"Schroeder, stop. You can't keep going. He's gone."

"He's your brother, Sally, how can say it."

"If he was going to be back, he would have made it, and he wouldn't want Schroeder to throw away his life."

"I honestly thought ol' Failure Face was going to make it."

"Really, Franklin? You're going to call him that now?"

"Why not, Linus. Lucy would have been the first to say it. They used to laugh about it over beers."

"The gates closing, Linus."

"I thought Chuck would make it."

-----

"It's Thanksgiving. It might seem we have little to be thankful for. We've lost of lot of friends, but the Great Pumpkin is gone too, and that's reason to rejoice. I'd like to welcome our friends from the Poohawk Tribe. Specifically their Chief."

"Thank you, Linus, it is an honor to be here with those who helped my tribe finally defeat the Great Pumpkin Spirit."

"The police say the investigation is closed, thanks to the video we had in our datalinks. Chuck and Snoop are officially listed as missing persons, but they'll always be with us in spirit. I know, it's been a hard few weeks but... did anyone else hear that?"

"It's coming from the kitchen, sweet baboo."

"I'll check it."

"It sounds like another one of the Great Pumpkin Spirit's portals. Go with them to check it, Puce Moose."

"Yes, Chief."

"I'll check it too."

"Be careful, Franklin."

"Linus! Sally! Come quick!"

"What, what is it?"

"Not... dead... yet..."

"Chuck? Chuck! Is that you?"

"What's left of me. Come're, Snoop. Rest. We earned it."

"Where have you been, Chuck? It's been weeks."

"There and back again, Linus. I've been there and back again."

"Oh, big brother. Oh, my brother."

"I love you too, Sally. I'm home. I made it." -- Fall of the Pumpkin Throne, Act III, Scene XII, Ending

SEE IT PERFORMED LIVE BY THE BONGISTAN CYBERQUEEN'S ROYAL BALLET COMPANY ON RIGEL-7! TICKETS ON SALE NOW!

CRUSADE>This is enjoyable. I should have accepted your invitation before this time.

AUNTIE>It's nice to have you here.

TREA>It is. Say, can I ask a question?

CRUSADE>You may.

TREA>How is it everyone else got scooped by your people didn't?

CRUSADE>We burnt out our normal channels eons ago. The system could not triangulate on us and would have us listed as deceased.

RIGEL>Makes sense.

CRUSADE>The program is about to resume. SILENCE!

TELKAN>

Mal'Kawp moved over slowly to stand next to P'Thok, limping slightly. He'd strained his left rear leg doing the sudden pivot. P'Thok was blowing on the glowing tip of the small plasma pistol as the wheels on either side of the plasma exciter chamber slowed down.

"What... what is that?" Mal'Kawp asked. He looked at the bucket of water he was carrying, shrugged, and set it down.

"A standard Treana'ad infantry officer sidearm," P'Thok said. He shifted his sarape and put it back in the shoulder holster.

"Not hardly," Mal'Kawp chuckled.

The X.A.V.A. ran over and sat down next to the two Treana'ad, panting.

**X.A.V.A. is goodboi** the DOG2.0 said.

"You are. You really are," P'Thok said, bending down and scratching the small cybernetic canine between the ears with the tip of his bladearm, scritching the petting nerve.

"Now we know who's been doing the killings and why," P'Thok said.

"What was that thing?" Mal'Kawp asked, pointing at where the cone was ripped out of the ground by the pistol.

"A terrible creature. It plagued ancient Terrans, preyed on children. They imprisoned it a long time ago, but J'Rad must have figured out how to get it to return," P'Thok said. He shook his head. "They're true. All of the Terran holiday specials, they're all true."

"Some people, no matter the cost, crave power," Mal'Kawp said. He turned and looked at the battered grav-lifter, which bobbled slightly even as it made a choppy hum.

"We will summon Law Enforcement to go over the scene," P'Thok said. He lifted up the rifle and slowly fed new shells into it. Mal'Kawp nodded and copied him, reloading the Terran shardgun.

The two Treana'ad and the DOG2.0 walked slowly toward the grav-lifter, their shadows stretching out before them, dancing with the light of the fires behind them.

"I'll drop you off wherever you want to go. I want to go see my daughter in the hospital," P'Thok said.

"A strange word, that..." Mal'Kawp said. He shook his head. "It must be odd to hear her address you in a familial way."

P'Thok nodded. "We needed a new word. Sire was close. The Matron Mi'Luki wanted me to interact with her as she grew up, so the bond was closer than a mere sire. It is indeed strange to hear her call me 'Father' at times."

Mal'Kawp nodded. "These are strange times."

There was a sudden roar of rage and both Treana'ad turned around even as the X.A.V.A. bolted for cover.

The gray Treana'ad warrior, J'Reth, was struggling his way out of the burning wreckage. His chitin was glossy black, covered with a spiderweb network of fissures that glowed red.

"I'LL SWALLOW YOUR SOULS!" the formerly gray Treana'ad roared out. He lifted his hands, the book hovering above one, the paper smouldering. Three crystal orbs, black with dark red pulsing deep inside, hovered above his other hand.

P'Thok took off running, the ache of age in his knees, hips, ankles, tarse all vanished as combat chemicals flooded the big warrior Treana'ad ichor.

Mal'Kawp went the other way, pulling out the shardgun as he ran.

The big no-longer-gray Treana'ad made a motion with his hand and threw a ball of pure energy at P'Thok, who ducked underneath it. The ball sailed forward, hit a photo booth, and exploded, raining down photos of P'Thok and Mal'Kawp running for their lives.

P'Thok skidded to a stop, firing the rifle, twirling it by the lever action, and firing again before taking off running. Both rounds ricocheted off of J'Rath in a shower of sparks, giving out high pitched whines as they tumbled away through the night air.

"YOU DARE?" J'Rath screeched out, throwing another ball of energy at P'Thok, who ducked and rolled, tucking his arms and legs in close. The ball sailed by, destroying another wooden tub full of water with red fruit bobbing on top.

Mal'Kawp grabbed the bucket and changed direction, zigzagging as he raced past the burning wreckage that J'Rad still stood in, ignoring the roaring flames around him.

J'Rad moved forward, kicking burning timbers out of the way, the flames wreathing him. Heavy chains hanging from iron rods pounded into his body clanked as they swayed back and forth.

The DOG2.0 blinked twice, the eyelid iris opening wide. The two eyeballs lifted up on stalk-like cables, peeking over the top of the cover. He could see the phasic energy shifting, how the massive creature that had been a Treana'ad was wreathed by it, see how it was shielded, see how the phasic energy ebbed and flowed.

X.A.V.A. opened a link and transmitted his visual data to P'Thok's datalink. The big Treana'ad opened the window even as he ran to cover, ducking down behind a large stack of haybales. They wouldn't save him from kinetic rounds or any type of round with any level of penetration, but it appeared to him that the energy balls exploded on contact with any surface, no matter how flimsy.

P'Thok licked his thumb and ran it across the front sight of the rifle, then laid the barrel of the long rifle across the hay bales.

Mal'Kawp fired twice with the shardgun even as he ran, two five round bursts, the recoil almost knocking him down. He plunged the overheated barrel into the the water in the bucket, the sloshing liquid hissing and steaming as Mal'Kawp ran, holding the bucket with one bladearm elbow.

J'Rath roared and burned, facing Mal'Kawp, throwing a ball of energy that missed.

"You have a whole book and can't even read the next page! Read, bug man, read!" Mal'Kawp mocked the huge obsidian Treana'ad, firing full auto and sending sparks exploding from the obsidian Treana'ad's armor. "You have the literacy of a black mantid missing its head!"

J'Rath roared again, clumsily, slowly turning, the chains clanking. He glanced at the book, the pages flipping, and looked back at Mal'Kawp.

"YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!" the obsidian Treana'ad bellowed out, flames gushing out of his mouth.

P'Thok overlaid the DOG2.0's feed with his own vision through his optic nerve link. He could see the phasic energy shift and adjust.

J'Rath's hand began to glow red. The ground around Mal'Kawp began glowing red and Mal'Kawp began slowing down, like he was slogging through mud.

"YOU CANNOT ESCAPE!" J'Rath rejoiced. The pages flipped in the book.

Making sure the gyrojet internal guidance was off, P'Thok pulled the trigger. The rifle barked, the butt slamming back against his shoulder, the round going hypersonic inches from the end of the barrel.

"THIS WILL TEAR YOU ASUN..." J'Rath started to yell.

Two of his fingers blew off, burning ichor squiring from the stumps of the severed digits.

J'Rath roared, turning toward P'Thok.

Mal'Kawp shot him in the back of the head with a burst from the shardgun, the density collapsed shards of battlesteel sparking as they bounced off the thick armor of the obsidian Treana'ad.

J'Rath turned back toward Mal'Kawp, who was already running, the bucket swinging back and forth even as Mal'Kawp pushed the stubby barrel of the shardgun into the water where it hissed and bubbled. The twisted monstrocity lifted his hand again, crimson and black energy wrapping his wounded hand.

P'Thok fired.

One of the rotating orbs shattered.

J'Rath spun and screeched at P'Thok, no longer bothering with words, just roaring out pure aggression.

Mal'Kawp fired again, another full auto burst of shards from J'Rath's feet, up his abdomen and thorax, and sending sparks showering from J'Rath's armored carapace. This time one of the chains snapped free, falling to the ground, the black iron smoking. J'Rath turned, the pages on the book flipping. The barrel was glowing on the shardgun and Mal'Kawp dipped it in the bucket of water he was holding.

P'Thok fired, the second globe exploded, and the Treana'ad warrior burst out from cover, running pell-mell for the cover of another stack of hay bales as the first one exploded as fire erupted beneath it. X.A.V.A. sprinting for cover again, his onboard camouflage system making him all black, his tail wagging to help him keep his balance as he scrambled behind the well, then peeked around it, with his eyeballs on stalks again.

The creature, the X.A.V.A. no longer thought of it as a Treana'ad, was waving around the hand missing two fingers, the single crystal orb still moving in a slow stately circle around the hand. The other hand had the book, which was flipping through pages. The eyes on the book were looking around, bloodshot and malevolent.

The X.A.V.A. saw it.

A gap in the human skin. Where a single piece had not been stitched into the cover.

Mal'Kawp skidded to a stop and changed direction so quickly he felt a tendon burn, firing the shardgun as he ran, quickly becoming accustomed to the recoil. He lunged forward and a ball of energy narrowly missed him.

"That's all you have, throwing balls at me like a blind kid at a county fair trying to win a cheap doll for his ugly girlfriend?" Mal'Kawp shouted out as he skidded to a halt and two more whizzed by in front of him. "I've seen better aim in Terran pornographic holocubes!"

"YOU DARE!" J'Rath screamed.

P'Thok fired and took off running.

The third and last orb exploded.

"YOU! YOU VEX ME!" J'Rath screeched, turning around.

"Cover me," P'Thok said across the datalink. "Distract him."

Mal'Kawp had just finished pulling the barrel of the shardgun, overheated and steaming, out of the bucket of water, which was now steaming. "I'm trying!" Mal'Kawp answered on the datalink.

"Try harder!"

Mal'Kawp skidded to a stop, using one hand to pull out his pack of smokes and the tip of his free bladearm to open it. He pulled one out with his mandibles.

J'Rath threw two more globes, missing both times.

"You throw like a blind child suffering from vertigo," Mal'Kawp said, raising his voice just enough to be heard as he put the pack away. He took two quick puffs, the self-lighting cigarette filling his book lungs with comforting smoke.

"YOU DARE?" J'Rath said.

P'Thok moved out from behind the haybales, pulling the rifle's engraved leather sling over his head and reaching into his sarape.

"Yup," Mal'Kawp said, moving the cigarette from one side of his mouth to the other with his rasp-like tongue. He started walking toward J'Rath, who swirled his bleeding hand, bringing forth another ball of energy.

The ball sizzled as it went by, exploding on a building wall, causing wood and thatch to fly into the air.

Mal'Kawp stopped right in front of J'Rath as P'Thok used his bladearms to open the front of his sarape, revealing he had used his thumbs to unsnap the restraining straps on his pistols. Both were heavy, black pistols, gifts from the Terrans when he had toured their homeworld as a diplomat instead of a spy.

"Don't start none," Mal'Kawp said.

J'Rath screamed and reared back on his hind legs, intending on crushing the smaller Mal'Kawp with his front feet.

"HEY!" P'Thok yelled in warrior click. "FEEBLE ONE!"

J'Rath whirled around, snarling in rage.

He held out the book and it flipped through pages, going to the front, holding it up to read the contents.

"I SHALL HAVE YOU..." he started.

P'Thok drew his two pistols and fired in one smooth motion. The hammers went back then were driven forward by springs. The hammer hit the primer in shells. The primer went off, igniting the powder. The powder burned, turning to gas, increasing the pressure in the chamber as the powder burned.

The heavy warsteel bullet from the left hand gun was propelled by the gasses, propellant still burning in the barrel, increasing the pressure. Unburnt propellant left the barrel, hit oxygen, and exploded in a tongue of flame.

The warsteel bullet hit J'Rath between the eyes, snapping his head back.

The other bullet slipped through a minute gap in the phasic shields, flew a few feet...

...and hit dead center of the space where no flesh had been stitched into the cover of the book.

Blood exploded from pages as the heavy warsteel round ripped through the pages of inked human skin. Viscera flew up and spattered across J'Rath's front.

J'Rath stumbled back, the space between his eyes glowing bright orange from the heat of the bullet, flattened against his skull.

Mal'Kawp threw the water onto the obsidian Treana'ad.

Steam exploded out and J'Rath stumbled forward, the red fire in the fissures suddenly going out.

"Won't be none," Mal'Kawp said, bringing the shardgun around.

P'Thok used his bladearms to 'fan' the triggers of the pistols.

Bullets hit J'Rath, exploding plates of armor.

Mal'Kawp leveled the shardgun at the joint of the abdomen and thorax, the black armor hissing, cracked, the mosiac of cracks in the armor no longer glowing red. He held back the trigger.

J'Rath blew in half, the book flying from his hand to land face down. The spurting of blood from the pages flipped it over.

ALKTAK>YES!

J'Rath tried to pull himself forward, using his hands and bladearms to drag his upper body forward.

A heavy boot appeared in front of him as a massive footpad came down. He looked up.

P'Thok was looking down at him over the barrel of one of the heavy black pistols.

"Guilty."

P'Thok pulled the trigger.

J'Rath's head exploded.

-----

The muffled shouting from the Chief's office ended and everyone looked up from their desks. One Treana'ad, a young female who'd eaten two male's heads in a mating frenzy, glanced up but kept her posture submissive in hopes of being treated leniently.

After all, neither had brought good quality ice cream or powersmoker fluid.

The door banged open and P'Thok and Mal'Kawp left the office. The door slammed shut just as the Chief picked up the phone and began screaming greetings to his mate.

P'Thok and Mal'Kawp moved over to the middle of the room, where several other Treana'ad were waiting. Backs were slapped, bladearms crossed, and hands were shaken.

"I'd say that wraps this case up," one officer said.

"You could almost said, that's the way the pumpkin seed roasts," another laughed.

Everyone went still mid-laugh.

Nothing moved.

The young female looked up and looked around.

Nobody moved.

She poked the officer in front of her, but he was still unmoving in mid-laugh.

Looking around, she rummaged for the digital code for the restraints, undid them, and scurried off.

THIS HOLIDAY SPECIAL HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU WITH LIMITED COMMERCIAL INTERRUPTIONS BY BOBCO AND GURDY'S DUCK OIL! PAMPER THE DUCK IN YOUR LIFE TODAY!

CRUSADE>I enjoyed viewing this. Let us view another together!

AUNTIE> Sounds...

BANDWIDTH TEST IN FIFTEEN SECONDS

RIGEL>Hold onto your butts!

Pete looked over at the rest of the team.

"Ready?" he asked.

They all nodded, looking grim.

Pete reached down and tapped the spacebar, ordering the system to power cycle, then deguasse, then power cycle the system again.