《That One Isekai》Edition 1, Entry 17: That time I was resurrected into another world and touched a grill
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That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not:
Edition 1, Entry 17: That time I was resurrected into another world and touched a grill
I set to work at once, grabbing the steak and throwing it onto the hot flat-top grill. At once, the cooks gasped in shock as they watched my technique.
"Gasp!" they gasped, "You mean we shouldn't be deep-frying our steaks?"
I shook my head. "No, that's one of the few things you're doing right. But... if I deep fry it, I can't do this!"
At that, I shoved my hand into their spice jar, pulling out a heavy handful of spices. I quickly appraised it using [Appraisal (but secretly infinite knowledge] and read the appraisal status on my HUD.
Marjoram
Level 3 Spice
Boost: [Mana]
Thyme
Level 2 Spice
Boost: [Dexterity]
Cloves
Level 6 Spice
Boost: [HP]
Mint
Level 4 Spice
Boost: [Restore SP]
Perfect! I threw a fistful of the assorted spices onto the steak, before flipping it and pressing it against the grill. The cooks gasped in shock again, with enough intensity that a split-frame occurred, to show all of them individually gasping, and the judge picking his teeth with a knife.
The chef looked over at me with concern from his deep fryer, but gritted his teeth and refocused his resolve on his work: staring at the deep fryer while the steak cooked.
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I flipped the steak again, and pressed it onto the grill to cook faster. I debated using my [Bestow Flavor] spells, but thought better of it. This wasn't a contest of [Skills], this was about cooking! There was no skill involved in cooking, it was only following a recipe on the back of a box. I had to show him that the boxes we had back home had the best instructions. I clenched my jaw and pressed harder.
"Done!" the Chef announced, swinging the fryer basket violently towards his plate, sending his steak flying with such skill that it landed perfectly on his plate, and the sizzling oil sent flying through the air only lightly scalded one of the kitchen staff.
D-damn it! That kind of flashy move only came from years of experience. I didn't have years of experience, so I'd just have to remember what my master told me, many years ago...
A vision came to me, about 45 seconds of gray mist and nothingness, before I remembered that I didn't have a master, nor did I have any formal training in cooking at all. I had nothing but my resolve to get me through this. I started to shout in manly fighting spirit, and pressed harder, squeezing all the disgusting juices out of the steak.
"Hiro-san, no!" a cook shouted, desperately pulling at the tail of my shirt. "You can't go any further! You won't make it!"
"I have to!" I declared, "This is what it means to cook! I'm prepared to die at any moment! This is my resolve! My life! My goal!"
"IT'S NOT WORTH IT!" he shouted. "IF YOU KEEP THIS UP, YOU'LL DIE!"
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I retorted eloquently, pressing even harder on the steak. Suddenly, a flash of noise entered my vision.
!!!!Steak Arte unlocked!!!!
[Double-Grilling] obtained!
I grinned a smile and pulled out a second spatula, pressing down with that one as well. The chef stared, his eyes bulging out of his skull in horror as I flipped the steak, and he saw that it had darkened beyond his barely-cooked abomination.
With one final shout, I launched the steak into the air, and drew my katana, slashing at once to instantly cut the steak into bite-size pieces. I swooped out my plate and caught each piece individually as they fell, clattering onto the porcelain.
I set the plate down next to the chef's, and stretched triumphantly, putting my katana back where it belonged, and swirling a spatula with my other hand.
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"Hmph," my opponent scoffed, again. "That doesn't look like much."
"Just wait," I grinned, my eyes glinting from a light spell that I had cast for dramatic effect. I closed the eye that had been blinded by the light and started activating [Ultra Max Regeneration] to repair the permanent vision damage I had caused.
I turned to one of the cooks and asked them a question: "Where do you guys get your fruits and vegetables?"
The cook nervously pointed out the back window at the vegetable garden they had growing outside. I followed his gesture, cutting a hole in the wall to get there faster. I looked around the garden for a bit before I found what I was after, plucking a red vegetable from its vines.
"W-wait a matte!" one of the cooks shouted, his face and green beans blanching in horror. "T-that's a tomato! You can't use that in food! It's poisonous!"
I laughed openly and in his face at his primitive superstitions. Without breaking my cool stride, I casually threw him across the yard and into a pile of manure, which safely broke his fall. I entered the kitchen again and crushed the tomato in my fist, dropping the smashed juice and pulp and stem into a wooden bowl. I wasn't done yet, though. I activated all of my magic skills at once and cast [Create Food] to summon a cup of sugar and a cup of vinegar, which I also dumped into the bowl.
I took a step back and slashed out with a single swipe of my katana. The bowl fell to pieces, its contents perfectly blended and mixed into a thick paste. I picked out the wooden pieces and most of the splinters before scraping the rest of the newly-made ketchup into a second wooden bowl.
"W-what is that?" the chef asked nervously, as I upended the entire bowl onto my steak chunks.
"Ketchup," I told him, "Nectar of the gods."
He began to sweat and tremble confidently. This guy! Even though I clearly had the superior dish, he was still acting this high-and-mighty? I resolved to knock that cocky grimace from his face! Metaphorically, with my food, I mean, but I also wouldn't hesitate to backhand him if he gave me lip.
Finally, the time came for the food to be judged. We stood respectfully in a line as one of the cooks dropped both plates onto the table in front of Dusty Pete.
"Oh, nice, free food," he mused eloquently, immediately cutting into the chef's undercooked steak. The kitchen watched with bated breath as Dusty Pete chewed, and Wanda snuck out of the wine cellar. This was the moment of truth. Would he like the isekai Dirtworlder recipe of steak, or the steak I had made, the pinnacle of Earth's steak-related cooking?
Dusty Pete shrugged and nodded as he chewed the chef's steak, before setting the fork down. "Yeah, it's pretty good," he announced. The chef looked over at me in triumph, but I couldn't help but smirk.
"Now... try my steak," I suggested. The [Hobo] shrugged and picked up one of the ketchup-covered bites, popping it into his mouth and crunching down. He only got two chews in before his eyes suddenly bulged from his head, and he flew backwards out of his chair. His clothes exploded from his body as his arms and legs detached and became mecha-versions of arms and legs, complete with lion heads. Blood and rainbows poured form his mouth in equal quantities as his head spun 720 degrees on his neck.
"SOOOOOOOO DELICIOUS!" he shouted in glee, twitching and writhing with foodgasmic fervor.
"That's how you prepare a steak," I told the chef. "This is what my people call... 'Well Done'."
He stared down at the steak, as the other cooks each took a bite, and went through all kinds of crazy bullshit food reactions which I refuse to elaborate on.
"H-hmph," he tsundered. "I bet they're exaggerating. Let's wait to see what the judge says."
I nodded, and the judge soon came back to the table, his limbs grinding and making cool robot noises. He reached out and opened the lion mouth on his left hand, and the chef placed a couple of coins in it, which I assume Dusty Pete must have dropped earlier. We waited in silence while the judge tried to pat his mouth with a handkerchief, which took a while on account of his low lion-eye coordination. However, I was confident in my steak. I knew I would win the day.
"This guy wins," the judge announced, pointing at the chef.
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