Imagine yourself drowning in a sea of sorrow. You wanna push yourself up so that you can breathe but all you see is the dark water around you. Your body need oxygen, you know that if you didn't came out of that ocean, you will die, yet you let yourself suffocate slowly because you don't have the strength in you to lift yourself.

You just give up because you fear failing.

Not even caring that it may lead you to die.

Why?

Because the light of hope fail to penetrate that sorrow and you take it as the end of the world.

We forget to see our happiness waiting just a step away with its arms open wide, welcoming us to embrace it and choose the best moments of our life for ourselves.

Jungkook was sitting on the edge of his bed, his heart crying in agony, Face morphed into blankness and eyes looking at the pendant he brought for Taehyung when he went to states, his fingers lightly caressing it slowly as his aching heart screamed at him for not doing anything to stop his husband, the room was illuminated with a dim light making the atmosphere even more gloomy.

The blonde will be leaving tomorrow with Taegguk and he will be left alone again.

With memories that will haunt him every night.

He knew he won't be able to sleep peacefully knowing that he has a family that left him because he deserved that.

No more tears were left for him to shed. His eyes were red, swollen and dry. The stars in them were consumed by some black hole and he looked dead.

What he did seventeen years ago, he regret it. He felt like he wanted to go back in time and change things but couldn't do that. The ravenette wanted to punish himself for being a jerk back then. He wanted to bring that part of himself out and stab it until he was satisfied.

His hands itched to harm himself, to feel the pain he gave to his husband, to punish himself until the God show some mercy on him and stop punishing him in such a cruel way.

He wanted to just sleep and never wake up to see Taehyung turning his back on him and walking away for forever.

The helplessness of not being able to do anything was frustrating him, he was angry at himself.

He was not able to confess his feelings, to tell his husband how important he was, to show him how badly he needed the blue eyed male, to explain how much Jungkook regret letting him go back then and tell him that he loved the blonde since forever.... It all made him feel suffocating but the guilt and feeling of self hatred made the boy keep silence.

He didn't know what to do.

How can he prove it to Taehyung that Jungkook respect him now, that he isn't the same boy he was years ago...that he want his husband to never leave him but again, he had no right to stop Taehyung for his own happiness.

He had no right to want Taehyung to stay with him even when he know that his husband want to leave.

He lost all his rights years ago.

The thought that he won't be able to see Taehyung after today was scaring him and the desperateness of holding the blue eyed male just one last time made him restless.

He felt as if his world was crumbling down into heap and all he could do was watch it turning into nothingness.

A knock on the door brought him back to reality and he wiped the lone tear that rolled down his cheek without him noticing it. The ravenette fisted the pendant to hide it and turned to look towards the door only to get surprised.

The blonde stood on the door, eyes looking straight into Jungkook's eyes and he seemed so calm, composed and confident about himself. The ravenette licked his lips and stood up nervously, hand fisting the pendant going behind his back to hide it from Taehyung.

''T-Tae!''

''Can I come inside?'' The blonde asked very formally giving a pang to Jungkook's heart. He gulped the lump forming in his throat and nodded.

Taehyung smiled and walked inside looking around.

The room was dead silent and everything was on its place. It was so unlike Jungkook. His room has always been messy.

The blonde smiled at the change and walked to stand in front of his husband.

''I hope I didn't disturb you.'' He started the conversation making Jungkook blink his eyes to control his tears. How wrong Taehyung think of him. The ravenette wanted to say so many things but he ended up shaking his head, he didn't trusted his voice.

The blonde nodded and looked around them again.

''You were going to sleep?'' He asked seeing the dimly lit room.

As if Jungkook can sleep at all when he know that his husband is leaving for forever next day!

''No...I- '' he stopped and cleared his throat as his voice became groggy. ''I was just s-sitting.''

Taehyung nodded once again.

''Can we talk?''

''Y-Yeah...''

Jungkook looked at his husband who sat on the bed and looked around once again, maybe he didn't want to see his face, Jungkook thought and winced at the realisation.

''You can also sit.'' Taehyung offered him when he saw the ravenette standing there cluelessly.

Once Jungkook settled on edge, Taehyung smiled and looked at the painting on Jungkook's wall.

''Its beautiful.'' He complimented making Jungkook nod, eyes not wanting to waste a minute in looking at the painting rather than the beautiful human being sitting in front of him.

'' That was a paint-''

''I am sorry.'' The ravenette interrupted the blonde who was saying something about the painting. Taehyung looked at his husband and raised his eyebrow but Jungkook was busy looking down at his clasped hands now. He didn't wanna waste the time he was left with Taehyung in talking about some painting which he don't give a fuck about right now.

''What?''

''I am sorry, Tae....I k-know I am not forgivable. What I-I did was unforgettable but still, I wanna s-say this. I am really sorry for everything. For taking you wrong, for not trying to understand you. For n-not respecting you...for humiliating you in front of my fake f-friends, for not being able to protect you from some dirty eyes.....'' The ravenette paused and looked up into Taehyung's eyes making the blonde's heart race.

''I am really sorry for claiming you as m-mine against your wish. I am truly sorry for everything what I did with you, Tae......The truth is that I never deserved you. You were an angel from the very start but I didn't value you and today.....I am paying for my carelessness by being left alone.... Please forgive me if you ever find it in yourself.'' He pleaded, eyes watering immediately and the blonde looked away snorting slightly.

He was mad at his husband for doing all that with him. He had so many complaints before coming to Jungkook's room. He felt like he will never forget what the ravenette did with him but now, when he saw Jungkook accepting all of his mistakes, begging for his forgiveness and crying desperately in shame, Taehyung felt like all of what happened years ago didn't even matter anymore.

He couldn't believe himself.

He felt like a heavy burden was lifted from his heart and it was allowed to beat again.

Was it all he wanted from his husband? Just a sorry for whatever he did in past?

Really?

That sounded ridiculous.

Jungkook had begged for his forgiveness in past too but he never felt like that. He never wanted to just forget everything and console his husband, wipe his tears and tell him that it was okay.

Because Taehyung never felt that it was okay.

It wasn't okay and he knew that. Then what changed suddenly?

Why does he want to say fuck it and hug his husband and cry with him? Why Jungkook's apology now sounded more sincere than ever? Why does his words were healing his wounds? Why the ravenette's tears seemed like a rainfall in desert quenching the thirst of Taehyung's barren heart with its calmness?

He was so confused but the boy didn't realise that it was because he trusted his husband now. He trusted that Jungkook was truly sorry. He trusted each and every word of his husband. He trusted those tears.

He believed in Jungkook's apology.

''J-Jungk-''

''I won't stop you, Tae.... I won't ask you to stay with me if you really wanna leave. I just wanna tell you that my happiness lies in you. You are everything for me, Tae....My every path lead me to you. Your smile makes me smile, your tears makes me angry, you talks makes me feel contented, your silence scares me......'' The ravenette paused. A stream of tears ran down the blonde's cheeks as he heard those words he always craved to listen.

On the other hand, all the restrictions Jungkook had put on himself broke as the boy felt like if not now then never.

The realisation that you will never get a second chance makes us desperate. The ravenette was trying to be strong but now, when Taehyung was sitting in front of him, listening to him attentively, he felt like it was his last chance.

His husband won't be there to listen to him tomorrow.

''I thought I will never tell you this. I know I am pathetic. The thought that you will be leaving tomorrow is scaring me. I know all of it mean nothing because you don't want to see my face but I can't help it. I have been living with regrets since the day you left me last time, Tae and I don't want any more regrets. All of this is making it i-impossible for me to breathe..... I feel like I'll die if I didn't say it out to you....'' He paused again and held Taehyung's hand with his own, the other fisting the pendant tightly making his knuckles turning pale.

Taehyung's heart was racing, it was dancing in happiness yet the pain was immense.

Why things had to be that way? Why both of them had to suffer for so long? Why couldn't they spend those beautiful seventeen years together creating beautiful memories?

''No matter where you live, Tae, always remember that I am always thinking about you. No matter if its day or night, morning or evening, summers or winters....I will always be missing you, your smile....our family....I will be missing every moment we spent together.'' He said making the blonde sob.

''Never cry again, Tae.... You have already shed enough tears because of me. Please live a happy life ahead. You deserve everything in this w-world.'' Even when his own words were piercing his heart like sharp arrows, Jungkook kept a smile on his face, even when his tears pooled his eyes, he looked at his husband with all the love he hold inside for Taehyung.

The blonde shook his head when the ravenette wiped his tears.

He wanted to speak but his voice betrayed him. He opened his mouth only to close it again making Jungkook smile. Their sniffing was all that could be heard in the room as the blond tried to get himself together.

Jungkook was telling him everything that Taehyung wanted to hear.

He was needed.

He was wanted.

He was loved.

The emotions were overwhelming and both of them cried together.

''I am l-letting you go this time, Tae....but I will never let you walk away from me in our next life. I will make you mine as soon as I f-find you. Please w-wait for me....'' The ravenette cried like a kid and Taehyung felt as if his arms gave up.

He wanted to raise his hands and wipe Jungkook's tears but he couldn't.

''W-Why are you letting me go then, J-Jungkook?'' He asked finally. When both of them need each other than anything than why do they have to walk away? Can't they just live like a normal, happy family? But again....there was nothing normal in their family.

''I can't stop you, Tae.... I don't have it in me to even think about stopping you. I want you to be happy, I want you to choose happiness for you and I a-am scared. I am scared, Tae. I am hella scared that I may end up hurting you again even when I know that I will prefer killing myself before hurting you.'' the ravenette shook his head helplessly.

Taehyung hit him on his chest with his fist where Jungkook's heart was beating. Why can't the ravenette just ask him to stay? Was it so hard for Jungkook to just pull him in his embrace and never let him go?

''D-Do you think I'll be happy if I leave t-tomorrow?'' He asked still hitting the ravenette who let his husband keep hitting him like a kid.

''My presence has only given you pain, Tae.... You were happy in Paris, away from my dark s-shadow.'' The ravenette replied not caring how badly his heart was bleeding. Jungkook's words made the blonde angry.

Why his husband has to play with words?

Can't he just stop being so considerate for once?

''That means I should leave...right?'' He asked furiously, his heart hoping for a reply that he wanted to hear but Jungkook has became masochist. He was loving the pain he was going through.

He felt like it was what he deserved.

''Okay!'' the blonde stood up furiously and wiped his tears harshly. Jungkook also followed him with knitted brows when he saw the blonde huffing in anger.

''I am leaving!''

''O-Okay.'' Jungkook said his hold on the pendent tightening and it dug into his palm through the dressing which was protecting the ravenette bound from bleeding again.

Taehyung was so angry but the hurt that flashed in Jungkook's eyes made the blonde melt again.

How can Jungkook give up on them if he truly loves Taehyung?

''Will you not stop me?'' He asked for the last time. His string of patience was breaking and he didn't know if he will be able to keep talking to Jungkook because he was getting mad at the ravenette again and the blue eyed man didn't want to say anything that he will regret later.

Jungkook put his hand in his pocket and smiled weakly.

''Last time, i was stupid who send you away and this time, I don't have the right to tell you to say, Tae...'' The broken voice and hopelessness in Jungkook's eyes made the blonde cry again.

''Do you want me to stay?'' The blonde was desperate to hear it from his husband. Why was it so hard for Jungkook when Taehyung was ready to leave everything behind and run to his arms?

''Does it matter?''

''Won't you say it?''

''Will it change anything?''

''Is it so hard?''

''Its harder than I thought, Tae.....please don't make it hard for me. I won't be able to let you go if you kept looking at me like that.'' The ravenette said tilting his head weakly, brown eyes shining with tears and those chubby cheeks stained with tears.

The smile seemed strained.

''I want you to stop me.'' The blonde said stubbornly making Jungkook curse before pulling Taehyung by his wrist and pressing his lips against Taehyung's shaking ones. Their tears mingled together as the blonde fisted Jungkook's t-shirt tightly over his heart.

Both of them kept standing there, lips pressed against each other, breathes heavy, bodies shaking, holding each other tightly as they cried on their destiny.

Jungkook wanted the blonde to stay.

Taehyung wanted to not leave.

Then why did everything still seemed so hard.

The ravenette pulled back and wiped Taehyung's cheeks who was crying with his eyes closed as he still felt his husband's soft lips on his own.

''I want you to stay, B-But I can't stop you.'' Jungkook said and stepped back. The blonde opened his eyes slowly only to see the distance between both of them. It hurted him, made him feel like trash....he just wanted to run into his husband's embrace but something was stopping him.

The same thing that was stopping Jungkook from not letting Taehyung walk away from him.

''Will you be okay? Is it possible to live without s-someone if you really need them? Why does those eyes of your says otherwise?'' The blonde asked not wanting to cry more but he couldn't control himself.

''There are things which is better if left unsaid.''

''T-Things? W-What things?'' The blonde asked still shedding tears.

''Things which have no meaning now...''

''But I wanna k-know.''

''Am I allowed to tell you?''

''What?'' The way that pair of blue eyes looked at him desperately, asking Jungkook to hug him, kiss him again and the way his body shook, it made the ravenette angry at himself. He closed his eyes for a moment before looking at his husband weakly.

''I didn't want to earlier but now, I am greedy, Tae....I wanna tell you something.'' The ravenette said smiling through his tears. That distance between them was heartbreaking for Jungkook too.

''......Something I never told you'' The ravenette said stepping forward, his heart thudding in his chest as Taehyung peeked into his eyes with his blue ones.

''Something that I have been keeping inside since years...s-something that makes me want to kill myself because I can't keep it inside forever. Something that I know I have no right to say but I can't s-stop myself. I k-know am pathetic for saying all of it at t-this moment but I scared of not getting the chance again...'' The ravenette continued closing the distance between them slowly, the wounded hand coming to hold the blonde by his shoulder.

''N-No....I don't wanna know anything. I o-only wanna know If I have any value in your life....I w-wanna listen desperateness in your voice, the f-fear of losing me....I only wanna hear if m-my absence will affect you in any way...'' The blonde protested, removing Jungkook's hand from his shoulder furiously.

Why the ravenette have to talk about going away when they are talking about something else?

''If you are asking if I need you, then the answer is forever.....If you are asking if I'll leave you, the answer is never, Tae.......If you are asking what do I value, the answer is you...If you are asking do I love you, the answer is yes I do..... very much....'' Jungkook replied and more tears came running out of Taehyung's blue eyes as he heard what he wanted to hear from always.

''I love you, Tae.....I love you so much. From always....I didn't even realise when I fell for you. You are simply beautiful inside out and I c-couldn't help myself. I sent you away from me n-not knowing that I'll be living a life without a soul if you left....I am sorry but I can't stop myself from falling deeper everyday for you.....I wa-''

That was it for Taehyung. He only wanted to hear this. He only needed a reason to stay and now, when Jungkook was saying himself that he love the blonde, Taehyung closed the distance between them and pressed his lips against Jungkook's.

The ravenette was quick to hold the blonde by his waist with his one hand while the wounded one cupped his cheek as he kissed Taehyung passionately, their lips moving messily against the other's while the blonde snaked his arms around Jungkook's neck and pulled him closer, tears staining each other's cheeks while they fought to close whatever distance was between them.