Everyone has been quiet since our grand escape; just went their separate ways on Tortuga. Edan assured me everything is fine, this is just how they regroup. I ended up heading to a nightclub with him. He knows it isn’t my style, but he promised it’s a place where the drinks aren’t watered down. A green light covers the club providing some darker corners for things I probably don’t want to see. I keep my eyes straight forward as we make our way to the bar, avoiding eye contact and any attention it might bring. Hitting a the club after an ambush attack doesn’t seem like the smartest idea but I didn’t want Edan left alone.

As the bartender pours another round of drinks for us, I’m starting to wonder if Edan inherited dad’s alcoholism and is just trying to share it with me. He seems to think drinking is the solution to every problem. I can’t say I’m any better, I have my own issues. Despite all my protesting, I was excited when the flames went up at the docks. I should have been suffering from PTSD or something but the sound of my heart beating so fast filled my ears and it was all I could think about as I was filled with energy. Drug dealers, gang members, splicers nor anything else has been able to give me the same rush. The idea that an enemy’s only goal is to kill you, while you’re willing to do anything to escape is an arousing thought. I don’t know if it’s my childhood or the mentality drilled into me after years of service that makes it so appealing. It’s wrong, and I know it’s wrong but there’s no other high like it for me. I’m an addict. I got addicted to the high of going home and telling stories of war. I’m addicted to the satisfaction I get when I survive a situation I shouldn’t have. I’m addicted to the do or die feeling.

“If you’re going to be on my team, you need to accept that we take risks but lives are more important than any property,” Edan is already slurring his speech as interrupts my thoughts.

“I don’t have a problem with that. I was thinking about civilians. Hearing that you value your life is reassuring.”

“Not you, Nastas. I should have backed you. Someone could have gotten hurt. He swears he knows everything but he’s been to jail more than I have so what does he know,” Edan calls for another drink.

“Are you drunk already,” I quickly finish my drink, it stings my throat and leaves a bitter taste as I try to keep up with Edan.

“No, I took a little something extra,” he gives me an exaggerated wink.

“Drinking wasn’t enough?”

“Couldn’t numb the pain fast enough. Don’t worry rookie, I’m a professional. Don’t let this afternoon shake you up. On this crew, you’ll see all kinds of things.”

“I’m not on your crew.”

“You were on my mission, sleeping on my ship, wearing my armor, firing my gun. You’re on my crew.”

“You abducted me,” I don’t even know why I’m having this conversation again. “We can finish this when your extras wear off.”

“You know why I abducted you,” Edan struggles to stand from the bar. He gingerly makes his way to an empty booth without finishing his sentence as he stretches across the couch.

“Yeah, because I can’t lay low. I got it,” I take a seat across from him.

Edan doesn’t answer me right away. I’m stuck listening to the music, it’s rhythmic, almost similar to club music in Sol but there’s something more mechanical below the surface. Almost as if someone decided to dance to the ambiance of machines.

“You think I want to cremate another brother,” Edan asks me as he stares at the ceiling from his back.

I don’t get the chance to answer his question before he passes out. He knows the answer. Both of us chose dangerous lifestyles, but we’d never want to lose the other. Even when we weren’t speaking for a long time, we still had love. I checked for him in the news constantly, tracked his bounties. I knew every planet and station he crossed in Sol. He sent someone take pictures of me as I graduated. We care, we don’t want to lose one another.

I lift up his limp body, like when were kids and he’d get too tired at the playground. As if by instinct he wraps his arms around my neck and legs around my chest as I piggyback him out of the club. I didn’t even get drunk and he’s high enough to fly to the moon right now. I settle on a quiet little restaurant when I can’t carry him further and order what seems to be edible. I get him to wake up and eat something when the food finally arrives. Some kind of synthetic protein grown on the station mixed with potatoes, peppers and other vegetables. Easy move, protein, potatoes, and more vegetables will always produce an edible if not good meal. I force feed Edan a few bites before tending to myself.

“Like I was saying, if you’re going to be on my team you need to get used to the unexpected,” he doesn’t even realize where he’s at or what was going on.

“I’m on your team, until we get this straightened out. We’ll talk tomorrow, for now, eat your food.”

“Thanks,” he smiles and slowly eats in a grinding fashion.

“For the record, I don’t want to burry you either. That’s why you need to your shit in order.”

“I’m not like this always,” Edan seems satisfied after remembering how to swallow his food. “But, I know you’ll take care of me, so I can let loose.”

“I won’t always be around to take care of you.”

“I know, but I want to enjoy it while you’re here.”

Almost as if on cue he passes out again. It’s going to be hell trying to get him back to the ship, because I don’t know where the ship is. I don’t even have contact information for the rest of his crew. Trying to use his wrist comp is no good because he keeps a lock on there. I guess we’re getting a hotel for the night.