Lying on the bed I stared at the ceiling and thought about my mother without any loathing for once in a very long time. I thought about her side of the story which I was never interested in the past ten years.

It looks like her marriage was not all roses and sunshine. Everyone has their secret sorrows which the world knows not. Ignorance is not an admirable quality in a relationship. She had suffered, mentally. That is why she sought comfort somewhere else. I get it. And love makes you do crazy things. I understand it now.

But whatever she said doesn’t make me forget that night. Her reasons were not enough for me to forget or forgive her. All the years I suffered in self-loath were far more than what she had gone through. I was this close to losing my sanity but she never cared. She was not there for me when I wanted someone. Her excuse of being ashamed was not enough for me to forgive her for what she put me through. No mother who loves her children will let them suffer in their own, right.

I could feel the anger curling under my skin. Fisting my finger I took a deep breath to control myself from breaking something.

Closing my eyes the face always put restraints on my wild thoughts that appeared in front of me, Sid. I could feel the wild beast in me getting tamed. It always has been. He was the one who always kept me from going insane. He is the sole reason that woman is still breathing; because he needed her then and I knew he needs her still. Before everything went down the drain she was a very good mother, I would agree with that.

She was indeed a very good mother. We couldn’t even realize she was going through so much. She never showed her sadness in front of us. She was good at hiding her emotions I guess. She took care of us as every mother does. She was always there whenever we needed her. Even though she was not there for me for the past ten years, she was always there for Sid; until everything got uncovered.

The beep from my phone put a hold on my thoughts. I took the phone from the side table to take a look. A smile crept to my lips seeing the name on it.

Oops!!

I chuckled.

.

I kept the phone back on the table with the smile still on my lips. A soothing calmness engulfed me like a blanket. Her presence always helped me to relax. The nights with her in my arms were the nights I slept peacefully in years.

I missed her embrace but this is enough for now. Knowing that I am still there in her thoughts gives me immense relief. Knowing that she doesn’t hate me and still cares for me is a great comfort.

Her beautiful smiling face was the last thing I remember before falling into a deep slumber.

**************

I took away my eyes from the door before I thanked the nurse who helped me to adjust the arm sling pouch and she left after giving me a polite smile. My bags were already taken to the car by my staff and I am waiting for my manager to settle the bill and discharge formalities.

I felt more relaxed knowing that finally, we are going back home. These four walls have started to suffocate me.

I looked at the closed door again. Sighing I took my walking stick and went to open the door. Leaning against the door frame I looked at the figure standing there with his back leaned against the wall and face buried inside his palms.

“You know you could come inside right? How long are you planning to stay here?”

It came out almost like a bark.

He stood straight and looked at me startled.

“Ved.”

“What?!! Do you think I haven’t noticed you standing here for the past 20 minutes? Come in now. I am not going to chew you alive” I said feeling irritated.

Silently he followed me inside.

I sat on the bed and looked at him. He was still not looking at me. An awkward silence surrounded us.

“So how is Priya? Everything settled there?” I asked cutting the heavy silence.

“Yeah. Yes. All good.” His head still hung low.

God!! How awkward is this getting into?

“Sid, look at me.”

He slowly lifted his head and looked at me. The dark circles and the redness of his eyes show that he hasn’t had a bit of sleep. His eyes held guilt and sadness that he couldn’t meet my eyes. He looked away biting his lips. I could see his eyes turning glassy.

“I…”

He tried to speak, but he was choked with tears.

All my exasperation vanished into the thin air as I engulfed him in a bear hug. I was indeed upset with him. I was angry but I can’t see him like this. He looked like a lost kid in a crowd. I can’t let him suffer because of me. I would do anything to see him happy. I endured everything because I wanted him to be happy.

And the one who was standing in front of me was not the one I wanted him to be. It’s not a crime to crave a mother’s love and support. I knew he needed her that is why I never told him anything. Sure I felt betrayed for a second but that is it. He is my younger brother and I wanted him to be happy. If her presence gives him that I won’t complain. He didn’t have to suffer because of my vengeance.

His hands wrapped around me and I patted his back with my hand.

When we pulled away I cupped his cheek and gave him a reassuring smile.

“Ved. I.”

“No. it is okay. I understand. You don’t have to tell me anything.”

He looked at me wide-eyed. I chuckled.

“Don’t act like you committed some crime. I told you it is okay. But don’t try to mend us like before. Like I told I am not ready yet.”

He nodded in understanding.

I held his shoulder giving him a small squeeze.

A throating clearing made us turn around and saw Niharika standing there with her bright smile.

We both returned her smile.

“I will take my leave. I have to check on Priya.” Sid said looking at us.

“Is she coming with you?” I asked to confirm.

“Yes, I was relieved that mom made her agree to come with us. We both will stay with her in the mansion.”

I nodded with a tight lip. It is good that she agreed. It will give him peace of mind. He won’t be at ease if Priya is staying somewhere else.

“Are you still upset with me?” Sid asked seeing my expression.

I looked at him and saw a frown on his face. I chuckled seeing his worried expression.

“No Sid, I am not. Like I said I understand that you need her and you love her. You don’t have to feel guilty about anything she is your mother. A person makes mistakes sometimes and it’s okay to forget and forgive. But as for me, I am not there yet but I will try to be civil with her for everyone’s sake.”

My eyes unknowingly darted to Niharika standing next to me. She gave me an encouraging smile.

Sid nodded his head and gave a side hug before going outside leaving us alone.

“So you are all packed and ready to go?”

She asked folding her arms across her chest. She was wearing blue jeans and a white top and her brown curls were slicked back into a ponytail. Her smile flickered across her face like a hologram. That smile is the prettiest thing I have seen in a while.

“Yes, I am,” I said while sitting on the bed again.

“But before that, I want to know about something,” I said taking her hands in mine.

“And what is that?” She said giving me crooked smile.

“Aha. I think you knew what it is?!!”

“No, I don’t.” She said giving me an innocent and confused face.

This girl likes to test my patience.

I pulled her towards me making her stand between my legs.

She still has that teasing smile on her face.

“You like to tease me right.”

That brought a broad grin to her face.

“Fine then, straight to the point. Are you coming back with me? Have considered giving me another chance?” I asked shamelessly.

She chuckled at my question.

“Umm… I..”

Before she could complete my phone rang.

I sighed closing my eyes in irritation. The ringing stopped for once but the call came again.

“You should take it.”

“No. It can wait.” I said unconcerned.

But the phone kept on ringing. She gave me knowing look and I fished out the phone from my pocket.

I frowned looking at the name flashed on the screen. I quickly picked up the call.

“Hello.”

I could feel my demeanor changing into shock and my eyes quickly snapped up to Niharika.

Her expression changed and a concerned look appeared on her face.

“Ok. We will be there.”

I said before ending the call.

“What happened? Who was it?”

“We have to go to Pune.”

Her eyes widened and a surprised look crossed her face

.

“Now,” I said giving a hard squeeze on her fist.

***************

How did he get so lucky? This is simply the best escape he got, I would say. Looking into the burning pyre I thought to myself. The cause of our downfall and the object of my vengeance was burning into ashes. My ten years of fury will be a handful of ashes in a few minutes and you know what the irony is?!! I am the one who is tasked to do his funeral rites. Without any male heirs, I am the close male relative they have. And I couldn’t say no to that mother and daughters.

The man I hated the most, the man whom I wanted to torture to death, the one I wanted to suffer a lifelong misery, the person I wanted to beg mercy from me was now lying lifeless on that pyre and is letting the fire eat his last piece of flesh. And I am the one who is doing his last rituals to cleanse his soul for his smooth journey to afterlife. What is this game that fate is playing with me?

He died without any remorse. He never felt bad for destroying a family. He never felt guilty for putting the woman he called daughter through hell. He never asked for forgiveness. And fate gave him an easy death in the form of a heart attack. Great!!! Just great!!!

This has to be some sick joke. A man who ruined so many lives didn’t suffer much. If this is what we get for our sins then, he is one lucky bustard.

My eyes closed in despair staring at the dying fire. The vengeance and hatred I carried for the last ten years were dying down with it.

Maybe fate wanted me to start over again.

*************

She was standing there staring at the huge photo frame of the couple hanging high in the living room. She looked tired but her eyes were calm. She didn’t notice me walking inside. I took a slow step towards her and paced my hand over her shoulder.

She looked startled but then realized it was me she relaxed and again turned towards the picture.

“What are you thinking?” I asked pulling her body closer to mine.

“I was thinking if they were alive will my life will be different. Perhaps I wouldn’t have to go through all those terrible things. I would have a peaceful life. I would have loved and cared. Isn’t it?!!”

She said, her eyes turning glassy.

“Yes,” I replied without a doubt. If her parents were alive that jerk would have never thought about hurting her. She would have been their princess. She would have lived a happy life.

“I wanted to ask him why he did that to me. I wanted to ask him why he couldn’t love me like a daughter when I loved him like a father. I wanted him to realize all the wrong things he did to me. I wanted to ask him why he was so indifferent toward me when all I wanted was a little love and care. But he is no more now. And you know what makes me more disgusted? I feel sad. Besides everything he put me through, besides all his wrongdoings I feel sad because for me he is still my father. I couldn’t think otherwise. I wanted to tell every truth about him to mom and Ananti but I couldn’t bring myself to tell them.”

She wiped the tears that fell down her cheeks with her sleeves.

“I wish they were alive so that I could have had a happy childhood. I wish they were here so that everything I went through never happened.”

She sniffles and laid her head on my shoulder.

“If they were alive you wouldn’t have met me. You wouldn’t have to suffer more because of me. You wouldn’t be dragged into my dirty game. I wouldn’t have given you more heartbreaks.”

She lifted her head and turned to face completely. I looked down feeling ashamed of meeting her gaze. Her hands came and cupped my face making me look into her eyes. She wiped the tears from the corner of my eyes and shook her head with a small smile.

“No Niharika, I understand if you can’t forgive me. I know I am not a saint. I have also wronged you. I used you in my favor and betrayed you when you least expected it. I am a jerk. I gave you so much pain but you still stood with me. I am a selfish man who always placed myself first. I know a sorry won’t be enough but still, all I can do is ask for your forgiveness. I am so sorry, Niha. Please forgive me for my wrongdoings.” I said squeezing her fingers with mine.

The tears rolled down my cheeks. I know I don’t deserve her forgiveness. I know I am not different from that bustard. I also wronged her; I used her as a pawn in my revenge game. All I could do was beg for her forgiveness. Call me selfish but I needed her badly. She is my hope making me thrive forward. If she leaves then I am sure I won’t be the same. She is like that anchor who keeps me in place. I couldn’t picture a future without her in it. But what if she didn’t want me? My head lowered in shame and fear.

“Ved, look at me.” I heard her concerned voice but I kept my head lowered.

“I forgave you.” My head snapped at her in an instant.

She chuckled looking at my shocked face.

“You did,” I asked surprised.

She nodded before speaking.

“What you did was not easy to forget. I will be lying if I say it is not hurting. It hurts, a lot. But considering the circumstances, I know what made you do that. I can’t blame you completely. And I am not the person who holds a grudge against anyone, you know.” She chuckled and continued.

"I really wanted you to feel what I felt. I wanted you to beg me for forgiveness. I won't deny it. I was angry and hurt. But When I saw you on that hospital bed struggling for your life, all I wanted was for you to be alive. It was at that moment I realized how much I love you. My love for you was way bigger than my anger toward you. Living in a world with you, not in it is something I couldn't imagine."

Tears fell down her cheeks.

She doesn't hate me. I couldn't describe the happiness spreading inside me.

I wiped her wet cheeks with my thump. Taking a deep breath she continued.

“I know you regret what you did and I hope you will not commit a mistake twice.” She said with a beam.

“Never, I promise,” I said cupping her face and bringing our foreheads together.

“So I am getting a second chance right,” I asked and she nodded.

I pulled back and held her arms in mine. Rubbing small circles on her knuckles I looked at her beautiful face.

“I never asked you this before and I know this is not the proper place nor it is the proper time to ask this, but I have very less patience and the chance I earned is too precious to delay this any further.”

She looked at me baffled.

“I don’t have a ring with me now and my legs are not in a condition to kneel. But still, I want to ask you this. Ms. Niharika Varma, I know my life will never be complete without you beside me to share it. I know that no one else will ever hold my heart the way you do. I promise you, no one will work harder to make you happy or cherish you more than I do. I want to make you mine because I love you and I’ll love you until the day we die. I want you and I want us. Will you be mine? Will you marry me ?”

I looked at her hopefully but she was befuddled. She stared at me like I am an alien.

I chuckled and bit my lips in anticipation.

“I’d give up anything to hear a “yes” from you now,” I said caressing her cheeks. She came back to her senses and shook her head.

“I am sorry. It’s. It was like a bolt from the blue.” She said.

“Hmm. Still, you didn’t answer.”

I looked at her and saw a blush creeping across her cheeks. She looked at me with shy smile.

“Yes.”

“Yes, I will marry you. .” She said smiling widely.

I grinned from ear to ear and lifted her off her feet and swirled around.

We stayed that way for a few moments. She in my embrace. Her hands holding my shoulders in a tight grip and our eyes talking a thousand unsaid feelings. This is heaven.

I slowly put her down. My hands finding their way around her hips and wrap around he small back. We looked at each other with the smile still etched on our faces.

“Happy.” She asked still in my arms.

“I am over the moon,” I said and pulled her closer for another bear hug.

“I love you.”

Saying I kissed her temple.

“I love you too.”

I am starting over.

************