(Am I posting a Christmas poem now? Yes, yes I am. I mean it's only *silently checks my calender* like one month away so, yes. Not really any Tw for this, but if any of you notice something please left me know. Enjoy! [And if you couldn't tell, I despise the smell of pine. I've also been listening to Cry Christmas by Mother Mother and it's now my favorite song])

It's that time again

The time of holidays

Of families and celebration

It's the time for happiness

For the cheer

That the end of the year is near

It's the time for the scent of pine

And cold chill in the air

The one that sends a shiver down your spine

It's a wonderful time of year

Until your family starts leaving you again

Until everything from the year crashes down

And until the scent of pine your mother loves reminds you of too much

Reminding you of the year no one noticed you

No one cared for you

And really nothing has changed

You think so much about the past years

You try and remember a year where no one fought

A year where you didn't dread christmas

You try and remember

Because you want to know

You wish to know the last time a christmas was happy

Because you loved christmas

It used to be a thing you awaited

Something that you had to live for

Something to anticipate

But now it feels dull

Now the decorations go down the day of

Now your family stops talking after presents

Now that smell of pine makes you hurt

You separate to your own rooms

Your own spaces

To think about everything that led to here

That led to this fucking christmas

That led to you hanging on by a thread

A thread that could snap at any given moment

At least that's what it is for you

And a sick part of you wishes it was like that for them

A stupid and twisted part of you wishes they would feel what you feel

Feel the numbness

And feel the hurt that you go through

But they don't

They'll never understand that feeling

The feeling that you're drowning and won't get up in time

The feeling that you're shouting for help but no one hears

They'll never understand how much this time makes you hurt

But you have to

And you have to go through it all again

Because it's that time of year again

And the scent of pine has begun to fill the house once more.