“Some whetstones you don’t notice until they’ve already worn a fine edge onto their blade. You won’t realize what’s happened until you look down to see your own guts pouring out from a wound made by the blade they wrought.

Frija was my first realization. It wasn’t until I sat with her, alone in the meeting room, cradling my child, that I felt the blade cut. All the fear and worry from seeing my mother maimed and hurt. All the anxious days I’d spent tiptoeing around my own parents. All the love I saw from father and mother as their relationship only came out stronger through the ordeal. The fear I still saw everyday on my father’s face before he left to go to work. All of it honing a blade I didn’t realize existed until I sat with Frija in my lap and felt the knife in my gut.”

She was crying and Ranvir could barely get to her. He staggered out of bed, one leg gave out, and he almost fell on top of the crib, barely catching himself against the wall. Regaining his balance and a measure of strength, he reached down and gently tickled her cheek as he shushed her through panting breaths.

Outside, he could hear the boys screaming and playing with each other, followed by the whip-thwack of a stick swinging through the air, followed by immediate silence. He tried not to pay it any attention as others started speaking up. There were a couple of older kids that helped Elpir manage the more rabble-rousing youths, and he could hear one of them being called into the help with the escalated play as he gathered his strength.

With a heave, Ranvir lifted Frija into his arms, settling her into the crook of his elbow as he leaned into the wall for support. He could smell immediately that she needed more than just breakfast. Letting his head fall back against the wall with a hollow thud, Ranvir ground his teeth.

He looked around as he heard the door gently squeak open, the sound barely audible beneath the power of Frija’s lungs. He gently padded her cheek and kissed her on the head as he saw Vasso standing in the doorway.

Their eyes met for a moment before Vasso’s eyes went down his body, scrutinizing him. The story of the Man Seeking Greatness came to Ranvir’s mind again, as it did every time he saw the boy’s curly head of hair. Vasso still came for every reading Ranvir did before Frija’s nap time, but there was a worrisome undertone to many of the stories Ranvir hadn’t noticed before.

Elpir had just said that they liked tragedies in Korfyi, which made little sense to him. Vasso slowly looked away, checking out the room. Ranvir wasn’t sure what was going through the kid’s head, but he really needed to get Frija changed. With a grunt of effort, he pushed off the wall, feeling like a drunk as he staggered over to the changing station.

I can’t keep going like this, Ranvir worried, It’s too dangerous for Frija, a thick mass of crawling digits, flickering in and out of sight wormed its way through Ranvir’s mind, but it was insubstantial and less colorful than normal. Even his fear was lesser in his current state.

“Here.”

Ranvir blinked, looking over at where Vasso’s bouncy curls had stopped right next to him. Vasso was holding an object out to Ranvir, clutching it in both hands to hold it properly.

Ranvir grit his teeth, but accepted the cane with one hand, using it to steady himself and hating how much it helped. “Thanks.”

Vasso smiled happily.

A couple of weeks after Ranvir’d started using the cane, and he hated it now more than ever. He even needed it to get out of bed, let alone go for a walk. He felt like an invalid, trapped in a youth’s body. Ranvir was at most a two years senior to the oldest orphan in the house. He was still a young man, a boy, some called him.

Yet, he couldn’t walk for five minutes with no break.

His arms shook as he put Frija into her crib, his little girl snoozing away. Silently, but as swift as he could, he limped over to the bathroom as the water should already be heated.

They had running water in Eriene, fresh from the river. Even then, heating the water after it was tapped only took a couple of minutes. Ranvir continued to marvel at the advancements that had been made on Korfyi.

Ranvir quickly finished his bath. Though he’d have preferred to take his time sitting and enjoying the water, he needed to spend his free time well. He still had to rebuild the wall of his tether-space, a practice that he spent more and more time on as days passed, though thankfully the space itself hadn’t grown less accessible.

In fact, he thought, rising out of the water, he’d been getting better at it again. Perhaps he was gaining some benefits from his issues. As he stepped over the lip of the bath, Ranvir’s supporting leg gave out.

His knees snapped into the side of the metal tub with a bang and he crashed onto the bathroom floor as everything lost cohesion, except for a thick, sluggish molasses of pain in his head, causing everything in view to swim around.

Ranvir shut his eyes, trying not to let the shame get to him as Elpir helped him into bed, just as she’d tucked Frija into hers. Both he and his daughter were still wet from the bath Elpir had given them. With his shoulder in a sling and his leg in a brace, and his physicality slipping with each passing hour…

He tried his best to smile at Elpir as she left the window cracked before leaving the room with the blinds drawn.

Ranvir stared at the ceiling, trying and failing to stop himself from thinking. His thoughts swirled around themselves as he glared a hole into the ceiling. There was a knot in the wood just above his bed, perfectly placed to catch his attention.

He hated the cane leaning against the bed, right by his head. Ranvir grit his teeth and shook his head. He hated how tired he was feeling after lunch and a bath. He hated the doctor that had told him he couldn’t give Ranvir anymore medicine. No quick recovery. His body and spirit had become too weak. Could do more damage than it fixed.

Ranvir stifled a yawn and fought the heavy drag of the bed, pulling him to sleep when another sound invaded the room. Someone yelling and stomping footsteps. Ranvir blinked, forcing his eyes to remain open as the steps approached. It could be Pashar. She might’ve returned from one of her jobs…

But it wasn’t. Amalia shoved the door open, glaring daggers at him. Maybe she actually had that power, Ranvir thought. Would be no stranger than translation.

“Really, this is just a misunderstanding,” Elpir called from beyond the doorframe.

“You,” Amalia demanded. Her hair was a knotted and dirty mess. Her leathers were scuffed and even had a tear across her thigh that revealed white bandages underneath. “Up, now.”

Ranvir hesitated, looking confused at her. Elpir tried to push past, but Amalia didn’t move an inch. “What are you waiting for?”

Ranvir grunted in reply, before using his good arm—if he could be said to have such any longer—to sit up in bed. He wore loose bed wear that was easy to get in and out of, since that had suddenly become a huge priority for him in recent days. Gripping the cane in a shaking hand, Ranvir narrowed his eyes and inhaled sharply before pushing with his entire body, bad leg and arm excepted.

Shaking and puffing, he got to his feet where he found Amalia staring at him, though her gaze was no longer sharp but confused and perhaps worried.

“What,” Ranvir gasped, as he limped forwards. One leg forced straight by a brace, one arm clutched tight to his chest by a sling. He paused once to gain his breath and finish, “do you want?”

Amalia shook her head and looked away to Elpir before returning to him, “I’m sorry, there’s been a mistake.”

Ranvir hesitated, he wasn’t very good with people and rarely knew what to do in situations of high emotion.

Amalia averted her eyes, “Sorry, I got a little heated. I just—I apologize, I let Eudokia’s emotion disturb the blessing of Nysea,” she bowed at the waist to him.

“You are just too much,” Elpir cursed from the hallway and started pulling her away, “If you would just let me finish…” her words grew distant and indistinct. Ranvir blinked tiredly and looked at his bed with raw, untamed desire.