"Why do you have to avoid everything?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I responded, attempting to escape into my room. I was aware that he had followed me in, and more aware that I had not only expected, but also planned for him to do so.

"You're doing it right now." I could hear the frustration in his voice as he struggled to remain calm.

"No, I'm not." Yes, I was.

"God, you really know how to piss me off."

"Sounds like a you problem," I responded casually, stripping off my clothes from the day, pulling on a pair of pajama shorts, not bothering to throw a shirt over my sports bra.

"Why can't you take anything seriously?" He asked.

"Why do you take everything seriously?" I responded.

I knew I had pushed him too far. I could tell by the way his jaw ticked and his eyes stayed locked on mine, challenging me. He stayed silent for a long time, studying me. Part of me felt guilty, because really, he had done nothing wrong. I was causing this, and I was making it worse.

He shook his head at me, "I'm done doing things like this. I'm done always doing things on your terms, doing things when you're ready to do them, and talking about things when you're ready to talk about them."

I turned away from him, feigning to be arranging things on the nightstand, really only looking for an excuse to hide my face from him.

I sighed, "It was one discussion, that I just don't feel like having right now. I'm tired and it's late."

I could feel Carson's glare on my back, "It's not one conversation, and you know that, Madeline. It's everything. Unless you want it, we won't have it."

"I don't even know what you mean."

I probably did. Maybe I just wanted confirmation, but I knew the basis of what he meant. I just didn't know if it was true.

"You know damn well. I love you."

I don't know why it stung when he said it right then. I could tell he hadn't meant for it to sound like an affirmation, and it sure as hell didn't sound like one. It sounded more like a defense, not a weapon, and it was a vulnerable one.

It occurred to me then that I hadn't told him I loved him, and he's said it to me a thousand times before. That was probably his point: he's always vulnerable in his eyes because I had something on him– I know he loves me. He doesn't know I love him.

I wish I could tell him now. I wish I could tell him that I love him, too.

But I wouldn't do it like this. I wouldn't tell him that I loved him when he was so close to currently hating me; I wouldn't tell him that I loved him even more because he was so close to currently hating me.

I turned back toward him, his eyes were still dark and angled, his ears and cheeks still red, his fists still balled tightly by his sides.

Sparing me one final glance, he shook his head and left the room.

I sighed, falling back on my bed, placing my face in my hands.

I could have avoided this whole thing. I could have kept this entire fight from happening by simply not avoiding him or his questions.

I reached forward and turned off the lamp on my nightstand, throwing my legs over and rolling under the sheets. I threw my arm over the cold pillow next to me and spread out on my stomach. The bed felt too big.

"Move over." The voice had startled me. I had opened my eyes, and turned my head, faintly making out Carson's figure hovering over me in the dark.

"Why- why did you come in?"

"Because you didn't come to bed. Now, move over."

* *

"Wake the fuck up bitches!" Luna's voice echoed up the staircase, alarmingly loud. "I know you hear me!"

I groaned and shoved my head further into the pillow, hoping to muffle out her shouts. There was no light coming in from the window, which meant the sky was still dark, thus proving that it was way too early for Luna to be in my house and yelling for us to wake up. She was lucky my parents weren't home, or they would've murdered her ass.

"You deal with her," I mumbled to Carson, who I was aware had gotten out of bed already after she yelled the first time. I rolled over, wrapping myself up in the cozy sheets and trying my hardest to fall back asleep.

Before I could refuse, Carson had grabbed my arm and yanked me up, out of the bed.

"She's your friend," He argued.

I tried my best to keep my eyes open as we trudged down the stairs in the dark. It was cold this morning, and I seriously missed the warmth of the blankets and Carson's body heat.

"Get down here!" Luna called up again.

"We're coming," I groaned. Some days, I really want to slap her. Today is one of those days.

I expected to find Luna, sitting in our living room. Of course, it couldn't be that simple; Dylan, Jason, and Zach just happened to be here as well.

I yawned and rubbed my eyes, hoping I was just imagining that they were in my living room. "Why the hell are you all in my house?"

I felt Carson come up behind me, dropping something over my head. My vision was blocked for a moment before he pulled down on the fabric and guided my arms through the holes of his hoodie. The inside was still warm from him, and I was grateful for that.

I looked to Dylan for an explanation. He shrugged, "Jason and Zach dragged me out, I have no idea why we're here."

"We're here because it's Saturday," Luna said.

"Barely Saturday," Zach groaned, pulling his hood over his head.

"It's still Saturday," Luna said, glaring in his direction.

I rolled my eyes, "Glad we've cleared up what day it is. Can we go back to bed now?"

"No."

"Then get to the point," I groaned, leaning against Carson.

"We're going on a trip."

Jason, who was the only one of us who didn't look at all bothered by the ungodly hour, bounced up in his seat, a large smile stretching across his face.

"A trip you say?"

Luna nodded, "Just a small one. Something fun."

"Great, let's go!" Jason cheered. "Who's driving?"

"Oh, we're not driving there," Luna explained.

"Then, how are we getting there?"

"We're walking."

* *

Zach and Jason were behind us, laughing and making underhand comments about this little trip. Honestly, considering how early it was, the two were in good spirits, acting like we weren't all functioning on a less-than-adequate amount of sleep.

Luna was a bit further in front of us with Carson, a large smile on her face as she energetically talked and he stiffly nodded his head every once in a while to show he was listening. I'm sure Carson appreciated that Luna never stops talking; it saved him to the effort of having to say something and actually be friendly this early.

"What did you do?" Dylan asked.

"I didn't do anything."

"So why is he angry?"

"He's not angry."

"He hasn't spoken once all morning."

"In his defense, it's five in the morning."

"Maddie."

"He's not angry. He's just... moody."

"Okay, then what is he 'moody' about?"

"I kind of egged him on after a... disagreement."

"Disagreement?"

"I wouldn't tell him where I applied."

"Why not?" Dylan asked.

"Personal reasons," I shrugged.

He sighed, "Did he tell you where he's applying?"

"I didn't ask."

"Why not?"

"We won't even know where we got accepted for a few months, it doesn't really matter."

"No, I suppose not," Dylan replied. "Unless, you know, someone is hoping that you'll both be in the same area or something. Just a theory."

I rolled my eyes, "Dylan, don't be obnoxious."

He shrugged, "Then don't act oblivious. You know he's scared and that's why he's upset. And I'm sure your reasons for not wanting to talk about it make sense to you, but if you don't tell him your reasons, you can't expect him to understand or not be upset. Try talking to him. Like, with words and emotions. You have those, right?"

"Sometimes, I really don't like you."

"Yeah, yeah. You also can't live without me."

Finally, light peeked out from the behind the shrubs as Luna led us into the clearing. I followed Luna closer to the water's edge, to the thin layer of sand surrounding the lake. The layer of trees on the other side wasn't as thick and it allowed some of the early morning light to filter in. Most of the sky was a pale purple, but a bright pink peeked out between the trees, reflecting across the water.

"You dragged us out to see a sunrise?" I asked her.

"One day you'll thank me."

"Maybe, but it won't be today."

I turned around. Dylan had joined Luna by the water, and Zach and Jason were playing rock-paper-scissors (I'm sure the loser would have to run into the water). Carson was standing a bit further back than everyone else and still had a groggy expression on his face. He didn't notice that I was looking at him, too busy blankly staring out at the water.

His hair, tousled from sleep, seemed lighter in color this morning, with more stands of honey. His eyes had become golden from the rising sun and his face was lit up in a bright pink, reflecting the flushed color of the sky. A small gust of wind blew by, and he turned up his face, unbothered as it pushed back his hair.

I smiled at him when his eyes finally found mine, and I walked the distance between us.

"You look pretty in pink," I said, touching his face, running my fingers over his cheekbone.

"I look pretty?" He asked softly, lowering his head closer to mine.

I nodded, "Very pretty."

He smiled, placing a warm kiss on my cheek before wrapping his arms around me, and pulling me into his chest.

* *

"It's going to snow soon," He said quietly, lips right next to me ear. I leaned back against his chest, wanting more warmth against the bitter wind.

I had been watching Jason and Luna frolic in the water, much to Dylan's dismay, who was scolding them about catching pneumonia. Luna would only laugh and continue to splash around while Jason kept hitting the water and attempting to get Dylan wet for ruining the fun. Zach was standing behind Dylan at the water's edge, laughing, and goading Jason on, attempting to push Dylan into the water a few times.

"I'm sorry, Carson."

He let out a warm breath against my neck, "I know. I'm sorry, too."

"I can't tell you where I applied."

"You can't?"

I shook my head, "And you can't tell me where you applied."

He rested his chin on my shoulder, "Why not?"

"I've known where I want to go since freshman year. It's my dream school, and if I get in I want to go there. And I know you must have a dream school, too."

"I do," He responded quietly. "But?"

I sighed, "But, if I know where you're going, and it's nowhere near me, I would give it up. I would choose you, Carson. I would choose you over my dream school."

"But you don't want to choose me."

I shook my head, "And I don't want you to choose me, either."

I could feel his uneasiness, and he made it no secret that he found this upsetting. He had tightened his arms around me and his breathing had been more staggered. I think on some level, though, he agreed with me.

"So we'll wait," He said.

"We wait."

"We'll wait until we get our acceptance letters and until after we've committed. We'll leave it up to the universe, or fate, or whatever it is."

I nodded my head in agreement, turning in towards him.

"Why couldn't we talk about this last night? Why couldn't we say this all then?" He asked.

"I'm stubborn?" I suggested.

He kissed my cheek, "I know. But that's not it."

"I don't want to think about it, Carson. I don't want to talk the chance that one day, you might be a million miles away from me when you're sitting right in front of me."

"But I won't be forever."

"No," I responded. "That's why I'm glad you are right now."