Charlie's POV:

We wave bye to his grandma as they drive away. "Wanna go get some food?" He nudges me out of my thoughts. "Sure." I nod walking towards his car. "You okay?" He buckles his seat belt pulling out of the parking lot. "Yeah" I look out the window suddenly feeling depressed. Not because I'm here with Ben but because I'm not marrying him for real. I stare out the window feeling guilty, but this is all I've ever wanted from him and suddenly I have it and I'm just supposed to give it up? I feel his hand on my knee and my heart drops at the sudden contact. "What's wrong?" He turns down the music and pulls into the parking lot. "You wouldn't understand" I sigh reaching for the door handle. He gets out rushing over to my side to close the door for me. "Come on let's go" he pulls me towards the restaurant. We walk in and it feels like everyone is starting at us. "Hey Ben" the waitress smiles. "This must be your boyfriend" she reaches out her hand. "I'm skylar, I've heard so much about you" I grab her hand and shake it politely while look at Ben confused. "Actually it's fiancé now" he beams and nudges me. I chuckle at his comment. It's technically true but not really. I sigh again looking around. It's a nice restaurant. "This way" she smiles and grabs the menus. She sit the menus down and walks away. "I came here a lot, when you were at school" he clears his throat picking up the menu. "I told skylar about us. She was always going on about how I needed to treat you better. I stopped coming when we broke up" he shifts in his seat clearly uncomfortable. "You told someone about us?" I look down smiling. "I didn't hide you as much as you think." He turn the page on the menu and Skylar reappears with drinks. "Champagne on the house" she winks at Ben. "Ready to order?" I panic and quickly grab a menu. Ben places his hand on mine and shakes his head. I slowly set it back down. "We will have the shrimp scampi. Please put it on the same plate and bring two extra plates." He smiles over at me and I feel relieved. "Of course" she nods her head and walks away. "She knows." He whispers. "I didn't know how to help you, she helped me find some reading material on the subject." I nod my head. I think back to how he started cooking all of our meals and would always eat something when I did even when he wasn't hungry. She comes back with the food and smiles at me. "I'm glad he's treating you better." She winks at Ben and disappears into the kitchen. "Me too" I look over at him. "What do you mean?" "I'm glad your treating me better too." I pop a shrimp into my mouth and smile. "I know I treated you bad for a while. I don't have an excuse." He coughs "it's not a good enough reason but I think I had so much self hatred that I took it out on you to self sabotage." I cock my head to the side. "Hurting you hurt me. If I pushed you away I didn't have to deal with all of the negative feelings I had about being gay." I nod my head not knowing how to respond. "What changed?" I ask slowly, unsure I want to know the answer. "When I saw you with Nick that night, I knew it was over. I had pushed you away so much I pushed you into another's arms." He looks down and continues "I had gotten what I wanted but I felt worse than I did before. When you left that night, I called my dad and told him I never wanted to see him again if I couldn't be who I was. Losing you was everything I needed." My heart breaks at his words. "I needed to lose you to accept myself. But I'll never forgive myself for letting it get to that point." A tear slips down his cheek. I get up walking to that other side and slip in next to him. I wrap my arm around him and lean my head on his shoulder. "I understand why you acted like that. It's not an excuse but I understand." He looks up smiling at me. "Let's move on from this topic yeah? I don't need to be reminded this engagement is fake." His smile falls. "Yeah, yeah." I pull my plate over and take another bite.

Later that night back at Charlie's:

"What do you mean Wilhelm and Simon should get back together?!" Ben bursts out laughing. "He wants to keep them a secret!" "Well it's better than not being with him" I shrug my shoulders. "I just can't believe you finally agreed to watch Young Royals with me." I nudge him and laugh. "Well we definitely have to watch season two now" he throws his hands in the air. "I have to know what happens." I pull my phone out. It's 1 in the morning. "If we watch it now, we will be up until 7am" I groan. "Fineeee, tomorrow?" He whines. I nod my head and he gets up off the couch. "Where are you going?" I panic. "Home?" He questions. "Why?" I stand up grabbing his hand. "Stay" I whisper. "Charlie" he says firmly. I wrap my arms around him. "Ben" I mock. He chuckles and pulls back. We lock eyes and I can see the sleepiness behind him. "We've been drinking" he mumbles not breaking eye contact. "Your not thinking straight." He reaches up brushing the hair out of my eyes and I shutter at his touch. "I've never thought straight" I chuckle and so does he. "I haven't either." We both start laughing uncontrollably. I pick up a pillow and hit him with it. "Oh your gonna pay" he grabs a pillow and I take off running. "Catch me if you can" I giggle. We run around the house throwing pillows at each other. He catches up to me and pins me against the wall. "Your not getting away this time." He laughs tickling me. A few moments pass. "Okay I think you've paid your price." He says content with himself. He loosens his grip on my wrist and starts to back away. "Now" I mumble. "What he turns back." "Now" I say again louder. He tilts his head to the side and I see the lightbulb go off. He looks back up and me nodding his head "now".

Authors note: hey guys here's an extra chapter since I've been gone so long! Ps. Please keep in mind this universe uses Heartstopper characters but the same events have not happened in this universe. Ex. In this universe Ben has not SA Charlie. He has treated him shitty but has not done that in this universe and will not do that in this universe. I am using these characters to convey my own story. I have had this story written for years and these characters just fit it perfectly! Anyway don't hate me too much, enjoy the update🤭🤪