Chapter 428

“Sorry to say, I can’t help in this regard.” Z said, finally breaking the silence in the room. As promised, he’d arrived a little after 5pm, with both pizza, and ice cream, in tow. James, already nervous about the visit, yet excited about it as well, had been over the moon at the addition of the pizza. Z, showing once again how thoughtful he was, had even gotten the large, thin, ‘New-York’ styled pizza, which was much easier to eat for his healing jaw. After they’d shared a brief exchange of pleasantries, Z had begun looking over the data he’d received while they both ate.

“Really?” James asked, feeling a little disheartened. It was hard to be too upset, when one was enjoying good pizza and ice cream, but the news still stung. He’d been hopeful Z would be able to help, since the next avenues of possible exploration regarding the mysterious anomalies in his head, involved his parents, and then, Hades.

“Yeah,” Z shook his head. “Not my area of expertise, at all. Like, obviously, there’s something either completely gone, or perfectly hidden, but I couldn’t tell you what or how.” He looked at James, a sad smile on his face. “I wish I could be of more help man, really. But this time, I’m out of my league.”

James sighed and took a bite of ice cream. Then, with the sweet flavor still on his tongue, offered Z a smile. “It’s fine. I’d just, given what the doctor had said, figured you might…”

Z leaned back, his eyes seeming to drift. “Maybe, if I’d stayed in the medical world, I’d be of more help. But I was a coward and couldn’t accept the truths of things. Maybe, had I stayed, things would have been different…”

After another bite of ice cream, during which Z remained silent, James spoke up. It was evident there was something dark lingering over Z. The man, for all his kindness, all his jovial nature, had obvious skeletons that were chasing him.

“I don’t think you’re a coward.” James said simply. “I honestly don’t think anyone does. Especially not anyone in our town. You’re a freaking celebrity in DCO.”

“Ha,” Z let out a laugh, but it wasn’t his normal, warm, joyous laugh. This one was dark and bitter. “That’s just a game. It’s easy, to be brave when there aren’t true stakes. But I ran from what really mattered. I hid from the world, and let reality beat me. For that, I’m forever working to atone for my sins.” Z fixed his gaze to James. “That’s part of why I became a school nurse. The least I could do, was try and help the next generation. And, I figured, it was somewhere I could disappear in obscurity. Most of the medical community at large, thinks I just disappeared off the face of the Earth.”

It was subtle, but there was a definite change about Z’s mannerisms as they continued to talk. He was more reserved, solemn. Even when he’d mentioned his father’s passing, he’d not changed as much. Just what was it, that weighed on him so heavily?

“If, if,” James started, questioning if it was his right to push. But Z had done so much for him, if the man needed a set of ears, to listen to what bothered him, James could possibly be that. At least, to that degree, James could somewhat return the debt he owed Z. “If you want to talk about it, I’d be willing to listen.”

Z focused on James at that, seeming to really focus on him. His eyes came back to the present, though dark circles seemed to follow from the past, the weight of decades weighing on the older man. He offered James a soft, sad smile.

“You know, it’s probably not professional, but I’d like that. If, of course, you mean it. Listening to an old man’s sins and failures from the past, probably isn’t something you-”

“-I’m fine with it.” James pressed. “It’s the least I can do. And besides, it’s not like we’re doing much else before immersion.”

Z nodded and pushed the box of pizza towards James. “Well then, better get comfortable. And, before I start,” the man’s eyes were sincere, “thank you James. Really, I should be the one protecting and helping you, not relying on you. But thank you for giving me this chance. It means a lot.”

James said nothing but grabbed another slice of pizza and motioned for Z to continue. It was the least he could do. And really, he didn’t know what to say in this situation. He was also curious as to just what it was Z had in his past, that bothered him so.

“Now, I’m not sure I’ve mentioned it before, but long, long before I was involved in the medical field, I actually served in the military.” Z paused, a slight smile on his face. “Once, long ago, I was a Marine.”

James paused, mid bite, a question on his mind. However, he stopped, before randomly blurting out what he was going to ask. It seemed rude, asking if Z had killed people.

Z, seeming to notice James’s pause, yet continued silence, as the okay to continue.

“During my time in the Corps, I learned a lot of things. Things about myself, things about others, and just, in general, things about the world. I went to war. I lost friends. I saw death, and yet, alongside it, I saw some of the greatest acts of selflessness and humanity. Truly, dire circumstances can, and do, bring out both the best, and the worst, in people.”

“However,” Z continued, before James could pipe up, “it wasn’t so much the time in the Marines, nor even the war, that gets to my struggles. Instead, it comes later, the results though, of some of the things I’d been exposed to. Before our current times, before all the efforts to clean up and improve the world, people were reckless with the way they disposed of things. In war, we simply burned everything, and those toxins, those gases, had long term effects on people. Effects that mutated and changed depending on the person. Effects that remained hidden, dormant in some, for a long period, while in others, it destroyed them rather quickly.”

Z sighed. “I saw many of my friends deteriorate over the years from such things. And that, was part of what led me to pursue medicine. I was fed up with the constant run around we got when we sought aid. I wanted to learn, so that I could pioneer a betterment for everyone. I wanted the knowledge and understanding, to help my brothers and sisters whom I’d served with.”

“That doesn’t sound like running away.” James pointed out.

“That part wasn’t.” Z said. “It was what came next.”

“And what was that?” James pressed. He could tell Z was caught in his memories, and reluctant to continue. But, Z had started this story, and James was going to help the man continue through with it. He could sense Z hadn’t talked about this in a long time, and perhaps, sharing the story now, could help the man forgive himself for whatever it was, that he continued to beat himself up over. Because after everything James had been through these past few days, he felt, to some degree, he could empathize with Z. He felt guilt over what had happened to Alex, even though everyone assured him, it wasn’t his fault. He’d known fear, he’d been in life or death situations, and he’d stood to lose everything he held dear. And, it had been people, including Z, who had supported him, and aided him, that got him through it. So, here and now, he would do that for Z. Because James realized, the man needed to know, or perhaps, be reminded, that every day, was an opportunity, to do good. Even if, the world decided otherwise.

Z took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. Then, he reached into his pocket, and pulled out an old, worn, leather wallet. From it, he took out a single picture, an ancient thing that had to be at least forty years old, and slid it across towards James. Even though the picture was timeworn and faded, James could see a smiling, powerfully built man, a woman at his side. Between the two, a child, of perhaps three or four.

“You see James, I found a family. I found a wife to love, and we had a daughter, who was literally my heart turned flesh.” His voice cracked. “And yet, for all I did, for all I cared for them. I let them die.”