The only part of New Years I remember was kissing Carson at midnight, which had tasted awful of cheap champagne and strawberries.

My next conscious thought was subsequent to Jason throwing a pillow at my head to wake me up the next morning, starting right about when I cussed him out.

The pillow landed on the floor next to me with a thud as I mumbled out an "Ow" and pulled myself up from the cold hardwood that apparently served as my bed last night. It took me a few seconds to register that I was in Dylan's living room, surrounded by a small circle of other sleeping bodies, before making out Jason, who was frantically pacing around the room. He rushed from one side of the room, where he berated the couch to search under the pillow beneath Zach's head, to the other side of the living room, to where Luna slept beside the coffee table. He nudged her body with his foot, effectively rolling her a few spots over so he could search– for whatever it is he was looking for– the area she had been laying in.

"What the fuck, Jason?" I rasped out, trying to talk as quietly as I could, more for the sake of my pounding headache than my sleeping friends. I brought a hand up to my head, placing pressure on my temple in hopes of easing the ache.

"Have you seen my pants?" He asked, continuing on with his search, roughly kicking sleeping bodies over and ransacking furniture.

I closed my eyes again for a moment, trying to tame my headache enough to keep the bile from rising in my throat, despite the gross taste of last night's alcohol in my mouth, which only encouraged my gag reflex.

"Madeline, stay awake!" Jason scolded, his voice rising only slightly above a whisper.

"I'm awake, I'm awake," I grumbled, reluctantly opening my eyes again and fixing Jason with a glare.

"Pants, Maddie. I need my pants," He insisted.

"Jason, I love you, but I assure you I have no recollection of what pants you were wearing, or how they somehow ended up not on you."

"It doesn't matter how I lost them. Help me look for them."

"Why don't you just borrow a pair of Dylan's?"

"No, that's weird," He said, shaking his head. "Besides, he's too tall, they wouldn't fit me.

I sighed and leaned back against the couch, "Well, get him to help you look. I'm tired."

"I would, but I think Dylan's dead."

"What?"

"He's upstairs in his room. I walked in and asked if he was awake, and he said, 'No, I'm dead' so I left him be."

I rolled my eyes, "You really need to work on your delivery. Have you seen Carson?"

He ignored my question, letting out a squeal after finding his pants hanging between the branches of a potted plant near the staircase. He danced victoriously as he stumbled into his pants, very obviously still a little drunk from last night.

I pulled myself up from the floor, stretching out my achey limbs. "Now that you've found your pants, can you help me find Carson?"

"He's upstairs is one of the guest rooms."

"He actually managed to make it to a bedroom?"

Jason shook his head, "You misunderstood. He was passed out on the bathroom floor last night. Dylan managed to get him into the bed."

"Ah," I nodded my head. "Well, I'm going to try to wake him up. We should be getting back to mine soon."

"I'll work on Zach and Luna," Jason said, then proceeded to survey the room, observing that there were more sleeping bodies than just Zach and Luna. "As well as everyone else that didn't manage to make it home after midnight."

"Hey, did you ever find someone to kiss last night?" I asked, giving him the best suggestive smirk I could manage while my insides seemed to be conducting the third world war.

He thought about it for a moment, "I actually can't remember."

I narrowed my eyes at him skeptically, "For some reason, I'm not sure I believe you."

He only shrugged his shoulders and said nothing more. I relented and moved back to the task of finding Carson. I trudged up the stairs, the banging in my head syncing up to every step I took, and another wave of nausea was almost enough to keep me from getting fully up the set of stairs.

I was relieved to find Carson in the room to the first door I opened. The blinds were fully pulled down, so the room was completely dark except for the light flooding in from behind me. I made out his figure on the bed, and his light snores filled the room as the only sound breaking up the silence.

I pushed the door half-shut behind me and wandered into the room, slowly and quietly approaching the bed.

I sat down on the edge of the bed closest to where Carson was sprawled out. He had his head nuzzled into the pillow, and his eyes were shut gently, lashes pointing down to his lips, which rested in a relaxed, straight line rather than his usual smirk.

I reached out with my hand and began combing through his soft hair with my fingers, enjoying that he was still asleep and couldn't scold me for messing with his hair (even though he secretly enjoys having his hair played with and refuses to admit it).

It wasn't long before he reached his arms out, and they circled around my waist, pulling me into him with too much force for me to resist, even though it seemed he was only half-conscious. I found myself pressed against his chest as he nestled his face into the crook of my neck while letting out a hum of approval. I felt him place a soft kiss on my neck as he settled himself against me, his arms tightening around me.

"Do you even know who you're kissing?" I asked.

"My girlfriend."

"Your eyes are closed. How could you have been sure it was me?"

"You shuffle your feet when you walk. It's rather annoying."

"Hey!"

He shook his head, "Shh, I want to sleep some more." He placed another kiss on my neck. "You're so comfy."

"Is that your way of calling me fat?"

"Yes."

"You are really not winning yourself any points here."

He shrugged, "I've already won your love– I don't require anything extra."

"Don't try to be sweet now. The damage is already done."

His hand snaked under my shirt and slowly moved up my back, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. He pulled away from my shoulder, opening his eyes for the first time this morning. He pressed his forehead against mine, the tips of our noses brushing against each other as he gave me a sly grin.

"You say the damage is done, but yet you haven't even attempted to pull away from me."

I brought up a hand to the side of his face, using my thumb to caress his cheek. "Well, like you said, you've won my love. As unfortunate as it is, it seems to be an unconditional thing."

He hummed again, a full smile spreading free of any sort of smug feeling across his lips, "How very unfortunate indeed."

"Haven't I won your love, Carson?"

He shook his head, "You didn't have to. It was already yours. My love has always been yours."

I smiled and gave him a quick kiss. "I like you like this."

"Like what?"

"Sleepy. Happy."

"You make me happy," He said, placing another kiss on my lips, lingering longer than after the first kiss.

I let my head fall onto his chest, enjoying the moment of comfortable silence while being tucked into his warmth. My eyelids started feeling heavy, which only aided my headache in beckoning me to return to sleep.

"We should really get going soon," I spoke softly, drawing arbitrary patterns on his chest with my index finger.

"Where do we have to go?" He asked, pushing his chin to rest on the top of my head.

"You still have to finish packing," I responded. "And I'm pretty sure Dylan doesn't want us hanging around his house all day."

He groaned, "I don't want to finish packing. That means I actually have to leave you."

"Nuh-uh, no cold feet," I said, pulling away enough to look at him. "You've already told your mother you'd be moving back in today."

"I'm not having cold feet, don't worry," He assured, kissing my forehead. "I just don't know how I'm supposed to sleep without you in my arms every night."

"You'll learn."

He snorted, "Bold words from someone who gave me the silent treatment after I made you sleep in your own room when I had the flu."

I scoffed, "Bold words from someone who still cuddles their stuffed animal."

"Oh, would you shut up about that? First of all, it's lost its effect, and, second, I don't cuddle it, I keep it around as a comfort."

"Whatever, but I can assure you, it has not lost its effect."

"I thought we were leaving," He tried, shifting onto his back and pulling me with him.

"Oh, now you want to leave?" I laughed. "Aw, is little Car Car embarrassed by his teddy bear?"

"Shut up. Shut up right now. Oh my God, I hate you."

"You don't hate me. You love me."

"Oh trust me, I do hate you," He assured. "I just love you more."

* * *

I yawned as I switched off the lamp on my nightstand, allowing the room to dim, only the small slivers of moonlight coming in from the various windows minimally illuminating the room. I climbed under the bedsheets and rolled to the middle of the bed, enjoying how cool the fabric felt against my skin.

I expected sleep to come easily after such a long day, for most of which I had struggled to keep my eyes open. Carson had proved to be useless at packing his own things, and I ended packing most of his stuff for him. Then, I helped him unpack it once we had gotten to his house. Naturally, that amount of labor while overcoming a hangover is quite tiring, and I had been looking forward to sleeping all day. However, now that I was finally able to crawl into bed, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

The pillow felt lumpier than usual, and my hair was irritatingly scratching the back of my neck. I pulled myself up from the mattress enough to fluff the pillow and pull my hair into a loose bun to keep it out of the way. I settled back down and closed my eyes again, hoping now I could finally sleep.

A minute had barely passed before I opened my eyes again. I frowned as I realized the problem this time: the bed felt too big.

I groaned and reached for my phone on the nightstand. I knew he would make fun of me the second he picked up, but that didn't stop me from dialing Carson's number.

He picked up on the first ring, and I couldn't help the smile that formed as soon as his face lit up my screen. His hair was messier than usual, a giveaway that he had probably been in bed or had been anxiously running his hands through it. His eyes seemed brighter over the phone, the green of his iris floating gracefully around his enlarged pupils. His pink lips were fixed into a small smile, and looked so delicate and soft through the screen. Part of me, a larger part of me than I care to admit, silently wished he was here with me, and I could study his features by touching them.

"Hey, baby. What's up?" He asked, his question breaking me from my thoughts. "Is something wrong?"

I shook my head, "No, nothing's wrong, love."

"Alright, then," He replied, not sounding satisfied with the answer. "Why'd you call, it's late?"

"I didn't know it was illegal to call you after midnight, Grandpa."

He let out a chuckle, his lips splitting open into his beautiful smile. "Very funny. Now, what's up?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

I nodded, "I just wanted to see you."

He paused for a moment, looking over me skeptically before his smile stretched even wider, and something close to a blush colored his cheeks as he let out a bashful laugh.

He shook his head, "I thought you weren't going to miss me?"

"I don't miss you," I insisted.

"No?"

"No."

"Alright, so then, is it alright if I hang up?"

"No!" I exclaimed quickly. I turned over on the bed, facing the balcony on the back wall of my room. "Fine, if you must know, I miss you a little."

"Only a little?" He pouted. "Here I was thinking you were staying up writing love poems about me in your diary."

I rolled my eyes, "God, you're the worst."

He let out another laugh that echoed off the walls of my silent room. "I'm glad you called, love. I missed you, too."

I smiled, a wave of exhaustion rolling over me. I settled further into the mattress and allowed Carson to lead the conversation. He carried on, talking about how his first night home with his mother had been, and was glad to report that it went surprisingly well and it felt refreshing to be back in his own house. I listened to the important part, but once he moved on to discuss whatever show he had been watching before I called, I allowed the calm droll of his voice to soothe me to sleep.

"Baby, are you still there?" He asked.

"Yeah, I'm still here," I responded softly, my voice no louder than a whisper, as I blinked with heavy eyes.

"You haven't said anything in a while. Would you like me to let you go to sleep, my love?"

"No, don't hang up. Please."

"You sound sleepy."

"I am. I just want you to stay with me. At least until I fall asleep."

I felt a dip on the bed, followed by arms wrapping around my waist. "I'd rather stay with you the whole night, if that's alright with you."

I turned around in his arms and smiled when I found Carson smiling back at me, and, for a moment, I was convinced I had become delusional and dreamt Carson up. I kissed him out of happiness, and something close to relief, as he pulled me in to his chest.

I pulled away from his lips, taking time to kiss his cheek, then his forehead, his lips again, and then the other cheek before he brought his lips back to mine. He pressed me into the mattress as his body molded itself around mine seamlessly, like we had been made from and for each other– cut from the same piece of woven cloth.

Eventually, I found the strength in me to part our lips, and relax against his body, taking in his scent and relishing in how comfy his chest felt under my head and the way our legs tangled together under the sheets.

"You didn't have to drive all the way here just because I missed you."

"Love, I was pulling into your driveway when you called. You missing me was just an added motive on the list of reasons."

"Well, so much for staying in your own house and learning to sleep on our own."

"I was never that enthused about the second part of that, anyway."

"We can't do this every night," I said solemnly, pinching the hem of his shirt between my fingers.

"I know," He sighed into my neck, the warm breath fanning over my skin in a way too good and too familiar to have been dreamt up. "But let it go, just for tonight."

* * *

"One more," He smirked, grabbing me gently by the back of the head and pulling me in for another kiss.

I placed my hands on his chest and pulled away again, fixing him with the best stern look I could manage while trying not to smile. "No more. Seriously, Carson– go home. You're mother's going to be upset."

He rolled his eyes, "She can wait a few more minutes. I want another kiss goodbye."

He attempted to move in again, but I kept hand in its place and my arm locked, keeping him at a safe distance. "You've already had a dozen," I responded. "Go home."

"You're no fun," He said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

I shrugged, "If you're lucky."

He sent me a final smirk before finally disappearing out the front door. No sooner than the door clicked shut behind Carson, then my mother came rushing out of the kitchen.

"Maddie!" She exclaimed. "Maddie!"

"What? What is it?"

My brows furrowed in confusion and I shook my head, looking for an explanation. My mouth worked but no sound came out as my eyes landed on her hand. She was holding a large, white envelope tightly, waving it at me in excitement. Written in large letters on the center of the envelope was my name.

"It's here."

My dream school. My acceptance or denial. My hopes and my dreams. My beginning and the end.

It was finally here.

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