《Marauding Gods (First Draft)》Chapter 45:

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I was startled by the sound of snow falling on the snowy ground, which I mistook for monster footsteps.

With the paranoia induced by my complete lack of sight and the primitiveness of the place I was in, I constantly imagined a monster and perhaps several of them lurking around, waiting for me to be slightly off guard before leaping on me, so relaxing was pretty much impossible.

I'm not sure how long or how far I aimlessly walked away from the nofo, but I think I've put enough distance between myself and the cocoon.

The area felt very similar to my training ground.

The snow had accumulated on the ground, making any of my movement on it difficult, but thankfully the trees weren't as densely packed as some parts of the forest I'd read about in the library's book.

Once I reached this place, I decided to build something that I can only call a very primitive shelter.

To be more specific, it was more of a pit dug in the snow, which was then stuffed with leafy branches found here and there, then added a layer of branches disposed perpendicularly on top of the hole as a roof, on top of which was added another layer of leafy branches, and finally covered with a layer of snow.

It was far from being comfy, but it was way better than sleeping on the snowy ground.

It wasn’t very evident to do with only one hand available and absolutely no visual at all.

I have no idea where this place is within the forest, but based on how long and vaguely I remember running away from the Fourteen, I'm sure it's at least 100 kilometers away from the barrier.

I touched my face and felt a smooth sensation of a scar from a burn on half of my face, and I touched my hair, I felt that they were shorter than they used to be, and then I remembered losing a large portion when defending myself against the fourteen.

All the fractures and wounds they inflicted on me seemed to have healed completely, as I expected the nofo to do.

In the case of my right arm, despite the fact that the wound had completely healed, no miracle occurred, I won’t deny the fact that I had hoped that it would grow back from its old wound like a lizard tail while I was unconscious, it appeared I had expected too much from it.

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Even though it cost me my sight, my stay in the nofo was still worth the expense; there was no way I could have survived here with the injury I had.

I remember thinking about going camping in the forest for a week or so about a year ago, and only now do I realize how stupid I was for wanting to do something like that.

I'm sure at the time I was very reliant on the fact that I could see and still had both of my hands, and thus easily start a fire and something to sleep under to make the cold more supportable.

Starting a fire is no longer a viable option for me.

How would I even start a fire here?

Even if I did, it would only attract monsters, and attracting monsters here in the middle of the forest beyond the first five kilometers would be an extremely bad idea, stumbling upon one here would only mean my doom with my current condition.

Despite the cold, which I did my best to cope with by enhancing myself on aina, I still nonetheless attempted to sleep.

But that was all I “attempted.” and I failed miserably.

Last night, if it was really a night was, to say the very least, the most stressful night of my brief existence;

Closing my eyes for a single moment was pretty much a challenge on its own. Each time I did, I dream what happened that night, or at least whatever I can remember.

As such, I decided to abandon the idea and to remain awake but then by staying awake I was invaded by though such as what would happen after and the fear of being attacked by something at any moment.

I couldn't tell which was more terrifying, the fear of being attacked at any moment or the prospect of a depressing yet uncertain future.

As such to calm myself, I decided to think about the future for it was the only thing that I had influenced in.

First, I have to establish a long-standing goal, a middle standing one, and several short standing ones.

The long-standing one is that I go back to the human continent to make them pay, but in order to do that, I’ll have to find a way to pass through the barrier, and without my pendant or Martha or Olga, I sincerely have no idea how I would be able to pull that off.

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Anyway, to be honest, this one is hopeless or rather too far away to be considered within sight; I don't know if they still believe I'm alive or if they have a way to confirm it, after what I did, but I simply cannot return to the human continent, at least not with my current self; all that would await me there would be death.

The middle-standing one is to survive and in order to do that I need to get stronger, and the only thing I can rely on to get stronger right now is aina.

That night, just before the arrival of the other fourteen, I regained access to it.

That night, I used magic for the first time, and I have never felt so powerful and powerless at the same time in my life.

I had no control over what I was doing, whether it was with my body or with my magic; it was like murmuring an order into someone's ears and hoping him that he would willingly obey.

Based on what I saw that night, I can say with certainty that my talent for magic was not memory wiping, but rather something else.

I can’t exactly put a hand on what it was but it was more violet and more physic than just something such as memory wiping because I was even able to be an even match to that Archbishop if it weren’t for the others sudden arrival I’m sure that I would’ve been able to kill him.

Everything would be a little bit easier if I still had access to it, but there was no doubt about it, me regaining my mana without even going through my Coronation was only a temporary arrangement, most likely due to Vicar Serana fainting before the fight even began.

What happened taught me the disparity of aina and mana; with the only aina, I was powerless, and even my Magic wasn't enough against them, all I could do was run my tail between my legs, even resolving to hide inside a monster pantry knowing that it could have potentially cost me my life.

Magic is great, but it is pointless to rely on something over which you have no control nor access.

Last but not least, my short-term goal, I had plenty of them, including finding a way to adapt to the total absence of sight in which I live right now, but for the time being, the most pressing one right now would be food, and more specifically, where to find it.

I'm guessing at least 30 hours had passed since I ate that thing, and my stomach was begging for something else.

Something to eat, huh.

If there was one thing I'd learned in my nearly two years of aina training in the forest, it was that there was almost nothing edible here.

I even surprised myself by attempting to eat snow and a leaf from what I thought was the roof of what was actually my shelter, and I can tell you from personal experience that neither was meant to be eaten by a human.

There was no such thing as wild fruits here, at least not in the area where I used for training, even if there were, I doubt I will be able to find them as I am now.

In order to satiate my hunger, I have no other choice but to do the same thing as every monster inhabiting this forest: to hunt.

Where I am now, I doubt that there isn't a single "huntable" living being in the area that couldn't potentially kill me.

In my current state, the only thing I have full confidence in beating is a warthog like the trio I met two years ago, and only if they don't catch me off guard.

“I'm not sure if there are any stars or shooting stars out there, but if there are, I'd like to wish for a weak and preferably injured beast to get lost around here by himself if at all possible.”

My wish was granted not long after that, in fact, it was granted several times, but the entity that granted my wish seemed to have completely ignored the "weak" part of my request.

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