《Everyone's a Catgirl!》Chapter 157: Hells Bells
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Things were getting out of hand, and I was beginning to lose my patience. We’d been looking for a beetle, of all things, for over an hour. We moved from catgirl to catgirl, asking if they’d seen a golden beetle flying around. Instead of anything helpful, we received weird looks and cackles, some of which I’m sure were on the verge of psychoticism.
“I’d be reacting the same way if I was in their shoes,” Ravyn admitted with a strained chuckle of her own. “I mean, who the hell keeps a beetle as a pet? In a desert? Baka.”
“I know, Ravyn,” I said, massaging the bridge of my nose.
“And, would you please, remind me why we’re doing this?” Her tone snapped back to sarcastic, and she tugged her long hair over one shoulder.
It was a half-baked idea, but it was an approach that had helped us on Shi Island. “The more people out here we get on our side, the easier it should be to get inside.”
“But they can’t help us get through the gates,” Keke said, squinting her eyes.
Ceres raised a finger. “Not directly, no. However, word spreads quickly. Another island’s man doing the work Magni should be doing could force him to respond.”
I gave her a weak thumbs up. “Bingo.”
Cannoli blinked. “B…Bingo?”
I sighed. “Nevermind.”
The heat was making it difficult to concentrate. Not a single catgirl had been helpful in our hunt for the bug so far, and even the girl who owned the little insect of misery had little to go off of except for ‘I dunno. It flew away.’ “Back to our Quest. How big did she say it was again?”
Cannoli made a big circle with her hands, the tips of her pointer fingers and thumbs touching. Her eyes sparkled with wonder. “This big, Matt! She said it sparkles in the morning sun, and you can hear it flying from a really long way out!”
“Yeah, I got that last part.” Would love for it to fly about now.
“You okay, Matt?” asked Keke. I got the feeling my attitude was bleeding through my speech. “You seem a little snappy.”
I drew a deep breath. “I’ll be fine.” With a sigh, I pulled up the Quest on my iPaw. “Hey, Ai.”
“Greetings, User [Matthew],” said the monotone catgirl. She was wearing silk garments reminiscent of the natives. “How may I be of service?”
“Is there any sorta, ya know, Quest marker or anything like that?”
Ai cocked her head to one side. “I am afraid I do not comprehend, User [Matthew]. May I ask a clarifying question?” I nodded my head. When she didn’t respond, I barked something that must have sounded close enough to an affirmation. “Are you referring to a map marker or legend?”
“Yes, that’s exactly it. Do you have anything like that?”
Ai shook her head. “No. I do not. Is there any other way I may assist you?”
“No, I guess not. Disappear, iPaw.” The device vanished into thin air as I rolled my tongue around in my mouth, then growled, “Of course there aren’t Quest markers.”
“Sir Matt. If I may, what is a Quest marker?” asked Ceres, her gauntleted hands clasped in front of her.
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I wasn’t really in the mood for explaining a game mechanic that took most of the thinking out of my games. Sure, maybe I’d grown complacent by expecting a giant beacon of light to guide me to my destination, but really, what gamer hadn’t? That aside, the girls’ questions had a way of pacifying me. I couldn’t get angry at them for asking questions with answers I’d taken for granted. Well, except for maybe Ravyn.
“So, imagine this,” I said, gesturing exaggeratedly with my arms. “Whenever you look at a map, any of the goals or tasks you need done just show up as a small blip.”
“A blip?” asked Cannoli.
“I think he means a small dot,” Keke said, crossing her arms.
“Exactly it,” I said, pointing at her. “Then you go to that location, and the busybody work of trying to figure out where you’re meant to go is removed from the equation.”
“That’s my kind of system,” said an amused Ravyn. She brought one slender finger to her lips, her gaze veering off in thought. “I think I remember hearing about this sorta thing before.”
Jaya laughed. “That’s great, Matt. But there is no such convenience in this world.” She shrugged. “Well, maybe some of the other caster Classes can do something like that, but I haven’t heard of it.”
“They can,” said Ravyn. She frowned. “My mother is good with such magic.”
Now that she’d brought it up, I don’t think I’d ever heard her talk about her mom before.
“What’s she like?” I dared to ask.
Her frown deepened. “A nosy know-it-all. Doesn’t matter. We have a bug to find. Eyes on the prize.”
I rolled my eyes. “Right. So then, does anyone have any ideas?”
Keke bowed her head. “I want to say that we should use a lure. But I’m not sure what beetles like.”
“Honey,” Jaya said.
An idea was concocting itself in my head. “So, what if we get a bug net and put down a honey trap?”
“No honey to be had, squawwwk!” screeched Ball Gag.
I clapped my hands over my ears, grinding my teeth furiously. Easy does it, Matt. We got a plan. Just chill.
“Good Bally!” Ravyn scratched the parrot’s chin.
“Y-yeah,” squeaked Cannoli. “I don’t think we’re going to find any honey around here, Matt.”
“Jaya?” I looked at her, hoping for some of her native knowledge. She shook her head. “Damn it. We almost had something, too.”
“Hold on,” said Keke. “Even if we don’t have anything sweet for it to eat, they’ll still be attracted to the sweet scent, won’t they? They won’t know the difference until they approach it.” I had a feeling I knew where Keke was going with this—or at least, somewhat—and so I nodded, urging her to continue. “I got this. Leave it to me, Matt.”
Bless you, Keke.
We spent the next twenty minutes sitting in the dirt with Ravyn’s mortar and pestle and my spice pouch. At least we had some shade up against the Third Shell’s wall. Catgirls from all around passed by, shooting us glares and muttering curses under their breath. I tried my best to ignore them.
“Almost done,” muttered Keke. She mixed a concoction with a few spices from my pouch that carried an incredible scent. It reminded me of some of the specialty candy shops I’d visited in the better parts of my neighborhood. Fresh, clean, and sweet as hell. Keke whipped her hand in a circular motion, nearing closer to smell the paste she’d been putting together.
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“That smells incredible,” Cannoli said from beside her. “Where did you learn to do that?”
“From Mom. I had to improvise a little bit, so it took a few extra spices,” said Keke. “Sorry, Matt.”
I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Right. But yes, this should attract the little guy. He’ll be in for a surprise when he comes to try and eat this stuff.”
Little guy, huh?
“How do we know this’ll work? What if he flew into one of the other Shells? Or worse, got eaten by a roach?” I asked. I wondered briefly how we would report a dead insect. Would the Quest automatically update in that situation?
“Well, nothing we can do then,” Keke said, shrugging. “But if the bascar likes sweet stuff like Jaya claims, then this should do the trick. I’ve used this method to hunt a couple other Encroachers in the past.”
“It better work,” said Ravyn. Ball continued to preen himself while Ravyn waved her hand through the air to cool herself down. Sweat glistened on the back of her neck. “I need to get the fuck inside somewhere soon.”
As lovely as the shade was for a while, I was starting to feel the same. I looked up at the tower situated at the center of the Shells. It was a nice view from here, and I had to imagine it looked even better from the balcony. How a person could treat these catgirls the way Magni did was beyond me. The heat was excessive enough as it was. I couldn’t fathom how a person could tax and treat their people the way he did.
“Matt? Hey, Matt!” Keke snapped her fingers in front of my face. “You okay? You zoned out for a while there.”
I shook my head to clear it. “Yeah, I’m fine. How’s it going here?”
“Keke just finished,” Ceres said with what looked like a forced smile. Her entire face was a sheen of perspiration. I was starting to worry about the girls. For the most part, Keke and Jaya seemed fine. But Ravyn, Ceres, and Cannoli looked like they were having a more challenging time.
“Why don’t we hit one of the inns for a bit and try to get some drinks?” I suggested. “I know it’s not going to be a whole lot cooler, but it beats sitting out here, right?”
“No,” said Ravyn, crossing her arms.
“No?”
“No. We need to finish this Quest. We’re not going to get anywhere by prolonging it. So, let’s pack up,” she said, clapping her hands together, “and hunt us a fucking bug.”
After some discussion, we decided to put the paste on a spot with some shade and a place to hide. We settled on an area between the Second Shell wall and a neighboring building. It took us some time to find a good spot—mainly because we kept getting chased away by desperate catgirls begging for water and Bells—but eventually, we found a place that Keke was happy with.
We waited a good distance away, huddled together against the wall, all eyes on the candy paste. A few long, silent minutes passed.
“Matt, Matt, look!” Cannoli pointed up in a whisper. There, flying high in the sky, was the embodiment of our suffering.
“It’s… a lot bigger than I was expecting,” I whispered back. This thing was huge, and I mean huge. I’d seen footballs smaller than this monstrosity. “Yeah, I can definitely hear it.” It sounded like a lawnmower given flight. The golden beetle flew toward the paste, and we slowly stood. “We all remember the plan?”
I received unanimous nods from all around.
“Great,” I said, holding my hand out to Cannoli. “Whenever you’re ready, Cannoli.”
Cannoli held Buttons out with unsure hands. “Be careful, please. I love him.”
“I promise I’ll take good care of him.” I cupped my hands together, motioning for her to put the lizard down. Buttons cautiously approached me and jumped into my hands. As he turned around to return to her, Cannoli pulled back. I put on my best Cannoli impression to calm him down. “It’s okay, little fella. I’m going to take care of you for a minute. We need your help with something.” I held him out to see the beetle. It had nearly landed. There wasn’t much time left. “You’re going to land on that wall. Just wait over there, and Cannoli will come back and pick you up.”
I felt a little crazy talking to a lizard, but during some of our discussions, Cannoli had claimed that blazards were a lot more intelligent than catgirls gave them credit for. So I’d just have to hope the little guy would catch on.
It might have been my imagination playing tricks on me, but I thought I saw him nod.
“Alright, here we go. Ready, Ravyn?”
“Always,” she said with her hand held outward.
The bug flew closer and closer, and then… it landed right on top of the paste.
“Now!” I cried.
“[Displace]!” said Ravyn.
Buttons disappeared from my grasp instantaneously. In its place was the mammoth of an insect. The thing was stupidly strong, buzzing angrily between my arms.
“We got him!” cheered Keke. “Heck yeah!”
Cannoli was already running back to the wall to retrieve her pet.
“C’mon, Glitter! Relax, Glitter!” I cried. And here I thought talking to Buttons was weird. The enormous flapping wings slowed, and the bascar turned to look at me with its beady blue eyes.
As I controlled the insect, I watched Cannoli at a distance. When she reached the wall, I watched her scoop Buttons up, then wave and run back toward us.
“He’s okay!” said Cannoli.
“Glad to hear it,” I said, panting. Glitter continued to explore his surroundings on thin, hairy legs.
“You continue to impress me, Matt,” said Jaya. “You and your Party.”
“Thanks, Jaya.”
It wasn’t much, but hey, it was our first real Quest together as a team. With such unreasonable expectations and payouts, the way I figured it, if we could do this, then we could do anything.
We’re coming for you, Magni. You’ll get yours soon enough.

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