A few days had passed, and Carson had done his best to stay out of my way. He was out of the house before I woke up, and wouldn't come home until I was asleep. Part of me wondered how long he planned to live like this. The other part of me wondered how long I could live like this.

"What do you want me to tell you, Maddie?" Dylan sighed. "I can say I'm sorry, but it's not entirely true."

"I just want to know why, Dylan. Why'd you do it?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. I hadn't meant to, but once I started I knew it was the only way the truth was going to come up. You and Carson would both rather live in ignorance than face reality."

We were sitting in his car in a parking lot in front of the beach, close to midnight. I needed to talk to someone, and despite how mad at him I wanted to be, Dylan was the only person I knew I could talk to about this.

"Dylan, I need your help."

"If it's about Carson, I don't think I should get involved."

"How did you know that he... well, you know?" I asked, bluntly.

He took his eyes off of me and stared out the window, towards the water. Not that you could really see it; it was nearly pitch black outside.

"I always kind of knew," he said. "Carson's great at hiding his emotions, but he was always kind of transparent when it came to you. Especially when we were younger."

"Well, how did you know for sure?"

Dylan sighed, "I can't remember the last time I saw Carson smile. A real smile, not that stupid smirk. But that morning, after Jason's, I went to your room, Madeline. I saw you two in there, and Carson had the biggest smile I've ever seen across his face."

"So? He smiled?"

Dylan shook his head, "I finally confronted him on his way out of your room. We sat down in the kitchen and he told me everything. He didn't really have to say what he felt, I could tell just by the way he talked about you."

"You don't sound angry about it."

He shrugged, "I'm not angry."

"Then why were you screaming the other day?"

"I don't know. I guess I just felt a little betrayed by the both of you. This whole situation isn't ideal either; I practically begged you to stay away from him and-"

"Yeah, but why? Why couldn't you let me make my own decisions?"

"Maddie, it was never you I was worried about. I wanted you to stay away from him, it's because I was worried that you would hurt him."

"Me?"

"You've managed to find a way to wall up all of your mushy emotions. If he ever did something to you, you'd eventually get over it. Carson's different, he's been rejected his whole life. He's been holding onto this childhood fantasy that one day, you'll like him back, and I think if you rejected him, he wouldn't get over it."

"Dylan, what am I supposed to do?"

"Let him love you."

"How can I do that?"

He shrugged, "By loving him back."

"Dylan-"

"It's that simple, Maddie. You either care about him in that way or you don't. It's not a decision I can make for you, either."

I huffed. He was right. He was always right.

* * *

I switched off the lamp on my nightstand and collapsed onto the bed. I rolled around for a bit, trying to find a comfy spot. My bed felt like a pile of bricks; Carson's was comfier. It was weird not having him laying on the other side, saying something pervy about my pajamas.

I was done with this. He's only been keeping distance for a week now, but a week was enough. I miss him, all of him. I miss his face and his laugh and even his stupid little smirk.

A week was enough for me to figure it out: I could live without him, but I didn't want to.

I wanted him. All of him.

I shot up from my bed, determined to tell Carson before I lost my courage. I threw on a hoodie and excitedly ran to the door. As the door swung open, I came to a stop, because Carson was standing on the other side.

"Carson."

He used that was an invite to come in, pushing past me into my room. I turned to look at him: he was holding his phone in one hand and the other was balled into a fist. He kind of paced around the room in small, erratic circles. Even in the dark, I could see the wet lines on his cheeks.

"She's gone, Maddie."

"Oh my God."

"She just- she just died. She died and I wasn't there."

He was rambling now, mostly nonsense. Things about guilt and sadness, and uncertainty about what he was supposed to do now.

I made my way over to him and tightly wrapped him in a hug, effectively quieting him all while hiding from him the panicked look on my own face. I could feel his shaky breath, warm on the top of my head as he clasped onto me.

"What am I supposed to do? How am I-"

"Okay, calm down," I tried to soothe. "We din't have to figure this all out right now."

He pulled away from me, and used his sleeve to wipe his face. "We have to go to the hospital. We have to go say goodbye."

"Are you sure you want to?"

He responded with a nod.

"Okay," I said. "We'll go. You go get dressed, and I'll get the car keys."

I waited for him to disappear behind his own door before letting my nerves show. I yanked the string on the lamp, and grabbed my phone from the bed. I didn't know who I was supposed to call in this situation.

I called my mother first, but unsurprisingly it went straight to voicemail; she was probably still in surgery or asleep in an on-call room. I called Dylan next and told him to meet us at the hospital.

"You ready?" Carson said, stepping back into my room. I pretended not to notice how scratched his voice was.

"Yeah," I replied. "But, you're not driving."

* * *

Most of the lights in this wing of the hospital were off, and the hall lights were dimmed. There was an eerie silence, only broken by the occasional beep from a machine in a neighboring room. Katie's room stood out, with all of the lights on and loud sobs coming from inside.

I stood outside of the room, anxiously. I couldn't sit in there anymore. We had been here for a while now, and Carson had said his goodbye, but I couldn't get him to leave her bed. Every time I tried, he'd force his weight down on the bed and shake his head.

Finally, I saw Dylan making his way towards me. I could tell he had rushed here from the messy hair and baggy sweatpants.

"I tried calling your parents again," He said, as he stopped in front of me. "Your dad is in surgery and your Mom is trying to get in touch with the Daniels'."

He peeked his head into the room, but turned away just as quickly.

"How long have you guys been here?" He asked.

I shrugged, "I don't know. He won't move from beside her."

"Maddie!" I turned my head and saw my mother rushing toward me.

"Hey, mom." She looked so out of place in her blue scrubs; the everyone in the children's wing wore pink.

"Where's Carson?" She asked, slightly out of breath.

I pointed into the room, and followed behind her as she entered. Dylan too.

"Carson, you need to go home," She said in a very serious voice, grabbing hold of both of his shoulders.

He shook his head, "No, I can't leave, I'm not ready yet."

"I know, honey, but she's dead, okay?" She pulled him up forcefully from the bedside. "Her body will still be here in the morning, but she's already gone. Come on."

It sounded really insensitive, but it was probably the best thing she could have said to Carson right then. It was finally enough to make him get up from her side.

She handed Carson off to Dylan, and led us out into the hall again.

"Alright," she sighed. "Your father and I will be home in a few hours," she addressed me. "Dylan, can you make sure they both get home safe? We'll talk about everything after you all get some rest."

I nodded my head. My mom looked at Carson once more with pity before heading back to the other side of the hospital.

* * *

"Go," He sighed.

I looked up at him, "No, I'm fine. I wasn't even thinking about it."

"Yes you were," Dylan replied. "Now go."

I nodded my head as I opened the door to Carson's room. I could faintly make out his face as he laid in bed.

"It's just me," I said, as I slid into the bed next to him. He had turned so that his back faced me.

"What am I supposed to do, Maddie?"

"Sleep."

"Maddie?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you.. never mind."

I slipped an arm around him, and pressed myself against his back. I felt his muscles relax as I nestled my head into his neck.

"Thank you."