Chapter 54

I been contemplating... meditating.

Shoulda waited... shoulda never dated.

With my phone on DND, Jhene Aiko's voice is the only one allowed in. It's taking everything in me not to cry as I lay in bed staring at the cieling. My satin pink pillowcase is soaked with tears. I don't think it could handle another drop.

That's not the reason I'm blinking back tears though. I'm just sick of being a stupid, sad bitch. Even I know I have to pick a struggle.

It's been two days since I found out the truth. I feel like I've been living on The Truman Show for the last seven months. Nothing is what I thought it was. Caesar ain't who I thought he was.

"So you trust Caesar but not me?" Ace asked at the cemetry. The truth is, I trusted Caesar more than him. Caesar was my rock when Ace left. He saved me in more ways than one. I mean, the nigga even helped me get away with murder.

I just don't understand how he can be the same person that snitched on my brother, set Tory up, and got Jonah killed. How is it that the one person that's been making me feel better is also the cause of all my pain?

I can't believe I really thought we were making progress this time. Things have been so good between us these last few weeks. I guess that should have been my first clue. All I've ever gotten was heartbreak from Caesar. I should have known things were too good to be true. If I did, maybe Tory would still be alive.

I wipe the tears that are crawling down my cheeks. I told myself I wasn't gonna cry anymore. That's all I've been doing the past two days. It's time I put on my big girl panties and focus on the real issue at hand.

When I left Caesar's house, I was so sure I was gonna' tell Ace everything. I even drove to The Loft, but I couldn't get out the car. I saw what Ace did to the last person he thought was a snitch. As much as Caesar hurt me, I couldn't just serve his head up on a silver platter. I put my car in reverse and backed out of the parking lot.

Now here I am two days later, weighing the pros and cons of telling Ace the truth. On one hand, there's no telling what Caesar has already told Guiterrez. For all I know, SWAT could be getting ready to break down our door any minute. The sooner I get Ace out of town, the better.

On the other hand, I can't just ignore what Caesar said. He promised he had a plan in place that would get that Fed Bitch off Ace's back forever. Not to mention, it would be nice to see that bitch go down for Tory's murder. But, after everything I just learned, I don't know if I can trust Caesar. He could just be making shit up to buy himself time to get out of the city before I tell Ace. Then again, if that was the case, I doubt he'd be calling and texting me as much as he is right now.

The only reason my phone is on 'Do Not Disturb' is so I won't have to read another message from Caesar practically begging for his life. I know he's scared, but he ain't the only one. Like he said, Ace is facing life in prison for killing Gecko plus whatever time he's added on by being on the run. I can't risk seeing my brother behind bars for the rest of his life. I need him and so does the rest of my family.

I can't imagine what kinda breakdown Mama's gonna' have if Ace gets sentenced to life. Paryis will never be the same again. And I've lost too many people already. I don't think I'll be able to shake back if I lost Ace too.

Ugh! I fucking hate Caesar. I hate him for everything he's done, but I mostly hate him for putting this pressure on me. I can't be the one thing standing in the way of Ace's freedom but I also can't be the reason he goes to jail.

I don't know what to do so for now I'm just listening to music.

I pace around the living room with my phone pressed to my ear. I hold out hope that Candyce will answer the phone this time, but once again I reach her voicemail.

"Fuck!" I yell.

I throw the phone on the table and pace some more. My mind running a mile a minute. I ain't been able to think straight since Candyce walked in on me and Guiterrez. It's been radio silence on her end ever since. For all I know she could have told Ace already. That nigga could be rounding up the hitters and putting a price on my head as we speak.

Fuck it, I think.

It won't hurt to text her ass again. I sit down on the couch and pick up my phone off the table. I send her another message that she prolly won't read, but I don't give a fuck. I gotta do sum'n. I can't just sit around and hope for the best. Too much is weighing on Candyce keeping her mouth closed.

I grip the phone in my hand as I wait for a message that ain't never gon' come. I grip it so tight I think I might break this bitch.

Think, nigga. Think.

I can't make Candyce talk to me. I ain't got no way of knowing if she told Ace yet or if she will. It's starting to seem like everything is outta my hands so maybe I should stop tryna save everybody and just save myself.

Keyana still up in Colorado. Maybe I should head up there. I know she ain't fuckin' with me right now but we got kids together. Plus I know Key. She wouldn't let them miss out on the opportunity of having their dad around just 'cause she ain't my biggest fan these days.

Shit, the more I think about it, the better it sounds. We can take the kids and lay low until Guiterrez is done sniffing our trail.

I still wanna' get Ace out from under this, but I ain't gon' be no sitting duck. I ain't waiting around to see if I'ma make it to the end of the week or not.

I toss my phone on the table and stand up. I hate to leave like this but I gotta do what I gotta do. My mind made up. At least I know I tried to do the right thing. This shit just outta my hands now.

I walk up the stairs and into my bedroom. I walk into the closet to grab my duffle. While I'm in there, I start yanking shit off the hangers and throwing it inside the bag. I'm halfway through when I hear a sound in the distance. I pause and listen.

I recognize the sharp shrill for what it is. A ringtone.

Candyce.

I almost slip on the hangers on the floor tryna run out the closet. I don't let that stop me though. I jet down the stairs like the cops behind me.

I run into the living room and snatch my phone off the table. It ain't 'til I see the black screen that I realize that's not even my iPhone ringtone. I smack my teeth and look at the flip phone Guiterrez gave me on the other side of the table. The small screen on front is lit up with a blue light.

I toss my phone on the couch and pick up the flip phone. I'm so pissed off I snap it open without even checking who's calling. It don't matter who on the other end of this line 'cause it ain't who I want it to be.

"What?" I bark into the phone.

"Who is this?" Some nigga says.

"Nigga you called my phone. Who the fuck is this?" I ask.

"Oh s-sorry. It's Officer Lake. Last time you told me to be sure it's you before I start talking," He says.

I sigh.

I rub my forehead with one hand. All the stress of trying to get in touch with Candyce is weighing on me. I'm starting to feel a headache coming on.

"My bad man. Wassup?" I ask.

"Good news. The Chief finally agreed to the terms. Five years in prison in exchange for a written confession and the evidence we have on Guiterrez on the flashdrive," Lake says.

I raise my eyebrows. I gotta sit down after hearing that shit. Relief fills my chest, but it ain't long before worry lines start to form on my forehead. Now that it's a done deal, I gotta explain what's about to go down to Keyana and the kids. I need to make sure Key understand ain't no other nigga gon' be playing daddy to my kids while I'm gone and that Amir knows it's only temporary.

In the midst of that, another thought occurs to me.

"Guiterrez' arrest. You think it'll make the news?" I ask.

Officer Lake chuckles.

"I hope so. I mean the department could really use that kind of publicity right now. We lost a lot of supporters over what happened to that Ortiz kid this summer. I think this arrest will help reel them back in. Arresting a crooked FBI agent will show people that justice is still our top priority. Why?" Lake asks.

He sound excited so I ain't gon' rain on his parade but that's not what I wanted to hear.

"There's just some explaining I gotta do before this shit hits the news," I say.

"Well I hope that explanation doesn't run too long. The chief of police is expecting you and that flashdrive by no later than 8 o'clock tonight," Lake says.

I lean back on the couch.

"So I walk in there with this incriminating evidence. What happens next?" I ask.

"You'll play the recording for The Chief. Once he confirms it's as bad as we say it is, he'll sign the informant paperwork which essentially seals the deal. I already drafted up a confession based on what you told me and what I heard on the recording. All you have to do is sign the dotted line and we'll handcuff you. I can promise you, you and Guiterrez will be sharing a cell by tonight," Lake says.

Damn so I'll no longer be a free man come nightfall. It's a lot to wrap my head around. But fuck it, this what I been waiting for. Aint no way around it. "You reap what you sow" that's what Beatie used to say.

"Aight, I'll meet you at the station," I say.

"We'll be waiting on you," He says.

"Oh, and Lake?"

"Hm?" He asks.

"Good lookin'," I say.

I hang up before he can think of some corny shit to say back.

Against my better judgment, I try to call Candyce one more time. When she doesn't answer, I leave a voicemail.

"Wassup, Red. I don't need to say who this is 'cause I know you seen that fuckin' phone ringing," I say.

Then I drop the tough guy shit and sigh.

"I know you mad at me right now but we need to talk. I'ma be going away for awhile and I need you to understand some things before I go. I want you to know why I did what I did. If we don't get a chance to talk, just know I never meant to hurt you or Ace. I'll do anything for y'all. But anyway, I love you. Call me back," I say.

I hang up the phone and pray she gets back to me before they slap them cuffs on my wrists. But first things first, I need to get some shit in order. I managed to put some money aside while I was in charge of Ace's business. I'm gonna wire everything I have to Keyana's account. That should hold them over for awhile while I'm locked up.

The wire transfer shouldn't go through till' tomorrow so I'll have enough time to explain shit to her later. Right now I gotta do what I gotta do.

I fire up what's left of the weed from Cali and lay my head back on the white couch. I blow O's in the air while the smoke infiltrates my lungs. After a few more puffs, I ash the blunt and get back to work.

Now that Cam is gone, it's up to me to keep track of how much money we have so that I'm never caught with my dick in my hand again. It's downright embarrassing having to ask a plug for more time 'cause I'm short on money. It's not a good look for anybody in the game especially not a nigga that's as established as I am. I'll tell you what though. I bet that shit won't happen again.

It can't happen again. After all, I can't rob and kill Angel twice and he was the only nigga of his stature for miles. I can't afford to be that desperate again. I gotta make the rest of the money I stole from Angel last just in case I don't sell enough of Keela's product. I know I'm thinkin' ahead but it's only 'cause I gotta feeling it's gon' take a while to get my business back in good standing.

It's a good thing I'm a patient man though. I know the best things come to those who wait. That's why I got no doubt in my mind that it's gon' be me taking Angel's place next.

I stick a couple blue bills in the money counter and press start. Then I pick up a stack of dead presidents from the other side of the table and start counting it by hand. Once the money counter is done, I jot down the number it displays. Then I replace the stack in the money counter with the one I just counted by hand.

I wrap a rubber band around the money I'm holding. Then I toss it in with the pile of money I already counted.

I been doing this at The Loft for the last two hours. It's a tedious process made longer by my smoke breaks. I ain't trippin' though. It ain't like I got shit else goin' on today. For once there ain't no fires I gotta put out. Today is the first slow day I've had since coming back home and I'm grateful for it especially now that I done smoked the last of my stash from Cali.

That weed was 'posed to last me at least a month. I smoked that shit in one week fuckin' with these people. I expect shit to stay at a standstill now. After all, a nigga can only deal with so much drama sober.

After thirty minutes, I reach my limit. I feel the smoke cloud my brain. I lose count on the money in my hand. My eyelids droop.

All I wanna do is lay back and let the fog carry me away. Eventually I stop fighting it. I lay my head back on the couch and close my eyes.

...

I slowly open my eyes. Red and orange sunlight cast over me. I glance at the windows behind me. The sun is low in the sky.

"What the fuck?" I mumble.

It was early afternoon when I went to sleep. Now I don't know what time it is.

I must've fell victim to a weed coma. My mouth dry as fuck. I gotta stale taste in it and my back hurt from laying on this couch. I was so gone I ain't even think about goin' upstairs to sleep in the bed.

I look around the room. My eyes land on the money on the table. Everything appears to be in order but you never know.

"Yo, Cal!" I call.

A minute later Calvin sticks his head in the door.

"Wassam, boss?" He asks.

"I fucked around and passed out in this bitch. Anything happen while I was out?" I ask.

Calvin shakes his head.

"Anybody come in?" I ask.

"Nah. It's been quiet," He says.

I nod my head. Calvin closes the door to finish guarding it. I yawn and stretch. Then I check my phone.

There's a few notifications but only one stands out. It's a message from Caesar:

I know we had our differences but some shit going down. I need to rap with you.

I furrow my eyebrows and sit up on the couch.

Every instinct I have tells me to ignore the message but I can't. I know Caese. He know better than to hit me after everything that's happened unless it was important. Despite everything he's done, I can't leave him hangin'.

I'm at The Loft all day today. Fwm, I write back.

I sit my phone down and grab the blunt from earlier out the ashtray. I spark up as I eye the phone waiting for a message back.

I let smoke out through my nose.

I wonder what this shit about, I think.

Every time I think I've made up my mind another song comes on that changes it. I know I'm wasting time, time that could be used to get Ace out of the city, but this ain't a decision to be taken lightly. With this decision I hold not only Ace's future in my hands, but also Caesar's.

Apart of me wishes Ace would just find out on his own. If Caesar was man enough he would tell him himself. But I think this whole situation proves Caesar is less of a man than I thought he was. He's waiting on me to clean up his mess for him.

Speaking of the Devil, I haven't had a missed call from him in hours. This is the first time I've been able to think without distractions clouding my judgment. It turns out I actually miss those distractions. Before, I could avoid making a decision 'cause I couldn't think clearly with Caesar blowing up my phone. Now I'm hiding behind my music simply 'cause I don't wanna' make a decision.

Even now I close my eyes and tune out to my headphones.

For awhile I try to forget the situation I'm in and just focus on the music. I allow the lyrics to take me away, but it's not long before reality rears its ugly head. Since Apple Music shuffle sucks, I eventually have to get up to change the song.

As I unlock my phone, I notice an unfamiliar icon next to dozens of missed calls at the top of the screen.

"New voicemail?" I whisper.

It's no surprise Caesar blew up my phone. He's been calling me around the clock since I left his house. But in all that time, he's never left me a voicemail. He's sent plenty of voice memos in text, but no voicemail. I mean, who even uses that anymore?

Curiosity gets the better of me so I redial voicemail. I've never had to use it until now so I go through the process of setting up one and creating a pin. Once I'm done, an automatic voice tells me I have one new message.

I press '1' to hear it and put the phone to my ear.

"Wassup, Red. I don't need to say who this is 'cause I know you seen that fuckin' phone ringing," His deep voice comes through.

I roll my eyes.

"I know you mad at me right now but we need to talk. I'ma be going away for awhile and I need you to understand some things before I go..."

My heart folds in on itself. Caesar's leaving?

It's just like I thought. He's running just like he did three years ago. Anytime shit gets hard or too much to handle Caesar skips town. I just can't believe he'll leave Ace hanging like that. Leave me hanging like that.

Was he lying when he said he a plan in place? Was this his plan all along? To throw Ace under the bus and disappear?