《Living as a Demon》Side chapter: Living as a Maid (part 2)

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The next day, Jonathan took most of the larger children with him to deal with some sort of border dispute with the neighboring landed nobility. Or at least Cholera thought that was what he'd said. Honestly, she'd been very distracted by some unique looking bacteria that she'd spotted near his mouth and had a little trouble focusing on the conversation. She'd found herself habitually checking the skin of the people talking to her for bacteria recently because they often stood at just the right distance for her magnification lenses to pick up the cultures living on their bodies. She'd recently been wondering if Jonathan counted as a "living thing". She was reasonably certain demons didn't technically count as alive, as she had been able to scour her own body of bacteria shortly after discovering them, and felt no twinges from the contract. But Jonathan was also arguably human. It was a conundrum. She'd have to ask him about it, she supposed; it wasn't worth endangering her contract over.

In any case, Yanni had been particularly persistent about tailing her ever since Mr. Geiller had shown up and attempted to force the children to do something "constructive", whatever that meant. After observing him further, Cholera was confident that he did in fact possess many of the qualities necessary for an excellent maid and decided she should offer to train him.

He was currently observing her from inside a nearby bedroom. Cholera turned his way, and she noticed that he twisted away from her as he slipped out of sight in such a way that his limited human vision would prevent him from seeing movement in the hallway. She quickly slipped past the doorway where he was hiding, and stepped into the next door down just as he stuck his head back out to check on her.

"Whuh?" said the child, and emerged fully into the hallway, taking a few tentative steps in the direction he'd last seen her.

Cholera slipped out of the room behind him, paused, and took an additional step backwards. Jonathan was always going on about this "personal space" thing, which was a completely nonsensical concept as the only space a person took up was the space occupied by their body, but she also didn't want to make a bad impression on Yanni and prejudice his decisions in the upcoming conversation.

"You lose points for the verbal outburst and for losing sight of the hallway as you retreated, but you generally move very quietly, Yanni."

The child jumped about a foot in the air and pivoted around almost as fast as Cholera could. "Yes, very good, excellent reaction times."

"Ack, what?! I mean—Cholera?! Um, you knew I was there?"

"Yes, I have been observing you as you stalked me. I am impressed by your silence and persistence. Would you like to learn the skills of the maid?"

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Yanni stared at her. Cholera wasn't sure why he was remaining silent. "Were you not attempting to learn from me through observation?"

"I guess?"

Cholera cocked her head. What did that mean? Well, no matter. It wasn't the main thing she'd been wondering, anyway. "Are you, too, interested in the mass-murder of micro-organisms through the power of cleaning?"

"…Yes?"

That sounded like a question. Did humans generally respond to queries with questions? Well, no matter; it was only polite to respond. Quite a lot of her past summoners had been very adamant about that. "Yes."

Yanni continued to stare at her. Maybe he wanted to know more.

"I can also help you increase your situational awareness so that you are not caught at a disadvantage as you were just now. And finally—" Cholera turned her head slightly back and forth. Good, no one in the area. "—step closer."

Yanni did so, though his body language screamed reticence. Cholera reached into the pocket of her apron and carefully pulled out one of her greatest treasures. "If you wish to learn from me, I will even let you use this."

Ah, that seemed to catch Yanni's attention, as she'd known it should. "What is it?"

"This, young Yanni, is an anti-bacterial wipe. It is the ultimate weapon of the maids of Jonathan's original world. Here, feel it. Such an unprepossessing piece of material, and yet imbued with such power…"

Cholera fell into silence, memories of the destruction she had wrought with other wipes like this one playing across her mind's eye. Truly, her current summoning was a paradise.

"You said you could teach me to sneak better?"

Cholera was pulled from her happy reverie by Yanni's question. He was right! He wasn't ready yet for the anti-bacterial wipe. She carefully tucked it back into its pouch within her pocket as she responded. "Indeed."

"So well that Mr. Geiller can't catch me? He says mean things."

The old man was admittedly more situationally aware than Yanni, but his reflexes were dulled with age. He would be suitably challenging prey for one so young and inexperienced. "You wish for your first lesson to be how to avoid the old man's notice? Very well. But remember, a maid's first priority is always to clean. Does he have anything that needs cleaning while we are avoiding his notice?"

Yanni giggled. "Maybe his pants."

Cholera froze. Of course! Even if she couldn't kill the bacteria actively living on a human's flesh, their clothing spent a significant amount of time rubbing up against said flesh. Even if the material wasn't as conducive to bacterial growth, there still must be some level of transfer!

She rested a hand on Yanni's shoulder. "Yanni, you show much promise. We will begin your lessons immediately. Before you can liberate Mr. Geiller of his pants in order to properly clean them, however, we must practice your movement technique. One of the most important things to keep in mind when trying to move undetected is the sensory capabilities of your target…"

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As she had anticipated, Yanni revealed himself to be an apt pupil. Though he tended to startle easily and didn't have anywhere near the appropriate reverence for anti-bacterial wipes, he threw himself into all of her training exercises with a level of focus that—based on her observations of the other children—was surprising for his age. By the time evening had rolled around, he had successfully evade Mr. Geiller's attention several times, and although he still couldn't manage to sneak up on Cholera herself, he was getting better.

After dinner, the boy came to find her where she was scrubbing the dishes with great fervor, enjoying the way the soap penetrated some of the micro-organisms while isolating others and causing them to slide helplessly into the sudsy water below.

"Cholera? Should we do any more training?"

Cholera paused her scrubbing briefly. "Not tonight, Yanni. In order for us to clean Mr. Geiller's clothes, he must first take them off. However, I am aware that humans need to spend time unconscious or else they will act even more irrationally. Go to bed early, wake early, and I will allow you to shadow me as I infiltrate Mr. Geiller's room and secure his clothing for proper laundering. And for now, leave me alone. I am in the middle of delivering these bacteria to the sweet oblivion of nothingness."

"…Uh, right. Okay. I am not good at waking up early, though, so can you wake me up?"

Cholera considered this. "I have never woken a human before. How should I go about it?"

"Maybe just shake my shoulder a little bit? That's what Ethan would do when we needed to wake up and get out."

"Very well. That is within my capabilities. Now leave me alone; these bacteria are dying, and I am missing it."

The next morning, after successfully waking Yanni and sneaking following him as he successfully sneaked down the stairs and to the first floor, Cholera lightly placed a hand on his shoulder to pull him up short before he entered Mr. Geiller's bedroom.

"Wait, Yanni," she said quietly. "Your skills as a maid are much improved, but now it is time to observe a master at work. Remember: silent, efficient, and deadly."

Yanni nodded seriously.

Cholera positioned him off to the side of the door so he would be able to see into the room without blocking the doorway, and then eased it open. After looking to ensure she had Yanni's attention, she glided forward, approaching Mr. Geiller's sleeping form as silently as Death.

Or at least that was her intention, except three steps into the room she crossed an odd-looking strip of metal that had been laid out on the floor, and a bell on the nightstand began jangling madly as a light flared.

Cholera was so surprised she froze for an instant. The old man had set some sort of trap?! He was cannier than she'd expected!

However, the prize was just there, a mere two steps forward and lying draped over the back of a chair.

As Mr. Geiller scrambled up in bed, groping madly about under his pillow for something as he shouted unintelligible threats, Cholera lunged forward, grabbed his pants from the back of the chair, whirled, and shot back out the door. Through the side of her vision she could see Yanni disappearing around the door to the bathroom.

Good, the child had thought on his feet and would now have an alibi. He was a worthy apprentice.

As Mr. Geiller's furious shouts chased her down the hallway, soon followed by himself in a ratty nightgown that only hung down to just above his knobbly knees, Cholera took a moment to examine her prize. As expected, there were bacteria on the pants, though not quite as many as she'd hoped.

Well, no matter. It was still the closest she'd come to being able to kill the bacteria that lived on human skin.

"Confounded demon! Give me back my pants!" howled Mr. Geiller behind her. The children were agog at the top of the stairway as Cholera shot past the foot of the stairs and raced out the door, some of them rubbing sleep from their eyes while others stared at Cholera with Mr. Geiller in hot pursuit.

They were staying out of her way, which was enough for Cholera. She bolted out the front door, spun to the right, and sprinted around the house. The fool could chase her outside; meanwhile she would reach the kitchen where she could launder these pants appropriately!

Her plan was unfortunately ruined when Mr. Geiller anticipated her actions rather than chasing her outside, entered the kitchen from inside shortly after she entered from outside.

What followed was an extremely tedious game of cat and mouse. By the time she had successfully worn him down enough to accept the inevitable laundering of his pants, Cholera was dismayed to note that some of the bacteria had died or been shaken off leaving fewer to destroy.

Truly, she much preferred to be the hunter, not the hunted. She would have to teach Yanni properly so that he would avoid such pitfalls in the future.

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