As I am putting on my black jacket a knock on my bedroom door wakes me up from my daze.

"Hey are you ready?" Chris asks

"I just need to put on some jewelry and I'll be good to go." I say

"How are you holding up?" He asks with a pained expression.

"I'm okay, this isn't my first funeral you know?" I lie through my teeth. I am absolutely and completely broken inside.

"Are you riding with me?" He asks

"Can I please?" I ask

"It would be a pleasure. But, aren't you going with Richard?" He asks

"No, I'm not, he's going with the rest of the crew." I say and he nods slowly.

I finish getting ready and we walk out of the house to his car. I sit in the front seat and soon after he joins me.

"Did Scarlett call?" He asks

"Yeah, she said she can't make it." I say looking out of the window.

"Oh, I bet she feels bad."

"Yeah." I mutter. To be completely honest I am glad she is not here. Not here to see me in this condition. It's been two days since Maria passed away and I've been so stuck in planning the funeral and the service that I forgot to grieve. I broke the day I found out. Richard held me in the middle on the living room. I wept in his arms and he gladly accepted. We both cried that night. After that we just continued to pretend we're alright.

I've never felt this pain. Not even when my parents or sister died. Maria was my mum. She's the person that would clean my wounds and who would comfort me when I was sad. She was the ray of sunshine I missed in my life. She was the sun. And now that sun has set.

I'm glad I got to talk to her before she passed away. She woke up the same night I arrived to the hospital. She was able to speak with us normally. She was even good for transfer. And then one night. In her sleep, she passed away. Just like that. Richard was in the room when she passed. That's what comforts him the most. That is what he told me the other day.

I walk into the crowded chapel and head to the front. I reserved two seats for Chris and me. We sit down and I can just feel it. I can feel the weight of the grief sitting on my chest. Chris notices this and hands me a water bottle. I accept and try to gather my thoughts and calm myself. The ceremony starts and they carry in the casket. I feel my hands begin to shake so I hold onto the seat beneath me. I can do this. I can do this. Don't cry Lena. Miriam would hate to see you sad. I gaze up to see her smiling face stare right back at me. We chose a good picture. She looks beautiful. She always did.

She wanted an open casket funeral. So everyone could see her one last time. The priest begins reading from the bible so I zone out. I was told we'll be giving speeches. I didn't write anything. Richard prepared two pages and insisted he goes first. I hear the door open and slam shut, but I don't bother turning around.

"Now we have two of the most important people in Miriam Browns life: Richard Thomson and Lena Adams. Would you say a couple of words."

I look over at Richard and nod towards to podium. He stands up and nods back at me.

"Hello, thank you all for coming to my Miriam's funeral ceremony. As some of you know Miriam and I worked side by side for twenty five years. She and I met on the Adams estate when she was hired as the maid for the family mansion. I remember how optimistic she was. That woman was just pure sugar. She was the sweetest soul anyone could ever possibly get in contact with. My favourite thing about her was her ability to listen. She would talk.. a lot.. but she always found ways to listen to anything you have to say. She.. um. She would always come up with fun ideas. I always thought I was the stable one out of the two of us. But now I come to terms that she was indeed the stable one. The one that was the most grounded. The support, the rock I could ever need. She was my best friend. We would drink tea every morning and them get to our daily work. She would rate my cooking and sometimes even give me ideas on what to make for days when she felt blue. I will never forget the day Lena bought her a Balenciaga apron. She laughed so hard it made her cheeks swell. She never used it and told us she wanted to be buried in it. So I brought it with me today. Alex could you please put it into the casket? Thank you. Other than that she was an amazing human being. She was generous and she raised our beautiful Lena. She loved so much. She loved you so much sweetheart. I remember how worried she would get for Lena whenever she would take long travels. There will never be another Miriam. She was the kind of person who would rather go with memories than regrets. Something I planned on doing right after Miriam got well was to tell her how I feel about her. I was about to purpose to her. I am madly in love with Miriam. She was the only one who saw me for who I was and she valued me, more than I ever did. She was my muse, my reason to get up every morning. It will be hard getting used to not having her around. I miss her already. I hope we'll meet again and then I'll finally be able to tell her the truth. Until then I'll walk this earth with the memory of her." He says and walks back to his seat.

I walk up to the podium and I feel my heart begin to speed up.

"Hello, my name is Lena Adams and I am also glad I see so many of you here today. It means a lot to us. I don't want to prolong this I'll just say a few words. Miriam was a one of a kind individual. She was the type of person you would go talk to when you were having problems. She was the type of person who would give the best advice. I remember when she would make me go to bed after I overworked myself. She raised me. Even though I had parents, they were always busy. Thats the curse that comes with success. But she was there. That ray of sunshine. She was alway there for me, whenever I needed her. I..I was blessed with her presence. All of us were. I'll miss her every day for the rest of my life. I'm not known to be religious, but if I was. I'd say she was in heaven right now. I'd say she was in a much better place because she deserves nothing less." I say and walk back to my seat.

As I sit down Chris reaches over with tears in his eyes.

"You did great." He whispers into my ear and I hold onto his hand.

The ceremony ends and so we get up to leave and go back go the house. Chris and I hold onto each others hand as we walk out. As he opens the door for me I hear someone shout my name. I turn to see none other than Scarlett. Was she here all this time?

"Scarlett." I breathe out as if I am relieved to see her.

"Hey there. I.. I arrived late to the ceremony. I got to hear Richards and your speech. They were simply beautiful." She says standing closer to me.

"Do you.. do you want to join the two of us?" I ask her

"Yes, I'd love to." she says and puts her arms on the two of my shoulders.

"I'm sorry for your loss Lena." She says quietly.

"Thank you." I nod and her hands tangle themselves behind my back. Her head lands on my chest and I embrace her in a hug. I hold her tight. I breathe in her perfume and try to stop the rain thats about to pour out of my eyes. I don't know how I held it in in there.

The two of us separate and we get into the car. The silence follows us all the way to the house. I walk in first and head straight for the stairs.

"Go with her I'll join the two of you later." Chris says to what I assume is Scarlett.

I walk into my room with footsteps trailing behind me. I sit down onto the bed and she joins me. Closing the door behind her.

"You're house is beautiful." She says

"Thank you." I say looking onto my hands.

"What can I do to help?" She asks as I stand up. I take off my jacket and shirt in silence. Her eyes don't fall from me. I put on an oversized t shirt and some sleeping shorts and sit back down onto the bed next to her.

"There is nothing you can do." I say looking down to my hands.

"But can you hold me anyways?" I ask quietly.

"Of course I can." she says and I lean my head on her shoulder. I can feel her hands on my arms as she pulls me into her. She changes our position and leans onto the bedpost. I end up leaning on her chest while she plays with the strand of my hair.

"She never got to meet you." I think out loud.

"Huh?" I guess I caught her off guard because she seems genuinely confused.

"I said. She never got to meet you. Miriam always talked about what an amazing influence you are on me. She and I spoke about you the last time we talked." I say

"Oh.. really?" She asks surprised

"Yes. She..um.. She wanted to meet you from the first day I talked about you. Funny enough, she was a fan of yours." I say

"That's.. that's sweet." She says smiling at me.

"She was, she always was the kindest of us all. " I say and tear up.

"Come here." Scarlett says opening her arms again. I fall into her embrace with tears already running down my cheeks.

"She is in a better place right now. She was happy and she loved you very much. I can tell by the way Richard talked about her." She says as she holds me close.

"I'm sorry for ruining your shirt with my tears." I say into her

"Hey hey, you can ruin every shirt I own if it means you'll feel any ounce better. Just let it out. It will be better if you do." She says running circles on my back.

We hear a knock on the door and Chris walks in carrying a tray with food and my favourite, Jack Daniels.

"Thought you needed it." He says putting the tray on the bedside table.

"Thank you Chris." I say quietly

"You're welcome honey. Whatever you please." He says sitting down onto the bed as well.

"Can I have a glass?" I ask him

"First you have to eat. Then booze."

"Ugh, fine. Hand me the plate." I mutter and he smiles to himself.

"I brought enough for the both of you. I didn't know whether you ate before hand Scar." He says

And so we ate. None of us dared to speak up. Or they didn't. Chris is acting very careful around me. Like I'll crack with the tiniest bit if pressure out on me. I am not well. I am far from well, but that doesn't mean I can't talk about anything else.

"You know I'm not going to break if one of you speaks up." I say reaching for the glass filled with whiskey.

"We know. We're just giving you space and time to process everything." Chris says and Scarlett nods with him.

"I don't need to process anything. She's dead isn't she? There is nothing that can be altered." I say looking at the flat screen tv on the wall.

"We care for you Lena. The both of us. Please let us in." He says reaching for my hand.

"I.. I don't know what to do. I'm scared okay? I am terrified, no petrified of living in a world where all and nothing is permanent." I say getting up. The door echos from a knock

"Hey, I hope I am not interrupting anything. I just wanted to see you before I leave." Alex says opening the door.

"Hey Alex." I breathe out, similar to how I said Scarlett's name earlier.

He walks up to me and hugs me in an instant.

"I am so sorry for what happened. I came here as soon as I found out." he says

"Thank you. Don't worry I'm glad you were there." I say

"I still can't believe she's gone just like that." He says looking at his hands.

"Hey, neither can I. She.. She was something special."

"Oh, sorry I just marched in here. Hey Chris.. Scarlett." He nods at them and I can see Scarlett's eyes look away from him.

"Alex, thank you for carrying the apron." I say

"Oh, don't worry about it. I was honored when Richard asked." He says smiling at me.

"I really need to go. But I'll see you soon?" He says hugging me again.

"Of course." I smile at him.

"You'll get though this. You're the strongest one out of all of us." He says grabbing my shoulders. We hold eye contact for a few seconds before he disappears through the door.

"Pour me another drink Chris."