Not again I think as the worry starts to build. I can feel the panic welling up inside of me, trying to take over. Instead, I do my best to ground myself.

What do I see? Luke, not looking at me concerned yet. I’d like to keep it that way. What do I hear? Silence, when there should be music playing. What do I smell? Yeah, that’s not one that I want to focus on in this room. Just seems like a bad idea. What do I feel? I wiggle my toes a bit. The ground. Okay, that’s better.

“Here, can you go plug this into the sound system and turn on the country playlist? I need to get my shoes on.” I say that as an excuse. I’m still stuck in my head. The last person that wanted to partner dance with me…

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Hard floor under by back as I hit the ground hard.

Pain in my head, confusion from the impact.

A knee trying to force…

No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! I am not doing this memory, I can’t, I won’t. Somehow, I am able to push through the memory, skipping to the end.

My knee slamming against someone and my fist in their face.

*********************************************************************************************************

I don’t know what the hell has been going on with my head since coming here, but I almost feel like there is something digging through my mind. Trying to find the things I am keeping hidden, buried deep. The things I don’t want to think about. Memories best thrown away.

“You ready to go?” Luke asks as I finish slipping my shoes on.

“I am absolutely ready.” I say, flashing a too bright smile. Either he doesn’t notice or is nice enough not to comment on how off my smile is.

“Just so you know, before I hit play, you let me choose the music.” With an all too gleeful smile Luke pushes the play button.

Following words with actions I walk over to Luke and slip my hand into his, we form up, and start in closed position. Quick quick, slow slow. Quick quick slow slow. We start easy, feeling each other out, falling into comfortable rhythm. Okay, nice. Now we open things up, promenade.

“Hey, Aurora, this feels a lot stiffer than I usually do. I know that we aren’t super comfortable with each other, but let’s casual dance this instead of the more formal positions.”

“Oh, good I’m so glad that you said something. Dancing closer is a lot more comfortable than that stiff frame nonsense.” We both comfortably laugh at that. Once a body learns how to dance I feel that it is like getting back onto a bike. I don’t know if everyone feels that way.

It isn’t until my hair flies back into my face that I realize that I never pulled it up. During our next set of turns I dip my head back and shake it a bit.

“You know your hair looks like the northern lights when spinning like that, especially with you shaking your hair. Gasp, is that where you get your name sake?”

“Thanks, but my name came before the hair. I did dye my hair like this for just that reason though.” My hair falls to the center of my back, is wavy and dyed blue, green and purple, with just the smallest whisps of red in it as well.

“I assumed it was intentional. So do you like your name then?”

“Sometimes. Other times I don’t so much.”

“Let me guess, it depends on if guys are trying to use it in a pickup line.”

“Yup…” we pause long enough for me to pull my hair back and dance a bit longer.

“Thank you for dancing with me Little Rawr, it was a lot of fun. I’m going to go cook. Come on down when you get hungry.”

“Sounds good.” I say. When he is out I look over to the pole in the corner of the room. I had been taking pole dance lessons to help with my self-esteem. It had been getting pretty low when someone recommended pole dancing to me. When dancing only students of the class were allowed, no visitors in order to help us feel safe and free.

I’d actually had a really hard time relaxing enough to let go and enjoy this new dance style. Some people don’t see it as dance but we call those people wrong. It helped me learn to be less rigid, which was something else that I had been having trouble with.

Something else I was learning was aerials with the ribbon. It felt like I was flying. I wasn’t great at it, but I didn’t expect to be good at everything anyways.

I look around the room and contemplate what I want to do next. I stare at the pole for a few moments and decide against it. It doesn’t feel right. Instead I did a few contemporary dance solos.

“Darn, I thought she was going to try pole dancing next. Though, maybe she doesn’t know how, perhaps I should ask? Nope too embarrassing.” Noah mutters quietly in the corner unable to be heard over the music.

“As much fun as this is, I still love partner dancing the best.” I shrug my shoulders. Just because a lot of the people that I danced with were the bottom feeders of human society doesn’t mean that I don’t love it. “Just need people I can trust for it. Especially the stunts. Do you wanna learn Noah?”

“Umm, well… If you think that I would be able to learn then I think I would really like to learn. If you think I could that is. Also, I do need to be visible and have some substance.”

“That’s true.”

It felt as though the rest of the day flew by. Food, shows, some joking around. Talking about cooking, dancing, ghosts and everything else that popped into our heads. Noah joined in the conversation as best he could, with me having to translate everything for him. Altogether though, I think it ended up being a pretty good day.

“You know, if you are just faking all of this I am going to have to give you major points for improvisation. I almost want it to be fake just to see how long you can keep it up, but for some reason I think you are telling the truth, but. But why Mr. ghost, why am I not allowed to hear you?

“It isn’t fair I tell you.” Luke takes a drink from his, not first, glass of wine. “Oh apparition speak to me, I await to hear your words.”

“Night boys. I’m beat. Hopefully I will have less active dreams tonight.” And with that, I went upstairs and to bed.

*********************************************************************************************************

No matter how many times Noah told himself he wasn’t jealous, he couldn’t believe it. He was jealous and was upset with himself for feeling that way.

It had been easier to ignore when they were outside together and when he was doing research in the library. Trying to make that darn book give up its secrets was a good distraction. However, it was completely impossible to ignore when he was in a room with them together. He was able to touch her, dance with her. Noah wanted to be able to dance with her.

When he heard Aurora say that she wished that she had people that she could trust to dance with, he made a vow to himself that he was going to dance with her. He would learn whatever dance she wanted him to. He wasn’t just a cinnamon roll, he was dancing cinnamon roll!

She looked so free when she was dancing, and that was something that Noah longed to experience. He was never able to be as free with his energy or movement as he wanted to be. He was a ghost now though, so he didn’t have to think or worry about his undeveloped lungs.

“I’m not sickly anymore. I will learn to do all of things I couldn’t before! Once I gain physical form that is...” Noah says and runs his fingers through his hair.

“That’s it. I’m going to work on making it happen, all night if need be!”