless of what... I will have someone at my side, always.

Blinded by my grief, I wasn't alone, and perhaps no one ever is truly. That's something I'd really like to believe. At times I hope that when people feel lost, that they remember those around them. It's so easy to forget, yet have faith.

That tomorrow will be a brighter day, and that today wasn't truly pitch black.

Yet have faith that we'll be okay one day.